Title: Nothing Else Matters
Author: Maxwell's Demon
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing isn't mine. =*( The song `Nothing Else Matters' is by Metallica.
Completed: 9/15/00
Pairings: Uhhhh, gee, I dunno, 1x2 maybe!? =p
Warnings: Shounen ai/Yaoi, Cursing, Angst, Heero's POV, Sap
Author's Notes and/or Comments: This is kinda a sequel to `The Rose'. This is what Heero is thinking as `The Rose' takes place. Uh… I hope that made some sense… o.o; I'm also gonna be starting on the third, and final part, of this little series of fics! I've decided to call these "The Confession Trilogy". Stupid, ne? That's what I thought! =p Thanks to Enigma for the ideas for the second and third part of the trilogy!

'The Rose' can be found on my website. Look for the link in my sig.

"..." = Speech
/.../ = Lyrics

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

/So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And Nothing Else Matters/

I watch him from the corner of my eye. That violet eyed beauty. That long haired angel. Does he know how captivating he is? How every movement, every word he speaks cannot go unnoticed? I sit here at my laptop, looking over surveillance camera film for a few of Quatre's estates we had stayed at. I watch closely as the braided boy bounds over to me after I return from a solo mission. He had that goofy grin plastered across those perfect lips as he messed up my hair, slinging an arm around my shoulders. I close my eyes. I know what happens next, I shrug him off. Push him away from me. I can't bear to see myself to that to Duo. The video stops, and I rewind it. When did I fall for him? When did he become so important to me? When did this… obsession… start?

Relena. That's when. Why can't she leave me be? She had followed me… no… stalked me again, and found me trying to blow up Wing. Yes, Duo did shoot me. Twice. I don't blame him, though. From his position, I'm sure I looked like an assassin. Although, it was hard to stay angry at that moment, when I had the chance to gaze into those violet eyes of his. I remember thinking; `I've never seen a more beautiful creature before in my entire life.' People think I have no emotions, that I don't care about anything or anyone. They're wrong. I care about Duo. So much that I keep my feelings for him inside, because I fear his rejection. It's funny… this beautiful angel in my life is the same one that annoys me to no end.

Che, small price to pay for the attention of the God of Death.

/Never opened myself with way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And Nothing Else Matters/

I don't think I've ever let anyone know me as much as I let Duo. He's the only one I've ever really opened up to. I don't trust anyone else. How could I ever deny Duo anything? He always asks me how I am, what I'm doing, all those meaningless questions. He finds a way to get his answers. I can tell that he reads my emotions in my eyes. That's why I have to push him away. I can't let him find out how I feel for him. His friendship is the most important thing in my life, and if I were to lose that because of my stronger feelings for him… I'd be lost. All my reasons for self-destruction would be doubled. How could I stand living without this beauty in my life? I sigh, glancing at the slim body that is lying on his bed again. Shifting in my chair uncomfortably, I move to sit in my chair Indian- style, but only result in my foot getting caught on a wire and unplugging my laptop. I stare at the screen for a moment, watching as the screen goes black. Damn my luck. I hope the batteries will recharge soon.

Kneeling down on the floor, I get on my hands and knees to plug the laptop back in. Once finished with that, I decide to check on the status of the recharging batteries. I sigh, noticing the gauge is barely half full. Out of all the technology in the world, they supply me with this piece of shit. I pause suddenly. There was a sound. It sounded like… a whimper? I heard Duo's bed squeak a tiny bit, and as I lean back to my knees, I notice he's shifted his position a bit. Was it Duo that whimpered? No, must be my imagination. I shake my head, sitting back down in my chair. Flipping the switch, I sit and wait for the laptop to boot up.

What a fucking piece of shit.

/Trust I seek, and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And Nothing Else Matters/

Finally the laptop finishes booting up, and I decide to get to work on writing the mission updates. My fingers expertly glide over the keyboard. Years of experience has taught me to learn each key's exact position, so I can type quickly and efficiently. Then I pause. I feel as if I'm being watched. Hopes high, I turn my gaze over to Duo. There he is, in all his gorgeous glory, staring at me with those violet eyes of his. I swallow. Why? What is he thinking? Maybe he doesn't realize he's staring, and is only staring off into space. That must be it. But… still… what if… there's still a tiny chance… so… "Duo." He jumps slightly, and I don't think he realizes I saw it. His beautiful face visibly pales. I can tell he's afraid… of me. "Uh… y-yeah, Heero?" He asks, grinning at me. His little innocence act never worked on me. I know when he's hiding something. "What're you looking at?" Please, say me… say you have feelings for me. His eyes widen a bit, but he keeps grinning. "Um… you!" He gasps, then bites his lip, obviously regretting what he had just said. No, please don't regret saying that… you have no idea how happy that makes me feel, Duo. Maybe… just maybe… I really do have a chance. "Why were you… looking at me?" I ask, hopeful, but still afraid. What if he was actually glaring at me?

"Well I," he swallowed, "I was just… um… thinking about… stuff." Then he shrugged. Oh, no, Maxwell. I'm not letting you off the hook that easily… I want answers now.

/Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know/

I lean forward, resting my arms on my knees as I gaze into his eyes. "What kind of… `stuff'?" I ask. He's sitting now, hands nervously fidgeting in his lap. Why is he so nervous? What is he hiding? He takes a deep breath. "Um… well… ya see, it's like this…" He paused, obviously struggling at what he should say next. What is it that's so hard to tell me? Then, suddenly, he belts out the words I've always wanted to hear come from those lips. "I like you!" Even though I've dreamed of the day he would tell me this, I'm still lost, confused. I don't know what to do, or what this means. Does he… return my feelings? Does he mean it as just friends? "You… like me?" I need to be sure… He nods. "No one's… ever told me that before…" He quirks an eyebrow at me. "Really, Heero?" He seems shocked to hear this. I nod in confirmation. "I… I like you too… Duo…" It feels so good to say that… even if he only thinks I mean just as a friend. It's hard. After hiding my feelings from everyone for so long, afraid of getting hurt, it's hard to change.

"Heero, I'm in love with you."

/So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And Nothing Else Matters/

This… this has to be another one of my dreams. I can't believe he just said that! Does he… mean it? Maybe he's just playing a joke again… it's impossible. How could he have feelings for me? It's not true! It's not true! "Love is an emotion that can interfere with the missions, Duo. Forget it." I can't be fooled. If I told him I felt the same, and this was all a joke, I'd lose him. I can't afford to lose such a precious treasure. "If love were brought onto the battlefield, the two lovers would fear death, and wouldn't act appropriately to commands and situations due to their distractions." I have to keep my Perfect Soldier mask up. I can't let him know… "But, Heero…" No! He can't know! This… it's too much! It's all just a lie! "No buts, Duo. Love is a distraction that makes you fear death, and that is not acceptable." He appears hurt by my harsh words. Fuck… I've wounded an angel… what have I done..? But… it's all a lie! I don't know what to do! This is all so new to me… I'm… afraid.

/Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know/

"Are you ever lonely?" What? Why is he asking this? It's… another trick. It must be. "Never, Duo." He glares at me, visibly pissed. "Don't bull shit me, Heero! Are you ever lonely?" He yells, repeating his question. What if this is my only chance to be with him? What if I blow it? What if I lose his friendship, too? I… I can't! What am I supposed to do? Suddenly, all my training seems worthless now, as I face the most important turning point in my life, and am left in confusion. I have to try… just… open up to him a little… "I'm lonely every day of my life." I have no friends. I couldn't handle that. I'd end up destroying them… or worse… killing them. He looks pained, then speaks again. "But… what about your friends..? Relena, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei… me…" More lies… they… they aren't my friends. I've done nothing but act like the Perfect Soldier around them! They… they are not my friends… "I have no friends. Those are the friends of the Perfect Soldier." I suddenly feel warmth envelope me, holding onto me tightly. Duo buries his face into my hair. "Stupid! You're stupid, Heero! We're not the friends of the Perfect Soldier! We're your friends! Yours!" He yells at me, tightening his embrace. He quivers slightly, and I can tell he's crying. I've made this angel cry… I really am stupid, after all. Maybe he's… he's right. I take a deep breath, inhaling Duo's unique scent, then wrap my arms around his waist. He's so warm… so comfortable… I never want to stop holding him.

I push him away, but only so I can look into his eyes. "I… don't deserve you…" He's an angel that lost his way from Heaven. Surely, I do not deserve such a precious creature. Not me, an assassin, a soldier, a murderer… he deserves so much better. I can feel his body stiffen slightly at my words. "Heero… that's not true…" Doesn't he see what I see?

/I never opened myself this way
Life is ours we live it our way, hey
All these words I don't just say
And Nothing Else Matters/

"Yes, it is! My hands… stained with blood. I've killed so many, and without care. I've yelled at you and hurt you many, many times… I don't deserve you… angel…" I can't bring my eyes away from this beautiful creature, yet I know I am undeserving. "Angel? Hardly! I'm more like a demon. No… I'm the God of Death. Remember? I'm in this war too, Heero. I've killed, too. I've killed along with you, by your side… always." He's… he's right. He's always been with me. Right there, killing along my side. Without another thought I quickly press my lips against Duo's, feeding the hunger that's been present ever since the first day we met. Mmm, so soft… warm… more. I want… I need more…

"Duo…" I breathe softly, my lips close to his ear. I need to tell him how I feel. I owe him that, and so much more. "I lo… I… I can't…" It's… so hard to say! Why can't I say it! I'm a failure… I've failed, Duo. I'm sorry… so sorry… "Shhh, it's okay, my love…" Love..? His!? His love? He called me… his love… all my dreams… all my wishes have come true. His lips press softly against my forehead. "You don't have to say anything, or commit to anything, if you don't want to right now... okay..?" I do my best to smile for him, but fail miserably, then nod.

/Trust I seek, and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And Nothing Else Matters/

"Just remember... I love you... only you... and I'm always, always here for you, and by your side. Fighting, defending, loving... and I'll die by your side, too, Heero..." Die? Duo… die? No, he can never die! He deserves eternal life and happiness… Die by my side… but, that means, he'll..! No! He can't do that, just because of me! He can't! "Duo…" I want to tell him no, but before I could speak further, his beautiful lips are pressed against mine again, and all my thoughts become nonexistent. "Remember, Heero... if you're up there, goin' all wacko in Wing Zero again... the God of Death will be at your side, laughing his ass off as you blow away the whole army." He grinned at me, and I can't help but chuckle. Always… he always finds a way to lift my spirits. I love him so much. I grab the end of his braid, giving it a slight, playful tug.

/Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know (yeah)/

It's at this moment that I realize nothing else matters but the angel standing right here before me. Fuck the rest of the world, and the colonies, too. I don't need them, when I have this… vision of… of… purity and life, standing here, declaring his love to me. Relena can go to hell, those OZ bastards can kiss Wing Zero's ass, and this whole war can just bite the Buster Rifle's nozzle. I don't care about the missions, the war, anything. Not anymore. Not now that I have the one thing that completes my life, along with my body, heart, and soul. I'll never let him go. I swear on my life that I will protect this boy at all costs. I won't let anyone hurt him… ever. If they do, I will not rest until I crush their heart in my bare hand. Anyone who has the nerve to hurt such perfection doesn't have the right to live in the first place. Duo… you're mine. I love you.

/So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No Nothing Else Matters/

I lay him down onto my bed, carefully. As I look at Duo, lying there underneath me, gazing at me with all the love and trust in his soul, I know that I must do everything in my power to make him happy. To keep him happy… forever. I place a soft kiss on each side of his face, then one on his forehead, and one on his chin. I want to kiss every part of his body, making him mine… completely. I move my assault down to his lovely neck, kissing and licking every inch of flesh. "I promise... I'll make you happy, Heero... I'll break through that Perfect Soldier mask, and bring out the real you... the Heero I love... with all my heart and soul..." I smile inwardly, nipping once at the hollow of his throat, being rewarded with a purr from Duo's lips. Cute. I'll have to get him to do that again… but first… I move back up so I can see into those wonderful eyes again. Just say it. I know I can do it, now. He's mine. I'm not afraid anymore. He's mine…

"I love you, Duo."

End.