This is the, well, not really sequel, but continuation of the development of the story in "Un Inverno da Baciare" and "Una Canzone D'Amore." Once, again, it's a songfic, and the song is an Italian one. ^_^
It's kind of confused, seeing as it IS 2:30 AM, but the idea is that Quatre makes a very big mistake, and regrets it. This one will get its happy ending, too. I had to invent a new muse as well. As of now, Giulio is the Muse of Irony, because isn't it ironic that Duo sees them as a perfect couple when all this shit's going on??
Notes: The song is "Un Attimo Ancora" by Gemelli Diversi. The song is actually sung in two parts, the male (whose part I have used here) singing about the realtionship being over, and the female asking him to wait just one moment more. Beautiful, really. Once again, the mp3 is available to anyone who wants it. Gomen to Quatre fans. I'm one too, a big one, and I didn't want to bastardize Q-chan, but I needed a plot. Don't worry, he'll get his issues straightened out in the next one, Trowa's. The translation is mine, once again. If you happen to know any Italian, don't look to hard at it, please. The rap gave me a lot of trouble... ^^;;;
Warnings: Major YAOI warning, OOC, angst, character torture, just a little bit of violence. I put that there so that I won't have people on my back later about the fact that I didn't warn them that poor Quatre got bashed over the head.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me and I am making no money
doing this. The song used for the "songfic" is not mine either.
Suing me is no good, since the sum total of my posessions is a rather small
anime and manga collection, one rather smelly little dog, and my beloved
Un Attimo Ancora
Were not going to make it. I can sense it. Theres something about the air around the place. Ominous is the word. The whole thing is wrong. I should have waited to blow the detonator. Oh, gods, its all my fault. I can hear the two of you running farther down the hall. I dont think you can make it out. Neither can I. There are too many of them. I thought I could escape out the way I had come, if nothing else, but theyve sounded the alarm, and that is blocked off, too. Where are Heero and Wufei? They should have come by now. Maybe theyre caught, too. There are shouts down the hall. Have they caught up with you? Gunshots. Will you win? I hope so. I hate this. Sitting here, waiting, impotent, ignorant. I want to know whats going on, to see what you are doing and help you.
I know what you are doing. Youre trying to make them follow you so I wont be caught. Its a sweet gesture, really. A very kind thing for you to do. A little while ago, it would have made me happy. It would have suffused me with a great, powerful, swelling love for you. But now? Whats happening to me?
Versa lultima lacrima
Prima che il vento porti via con sè
Lultima bricciola del nostro amore.
Shed the last tear
Before the wind takes away with it
The final remains of our love.
I cant believe this is happening. It isnt. It cant. We were supposed to love each other forever, you and I. We were supposed to never give up on our love. It was a promise. And now, I dont know why, I cant uphold that promise anymore. What am I supposed to do, koi? Should I stay here, in silence, and watch out fortress burn? Whats wrong with me?
Youve always been so kind, so good to me. What am I thinking now, to want to leave you? I must be sick. That must be it. Well, Ill deal with it later. Mission right now, and no other worries. I dig out my small radio and hold it to my mouth, sending fast, desperate transmissions to Heero and hoping that he will respond. Duos in trouble. He will want to know about that. He thinks nobody knows about his feelings. He should get some friends without psychic powers. So far, the only one who doesnt know is Duo himself. And that works the other way as well. They are so stubborn. Neither will take the risk.
I suppose it must be a characteristic of the street child. I was never one of those, so I dont claim to understand all that they think and feel. Or thought and felt. I like to think that we are all together in our project now, and that the past doesnt matter so much. That I can understand that look that comes over you when you begin to remember. But I cant. I cant bear to look at it, much less understand it. Those are the things that drive the two of us apart. We are spawn of different worlds, and though we have both known tragedy, it is not the same, and so we do not understand each other. There it is. I have figured it out.
Dove non cè più sole e laria è gelida,
Resto solo alla mia tavola.
Pensandoti, sento già i brividi.
Where there is no more sun and the air is frozen,
Im left alone at my table.
Thinking of you, I feel goosebumps.
I hate this feeling of helplessness. I dont mean just about the fact that you are down the hall being shot and maybe injured. I mean the part about me being here, having you rely on me, feel safe with me, and me wondering how to tell you gently that I dont think its going to work out anymore.
You want to know what the real problem is? I know what it took for you to trust me. I know how long I pursued you, how your memories and insecurities made it take far longer than it should have for you to open up to me. Now you have handed me that trust on a silver platter, and instead of a gift, I find myself trapped by it. I have a duty now, because of it. I must take care of you because I am the only one you would allow to do it. Why do you do this to me?
The gunfire has stopped. They must have brought you down.
Either that, or you won. The odds against you were terrible, though. And you would have come back for me buy now. I know that, at least. You havent, so I will have to go and find where you are. My fault. All my fault. All of this. This mess that we are in, that you are in now.
Someones coming up behind me. I can feel them. If I just dont let them know I know theyre there, then maybe I can
Dietro parole e volti inutili.
Si è spento il fuoco per scaldare il nostro cuore.
Now embrace me.
Its enough to hide.
Behind useless words and faces.
The fire to hear our heart has gone out.
I wake with your hand in my hair. Its a comfortable feeling, and I only think about that for a moment, until all my previous thoughts come back to me, and I wake fully, and pull away. Oh, please no. You have that look on your face. That expression like a hurt, lost puppy. What am I supposed to do with that? I feel so sorry, so bad about what I have done. Why cant you just feel as I do? Why do you continue to want me? I think I will have to tell you soon. It would be for the better. But right now, its time to do damage control.
I look around, and spot a still figure in the other corner of the room. Duo? You nod. Its another one of those comfortable feelings, eating away at my resolve. Why cant I convince myself that I dont want you anymore? What about all the things that I know are wrong? Are they simply to be pushed aside because of one moment of closeness? All the time, I know that now it is nothing more than friendship I feel for you, but that that friendship is something I treasure. Oh, koi. I am so confused.
You, of course, are silent, and do not speak, though I can tell from the shadows in your eyes that you know something is wrong. You tell me what happened to you and Duo, how he is injured. And so are you. This time, I know for sure that what we had is gone, or going. I dont feel the deep, possessive anger at the revelation that you are hurt. Its the same concern, deep though it is, that I feel for the others. That I feel for Duo, in this case.
Duo is such a kind soul. Even here, he shows that he understands what few do. He has seen what is between you and me. What was, I mean. He went to the other side of the room just so that we could be left minimally alone. I am truly glad that he is my friend. I might go so far as to call him my best friend. But you are there, too. Where do you fit it? Tell me. I need to understand what it is that is happening to me. I need somebody to come and put my life back into simple, hierarchical order as it hasnt been for so long. I want to know where I stand.
Non vedo più nel cielo
Le due stelle che brillavano.
Non vedo più tuoi occhi che risplendono.
I no longer see in the sky
The two stars that shone.
I no longer see your eyes sparkle.
You look at me and ask me a question. A simple question, but one that I am strangely unable to answer. Daijoubu ka? What do I say? What do you need to hear. Finally, there is nothing left but to tell the truth. I steel myself, and begin. I tell you all the thoughts that I have had today, from the very first one when I woke up in the morning and was not happy to see the morning. I tell you about my thoughts about friendship and love and you and fighting and Heero and Duo and everything else.
You listen, silently, as you always do, and for once I am unable to gauge your mood, your thoughts. It is a strange sensation, to have you so alienated from me. I know that this is going to hurt you. I dont think my words about wanting to keep our friendship are helping. You put so much effort into making this work, I know, and now Im shooting you down, but what can I do otherwise? I want to know what you think, but you are silent. You will not tell me. And that damn bang of yourcovers your face so that I cannot see your expression.
The door opens. Theyve come. The funs about to begin. I look up, and start to move to rise, but Duo, whom I thought unconscious, suddenly stands shakily and walks toward the door. I hear him whisper something unintelligible, and protest his going first. Then the strangest thing happens. He looks at you. You, and you somehow know to hold me back, to keep me from contesting the offer he is making of leaving us in peace a little longer. It breaks my heart.
Then I notice your face. And the poor, torn heart inside me breaks yet again. There are tears on your face. I have rarely seen them from you. The last time was when you told me about your life as a kid on the streets, and of the terrible things that happened to you then. Oh, gods. Thinking back on that time, I dont know how I can betray that trust now with what I am doing, but I am. I am. I have myself for it. I want to curl up and die at the hurt look in your eyes.
Voglio spiegarmi. Adesso dammi
Solo un minuto per levarmi
Questo sapore amaro dal palato.
I want to explain myself. Now give me
Just a minute to take away
This sour taste from my palate.
I start talking, start trying to explain again, but its useless, and Im rambling. I know the damage has been done, and I was foolhardy and conceited in thinking that my words could change you so quickly, that I could turn the trust we shared into something less pressing, less important. Im sorry, koi. I didnt mean to.
We sit in silence for a long time, communicating almost silently, for the tension in the place mounts just as if we were having a full-blown fight. I dont know what to expect. I want you just to say that everything I have said is alright and that you will understand. Take time, if you need it, but please, please dont destroy me as I have you. What a thing to say. I cant change it now, but I dont want to be taken down with it.
There is some fundamental difference between us, you know. I am a person with too many sides to show all at once, and so people take the one they find most agreeable. You, on the other hand, are silent but honest. You always know what you are thinking, and anybody that knows you knows too. Im not like that. It takes a lot to figure me out, I think, or more people would have done it by now. I just cant tell myself what is going to come out. This, for example, I never wished. I never, ever would have asked to stop loving you. I dont think all of me has yet, actually. But Ive burned my bridges now, havent I?
Sapore di passato
Di un amore sciupato.
Di qualche cosa di perfetto che poi è cambiato.
The taste of the past,
Of a love worn threadbare.
Of something perfect that changed.
Theyve brought Duo back. He looks terrible. I dont know what theyve done, but they surely wouldnt have beat him up so bad if he had given them what they wanted. Which means that one of us is next. And you do it again. Before I can stop you, youre gone. Stood and let them take you from the room. Why did you do that? Are you still trying to protect me? Are you trying to escape? Oh, gods. What on Earth have I done?
Vivevo un sogno,
Ma ora sono sveglio.
I was living a dream,
But now Im awake.
I can feel it now, the hard, heavy weight of a grave mistake that ones mind has just recognized. I have pushed you away, koi, and now I worry about you. That small rebellious part of my mind that usurped power and told me that I didnt love you has been pushed back to the back again, and Im scared. Im scared of what will happen when you come back. Im scared for you that you might not come back. Please, be safe. I want you. I need you. Oh, gods, I dont believe what Ive done. Will you forgive me? Will you ever want me again?
I think my heart will break right here. As I tend to Duo, trying to help him be a little more comfortable, at least feel a bit safer and comfort him with my presence, this overwhelming despair about what I have done is eating me alive. Come back soon, koi, please, because I need you. I need you more than anything in the world.
Dammi solo un minuto,
Un soffio di fiato
Give me just a minute,
A breath of your breath,
God keep you safe, my love, that you will at least be whole and well even if you no longer want me. I hope you will forgive me. I dont deserve it, but I hope you will. Please. Please. Its the only thing I want right now. I know the desolation you feel, I know the guilt you carry. I swear, though I have not lived on the streets as you have, suffered at the hands of cruel men as you did, I know now your pain. I understand. Please, let me redeem both of us. Give me the chance to save you, finally, as I have never done, as well as saving myself in you.
Un attimo ancora.
One moment more.
Ne?? Comments?? ^_^