Author: Leena (aka Silvara), leeneero@w...
Disclaimer: I don't on GW or the characters, never have and never will.
Rating: PG-13 for now...
Warnings: yaoi, weird, dark, AU, OOC(?), Duo's POV, possible death
Feedback: Oh yeah!
PERFECT SUNSET AND THE MOON FOR ME 2/?
I stood in front of the mirror again as the cool evening breeze caressed my bare skin. Now, when the daylight was just a memory, it was surprisingly chilly outside. The day had been a warm one though: one of the last warm days of this autumn. I had wanted to do something I wouldn't be able to do in the winter, when everything was covered in the clean and white snow. Somehow I didn't feel comfortable with snow. It was so white, so pure. But it was only a big lie. Life wasn't pure and white at all. Sometimes it was so dirty and horrible that you only wanted to cry and drown into the thick blackness of the world, not thinking about the consequences. Luckily my life had never been so bitter that I would have considered hurting myself. I believed that life was something you needed to respect because it was a precious gift, given only for you. But sometimes it was just so hard to remember that. I had once again realized it today, when Quatre, Trowa and I went sailing. It was the first time I ever tried anything like that and I loved it immediately. I loved the feeling of the gentle wind stroking my hair like a lover and I felt the small salty droplets of water all over my face and my lips, where they glistened in the sun as I laughed.
We three had become good friends quickly. I was elated because I finally had a few people I could call my friends. It was hard for me to trust them at first but after only a week I knew that I could tell them almost all of my secrets. I remembered when I had told them about my so-called family. They hadn't showed any pity and for that I was happy. They hadn't told me that they understood, because they didn't. Quatre had only hugged me briefly, giving me mental comfort as I realized that we already were friends, Quatre, Trowa and I. There were no promises of forever, only the beautiful friendship we shared at this very moment.
But what I didn't tell them was that one, small and quite insignificant thing; I was hallucinating. I bet you could notice the bitter sarcasm in my voice as I said that. I was annoyed and angry because Heero hadn't showed up after we had kissed and it had already been a week. And because of that I had decided that he had been only a hallucination, born form my mind to be there for me when I needed him the most. But still I wanted nothing else than to see him again, to make him kiss me again, to make him say that I was pretty again. And most of all, I wanted him to make me feel desired. It was such an addicting feeling, to have someone right in front of you, wanting you so much that you can almost feel it through the glass. And that was the reason I was standing in front of the mirror again now, when everybody was sound asleep.
I had to do this in the night because I didn't want Helen to burst in accidentally. She hadn't noticed anything strange in my behavior during the last week, but it was really no surprise. I bet she had only been happy because I had been so absent-minded that I couldn't have cared less about her doings. She had a new friend called Relena, who was often visiting her. I didn't quite know what to think about her. The only time I had seen her, she had treated me kindly. But still she felt somewhat shallow to me, just like Helen. I wonder if she had recently experienced a deep tragedy like Helen had four years ago. But after those four long and hard years I really thought it was time for Helen to move on. I've been trying to move on and for once I was succeeding, but she didn't even know how to try. She was such an utterly pitiful sight that I couldn't bear watching her any longer than necessary. I just wished Relena could pull her out without being sucked into depression herself. But now I had to concentrate on the task at hand.
"Heero?" I hated my voice at the moment. I sounded so terribly unsure of what I was doing, like I wanted to bolt away from the house and never return. It was almost as if the mirror was mocking me, telling me that I was insane. But I wanted to see him so badly, that I couldn't think clearly anymore. The apocalypse of my thoughts was at hand and I thought my head would explode because of everything what was going on in there at the moment. The only solution I managed to figure out was to call out his name and see if he would appear again. I wanted to prove that I wasn't hallucinating and that it was only a dream. But at the same time I wanted to return to that dream world, to his arms so badly. I wanted to get away from the reality, which was as cold as his eyes. See, I can't keep him off of my mind. I know this might sound a bit corny but everything kept reminding me of him.
My thoughts were still fighting a war and that's why I didn't realize that the mirror had darkened visibly until the familiar blurring in my eyes took place. I backed away slowly while cursing the fog that covered my sight. The feeling was at the same time marvellous and extremely uncomfortable. Now I was sure that he was coming to me, but I wanted to see him at the very moment he'd appear. Finally I decided not to struggle against the fog but instead close my eyes and keep the feelings flowing through me. I noticed how my heart was burning in my chest, sending small waves of fire through my body. My stomach was hurting from the sheer excitement I was experiencing as I thought about him. How can one single human being make you feel so extraordinary and turn your life upside down like that?
"Heero." I said again and this time I had finally found my voice though it was trembling, but that was only something I had expected. But what I hadn't expected was the answering cold voice. "Duo." Only one word and I knew I was lost to that voice I had missed. I let the echo of my name linger in my head and wash over me, purifying me from all my distress and anxiety. I felt a ghost of a smile tug my lips as I slowly came aware of my surroundings again. The mirror was glowing only faintly this time, creating shadowy patterns on the walls and even covering almost a half of his beautiful face.
"So you've come to me." I whispered, my eyes closing on their own accord again. I couldn't bear watching him from afar like this and not being able to touch him. Maybe he read my mind, because he once again chuckled a bit and asked me to come to stand in front of the mirror and him. Even though my legs hesitantly gave in to his murmured request and started slowly moving towards the strange mirror, my mind was fully aware of the fact that even though I wanted nothing more, I shouldn't do it. I craved for some answers first! I shut out the feeling of my legs and concentrated on the painful thought of resisting him. I ached for his touch as much as a baby aches for the gentle touch of his mother, but I couldn't give in just like that every time he just said one sweet word to me. I needed to know if he was only a hallucination, or perhaps a real, living human being somehow trapped into an old and threatening mirror.
That thought stopped me. A sultry smile graced my lips as I forced my eyes to meet his. For a moment everything stood still. I saw fury in his eyes, the clear pools of ice were now darker, and somehow even more intense: the colour of the midnight sky in the summer. He didn't like the way I was resisting him. I allowed my smile to grow into a smirk as I realized that in a way I could control him like he controlled my every waking hour. The feeling of the power was overwhelming. "No." The word left my dry lips but after that the room fell silent again. And not only the dim room, but the rest of our house and the nature surrounding it, too. Birds weren't singing their happy melodies and the brown, red and yellow autumn leaves of the trees growing outside my window weren't shaking like they used to. It was almost like the night had finally reached me with its dark knowledge.
My eyes averted back to him and I saw him gazing at me, his eyes blazing in rage. My head fell back as I quickly sucked in breath. His mysterious power started to pull me towards him like I was only a puppet and he was my master and my owner. I felt like crying because I couldn't control myself, not my body or my mind. The self-confidence I had summoned up earlier from the most secret pit of my soul was now slowly breaking down because my mind was in turmoil under the dangerous gaze, which penetrated me wholly. Why did it feel like this? Why did he have such a monstrous power over me? Why he wanted to control me like that? And most of all, what in hell was he really?
"You're scared of me." The flat tone of his voice was sickening.
just stared at him, my eyes glassy and trembling. "Don't be. I mean
no harm to you." After those words he reached out to me and pulled me
closer to him so that my body was flush against the mirror. The
surface was wonderfully cool and calm, and I felt myself relaxing in
the embrace of the mirror and him. A gentle current of wind slowly let my hair loose from its braid but I didn't mind anymore. Once again I felt safe and whole. My hair was lifted in the air by the mischievous wind blowing from the mirror and it didn't take long until I felt his fingers in my hair, stroking it and twisting it. My hair melted to his will just like my body and soul had. Was there ever really even a slightest chance for me to win him?
Though my mind was restless, my body was already registering all the pleasure it could draw from his touch. From Heero's touch. It was the first time during this night that I had thought of him in his real name and I was sure that it was because I was surprised since my body was reacting in a way it had never reacted before. It was acting like a body of an adult and not a child. I tried to catch a sight of his arms as they held me, but I couldn't see anything. I awed me how he did all that touching without actually touching me: only the invisible hands, which reached out for me from his mind, were holding me and embracing me. He was smiling to me again and it was a beautiful sight. His eyes weren't angry and dark anymore and even the coldness had ceased a bit, too. I felt myself smiling back despite all the confusion I was feeling.
"So, you want some answers?" I just nodded, not really wanting to say anything because there was nothing special to say. "I want something from you in return." Well, that got my attention.
"What?" I barely managed to choke out. I hadn't expected that, though I really should have. But his faint laughter rumbling in my belly assured me that it couldn't be anything bad. And I would have done anything to feel his laughter in me again. It felt wonderful, almost like I had a part of him in me, even if it was only for a short while. And once again I smiled without any important reason. My smile was full of trust and awe as we stared deep into each other's eyes. Then his voice interrupted us again, whispering straight into my ear and sending pleasurable shivers down my spine. "Let me kiss you again."
Actually it was pathetic how I had forgotten everything just like that and drowned myself in him again. I should have been strict and not to let him lure myself out of my own peace of mind. But this was my chance. One small kiss wouldn't hurt and that was after all what I had been craving for a week now: the soft and dangerous touch of his lips on mine. I opened my mouth to give him my answer, but he was faster and brought his lips on mine.
I almost died right then, you know. It was a wonderful feeling how he dominated me gently, sliding his lips along mine. And it was downright erotic because I knew that somehow on some level, the kiss wasn't real, that I was only kissing my fantasy.
As surprisingly as the kiss had started it was over and I stared straight into a pair of clouded eyes, which gave me a promise of something more if I only was courageous enough to accept his challenge. As I slowly came aware of the room around me, as well as myself, I noticed how it was now pitch black. I couldn't see anything but him, couldn't feel anything but him. But frankly, it was all I wanted at the moment. I was finally going to find out about Heero and his being in the mirror.
"So, are you ready now?" his voice cut the line of my thoughts. My voice was clearer than ever when I told him that I wanted nothing more. Then we both fell silent for a while until he once again drew me close and smirked. "First there is something I need to show you..." I didn't like his voice, how it mocked me gently, promising to give me lots of new thoughts and images. But I steeled myself: my emotions, my body and my mind. I was ready for him and at that moment, I knew that he could somehow sense it. "Are you ready to face what's beyond the reality?"
Those words spoken by his smooth voice were the most terrifying thing I had ever heard. I think I nodded, but I'm not so sure about that. However, he indicated me to put my hands flat against the mirror and I did as I was told, like a good puppet does. He then laced our fingers together and gave them a little pull as he continued to watch me. I wasn't sure if I was holding back a laughter or tears, when a tight feeling enveloped my hands, swallowing them. The feeling spread all over my body and I involuntarily slumped backwards and would have fallen down if it hadn't been for him and the way he was holding my hands and keeping me sane as the feelings were boiling in my young body.
And then it happened.
The tight feeling in my body was only getting stronger and stronger and finally I wasn't able to bear it anymore. But then, my hands slipped inside and I could feel his warm flesh against mine. It was so weird to see yourself like that: your hands disappearing into a mirror. And it felt so strange, being halfway in the mirror and desperately trying to get in. The pressure was increasing all the time, because the mirror was trying to push me away and not let me in. The glass was almost like water: heavy, cool and alive. It was soothing in its own way and I couldn't help but feel safe. But when my nose touched the mirror I panicked. A wrenched sob tore itself free from between my lips as I started to struggle in earnest. My nose had already started to sink in a bit but I wanted it back. I wanted my arms back, too. It just hurt too much for me to bear. More sobs broke free, but Heero held my hands tightly and didn't let me go. I was trembling all over and my hair was flowing behind me because of some invisible maelstrom coming from the mirror. The mirror had also started to emit more and more light, until my whole room was shining and glowing. I could see myself everywhere: it was like thousands of little mirrors had been set free from their confines. I've never seen myself being so beautiful and alluring before but I still wanted it all to stop.
"Stop." I managed to breathe faintly, my eyes wide with terror. He only shook his head and I could hear the answer in my head and feel it in my heart. "It's not over yet... be strong my pretty..." He continued to whisper all kind reassuring things to my ear and all the while pulling me forward even more so that the pressure in my body was almost intolerable. I'm sure I would have started screaming if I suddenly hadn't felt his warm lips on mine, throbbing with life and beauty. And this time there was no surface between us anymore as I finally was able to kiss him like I had always wanted to.
Now when I had gotten this far, I concentrated on my legs and how to bring them through the mirror faster. The pain wasn't so bad now, when I finally agreed with Heero's will and it didn't take long for me to stumble through the mirror wholly only to fall down immediately. It brought me almost physical pain to tear my lips from his but the forces of the mirror wouldn't let me kiss him any longer. So I just sat there, panting and hugging my legs to my sweaty chest. I looked like I had been in an angry storm, my clothes disarranged and my hair in tangles. It was so overwhelming. I mean, I had wanted some answers, but deep down I had wanted him to be only a hallucination so that I could ignore him. But now it was all very real, he was real and this place was real. And he had somehow made that all happen.
But when I raised my head to look at him, I saw a cocktail of concern, fear and fury in his eyes.
"Idiot! You just had to struggle against my will, didn't you? You idiot!" Then his eyes softened as he kneeled next to me and hugged me close, burying his head to my golden tresses. "Are you still hurting? Say that you're okay now... please... Duo..." I managed to smile against his chest, which was covered in black, velvet fabric. My voice was weak though, when I said out loud the only thought that came into my mind.
"So... I'm in the mirror now?"