5-26-2001

Ok, this is something weird I've been writing for a while now... please let me know if I should continue it... ^__^
And huge thanks to my beta reader Mithrigil!

Author: Leena (aka Silvara), leeneero@welho.com
Disclaimer: I don't on GW or the characters, never have and never will.
Pairing: 1+2
Rating: PG-13 for now...
Warnings: yaoi, weird, dark, AU, possible OOC, Duo's POV.
Feedback: Oh yeah!

 

PERFECT SUNSET AND THE MOON FOR ME 1/?

Have you ever seen a perfect sunset? And I really mean a perfect sunset. When the sun illuminates all the colours in the world and the atmosphere is surreal. When you feel like you're dreaming, yet everything is completely true. When you can see the soft shadows everywhere, promising to hold and love you forever, to keep you safe forever.

I've never seen a sunset like that. Sure, I see the sun setting every day, until it's dark and the night covers the land with its dim blanket. But then I can only see the moon. I hate it, you know. All the dark things happen at night. Dark things only the moon witnesses. It holds the secrets of humanity and that's why I hate it. Sometimes I couldn't watch the night at all: it made me feel so insecure about my life, my past and my future. And all this because the moon knew things about myself that even I didn't. It made me wonder the meaning of my existence and that was one thing I didn't want to do, because there was no meaning. I existed for nothing.

Closing my eyes, I slowly turned away from the window until I was facing my small room. Had someone been there, he would've seen a rare smile crossing my lips. It was a smile full of anguish and hatred, my hatred towards the night and the moon. I chuckled mirthlessly as I watched the haunting reflection of the moon from the old mirror, which was hanging on the wall. I just couldn't hide from the moon though I tried so hard. It still saw everything I did and everything that was done to me.

It must have been that awfully sunny day about four years ago when my life crashed down around me. Sure, I had known for a long time that things were not exactly fine between my mom Helen and my dad Solo, but still it was a shock for me when they told me that they'd get a divorce. That my dad would stay here and I'd move away with my mom. My world was indeed shattering, and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I was only twelve, for God's sake! I needed my parents, and I needed them desperately.

So I pleaded them not to do this to me. And I cried. And I screamed, until the only sound I could produce was a hoarse whimper. And on that day, my faith in forever died along with my parents. They weren't mom and dad anymore, just Helen and Solo.

So Helen and I moved away. Actually, we were constantly moving, because she really didn't know what to do with her life. I pitied her so much it hurt. And I pitied myself. No child should experience something like that. I needed Solo, damn it! I needed a fatherly figure to keep me sane in throes of puberty. But it was something I could never have. And it hurt, but after a while I somehow got used to it. I hid all my broken feelings behind a mask, because I didn't want anyone to know how lost I was. As if I had any friends. I think that loneliness was one of the things that I despised the most, because I loved people and spending time with them. But it's pretty hard to make friends if you're going to move away after a short while. So I preferred to stay alone.

But now it was a totally different situation. Helen had assured me that we wouldn't be moving anytime soon, so I'd be able to make friends in my new school. I would be lying to myself if I said that I wasn't scared of my first school day in a new school. And that was the reason I couldn't get sleep tonight. I was scared, though I knew that I would make an excellent impression. I slowly walked to stand in front of my old full-body mirror, which covered almost half of the wall. I wasn't a bad looking young man: huge violet eyes, braid of richest gold and sensual mouth. I had a lithe and slender body, which craved to be touched in a way it had never been touched before. I ached someone to caress my body and worship it, like Helen and Solo had never done back then, when they still were my parents. I wanted someone for once to care for me.

Slowly I lifted my hand and pressed it against the cool mirror. The hand moved in its own accord to stroke the outline of my body through the mirror. With a start I realized, that my sight was all blurred. I tried to bat my eyelashes, but there were no tears. I wasn't crying, but I still couldn't see anything. Everything that happened after it felt like a dream to me.

When the annoying fog left my eyes, all I could do was to stare at the mirror and my reflection. Or, better say, the lack of it. Instead I saw another young man, a couple of years older than me perhaps, acting like my reflection. His hand was drawing exactly the same lines than mine was. I think that there's no need to say that I was absolutely and completely speechless. And scared. And amazed. The youth was taller than I was, and he had brown, messy hair and delicate features. But I couldn't see his eyes, because they were closed. But I longed to see them: I wanted to know if he was able to express emotions through them. I wanted to know if he could see me. I wanted to know if he was a human at all. But it didn't take long for the centre of my attention to change from his face to his fine-boned hands, which were in a way, caressing my body. I shuddered involuntarily. The thought that I was probably hallucinating was the last thing on my mind, when finally someone was offering me the comfort I had longed for. I hadn't realized that I had closed my eyes, until I opened them and looked straight into a pair of crystal blue eyes. They were cold and the icy gaze made me feel uncomfortable. The eyes were slowly freezing my mind. Both of his hands rose to stroke my cheeks from the mirror, never touching me because of the transparent surface between us. His lips curved into a smirk as he vanished from my sight. I was staring at my own reflection again. But now I looked like a scared mouse. My eyes were all wide and full of terror, and my mouth was hanging open slightly.

There was someone trapped inside my mirror.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The next day I had been more than a little shaken. Helen hadn't noticed anything, but I really hadn't expected her to. She was a total stranger to me and strangers had nothing to do with my life. That was one of my principles.

Anyway, my first school day had been ok. I had met a couple of nice guys and I really looked forward seeing them again. They were called Quatre and Trowa. Quatre had come to me immediately when he spotted me. "Being friendly to the new kid" he had called it and grinned. And I had found myself grinning back. I think there's no need to say that I was in heaven. It was the first time in four years that I had fun! They had showed me around the school and told me all kind of freaky stories about the teachers and most of all they had made me totally forget my short encounter with my mirror the previous night. But now that I was alone in my room, I was terrified but extremely anxious to see if that youth would appear again.

As I already told you, I hadn't thought about the whole incident until now. The logical part of my brain kept telling me that there was no way possible that a man could be inside my mirror. But I didn't want to listen to the wise part: I wanted to break free from the bonds in which my conscious self had me chained. I just wanted to be happy, and a complete freedom of my old attitude was the first step I had to take. So, I was waiting for tonight to arrive. I had already finished what little homework we had on the first day and now I had nothing better to do. I could hear Helen's voice when she was talking loudly on the phone. I felt like going down there and stuffing the phone into her mouth! Didn't she get that I wanted it quiet? And yeah, just call me selfish, I don't care.

I tried to block all the annoying noise from my head as I stared fixatedly at the mirror. I think it was pretty old, because it wasn't as shining as it must have been. But it was beautiful, magnificent in its own way. I was surprised why I hadn't noticed its glory before. I couldn't believe that I had been too absorbed in my own thoughts and therefore hadn't paid any attention to my surroundings. True, we moved in only a little while ago, but still. The frame of the mirror was now grey, but it must have been silvery when the mirror was bought. There were some carvings along the length of the frame but I couldn't make out the exact patterns. Maybe it was some ancient language.

I had been too absorbed in watching the mirror that I hadn't realized the fact that the sun had already set. I cast one last, longing look to the mirror and went to bed. I guess I wasn't going to see my Mr. Mysterious tonight and somehow, I was more than a little disappointed. But, still, it didn't take me long to fall asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night because of a luminous glow, which reflected from the mirror and illuminated my whole room. I was awake in mere seconds, though I was so scared that my feet trembled. Never had something like that happened to me before. I was totally at loss until I remembered the mirror and the youth inside it. I was in front of the mirror faster than I thought was possible. Panting slightly with fear and enthusiasm, I ventured to take a look at the glowing mirror only to turn around again, my eyes wide and my heart racing.

He was there again. And this time, I could see him in his full glory.

His beautiful face was void of all emotions, his eyes narrowed and staring coldly at me. He was all covered in black cloth, from head to toe so that I couldn't see the outlines of his body. Then his lips curved into that familiar smirk again as he beckoned me to come closer to the mirror. I was shaking and it took only one step forward for me to fall on the floor. It was then when I noticed that I was wearing only black boxers and a black tank top. And my hair was open. It caressed my arms as I half-crawled towards the mirror, giving me a safe feeling, assuring me that it was ok. In a situation like this, your own hair is really enough to make you feel secure.

When I reached the mirror, I slowly managed to stand up. I put my hands against the cool mirror and watched in awe, as he did exactly the same thing. Then we just stood there, gazing into each other's eyes, his icy eyes meeting my warm violet ones. "Who are you?" I managed to whisper. It was the first sound I made that night and my voice was hoarse. "Who are you? What are you?" I repeated. He tilted his head slightly before his lips moved and then I felt the words he had said. I know it sounds weird to feel one's words, but it was really the only way to describe the feeling, because I sure as hell didn't hear them through the glass! "You are pretty." That's what he said to me. I had asked his name, and he told me I was pretty. And I knew I was blushing, the red flush quickly spreading over my face. I closed my eyes under the gaze he gave me. It was all too intense and I couldn't bear it. There wasn't supposed to be humans in the mirrors! But in my mirror, there clearly was one. And I was communicating with him right now. "I'm Duo." I said quietly. My voice was all I could hear at the moment: it was that silent. Everything stood still and I didn't realize I wasn't breathing, because I didn't want to break the surreal atmosphere, until I felt a deep chuckle vibrating straight to the core of my very being. "You idiot, you need to remember to breathe every once in a while." His voice was so smooth, so perfect. Maybe a bit nasal, but it was ok. I let it wash over me in pleasurable waves until I opened my eyes and drew in a deep breath. His eyes weren't so cold anymore and he was smiling a small smile, only for me. "My name is Heero." he then introduced himself. I nodded and let the name roll from my lips. It sounded good and it sounded right.

The glowing had decreased while I was in my own little world, where mysterious men in mirrors were nothing special. But I was soon brought back to the real world, where mysterious men weren't supposed to be in the mirrors, but still there was one in mine. I started, when I felt his touch on my bare skin. It made me look up, a startled look in my big eyes. His statement was now serious and there wasn't any trace of the smile, which had graced his features a little while ago. His hands were doing the same movement as they had been doing the previous night: stroking my face and arms. But this time it didn't stop there. Slowly and deliberately he lowered his face towards mine. I watched with wide eyes, as his lips contacted mine. Only that there was a glass between our joined mouths. Still, I could feel his soft lips and slow breathing as he kissed me. My first kiss. It was ice to my burning soul and it was all for me. I felt my mind falling asleep under the pressure of the emotions I was feeling, and my body followed it, until there was nothing but a black dream world, in which nothing existed. But for once in my life, I was whole.

 

TBC?

 

So... what did you think?!? *smiles tentatively*