Sorry for the cross-posting... ^^ I just like feedback... Ok, I'm going to post this before I trash it as I have about 4 other fics this week. I figure you guys should get at least something... even if it's bad... Please tell me what you think!

Notes: At the end.

Warnings: This story is yaoi-ish, not really anything going on, angsty, and with implied violence.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters do not belong to me and I am making no money doing this. The song used for this "songfic" is not mine either. Suing me is no good, since the sum total of my posessions is a rather small anime and manga collection, one rather smelly little dog, and my beloved computer, which wouldn't be worth much to anybody else!

Un’ Inverno da Baciare
by LaMangust

“Come on! Run!” I can hear our footsteps resounding on metal as we dash down the hall, but those echoing footfalls are quickly overshadowed as the soldiers race after us. Shit. This is not good. I glance over, to where Trowa runs beside me. “What are our chances?”

He glances back, then ahead as we slide around a corner, and a strange look comes over him. “Slim to none, I’d say.” I look where his eyes are, and have to smirk. Typical Trowa. Just enough to get the message across, and enough bite to let me know he’s amused by the situation. There’s a dead end ahead.

“Ah, hell…” I whirl, drawing my gun sharp-shooter style. God help me if I’ll go down without a fight! Aiming and firing is easy. Second nature to me, anymore. I’ve taken out three before they hit me. The burning pain shoots through my leg as I collapse, losing control over the entire appendage. I begin to swear as the guards close in. I don’t know where Trowa is, lost track of him a long time ago. All I know is that I have failed. I have failed in my promise to return. To return to you. But of course, you never knew of that promise...

Io guardo il mare
E gli occhi cercano al di là
Di questo inverno da baciare.
I watch the sea,
And my eyes search beyond
This winter I embrace.

They got him in the shoulder. God’s grace that it wasn’t two inches to the left. He’s be a corpse by now. This cell is like every other cell in the world. It’s small, dark, and just damp enough to be uncomfortable. The kind of damp that gives you the willies. They got Quatre, too. He’s here, and in better shape then either of us. I don’t know how they took him out yet. He hasn’t woken up since they threw him in here.

I wish you were here. I wish you cared enough to come and save us. Save me. My frustration has just about reached its limit. I can’t stand it. Every word from your mouth is a curse. A curse on me, on what I hold, this love for you. This burden I carry with me into forever. I watch you fight, I hear you speak, and these things are joy to me. But they are deadly also. Every spiteful word to me. It hurts. But, even more than that, the indifference. When you act as though you do not care. Those are the times when my heart shatters and I can do nothing but cry.

But it’s not an act, is it? You don’t care. Trowa’s sitting over there with Quatre. He has his hand in the little one’s hair. You see, that’s the marvel of it. He’s happy, even though he’s in prison. Because he has his special one with him. The one he loves. I want that, too. I want you to love me.

Well, that’s enough brooding. I have to find a way to get us out of here, since you won’t come. There’s nothing here important enough. But first, I want to sleep. Who knows when the OZ goonies will come and cart us away for “questioning.” I stand shakily and limp to one corner of the room, giving the couple in the opposite corner what little privacy can be afforded them. It’s the least they deserve. After all, they’ve accomplished what I never could.

E ascolto il mare.
È il canto dell’eternità
Che nelle braccia fa morire.
I listen to the sea.
It’s the song of eternity
That kills in your arms.

They’ve come. The light from the doorway is blinding after so much time in darkness. That image. The black silhouette in the doorway. It brings so many memories of terrible things. I don’t want this to happen any more. I’m scared. Oh, God, I’m scared. But what a weak emotion, fear. You would never approve. So I steel myself, and go forward, so that they will leave Trowa and Quatre in peace, at least a little while longer. The small blond has woken up, though I don’t know how long ago. He’s protesting, but I look at Trowa and he quiets his love. He understands me better than anyone else, I think. Because, despite the different ways we turned out, we are alike in some basic way.

They are determined to do this by the book, it seems. This room, this “interrogation chamber,” is a carbon copy of every other one I’ve ever been in. It, too, brings memories. The memories are almost enough. I want to give in, I want to tell them what they want to know so that I don’t have to live this nightmare again. But I won’t. Traitors have no dignity. They have no excuse, either. They have yet to break me, but I wouldn’t dare tell you how close they’ve come. I will keep my silence. I will hold my tongue for you. Don’t you see? You think that love makes one weak, but that isn’t true at all. It has made me strong, given me new resolve.

But I am still alone in it. If only you wanted me. If only you cared enough to think of me as a simple friend. Even that I would accept gladly. Anything you want, any part of me, it’s yours. But you want nothing. I would give you everything. I would live for you. I already do.

Io sono qui, io sono qui
E adesso vieni – vieni a prendermi.
Io sono qui, e stringimi -
Il vento si è gelido.
I’m here, I’m here
Now come and get me.
I’m here, hold me -
The wind is frozen.

I can’t remember coming back to this cell. One of them must have brought me. But I did it. Ninmu kanryou. They didn’t get anything from me. The only thing I regret is that they will do the same to Trowa and Quatre now. Quatre is beside me now, a worried look in his eyes that I know is not only for me. So they have taken Trowa.

“How do you feel?” His voice is calming, but I can hear the edge there. I wonder if I should lie to him and tell him it wasn’t that bad, that I feel alright, and that I’ll be able to get up in a few minutes. But the look on his face is too knowing. I opt for honesty.

“Like shit.” His face twitches. I put enough sarcasm in that one remark to reassure him that I’m still me, whole as could be expected, and that makes him smile in relief. He’s such a gentle soul. Trowa is a lucky man. I got stuck loving a bastard like you.

I start to shiver. I can’t help it. But it’s not pain. Not physical pain, anyway. I’ve gone and done it again. Gone and lost myself in this small corner of my mind where I store my hope. And breaking out of that is harder than escaping from an OZ base, and almost as painful. Tears come to my eyes. Idiot. What an idiot. What a fool I am.

I can feel Quatre’s hand on my back, his gentle voice telling me to sleep, that everything will be alright soon. But it can’t be. And he doesn’t understand that. “Just close your eyes and sleep. You’ll be alright. We’ll be out of here. Soon…”

Io guardo il mare
E vedo un uomo piangere.
Ha una ferita da leccare.
I look at the sea
And see a man cry.
He has a wound to lick.

I wake to the screech of iron hinges. Oh, no. They’re back. I have to get up. Have to keep them from taking Quatre. He is the jewel of our little team, we all know that, and I must do whatever is necessary to protect him from them. But it’s not them. It’s… you. Your face is grim, and you have Trowa’s arm around your shoulder, who is unconscious at your side. Quatre goes quickly to him, and you relinquish your hold.

Look at me. Please? I need you to see me, to recognize me, to understand that I have braved their fury and come out whole. But you don’t. It is Quatre who finally comes to me, helping me to my feet and leaving Trowa in your care. You haven’t even glanced at me yet. Not spoken a word. I know you will never want me. You will never like me, much less love me. But I will be yours forever.

The long days spent with you in silence between schools and between missions have been some of the most tedious of my life. They are also the most precious to me. The times when my presence was tolerated instead of instantly fled, my voice listened to rather than quieted by your wrath, even if you did not hear the words. I hold those moments in my heart. I will wait for you forever. I love you.

But in the meantime, permit me to be near you. Let me be by you. That’s all I want, all I ask. And when the day comes that you no longer have the patience for me, I will leave. I will go if you want me to.

E aspetto al mare
E gli occhi si assottilgiano.
E sulla faccia ho ancora sale.
I wait at the sea.
My eyes narrow.
There is salt on my face still.

What a boring mind I have. It thinks only one thing over and over, in thousands of different variations. It says, ‘I love you, I love you, but you will never be mine.’ Well, I knew that already, didn’t I? Thank you, heart. You may take a step back now.

There’s a new mission today. I still can’t walk very well, but this involves only the Gundams, so it won’t be much of an impediment. I hope. I can see the battle field looming before us. There is a whole fleet of mobile dolls. Ah, well… Let’s just go for it, shall we?

Damn you! You’re being careless again! I know you can see those dolls behind you! Why don’t you do anything?? I’m wiping out machines left and right, and protecting your back as well as my own.

I wish you wouldn’t be so careless with your life. This is torture, watching you tempt fate again and again. I hate it. But I no longer fear it. For as long as my love stays fast, I will devote myself to you. For as long as this life remains in me, I will stay in the shadows, protecting you, loving you. That is the gift I can give you that you will always receive. I can be a fellow soldier, when the everyday joker dies and Shinigami comes to take his place. And I will always be there, if you want me.

Sono qui
Vieni a prendermi qui.
Io non ho più paura.
I’m here.
Come and get me.
I’m not afraid anymore.

It’s been a hectic week. I’m glad it’s over. One more small piece of time that I have survived. Looking back, I’m surprised I’ve made it this far. But death is nothing to fear. This curse, this thing that I hold for you, which has become the single most important thing to me, transcends this existence. It seems to me something better and purer and altogether more wonderful.

Therefore, I will remain. Till the death of the world. Till the end of time. Till the end of this life and every one after. As long as there is living, there will live my love for you. As long as there is that love, I will wait. I will wait. Always.

Io sono qui.
I’m here.


Author's Notes:

1. This was written after an extremely bad fight with a friend, and I was in the mood for a little Duo-torture. Gomen, Duo-chan, but I didn't know what else to do... Actually, I think I went a little overboard with the angst and Duo obsessing about love and Heero, but at least I went back and added a plot after the original one page angst-fest. ^^

2. The song is by Marina Rei, an Italian artist who doesn't sing very well, but her lyrics have been sitting in my head for a while, and so this fic exists. If anybody wants the mp3, I'll be glad to share. ^^ Also, the translation is mine, so I took a few creative liberties. That is to say, some of the translations are changed in a manner that is absolutely acceptable as far as language goes, but might be disputed as for the meaning. Oh, well... It's not like she's going to mind... ^^

Thanks for reading! Please send feedback! Must have feedback!! ^^