Author: Leena, firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: I don't on GW or the characters, never have and never will.
Warnings: yaoi, weird, dark, AU, OOC, Duo's POV.
Feedback: Oh yeah! ^____^
Notes: The earlier parts of this fic can be found at my hp:
PERFECT SUNSET AND THE MOON FOR ME 7/8+
I watched as the both physically and emotionally strongest human I had ever met collapsed because of lack of energy, falling down next to me. My eyes were huge and startled as I very hesitantly brought my hand to stroke his dark and unruly hair. I frowned deeply, manoeuvring his head to my lap, embracing it gently. His hair was soft against my hands, tickling my fingers slightly as I moved them in his hair, relishing the fact that I was the only person allowed to do that. Or at least that was what I thought. He never talked to me about anyone, not even Relena. I think he drew his pleasure from me, by listening to my lively voice, which was constantly telling him how unfair this whole thing was and how I wanted revenge against the world.
A rueful smile crossed my lips as I was finally able to concentrate on the beautiful air surrounding us. I couldn't help but wonder how it seemed so dull now, when I was looking at it alone. The colours were the same as before and I could even see Heero's rhythmic heartbeat, flashing in the air in sync with his heart, but somehow it all seemed so worthless. Once again I realized the fact that he belonged to me now: not to Relena or that little girl from his orphanage. His soul was only mine to have.
I involuntarily continued the soothing movement of my hands as I relaxed my mind, letting all reason leave my head. I wanted to remember whatever he wanted me to remember, because I wanted to know why he was protecting me like this. And I knew he wanted me to recall all the earlier meetings between us since he had voluntarily removed the unknown blocks from my mind.
My mind was as black and endless as space when I turned my thoughts inward, trying to seek the truth inside my mind. I concentrated really hard, centring all my energy to one point in my head and my soul, trying desperately to come up with something important. However, I couldn't remember a thing. My skin was glistening with sweat and my fingers were trembling, still buried in his hair. I never knew mental work and exercise could be so tiring. Suddenly I realized why Heero wasn't in the mirror all the time: he simply didn't have the strength to keep up with this exchange of souls for long. It didn't matter that Relena was helping him in some way, because he obviously did the most of the hard work.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember a thing.
A frustrated sigh escaped my lips, lingering softly in the air. I pulled Heero upwards, trying to make him lie comfortably on my lap. When I was finally satisfied with the results, I just hugged him tightly, willing him to wake up soon.
I was so absorbed in thinking that I didn't realize a gentle finger was slowly tracing my face until it reached my lips and stroked them lovingly. My eyes snapped open like a bottle of champagne when I felt this solitary finger touching me. I smiled down at him, letting him sit up on my lap, supporting his back all the time. He just laid his head against my chest, exhaling softly and tickling my skin. We didn't say anything because there was absolutely nothing to say.
With a start I noticed how the lights in the sky were brighter and more beautiful again. He really made them shimmer coldly with his mere presence and consciousness. For the first time the thought of me being a cold person hit me. I appreciated things that were pretty, but cold. Just like Heero. The way he treated me made me shiver and ache in desperation, maybe because he wasn't always overly friendly towards me. He treated me cruelly but adoringly, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I even enjoyed the times when he made me angry. I had always enjoyed it.
"Heero... do you think I'm a cold person?"
He took my right arm gently, looking at it carefully. He let his blue gaze wander all over the warm limb and at the same time tightening the hold of it. Then he pulled himself up slowly, leaning tentatively against my body, wanting me to support him at his weak moment. Again there was silence: I was waiting for him to answer to my question, because I wanted to know if I was right. I was pretty sure that the old me, which knew nothing about murders or mirrors, would not have been this curious. I would not have even accepted the knowledge of being a cool and lonely person. Or maybe lonely was not the right word to use, since that was what I had always been.
"Duo, love," I had never heard his voice so raw and full of emotion. "You asked for my opinion, and I shall give it to you. You are bitter because life has not been kind to you. You have faced many awful things, and that has made you selfish, too. At least when we are talking about us. You never blame yourself: the fault is always mine." I didn't know what to say. My happy and smiling thoughts had left my head and made it a battlefield of dark secrets. I was clutching Heero's hand tightly, trying to deny the words he was telling me, the words that came straight from his soul and heart.
"And you're cruel, too. But your sweet cruelty is something you should only cherish. It's so sinfully lush and desiring. Every time you hit me with your hand or your words, I feel more whole than I have ever felt before. Your love and hate is what keeps me going: I really feel like waking up again and being with you."
I felt the depressing feeling lingering in the air around me, trying to swallow me and make me forget the beauty of the world. It was true: I was being mean and unfair towards Heero, but he took it all without any complaints, only with silent and loving fury. Maybe that was one of the reasons my best friends never saw that side of me: I knew Quatre and Trowa wouldn't be able to take it as calmly as Heero. He knew I meant everything I said, but he also knew that my accusations weren't directed at him. I challenged the world to give me a better life without problems.
Then it occurred to me. Heero had said something about waking up again. I turned to look at him, my eyes wide with shock. I felt the way my mouth was hanging open and my hands were trembling. I held Heero's hand so tightly that I could almost feel it spasm under the wonderful pressure. The time was standing still, waiting for my reaction. The mirror was also silent and dark, just like Heero. He had intended to say that small and simple sentence; there was no doubt of it. He couldn't have let it just slip from his passionate lips like that, genuinely and strongly. For the first time I felt like I was in a spider's web, trying desperately to find my way out and all the time avoiding the mighty hunter. I could feel it chasing me, approaching me little by little. I would be able to escape the firm grip of this web in a mirror's disguise only if I were able to solve all the riddles it threw my way. But if I couldn't, I already knew what was waiting for me: death in the hands of the great unknown.
I felt like screaming out my frustration, letting the whole world know how unfair it was. But I only squirmed my way out from under Heero's light frame, not wanting to touch him at that wrenching moment. I felt how the spacey ground held me tightly, not letting me fall. The mirror wasn't trying to throw me out like it had always before. Now it welcomed my human weight gladly, embracing it and even protecting me from the owner of the mirror. I didn't know when the tables had been turned like this, but somehow I knew that Heero was well aware of it. He was aware of the fact, that his whole soul was trying to surrender to me and sacrifice itself for me. His soul wanted to give me a chance of living again.
"Does that mean that I'm dreaming, too? Does this mean that I have to wake up as well?" He laughed bitterly at my eager statement, mocking the way I assumed things before knowing anything. Then, before I could do anything, his whole body started to shake greatly, his hands flailing desperately and trying to grab something solid in this liquid world to hold on to. My soul might be cruel, but still I wasn't heartless. So I offered him all the physical and mental strength I was feeling, letting him feed his tired frame from it. At the end we both were leaning against each other and panting because of the exhaustion we were feeling.
"Duo..." And again he did it: said my name like it was all that mattered. I didn't feel the annoyance that simple gesture had caused before, only some childish happiness. "Have you ever heard about soul projection?"
I frowned deeply, my brows twisting elegantly. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. But the term in itself was somehow mysterious and supernatural. Was it possible to project one's soul? Was that how Heero was here with me?
"Let me tell you a story, my love." His voice was serious and deep, entrancing me with the menace lurking in it. Now it was finally a time for the answers.
"Once upon a time, there was a young boy: an orphan. His best friend and first love died of pneumonia, and the little soul of the boy was deeply wounded. The boy didn't know what to do in his life, because the girl had been his everything. So he only tried to heal his soul, strengthening it and making it bigger. He wanted to be able to face tragedies, like the death of the little girl's had been, without scarring his soul any more."
"One day, a blond sweet woman came into the orphanage, wanting to adopt a child. The small boy couldn't have cared less: his soul wasn't strong enough to face anything new yet. But the instant the woman saw the silently fighting boy, her face lit up like a candle in the winter. The woman touched the boy's forehead with one long and slender finger, only to pull it away immediately. She told the boy how unusual his mind and soul was, and how strong it was. That whispering voice was supposed to calm the boy down, but he only looked at the woman coldly, not wanting anything to do with her. But a few months later the boy was adopted by that woman."
It hadn't been hard to guess who the woman Heero was talking about was. I was almost ashamed to admit that I got some morbid kind of satisfaction from the fact that he hadn't liked Relena at first either, though Relena had been nice to him.
"Then the woman started to teach the boy's soul to be larger, and to be able to do things with it. The woman manipulated the boy's soul ruthlessly, not sparing any inch of it. Every time the boy thought it was too much to handle, the woman lectured him, her blond hair glowing in the light. But, at the end the boy's soul and mind were like steel: they were able to go through many mystical things the woman made the boy do. Or, at that point of his life, the boy had grown to be a young and solemn man. But his heart was as cold as always, though he had learned to call the woman his mother."
"After one of the hard sessions, where the woman had forced the boy's soul to separate from his body, the boy had been so exhausted, that he was taken to hospital immediately. He had been just laying there alone, willing his body to cope with all the supernatural things the woman made him go through. But his mind was too exhausted to do anything, and so the boy fell asleep and slept for three days, still never falling into coma. That state of mind and body was reserved for the other, younger boy, who was brought into the white and quite small hospital room while the older boy was asleep."
I didn't know what to say when Heero told me about his past. I felt so angry with Relena that I could have shred her to pieces. To play with a teenager's soul like that: it was unforgivable. I was so deep in my thoughts, that I had once again blocked out my sensory, until I felt Heero's fingers slowly stroking my arm, all the while moving hesitantly towards the long scar, that ran all the way from my wrist to my elbow. It was a sickeningly white line full of the small imprints of the numerous stitches. His other hand went lower and lower, until he touched another scar in my thigh, tracing it softly and making it tickle. My eyes widened almost comically and my hands dropped forcefully to my sides as I hugged myself tightly, finally realizing why he was here with me, protecting me. And at that moment my memories came flooding back into my mind, so fast that it hurt.
I was writhing as I remembered everything that had happened after the car accident I had been in. The pain of the memories was something so odd, that I couldn't help but savour it desperately, hugging my stolen treasures closer. I don't know when I noticed the beautiful weight on top of me again, soothing me and hugging me closer, cherishing me like I cherished my mind at the moment.
I remembered the night two years ago, when Helen and I had been visiting her grandparents' grave. She had been driving too fast and that's why there was nothing she could do when an elk had been standing on the road, not even intending to move away. I recalled the screams that had left my mouth, when Helen had turned to right and I had seen a pine tree right in front of us.
Silent tears had started to fall from my eyes as I lived again all the traumatizing events of that fateful night. Heero wiped them gently away, murmuring against my skin, telling me that it was ok. His story had broken the final barrier inside my mind and that's why it was flooding now, filling itself with vague images of my battered body. Though I had tried, I had never been able to remember anything of the time I had spent in a hospital, laying in coma. Now I when I tried to remember, the sounds and feelings came into my mind easily.
"...you look like someone I used to know..."
"...you are so pretty..."
"...you make me feel good... your spirit is so strong inside your comatose body..."
"...you could be my only friend..."
"...I think I've fallen in love with you..."
I turned my teary gaze to Heero, who was trying to avoid my eyes and the intimate contact between them. But it was too late already: I knew what had happened and why I had woken up. I remembered the blurry thoughts that had been in my mind as I sailed in the endless sea, trying to decide if I should go back or perish forever. That throaty and lonely voice had pulled me back from my journey, not once complaining. Another memory popped up in my mind and my hand rose instinctively to my parted lips, rubbing against them wonderingly. I could feel the innocent weight of his lips against my still ones, slowly parting them and tasting my mouth inside. I wanted to grab the owner of those lips and that voice and never let go, but my body didn't let me. My eyes had remained closed and my body had remained limp and unmoving. But after that incident, I had wanted to wake up so much, that after a week my eyelids painfully parted and I saw the sun for the first time. I also saw the joyous and loving features of a boy about two years older than I. He was currently trying to smile down at me hesitantly, holding my hand gently at the same time. Then I saw a blurry figure of a woman with blond hair. My brain registered that Helen was nowhere to be seen. The boy hovering above me looked at me with worry in his eyes as the blond woman stretched her hand towards me, placing it on my head. The last thing I remembered was the cobalt blue eyes, full of agony.
I didn't know what to say to Heero. Here I was again in the mirror; the only change was that now I finally had all my memories back like they should have been. It felt like everything was different between us now. Heero had already saved me once, and he was insisting on doing it again. He claimed to be in love with me, but was his love just some kind of childish affection, born during that time he could only see my pretty exterior?
"I fell in love with you back then, but now I really am in love with you."
My face was devoid of all statement, only a blank and haunted look could be seen in my eyes. Tenderly but firmly I pushed Heero away from on top of me, getting up at the same time. I eyed my surroundings with sorrow in my eyes, trying desperately to figure out what to do. Slowly I turned to face my love, letting my gaze wander all over his nude form. He truly was a beautiful being and not only his body: his soul was equally pretty, too. I let a final smile grace my lips as I unconsciously pulled him towards me, linking our hands tightly.
"I think I should leave now."
His statement was sorrowful, but I could see he understood why I wanted to get out. He started to lead me towards the gate between our realities. It felt like I was walking in the huge and wide space but still not seeing any stars. There was just the endless swirling of colours surrounding and suffocating us. I could see both light and dark colours and many variations of those two types of colours. I had no idea how long we were walking down the path of space, but finally I could see that glimmering and shining portal in front of me. Suddenly the thought of leaving this sanctuary of my soul felt like the worst idea on earth. But I had to be strong: I couldn't let him control me now, when I knew the truth.
Heero looked at me sadly before bowing his head. He whispered something, and it took me a while to figure out that he had apologized for not breaking the seals sooner, for not telling me how he knew me and for lying to me. I smiled at him, my eyes full of melancholy joy. Then I blew him a kiss, and before he could do anything, I was already diving into to the mirror, relishing the feeling of sinking through it. There was absolutely no pain, only the great and purifying feeling when I felt the cool floor of my room under my feet. I cast the last longing look towards the mirror and saw him inside, his hands pressed flat against the surface. Then he suddenly grinned slightly at me, forming some words with his lips. I couldn't hear him, but I felt his voice echoing inside my body.
"Soul projection is the key."
To be continued...