Title: Final Answer
Disclaimer: No songie. No bishie. Not mine. ;_;
Warnings: Songfic. Angst. Shounen Ai. POV. Language. Mushy romance.
Note: Sequel to Outside. The song is Final Answer by the Calling. The idea wouldn't leave me alone. 'Specially after reading Ais-sama's Screaming Infidelities (which was wonderful!!!). It made me cry and I thought I'd give them a happy ending! Sorry for crossposting.
He whimpers something like, "Gomen, sorry . . . sorry," into my shirt and lets himself keen there, where no one but I can see.
I think I'm crying too.
//I want love
To carry me through//
I don't remember when we fell asleep, only that the next thing I know, Im waking up. I feel the warmth gathered in my arms and smile, though he is deadweight against me and there is no chance of escape. Drying tears cling to his cheeks, pure unsullied crystals on his skin.
//All the moments I'd kindly undo//
Somewhere in my sleep fogged mind, it registers that, though we'd collapsed on the floor, my resting place is the couch. Had he moved me or was it the other way around? My coat hangs neatly on the rack, but who put it there? There is no recollection whatsoever, as if I have slept through the entire day instead of an hour or so.
So I can feel safe//
Trying to move, I meet about ninety-five pounds of resistance, all of it pressed against me like an unhappy cat. Heero murmurs as I shift under him, a slight frown marring his otherwise flawless features. His lower lip, darkened with spilled blood, pouts slightly and one fist clenches at my dress shirt. There is no way in heaven or hell that Heero Yuy will give up his favorite pillow, who also happens to be a partner, roommate, best friend and long term fuck-buddy. I sigh, listening to him snore softly for a few minutes before drifting off again.
//Now I'm on my knees begging for a change//
When I wake again, Heero's gone, the space next to me cold and unforgivingly empty. For a moment, listening to the complete and utter silence of our apartment, I wonder if he has truly left. Somewhere, deep down, the idea must be painful. Yet, I'm also numb as I consider it, grazing a finger over that bruise on my cheek, a remnant of yesterday's argument.
//Look down at the water
Before I jump in//
If he had left me, perhaps it would be for the best. Yet, the concept is quickly banished as he slips through the swinging kitchen door, a tray in both hands, unbuttoned shirt hanging loose around his shoulders. His expression is blank, as usual, but the tears are still there. He hasn't wiped them away.
//To find I was sinking fast, in all that might have been//
"Hi," I yawn, hiding my curiosity and apprehension behind one hand. He nods in response, setting down two bowls of cereal. Trust Heero to keep it simple. A slender flower stem pokes out from under mine. The petals are a bright golden color, darker than Quatre's platinum blonde locks, yet lighter than Relena's.
//What I need is an honest answer to make things better//
I pick it up delicately, twirling it between my fingers, returning Heero's intent stare as I had earlier. His face shows nothing. Not for the first time, I wonder if he ever learned how to express himself through his face. But his eyes reveal everything. They're enormous in the dim lighting like two gaping blue wounds, watching for my reaction.
//You can see my hands are tied, and I surrender
So I'll wait here for your final answer, your final answer//
I smile a little, unable to help myself. Heero Yuy is never oblivious to others' emotions. They are calculated into everything he does, every particle of anger, love and jealously woven into the complicated equation that is life.
//Is there love without hate? //
"Thanks," I say, touching the soft petals to my lips. Odd. They smell fresh, just picked. He doesn't reply, just sits at my side. We ignore the meal, sitting and staring like a coupl e of idiots. I can't do anything, can't move, just barely able to breathe. The flower keeps me grounded, my fingers tighten till the knuckles go white. The fight is somewhere in the back of my mind. It seems so unimportant. Do I even remember what we were arguing about? Does he?
//Is there pleasure without pain?//
Does it even matter now? That fight ended just the same as the one before that. And the one before that. We fell into a pattern somehow. And I don't know when that was. The yellow petals catch my eye. He's never given me anything. I've never given him anything.
//I have seen all of my mistakes//
Perhaps it's time we both stopped taking
"Hey, Heero," I whisper, still death-gripping the poor flower. My lifeline.
//I cast you out, but now, I want you back//
"Do you think we could start over? Clean slate?"
I know I sound hopeful. I am. I want to know him. But, he shakes his head.
//So light me again, cause my heart is turning back//
It doesn't hurt. It's not supposed to hurt. Lost love is something you only find in movies. He gets up and heads for the door, pulls on his jacket. Heero's really going to leave me. I'm going to be alone in this tiny apartment. I can't feel anything. Thunder rumbles outside, and lightning casts strange shadows on the walls. The storm is heavy in the air, almost suffocating.
//What I nee d is an honest answer to make things better//
And he's leaving, standing at the door sparing one last look for the dingy little room that served as living room, office and bedroom for us. He won't look at me though. I'm sure I look like a kicked puppy, so I can't really blame him.
"I guess this is goodbye, then?" I stand up. Hell if I'm gonna sit down for this one. I'm still holding that little flower.
//You can see my hands are tied and I surrender//
I walk over, trying not to make a noise. Shinigami doesn't make noise. His fingers are clenched but I pry them apart and drop the flower into that callused palm. His hands are big, like mine. Big feet and big hands, all five of us. You'd think we'd grow little, ne?
//So I'll wait here for your final answer, your final answer//
"I should give this back. You keep it. Girls love flowers you know, "  I say and smile. He's just staring at me again. I can't tell what he's thinking. His eyes are more clouded than the sky today.
"You better get going, Heero. "
//I want love to carry me through//
He takes his coat off slowly, hanging it up perfectly straight like he always does. I can barely hear the door closing. Thunder rolls somewhere in the background but I can't hear that either. His hands are on my shoulders. I can't figure this out. He's supposed to be leaving.
//Can you tell me what I'm supposed to do?//
"Only if you want me to," he laughs softly. The blood on his lip is gone. The cut has scarred over again.
//What I need now is an honest answer to make things better//
I pull him closer to me again. He sighs, brushing dark strands out of his face. And he's tickling my cheek with that flower.
//You can see now my hands are tied and I surrender//
"Let me love you?"
//So I'll wait here for your final answer, your final answer//
 This was not in reference to Relena. Just any girl, any new relationship. He'd be saving it for that. ^___^
*dashes back to her keyboard*