11-3-2001

Outside
By: Lyssira
Disclaimer: Hell no. Neither song nor bishie-boys. Not mine. (The song is Outside by Staind)
Warnings: Songfic. Angst. Shounen Ai. POV. Err...weird.
Pairings: 1+2+1
Note: Big thanks to everyone who responded to Luath!!! Sorry I didna thank everyone individually. Also sorry for crossposting, poor worksmanship and anything else that might offend. >.< Hope ya enjoy!

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

<<And you bring me to my knees
All this time that I
All the times that I felt insecure
And I leave my burdens at the door>>

He looms over me like some sort of dark angel, blue eyes alight with emotion I can't place, brows drawn together in thought and anger. There is a power about Heero the way he looks at you, as though the strength and sinew aren't enough to make him dangerous. There is another force beneath his skin that he possesses. I don't have a word for it, neither does Webster or Roget. There isn't a word for that feeling you get around him. It radiates from the very core of that strange kid, touching any who have the fortune or misfortune to come in contact with him.

<<I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors>>

His glare hasn't softened any, so heated is it that the water might evaporate from my clothes. I can't move for some reason and remain crouching against the doorway. He pins me there, paralyzed. All I do is meet his gaze and just barely that. Yet, I won't flinch in front of Heero. I won't run or cry. He can forget it because I won't show vulnerability to him or anyone. Though, with Heero, I'm more vulnerable than ever.

<<Inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you>>

I'd crept silently in the door only minutes earlier, the pat-pat of my damp raincoat could not have been heard by God himself. Silent or not, he stalked out into the open after mere seconds had passed, a furious, pained statement written on his face. That afternoon's rain flows from my skin and hair, dampens my clothing and chills me to the core. Every breath of air from the open window numbs me further. I shiver violently as he stares, hearing my own teeth rattle in my gums and my bones tremble together. He says nothing for a long time.

<<All this time that I felt like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste what I could never have
It's from you>>

One hand, gangly and callused like my own, reaches down to trace a bruise on my cheek. It aches sharply in response, making me want to jerk away. *I won't flinch in front of Heero.* The rough pads of his fingers rest against my injured cheek, while his eyes, still intent on my own, remain angry. His free hand moves to whisper over his own split lip, where it had begun to heal together and scar over. I mirror his act, feeling the blood pulse beneath the skin. The moisture on my fingers mingles with warm fluid dampening his skin. Tears?

<<All those times that I tried
My intentions
Full of pride
And I waste more time than anyone>>

His fingers are pressing painfully against my cheek now, as he realizes he's been found out. The bruise will have darkened by morning. It is less than a moment, maybe no time at all, before he's swooped down to capture my lips. I'm startled, honestly, ready to pull away. We've never really kissed before. You don't need to kiss to have sex.

<<I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors>>

Heero's touch isn't gentle and neither is mine. So, as I expect, neither is this embrace. His lips are feral against mine, almost savagely parting my own to deepen it. His hand remains digging into that bruise, as if to punish it for being part of me. His cut is reopening from the force of the kiss. Blood. And tears. He's still crying, still angry, wounded and bleeding. I feel coarse hands moving through my hair. Much like our first time together, ne Heero?

<<All the times that I cried
All this wasting
It's all inside
And I feel all this pain
Stuffed it down>>

The kiss is all over just as quickly as it begun.

His lungs are heaving with effort, though each gasp sounds more and more like sobs the longer we stand apart. Red liquid trails down his chin, combining with rainwater and sweat. His eyes are no longer angry, just desperate, just lost. Without a mirror I can still believe mine are the same. I pull him to me, like I do every night and we cling together. I'm still shivering as he wraps his arms around me, but not for much longer. Dropping a gentle kiss on his forehead, I clutch him closer.

<<It's back again
And I lie here in bed
All alone
I can't help what I feel
Tomorrow will be okay>>

He whimpers something like, " Gomen, sorry...sorry," into my shirt and lets himself keen there, where no one but I can see.

<<I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Inside you're ugly
Ugly like me>>

I think I'm crying too.

<<I can see through you
See to the real you>>

 

Owari