7-28-2001

Quatre is innocent
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Contents: fluff, silliness, yaoi, shonen ai, cross dressing, cursing, OOC abound
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 5xS, 3+2, 5+6 (?), 1&2+4, 1-5/5-1 or is that 1+5/5+1? I get confused ^_^ (some weird love/hate thing going on I guess)
Rating: PG-13
Notes: We interrupt our scheduled broadcast to annoy you and make things generally irritating. For those who count on Quatre as a goody-goody, this fic isn't for you and I suggest a flying pig with a horses tail as a pet. This fic was pre-written so we could email our apologies in advance.
Archived: http://www.heavenlycreature.net , DHML, and I Love Bishonen Disclaimer: I don't own GW, which is good cause then I wouldn't be able to do this sort of thing for fun- it would be real. All rights are reserved to Ban Dai and Sunsoft… etc, etc.
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"Maxwell!" Wu Fei turned abruptly toward the pilot who was stuffing his face with some meat buns. "Did you use up all the soy sauce?" He shook the empty bottle of stuff repeatingly at the other boy.

Duo swallowed his food down hard so he could answer him, "No! I didn't use up the soy sauce! You know that I like ketchup on most of my things! I AM an American you know!" He stuffed his face with another meat bun to punctuate his sentence.

"That's NO excuse! You still could have used the last of it and never told anyone! You're such a slob, you know that?" Wu Fei threw the empty bottle away, "How on earth does Yuy put up with you??"

Duo gulped the last of his food, "He puts up with me `cause he loves me!"

"Bah! You guys are ludicrous! All of you!! And what's with the pink curtains??"

"Now THAT wasn't my idea! Nor was it Hee-chan's!" Duo proceeded to gulp down his tea that Quatre had prepared for him. Wu Fei was tearing out his hair.

"Enough with the `chan' crap!! I don't want to hear it!"

"Why? What's the matter, Wu-chan?" Duo fluttered his eyelashes at the steaming boy.

"I don't know why I put up with all of you! I no longer care WHAT that stupid Zero system showed me!" He proceeded to storm out of the house.

"Where are you going?" Duo asked, standing up to put his empty plate and cup away.

"To find Sally!"

"So you can sit under the tree and smooch?" Duo made a kissy face at him.

"Kisama!" Wu Fei screamed and slammed the door.

Trowa just entered the kitchen and caught WuFei's last word as he went out the door.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Same old, same old. He says that he's getting tired of putting up with us guys." Duo scoffed, "He never had a hard time with us before, especially since he was dating Zechs for a while."

"He's just going through one of those phases. You know," Trowa elbowed the Shinigami pilot, "those phases…"

Duo snickered. "Oh yeah! Can't forget about that!" he laughed all the way to the kitchen, "Phases…"

Before long, Heero wandered into the kitchen just in time to see Duo rinsing out his empty cup.

"Finally doing dishes, I see." Heero stated.

Duo sputtered out a laugh, "Yeeeah, right!" he winked at Trowa. "Doing dishes…" he broke out in laughter.

"Heero, you know better than to think that Duo would ever do dishes." Trowa said, taking out a cold one from the refrigerator.

"Hn. I guess it was too much to ask." Heero sighed, pretending to be innocent in his words, "I suppose that he's not exactly marriage material after all." He grabbed what he came in there for in the first place and sauntered out, leaving a gaping Duo to stare wide-eyed at his backside.

"Nani? Marriage material…" unfortunately for Duo, he forgot he had the hot water going and it just gotten hotter. "Itai!!" Trowa turned the faucet to cold and took a hold of Duo's burnt hand. He quickly placed it under the cooling water. "Arigatou, Trowa."

"You're welcome, Du-chan."

Sparkling bubbles and little flowers were blooming all around them.

Heero paused as he heard the endearing name slip out of Trowa's mouth. He turned around to see Trowa too close to his Duo than he liked. He stomped back over - glaring daggers at Trowa - grabbed onto the handy braid of his lover's, and yanked him away from tall pilot. "Baka." He snorted as he hauled him off, Duo waved bye- bye to Trowa as they rounded the corner.

~~**~~

"Alright!!" Heero screamed, "Who used up the last roll of toilet paper and didn't refill it??" The stoic pilot stormed out of his bathroom and pounded on the bedroom door across from his and Duo's. "Wu Fei!" There was no answer. "Kuso! Bakayoru!!" he pounded on the door some more, flinging Japanese insult after insult.

Wu Fei finally opened the door. "What's your problem, robot boy?? Can't you see I'm on the phone with Sally??"

Heero shoved the empty toilet paper tube into his face, "Why didn't you refill the toilet paper dispenser, Chang?" He glared.

"Because –I- didn't use the last of it!"

"Liar! You are always using the last of the toilet paper to wipe your dirty ass and you always leave it bone dry for the next person who needs to shit!"

"So what if I have done so a couple times in the past! So what! It doesn't mean that I do it anymore! I swear I learned my lesson from last time!"

"Like Hell you did!" Heero stuffed the tube into Wu Fei's mouth. The Chinese pilot's face was turning red with anger. He bit down hard on the menacing tube and spat it out at Heero's feet.

"You'll pay for that insult, Yuy! Mark my words!" He slammed the door in his face.

~~**~~

Dinnertime has rolled around and everyone was seated at the table. Dressed in a small pink waitress like outfit, Quatre handed the other four pilots their utensils and empty glasses.

Duo's eyes traveled all over the blonde's features, a small droplet forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Tell me again why you have to wear that, Quatre." Wu Fei was rubbing at his temples.

"I run an efficient household and it's the appropriate attire for this occasion."

"This is NOT your part-time job, Winner!" Wu Fei scoffed, looking generally annoyed by the drooling pilot that was sitting in the middle of him and Heero. Heero didn't seem to care; in fact, he looked like he was ogling the fair-haired Arabian pilot as well.

"Oh let him have his fun!" Duo growled.

"Yeah, let him do what he wants." Trowa agreed, looking particularly proud of the way his koibito was strutting his stuff. "He's not hurting anything."

"Hmph! Hentais! All of you!" Wu Fei noticed that Heero hasn't said a word since Quatre started setting the table. "What do you think of all this, Yuy?"

Heero didn't answer; his eyes were straining to get a rooster shot.

"Yuy!" Wu Fei shouted to get his attention.

"Ne?" Heero said quietly.

"What's your say in all of this? Don't you agree that Quatre is not wearing the appropriate thing?"

"Hai." Heero intoned.

"Nani?" Quatre, Trowa, and Duo stated.

"His skirt's too long."

Wu Fei fell over anime-style and started to twitch. The rest all sweatdropped.

~~**~~

The food was excellent, first class, the best they've all tasted in a long time. Even Wu Fei complimented on how well it was all done, making Quatre blush brightly.

"You can take that dress off now, you know." Wu Fei sighed.

"No, that's ok." Quatre beamed, "I'm fine."

Moments later, there was a egg-like stench that filled the room.

All eyes were on the longhaired man.

Duo blinked, his eyes going wide with confusion. "Nani? What are you all staring at me like that for?"

"You know what." Wu Fei glared. "You're such a pig!"

Without their knowledge, Quatre's face was turning slightly pink.

"It wasn't me!"

"Those that deny it, supply it!" Wu Fei chimed.

"Those that smelt it, dealt it!" Duo retorted.

"I do not fart at the dinner table, Maxwell. And you know that!"

"But it wasn't me!" Duo stood up, fists clenched.

Heero placed a hand on his shoulder, "Calm down, koi. We all know that gas can be unpredictable."

"But-but-but… I DIDN'T DO IT!"

Trowa harumphed and got up to put his dishes in the sink, plus to get away from the smell. Heero stood up and walked out as well, holding his breath. Wu Fei stood, arms crossed, and glared down at Duo.

"Maxwell, I hope you're happy for ruining the most perfect dinner I've ever had in a long time! Good night!" He sauntered away.

Duo hung his head. "But I… I didn't do it!"

Quatre snuck away, grinning like a maniac. Well, that's one way to stop embarrassment- blame it on Duo. He went into his room, took out his diary, and began to scribble.

"Dear Diary, chalk up one more scapegoat to help me with my bad habits. Maybe tomorrow I'll work on remembering to refill the toilet paper dispenser…"

 

~END~