TITLE: Wasn’t That A Party?
PART: 1/1
AUTHOR: -MoonCatBlue-
E-MAIL: firemooncatblue@hotmail.com
Liz http://www.geocities.com/liz_shinigami/ajfromnz.htm
Shinigami’s Demon http://www.geocities.com/shinigami_demon/archives.html
Celestial Chronicles http://celestialchronicles.50megs.com/
Blue-ish : http://fade.to/blueashes
FanFictionNet: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=155019

GENRE: Songfic AU
WARNINGS: Major OOC; Discworld x/over, scumble, Greebo,
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own GundamWing and am using the characters from that anime series without permission - all other characters and locations are the intellectual copyright of this author. Oh, the song, “Wasn’t that a Party” is by the Irish Rovers… The Discworld characters belong to Terry Pratchett. The Lumberjack song belongs to Monty Python.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: to anyone who hasn’t read Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series I recommend that you do so… this is a rough crossover with the Lancre Witches series (I love Nanny Ogg and Greebo) Somehow I can just see Duo as one of her numerous relations… The notice at the start is taken and slightly adapted from one that I read in a local paper… the original ad said, “Found after party at Maxwell’s…” I couldn’t resist…

I know I've already posted this in two parts, but now that I've completed the blasted thing I thought I'd post it in it's entirity.

Extra special thanks to Liz, without whose help I wouldn’t have been able to continue with any of my stories. Also thanks go to Walking Terror for offering assistance when I needed it most.


***** flashback****

Wasn’t that a party?


“Found after a party at Ogg’s; 1 set keys, 1 bracelet, 1 chain with small cross, 1 purple shoe, 1 jacket, 1 sweatshirt, 1 small white goat trailing chain. Please claim at Nanny Ogg’s cottage or the blacksmith….”

Duo clutched an ice pack to his head as he slowly wrote out the ad for the Lancre Times. He could see the cat watching him and was sure that it was smirking. “Look you one-eyed beast, if it weren’t for the fact that Nanny would object, I’d drown you in the copper.”

Greebo smirked as only a cat can. “Youuuu coul’ tryyyyy,” he hissed.

Rolling his eyes Duo regretted that he’d ever allowed himself to be talked into minding his grandmother’scottage and cat when she’d gone off to the retreat with the other Lancre witches. Not that he could have turned it down, with Granny Weatherwax giving him one of her looks. There are worse things than death, and they went by the name of Esmeralda Weatherwax. Even Greebo was leery of angering her, ever since she’d found him in her garden and kicked him in the cucumbers...

Ignoring for the moment the snoring from beneath the table, he looked around at the shambles in the kitchen. “I hope Nanny forgives me…”

With another wince at the rising volume of the snoring he tried to recall the events of the night before…


//Could have been the whiskey
Might have been the gin
Could have been the 3 or 4 six packs
I don’t know
But look at the mess I’m in
My heads just like a football
I think I’m gonna die
Singing me oh me oh my
Wasn’t that a party?//


Throwing a party had seemed like a good idea at the time. They were between missions, and he’d accepted the chore of minding his grandmother’s cottage, thinking that his fellow pilots might enjoy a change of scenery. Admittedly talking them into coming to Lancre had involved some explanations – like what was someone from the Discworld doing on Earth… but in the end he’d convinced them all to come along. And what better way to relax than have a little party?

It wasn’t like it could get too out of control – or so he’d thought.

Maybe the scumble had been a mistake… but he clearly remembered Nanny saying that it was made from apples so it can’t have been all that alcoholic…


//Heero took a grapefruit
Wore it like a hat//


“Heero! What are you doing?” Duo blinked in astonishment as he watched the formerly stoic pilot prancing across the floor with half a grapefruit perched precariously on his head, the juice dripping down his face. Stranger still he was smiling.

“I’m having fun!” The smile abruptly faded and tears started to mix with the fruit juice on his cheeks. “Or don’t you want me to?”

“Oh Goddess,” Duo tentatively hugged the sobbing pilot. “Of course I want you to have fun… it’s just… well…”


Duo gave up and patted Heero gently on his shoulder. “It’s a lovely grapefruit Heero and it looks wonderful on you…”

Shaking his head he left the Wing pilot to prance happily around the front room, juice still trickling down his face. “What next?”


//I saw Wufei under my kitchen table
Talking to the old tomcat
They was talking ‘bout fighting
Greebo was talking back
Along about then everything went black//


Wufei stared at the one eyed cat. “Fighting is an honourable way of expressing one’s disapproval of the current state of affairs.”

“Truuuue… but only if the looooser knowssss that heesssssss losssssssst,” hissed Greebo, idly biting at some unidentifiable object.

Watching the methodical way the cat’s sharp teeth were rendering the object into smaller and smaller pieces Wufei lost his train of thought. “Ummm.”

Duo grinned. “You should never argue with a cat Wufei – you’ll only lose.”

The Chinese boy sniffed disparagingly. “You speak from experience no doubt.”

“Yeah… I do.” Duo left the two to their argument and decided to find out where the others were.


//Wasn’t that a party?//


It wasn’t hard to find Trowa’s whereabouts… what was hard was convincing him that the tree he was in wouldn’t benefit by having half it’s branches cut off.


//I’m sure it’s just my memory
Playing tricks on me
But I’m sure that I saw Trowa
Cutting down the neighbours tree//


“I’m a lumberjack and I’m ok…” a toneless voice sang from the branches of a large oak. “I sleep all night and I work all day…”

Looking up into the foliage Duo could just discern the slim figure of his fellow pilot. He appeared to be clutching an axe that was almost as tall as he was. ~How the hell did Trowa get his hands on that?~ thought Duo. ~That’s Uncle Jason’s~

“Trowa… what are you doing?”

Balancing effortlessly on the branch Trowa sneered drunkenly at the smaller boy. “I’m cutting down this tree… it’s violating my personal space…”

Drawing a calming breath and resisting the urge to scream Duo tried to be reasonable. “Trowa… are you going to start with that branch?”

“Yes.” Trowa sounded bored with the conversation and swung the axe, grunting in surprise at the weight.

“Um… you might want to think again…”

“Why?” asked Trowa, affronted at the mere suggestion that he didn’t know what he was doing.

“You’re standing on the end of the branch… and if you cut it you’ll fall…” pointed out Duo in a calm and reasonable manner.

“Oh.” Trowa tried to pause mid-swing but unfortunately the weight of the axe was too great and it continued it’s relentless arc.

Duo winced as the reverberations from the strike made Trowa lose his balance and fall from his precarious perch. “Ouch.”


//Could have been the whiskey
Might have been the gin
Could have been the 3 or 4 six packs I don’t know
But look at the mess I’m in
My heads just like a football
I think I’m gonna die
Singing me oh me oh my
Wasn’t that a party?//


Duo sighed as he hauled Trowa’s unconscious body inside and placed him in the safest place he could think of – underneath the table besides the now comatose Wufei. He pointedly ignored the leering one-eyed cat.

“Ok, now… Trowa and ‘Fei are here… so that just leaves Heero and his grapefruit,” Duo shook his head over that one. “ And Quatre. Where have they got to?”

With a shrug the longhaired boy wandered slowly around the crowded cottage searching for his friends.


//Little Quatre Winner
Well he went a little far
He was sitting in the backyard
Blowing on the siren
From somebody’s police car//


It turned out to be not so difficult for Duo to find his missing friends… or at least one of them. All he had to do was follow the raised voices coming from the other side of the cottage. Wincing in anticipation of what he would find he tentatively ventured outside again.

What he saw made him wonder momentarily if he was hallucinating…

Quatre was sitting in the middle of the backyard blowing on what Duo recognised as his Uncle Shane’s trumpet. The raised voices were those of Shane Ogg (Royal Trumpeter, General of the Lancre Army and rest of Lancre Army) and a holidaying couple from Ankh-Morpork.

“Quat… do you have to do that?” Duo tried reasoning with the inebriated Arabian. “Trowa’s looking for you.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m playing a tune!” Quatre resisted Duo’s efforts to silence him by biting Duo’s hand.

“Ouch!” Duo looked askance at the small blond. “Did you have to do that?”

Quatre replied by blowing a raspberry on the trumpet just before it was snatched away from him by the distressed looking Shane. “Oi! Give that back!”

Shane clutched the instrument to him and gave an apologetic look at the neighbours. “I’m sorry your Graces… my nephew,” he sent Duo a dirty look, “and his friends were just celebrating… you know how youngsters get.”

“Eighteen months hard labour for doing that in Ankh-Morpork,” grumbled the Duke of that City before being coaxed away by his wife. “Children today…”

“Sorry Shane,” apologised Duo, firmly grasping Quatre with his uninjured hand. “I really don’t know what got into them…”

“Ma’s scumble?” suggested his uncle dourly. “I hope you’re planning on getting everything tidied up before she and the others return – I’m not!”

“Yeah… I will…” Duo adjusted his grip on the struggling Arabian. “You haven’t seen Heero have you?”

“The boy with the grapefruit on his head?”

“Yeah… him…”

“I think I saw him heading towards the copper house.” Shane pointed vaguely in the direction the missing boy had taken before moving off. “See you tomorrow…”

“Joy…” Duo gave Quatre a push in the direction of the house before heading to the copper house. “Go inside Quat… Trowa and ‘Fei are in there… keep them company.”

As Duo hurried off in the direction he’d been given he didn’t notice Trowa and Wufei stumble out of the cottage and join Quatre. Nor did he see them follow him down the garden path.


//So you see your honour
It was all in fun
That little bitty drag meet
Down on Main Street
Was just to see if the cops could run
Well they run us in to see you
In an alcoholic haze
I sure could use those thirty days
To recover from the party//


Hastily Duo moved towards the small shed housing Nanny’s infrequently used copper. He wondered to himself what Heero had been doing going there. Turning a corner he rocked to a halt, stunned into silence by the sight he saw.

Balancing precariously on Nanny’s old broomstick Heero hovered about a metre off the ground, his eyes flashing with drunken glee. Catching sight of the gob smacked Duo he looked up and almost fell off. “Hey Duo… you never said anything about this!”

“Oh Goddess… Heero! Get off that! Nanny will skin me alive if she knows that you’ve been joyriding on her broom.” Duo moved forward to prevent Heero from going any further.

“Hn!” Heero grunted angrily and manoeuvred the broom out of Duo’s reach. “You never let me have any fun!”

“Heero…” Duo made another attempt at catching the errant pilot only to be thwarted again. “Please?”

“Hey… coool!!” slurred a drunken voice from behind them. “Can I have a go? Please?”

“Oh no…” moaned Duo as he realised that the other pilots had turned up and were watching Heero’s efforts with drunken awe. “Please… just go inside!”

“You’re nothing but a stick-in-the-mud Maxwell,” chided Wufei, his eyes slipping out of focus. “You’re always going on and on about us having fun but when we try to you stop us!”

“Yeah…what he said!” agreed Quatre and Trowa in drunken harmony, both making a grab for the hovering broom. “Come on Heero, shift over… there’s room enough for all of us!”

Before Duo’s anguished complaints could register with the drunkenly determined pilots they’d all four squashed up on the stick and were making their way in an erratic course out of the garden and into the main street of Lancre. Duo watched in morbid anticipation as they flew the unwieldy broom straight towards the on-coming carriage… containing, as he realised belatedly, King Verence of Lancre. “As if things couldn’t get worse…”


//Could have been the whiskey
Might have been the gin
Could have been the three or four six packs
I don’t know but look at the mess I’m in
My heads just like a football
I think I’m gonna die
Telling me oh me oh my
Wasn’t that a party?//


Sometime later Duo collapsed at the table in his grandmother’s kitchen. His four friends had collapsed under the table after he’d dragged back from the accident. Luckily Verence was fairly understanding, and he wasn’t inclined to argue with the grandson of one of the witches who’d placed him on the throne. Duo was thankful for small mercies. He shook his head at the iniquity of having to be the sober one… and decided to take steps to remedy that mistake. Grabbing another bottle of what the locals called ‘sui-cider’ he disappeared under the table to join the majority. ~I sort things out tomorrow~ he promised himself.


The next day, ice pack clutched to his aching head Duo looked over the small notice he’d compiled and continued his attempts in ignoring the smirking cat. “All in all it wasn’t too bad a party… despite efforts to the contrary things turned out quite well… though I’d love to know how Granny Weatherwax’s goat ended up here…”

Noises from below signalled the awakening of his friends. Bleary eyed pilots slowly dragged themselves from their cosy nest under the table and stood swaying slightly.

Duo looked his friends over and shook his head. “Well… wasn’t that a party?”