Title: In the Hush before the Heartbreak
Author: Lily (ann_marie_martino@ emerson.edu)
Archive: fanfiction.net under Lily1130 (no spaces), anywhere else, just ask...
Pairing: 1x2, 1xR
Categories: angst, songfic, yaoi, lime
Rating: R
Warnings: lime
Spoilers: none
Notes: *italics* [lyrics] Duo's POV
Disclaimer: I do not own the g-boys, nor do I own the lyrics to the song "In the Hush before the Heartbreak" by the Nields.
Feedback: Hungry Bob loves to eat up positive comments! Throw snacks at him and he throws fic ideas at me. send to: ann_marie_martino@ emerson.edu


In the Hush before the Heartbreak

[In the hush before the heartbreak
Everything is beautiful
In the hush before the heartbreak
Everything's cool
In the hush before the heartbreak
I'll be your fool
In the hush before the heartbreak
I'll do anything for you]

Your wet towels are still lying all over the floor, your pretty clothes strewn about. You are still nestled in my arms, the sweat cooling on our skin, the night is fading and day is breaking. I watch you as you stare out the window. There is a tear clinging to my eyelashes, a drop of salty water that will never fall. It's dawn and the sun is beginning to fill the sky, rays of its light breaking through the clouds. A drop of sunlight shimmers on your cheek, your hair is spread over the pillow, my hand is a dark smudge on your shoulder. Now, before the sun claims the day, it is completely silent. The birds have yet to sing, we have yet to speak. I close my eyes, withdraw my hand, clutch my tears deep into my heart and refuse to let them go. You know that I love you, you know how much more I live when you're around. You know that I would do anything at all to keep you here, cozied in my arms, warming the mattress. The curve of your spine melds perfectly with my concave abdomen, one of my arms is still thrown carelessly over your side, holding you to me. I want you to stay, but you know as well as I do that I will never ask and you will never suggest.

[I don't care about tomorrow
I don't care about yesterday
I don't care about your lover
I won't make her go away
I don't care about appearances
Or what my friends will say
(Let them talk all day)
In the hush before the heartbreak
I just want you to stay]

The sun splits the sky with its light and floods into the room. My eyelids can feel the heat of the sun on them, but I keep them closed, I try to pull you tighter even as you move to get up. I would pull your entire essence within me if I could. You take three of my fingers into your mouth, touching the tips with your tongue, then you slide them out and kiss each one individually, then you return my hand to me. You roll over and place my palm over my heart, kiss your own fingers and press them to my lips. Then you get out of bed, searching for the clothes thrown hastily over the side of the bed last night. I watch you dress, mesmerized by the play of muscles in your shoulders, by the way your elbows bend - I want to kiss the inside of your arms again, nibble that little indentation. Your shirt slides over your head and you shake your hair until it falls messily into your eyes. I continue to lie here, trying to pretend that you are mine, that we are lovers who will be together tonight, but I know it's an illusion. You are not simply getting ready for work - you are returning to her. I know she does not understand you, I understand that she does not appreciate you. I don't know how to appreciate you - I only know how to worship you. I remember last night, when I licked up the inside of your thigh, when I took your toes into my mouth and sucked, when I worshiped your body as if it were the home to my God. In a way it is, you know, because God must be housed in love this pure, in something so beautiful. I want you to stay, I want to lick the outside shell of your ear when you're washing our dinner dishes. I want to tickle your stomach with my fingernails until you squeal - has she ever made you squeal? Can she make you moan the way that I do? I want to lick the honey from your navel. (1)

[You can know someone forever
And know what no one else knows
You get closer and closer
Till you are closed]

I've wanted you since the day we met and you were nothing more than a pretty face. You were prettier than some girls I'd known, but the dangerous glitter in your eyes made me want you even more. I wanted to know just what you were, I wanted to know where to put my lips that would make you raise your hips to me, wrench a moan from that lovely throat. Just before you leave you lean over the bed and kiss me gently. It's nothing more than a fleeting clash of lips, your rough mouth pressing against mine before it's gone. But this time it's a little different. I open my eyes and look deeply into yours - the bluest color I have ever seen. You freeze, your hands still sinking into the mattress, and in that moment, that endless stretch of seconds, understanding passes between us and comprehension dawns in your eyes.

[You will stay this way forever
In your perfect dusky room
With the light shining from heaven
>From a perfect waning moon
Like the message that you sent me
Saying "I will be home soon"
(I'll be home soon)
In the hush before the heartbreak]

I close my eyes again, I cannot watch you leave today. If I watch as you walk out that door I do not know if I will be able to get up and face the day. The quiet in the room begins to smother me and I wait - wait for you to break the silence. But the words I am expecting never come. You do not tell me that you will not be coming home, but neither do you tell me that you will leave her and stay with me. We both know that I would never ask you to leave her. My heart fills with regret, like bitter wine overflowing the chalice. I open my eyes expecting to find an empty room, but you are standing frozen by the door, your hand curved onto the wooden frame like you might caress your lover, your eyes on me. There is a sadness that drips from your gaze that I do not want to see. I do not want your pity. I get out of bed, my lean nude body suddenly silhouetted by the sunlight, my long hair pouring down my back and molding to the roundness of my derriere. I know what an enchanting picture I present. I am the devil's temptation. I am sin wrapped up in a beautiful package and I am something that you cannot resist. I don't turn around again until I hear the door close, the soft click that finally shatters the silence like glass falling on a hardwood floor. In the hush before the heartbreak I love you, and in the void that you leave behind I hate you. Your wet towels are cold against my naked skin as I take them downstairs to the washer. I can still smell your scent ingrained deep within them - or maybe it's just within my body, captured there, never to be released.

In the hush I loved you.

1.) this is a line from a BNL song called "The Trouble with Tracy," slightly altered.