Title: The Rose
Author: Maxwell's Demon
Disclaimers: Don't own Gundam Wing, don't own the song. The Rose was written by Amanda McBroom.
Pairings: 1x2 (Heero and Duo, Helloooo!?!?)
Warnings: Shounen ai, Duo's POV, OOC?, Sap, Cursing, A bit of lime
Author's Notes and/or Comments: Ummm... I can't really think of any... so... I hope you like it! This is my first songfic, and POV fic, so... it like, sucks! Big time!
"..." = Speech
/.../ = Lyrics
/Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed./
My head is pounding, drowning into the endless noise of fingers typing on a keyboard. I need Tylonel. I feel sick. Why... how does he do this to me? Make me feel so many things, and I don't even need to look at him. I can just lay here on my bed, listening to him type of that damn laptop, and my emotions go on a rollercoaster ride. He's annoying. He's such a jerk-off! I hate him so much!
I love him.
Damn it. Damn it! Look what he's done to me. I can't have just one feeling for him. It's everything and nothing. He's my everything and nothing. As much as I hate that laptop of his, I could drown in the sounds of him typing on it, and lose myself in my own daydreams.
/Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed./
Still typing away. What does he type on that God forsaken laptop anyway? Nothing about me, I'm sure. For all I know, the guy hates my guts and wants to blow my nuts off! Not something I would really look foward to, I assure you. I bet he hates me. Ugh, love hurts. It sucks! Why me? Why did I have to fall madly in love with the most un-feeling bastard in the whole world? Damn, you sure do pick 'em, Maxwell! Saa, I wish he loved me, too... it hurts me so much when he bitches at me. I feel like I want to... to... to just cry! Boy's don't cry, though. I won't cry. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it feels like he's just ripping out my heart, ripping it to shreads, then crushing it beneath his feet.
It's moments like this I just want to watch blood trickle down an open flesh wound in my wrists...
/Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need./
God, will he ever go to bed? When I turn to look at him, I freeze. Shit. Now I'm hard. I just had to look right when he was on his hands and knees, fixing who-cares-what under the desk. Damn, I want him. Just like that, too. I wish I could just walk up right behind him, and take him right there in that position. He doesn't even know he looks like some sex God, does he? I should stop staring, but I just can't! Those broad shoulders, that muscled chest, that flat stomach, his firm ass... oh how I do enjoy staring at his ass. I enjoy staring at his ass just as much as I enjoy staring into his eyes. Even though it's not often, since I usually get a nice little punch in the gut if I stare too long.
Crap, he's back in his chair again, turning the damn machine on. Figures! Right when I see him in the most erotic position my hungry eyes can feed upon, he just has to move.
And damn it, I'm still hard!
/I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed./
I can't live without him. That's final. I determined that a long time ago. He's the only one for me. My true love. My soul mate. Whatever the hell you wanna call it, he's mine. Why can't he see that, though? That damn Perfect Soldier mask. Damn this war. Without it, he wouldn't be hiding behind that mask. I love him... only him. He's the only one for me. I don't think I could love anyone else as much as I love this boy.
Where will he go, when the war is over? Will either of us even live past the war? Damn it, I shouldn't think like that. But, will he leave all of us, and just forget everything? I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him. God, he's everything to me. I need him. I want him. I love him!
/It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance./
I wonder, if anyone other then that pesky Peacecraft girl has ever cared for him? What would he do if someone were to confess their undying love for him? How would he respond to me? He'd probably just say "Shut up, Duo." or "I'll kill you!" like he does to everything else I try to tell him. He doesn't know how much he hurts me. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell him how I feel. It would hurt so damn much when he rejects me. Maybe I'll just live my life, never knowing what could have been between me and Mr. Perfect Soldier.
Besides, how could he ever love me? I'm another guy. He's as straight as an arrow. I think. Who knows? I'm not gonna ask, though. I'll probably be rewarded with another broken nose. I think he's got some anger control problems. Hell, we've all got problems. My problem is him! I think I'm gonna go mad if I don't tell him, but I'll die if he rejects me... I'm so confused. What do I do..?
/It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance./
Oh, shit! I've been staring at him all this time! I'm so busted. He looks pissed. "Duo." Fuck. He sounds pissed, too. Quick, gotta think of an excuse. "Uh... y-yeah, Heero?" I slap on my goofiest grin I can come up with. "What're you looking at?" What am I looking at? What was I looking at... I don't know! I can't think! "Um... you!" Shit! Why did I say that? Stupid, stupid, stupid! Just keep grinning, maybe he'll think I'm trying to annoy him again.
Wait a second... he looks... thoughtful? Puzzled? "Why were you... looking at me?" Uh oh, now what do I do? Crap! This is like a nightmare! My grin faltered, no turning back now. I've just gotten myself into the biggest load of shit. "Well I," I swallowed, "I was just... um... thinking about... stuff." I shrugged, hoping he wouldn't ask for more information. But then, that wouldn't be the Heero Yuy I know and love. He raised an eyebrow, then leaned foward in his seat. "What kind of... 'stuff'?" Oh God he's hot... crap! Um, think of something! This can't be happening. I'm in such shit! "Just, you know, what I always think about." I run, I hide, but I never lie! Bwahaha! I'm so friggin' smooth I scare myself sometimes. "So what is it you always think about?" He's... interested in what I think about..? If this is a dream, I never wanna wake up.
/It's the one, who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give./
Another lump in my throat. Swallow. Breath. Yes, breathing is a good thing. Remember that. "Um... well... ya see, it's like this..." What the hell am I gonna say? Gee Heero, I'm queer, wanna be my guy? Heero, I love you? No way, I couldn't! I can't! But, I gotta do it sometime... just say it! Say it! Say it now! "I like you!" I love you. I want you. Make love to me. I'll say those another time... maybe...
"You... like me?" He blinks. Twice. He looks totally, utterly confused. And I don't have a camera to capture the moment! I nod, nervously. This is it, the moment of truth! Heero sighed, then leaned back in his chair, his gaze never moving from my own. "No one's... ever told me that before..." What? Hasn't Relena said anything yet!? Now I'm the one that's shocked here! "Really, Heero?" He nodded to me, then spoke again. "I... I like you too... Duo." I could tell he was struggling with those words. He was fighting past the Perfect Soldier mask to express his feelings... for me... He likes me! Score! Now, let's go for the next step... hopefully...
"Heero, I'm in love with you."
/And the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live./
Forget the confused look, Heero Yuy in a state of shock is much more worthy of a Kodak moment! His eyes went wide and his mouth hing open just ever so slightly, and he just stared. Please don't turn back into the Perfect Soldier, please don't, please don't! Not now! Heero shot me a glare. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! "Love is an emotion that can interfere with the missions, Duo. Forget it." Well, he didn't say he didn't love me... there's still hope! "If love were brought onto the battlefield, the two lovers would fear death, and wouldn't act appropriately to commands and situations due to their distractions." Perfect Soldier, locked back in place. I sigh, utterly dissapointed. "But, Heero..." I begin to protest, but he stops me. "No buts, Duo. Love is a distraction that makes you fear death, and that is not acceptable." Ouch, that's a dagger in the heart.
/When the night, has been too lonely, and the road has been to long./
Why did my mention of love make him the Perfect Soldier again? There has to be another reason. Maybe he's afraid of love. Maybe he's afraid of being lonely after his love dies. "Are you ever lonely?" I have to know why! "Never, Duo." Now, I'm pissed. "Don't bull shit me, Heero! Are you ever lonely?" Silence. He didn't answer me for a while. Right when I was about to yell again, thinking he was ignoring me, he spoke up. "I'm lonely every day of my life."
"But... what about your friends..? Relena, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei... me..." This hurts to see him like this. He looks so... sad. So... lonely. I wish I could embrace him, kiss him and tell him everything's going to be okay. "I have no friends. Those are the friends of the Perfect Soldier." Oh God, how could he believe that!? Before I can think twice about my actions, I jump up from my bed and embrace him, holding him close to me. "Stupid! You're stupid, Heero! We're not the friends of the Perfect Soldier! We're your friends! Yours!" Don't cry, please don't cry. Boys don't cry! Boys don't cry, damn it!
/And you think, that love is only, for the lucky and the strong./
I felt his strong arms hesitate, then wrap around me. He pushes me away, but only far enough for our eyes to meet. "I... don't deserve you..." Stupid, Heero... it's me who doesn't deserve you! "Heero... that's not true..."
"Yes, it is! My hands... stained with blood. I've killed so many, and without care. I've yelled at you and hurt you many, many times... I don't deserve you... angel..." A what? Angel!? Bull shit, Heero! "Angel? Hardly! I'm more like a demon. No... I'm the God of Death. Remember? I'm in this war too, Heero. I've killed, too. I've killed along with you, by your side... always." His lips crush against mine, and I die and go to Heaven. Okay, so maybe I'm not going to Heaven. Hell then. Oh, fuck it all, Heero's kissing me! I think I'll concentrate on that right now... yes, definately a smart choice. His lips are soft against mine, but his kiss is urgent and needy. He's never been in love before. He's never kissed anyone before. I'm blessed to be his first... of everything.
I don't need to die to go to Heaven, I'm already there.
/Just remember, in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows./
"Duo..." He whispers, softly into my ear, "I lo... I... I can't..." Almost! He almost said it! "Shhh, it's okay, my love..." I kiss his forehead, assuring him to take his time. "You don't have to say anything, or commit to anything, if you don't want to right now... okay..?" He smiles, well, kinda, and nods to me. "Just remember... I love you... only you... and I'm always, always here for you, and by your side. Fighting, defending, loving... and I'll die by your side, too, Heero..." I meant it. I meant every last word of it. He doesn't have to die by my side, but I sure as hell can't live without him. "Duo..." I can tell he doesn't agree with that last part, so I silence him with a kiss. I gotta make light of this now. It's in my nature! "Remember, Heero... if you're up there, goin' all wacko in Wing Zero again... the God of Death will be at your side, laughing his ass off as you blow away the whole army." I grinned. He chuckled, then gave my braid a gentle tug.
/Lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose./
He lies me down onto his bed, handling me like a fragile creature that could shatter with one touch. I feel his lips dance against the skin of my face, then on my neck. "I promise... I'll make you happy, Heero... I'll break through that Perfect Soldier mask, and bring out the real you... the Heero I love... with all my heart and soul..." I purred as he nipped the hollow of my throat, then brought himself up to look at me.
"I love you, Duo."