*giggle* Hiya. I wrote this silly little thing for language arts. Mr. Blake wanted us to write an original Greek myth. (Yes, that is why the demon is named Blakecles.) He never gave them back, though. So I don't know what my grade was. This is a really silly, pointless, plotless little thing, but I thought I'd share it since it IS about GW. And no, I did NOT mess up on Duo's gender... he is a girl in this thing. If I made him a guy, Mr. Blake would have been VERY afraid. (Yes, it's a Heero/Duo and Trowa/Quatre coupling.) And Quatre is Quatrina, of course. Anyway... enjoy? *hides* This is really pointless... and gomen for the HUGE crossposties. It's in two parts because it was too big to send as one part. (Who knows why...)

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The Perfect Warrior
by Laisia [animestarre@aol.com]
Disclaimer: GW isn't mine.
Warning: Attempt at writing a Greek myth. Didn't work. A bit of self-insertion in the middle (the goddess Laisia)... but I just needed a name for the goddess, it isn't actually ME. I just used my own name, since I didn't feel like making up a name. Quatre femininization. (I don't like Q-femininization, but it just WORKED for this fic thing. Gomen to the SAFQ, which I *am* a part of.)
Pairings: Heero and Duo, Trowa and... Quatrina! *giggle*
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The ant picked up a small crumb of bread that it found lying in a fresh clump of grass. Hoisting it onto its tiny back, it began the long trudge back to the ant hole. But a menacing shadow enveloped the ant in darkness no sooner than had it taken its first step. Looking up in sheer horror, the innocent ant was greeted with the sight of a hoof coming down at lightning speed. The hoof landed silently, and the ant's world faded away into nothing.

"Ah, good morning, my boy!" the centaur said gravely as it stepped into the clearing. "I have decided that you need a name."

The young boy standing in front of the centaur nodded.

"I have been thinking long and hard about your name.. A most appropriate action would be to name you after a long-famed hero of our land. So, I now proclaim that you are to go by the name Heero Yuy."

"Mission accepted," the boy, now christened Heero, monotoned.

"Good," the centaur said approvingly, nodding. "Now it is time for you to go and become a warrior hero of the forests. I will send you battle assignments by way of this yellow canary," he said, motioning to the canary sitting on his furry back. "Now go. And remember, emotions are weaknesses. You are the perfect warrior. You know no emotions."

***

"BUTTERFLY!" the longhaired warrior maiden yelped, chasing after the red fluttering figure. Her yard-long, chestnut-colored braid flew in the wind as she ran through the high-grass field.

"Duo, come here NOW!" a voice yelled from across the field. The girl stopped in mid-stride, sighed, and trudged towards the source of the voice.

She was greeted with the sight of a frowning centaur as she walked up. "Duo," the centaur sighed, "you are a very talented warrior. You should be practicing, not prancing around chasing butterflies like an air headed villager."

Duo smirked. "Right, Centaur G. Whatever you say." She took her bow and quiver of arrows off her back. "Want me to practice now?"

"Thank you for your enthusiasm, but not right now. I need to talk to you. You see, you're getting a battle partner, for your combined powers in battle. Hold on, I'll fetch him and his trainer... CENTAUR J!!!"

Wincing, Duo covered her ears. "Loud enough?" she muttered.

Centaur G pretended not to hear her. A moment later, another centaur strode into the field, followed by a young, stone-faced boy. Duo's mouth dropped open.

//Oh, wow...// Duo thought in awe. She looked him up and down, appreciatively noticing his muscular figure, short dark brown hair, and his cold, piercing cobalt blue eyes. //He's absolutely gorgeous! Good gods, I'll be working with him? This is my lucky day!//

"Good morning, Centaur G. Good morning... Duo, is it?" Centaur J asked. Duo nodded, still awestruck by the figure with a face of stone. "Ah, yes. Good morning, Duo. I would like you to meet Heero, your new partner in battle. Heero Yuy, that is. Heero, this is Duo Maxwell. You two will be fighting together."

Heero nodded, ignoring the hand that Duo offered for a handshake. "When do we leave?" he asked, his face blank.

"Right now," Centaur G replied. "There is a boar terrorizing the citizens of the realm of Sank. It's called the Noindra Boar. You two must go kill it before it takes any more innocent lives."

"Mission accepted," Heero said in a monotone. He turned and began walking swiftly out of the field, without even a glance at Duo.

"HEY! Wait for me!" Duo yelled, running to catch up with the retreating perfect warrior.

Centaur J shook his head, exasperated, as he and Centaur G watched the two figures disappear into the dark shadows of the forest. "What was I thinking, pairing those two up in battle?" Centaur J groaned. "Their personalities completely clash! I can just see it now. Extra, extra, read all about it! Famed warrior Heero Yuy murders Duo Maxwell out of sheer annoyance at her incessant babbling! Won't that just be a great how-do-you-do? I must be crazy!"

Turning to leave, Centaur G turned his head and laughed softly. "Maybe so, but then again, maybe not. I happen to think that Duo's just the right person to break that block of ice inside Heero that's supposedly his heart. So we'll just have to see."

Before Centaur J could reply, Centaur G broke into a fast-paced trot, heading for the other side of the forest. Blowing a stray piece of hair out of his face, Centaur J sighed. "I certainly hope that Centaur G is wrong. If Duo breaks through Heero's icy heart, Heero will no longer be the perfect warrior, since the perfect warrior has no emotions. I'll have to see to it that Duo doesn't try anything funny, won't I?" With another sigh and a firm nod of his head, Centaur J turned and walked into the forest, following the same route that Duo and Heero had taken.

***

The still air in the old, rotting log was broken by a long line of ants filing slowly into the hollow space. In the head of the line was an ant with a tiny golden cross hanging around its neck. The ants following it had tiny white candles sitting on their backs, lighting up the log's walls. Taking up the rear of the line was a clump of ants holding a tiny coffin on their backs.

The ants holding the coffin placed it on the floor of the log, followed by the candle-bearing ants as they walked forward and placed their white candles on top of the coffin. A circle of ants gathered around the glowing coffin.

Pulling out a Bible that had been tucked under one of its legs, the ant with the golden cross (whom was obviously the priest) began reading a passage from it, in ant language. At the passage's end, the priest ant said, "Amen."

With that simple word, the other ants began chanting a song. The chanting started in a soft tone, but it grew louder and louder. Tension and sorrow filled the small log as the ants felt the emotional pain of their loss.

"Oh, to be stepped on by a centaur!" the priest ant cried over the noise of the song, throwing its little arms into the air. "To die in such a hideous, inglorious way! We suffer greatly from the needless loss of our good friend, Fred! Oh, Lord, where is the salvation? Where is the justice? Where is the MERCY?"

The song escalated as the ants felt the motivation of their woe. Climbing in volume, the song was rapidly reaching up to its climax of sound and sorrow...

***

Duo cursed. "Stupid log!" she muttered, kicking the hollow log she had just tripped over. A multitude of tiny ants came flying out of its side, followed by several burning white candles and a miniscule black coffin.

Staring at the ants scrambling to fetch the coffin, and staring even harder at the ant with a small golden crucifix around its neck, Duo ran straight into Heero.

"Oops! Hehe, sorry, my fault!" Duo babbled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "Wasn't watching where I was going, didn't mean to bump into you..."

Heero just raised an eyebrow, and kept walking. Shrugging, Duo took a final confused look at the now reorganized ants before she ran to catch up with Heero.

"STUPID HUMAN!" the priest ant screamed after the retreating braided figure, shaking a tiny leg in the air. "How DARE you dishonor a ceremony of the dead like that! The Lord will disgrace you and send you to HELL, you sinner of the DEVIL!!!" But nobody heard it. Or if they did, nobody cared. Because nobody but ants speaks ant language.

***

The blonde-haired beauty clasped onto the hand of the silent, handsome brunette beside her as they walked through the silent forest. "Oh, isn't this a beautiful day for a walk, Trowa?" she gushed happily. "The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and the sun is shining!"

Trowa smiled softly down at the beaming young woman by his side, nodding slightly at her remark. //My beautiful Quatrina,// he thought happily. //We're finally married.//

Quatrina looked up to see Trowa gazing at her lovingly through his one visible green eye, the other eye hidden by his long brown unibang. She returned the gaze with her own beautiful blue eyes.

Suddenly, Trowa turned around and drew the sword that he always carried with him, protectively standing in front of Quatrina. "Who's there?" he yelled at a nearby tree.

In spite of herself, Quatrina giggled. "You're afraid of a tree, Trowa dear?" she forced out through giggles, knowing full well that Trowa wasn't yelling at the tree itself.

Her assumption was proved to be correct by the appearance of a white-clad man from behind the tree. His hair was jet-black and shoulder-length, pulled back into a low, tight ponytail. It seemed to Trowa and Quatrina that he was Chinese, due to his exotic black eyes.

"No need to shout at me," the man said calmly. "I heard your footsteps and thought you were the Noindra Boar, which I am on a quest to kill. My deepest apologies. My name is Chang Wufei, but please, just call me Wufei. And you two are?"

"I'm Trowa Barton, and this is my wife, Quatrina," Trowa said, gesturing to himself and Quatrina in turn. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Wufei."

Wufei wrinkled his nose. Quatrina noticed that Wufei was actually able to wrinkle his nose and still look somewhat dignified. She decided not to mention it, however, and instead asked, "What's wrong, Wufei?"

Putting a finger to his lips, Wufei took his other hand and cupped it to his ear. "Do you hear something?" he whispered, straining to hear the mysterious sound.

Trowa and Quatrina listened. Trowa raised an eyebrow, and remarked, "Yes, I do! It sounds like a person..."

Wufei continued, "... a young female person..."

"... who has had much too much sugar," Quatrina finished.

Looking at each other and nodding, the threesome turned and headed towards the area where the sounds seemed to be coming from.

"Why am I feeling like I'm going to regret this?" Trowa muttered as they walked into the depths of the forest.

***

Heero clenched his teeth together as hard as he could. Duo had been talking nonstop ever since they had left for the realm of Sank. Now they were actually in Sank, and Duo showed no intentions of stopping anytime soon.

Finding that clenching his teeth wasn't keeping his temper in check, Heero bit down on his lip. He was faintly aware of a small stream of blood flowing down his chin, but frankly, he didn't care. This was keeping him from turning around and slicing the babbling moron into two halves with his sharpest sword.

"Heero, are you listening? I asked you a question! OK, then, just ignore me. You know, I think you'd be a really nice guy if you'd stop with all that perfect warrior junk, and if you'd actually be yourself, not who that ugly centaur of yours wants you to be!"

//If you'd actually be yourself...// Those five words echoed through Heero's mind, sticking under his skin like a barb. Somewhere inside of him, Duo's world struck a nerve. He ignored it, but felt something, however small it was, snap in his mind.

Confused by this new onslaught of... emotions? No. The perfect warrior has no emotions. Confused by this new onslaught of... mental experiences... Heero wiped the blood from his chin and turned to face Duo, who had already moved to a different topic long ago.

"Duo," Heero said dangerously. "SHUT. UP."

A flash of hurt shot through Duo's eyes, but disappeared quickly to be replaced by their usual sparkle. "OK, Heero, whatever you say!" Duo replied, forcing cheerfulness. She took one last look into his expressionless, glaring eyes before he turned away and started walking again.

Duo stood unmoving, absently watching Heero continue to walk, silent for the first time in a long while. //I could almost swear...// she thought, puzzled. //I could almost swear that there was emotion in his eyes just now... but I don't know what it was!//

"Come ON, Duo!" Heero's voice yelled from far up the trail.

"Coming!" Duo yelled back, swiftly breaking herself out of her thoughts and jogging up the trail. Now wasn't the time to contemplate Heero's emotions; it was time to go find the boar.

Centaur J peeked out from a behind a tree, watching the braided warrior maiden disappear into the maze of the forest. //Well, she's doing it,// he thought angrily. //She's opening his heart and mind! I'll put a stop to that... my work to create the perfect warrior will *not* be wrecked by a petty girl!//

Shaking his head in disbelief at his situation, Centaur J when down the trail that the warrior pair had taken just moments before.

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"That's awfully strange," Quatrina said anxiously. "The sounds stopped!"

"Footsteps!" Wufei hissed, drawing his sword. "Trowa! Quatrina! Hide!" Trowa ran a distance into the forest, tugging Quatrina along behind him. Wufei slipped behind a tree, waiting for the appearance of what he felt sure was the Noindra Boar.

When a footstep disturbed the ground beside Wufei's tree, Wufei jumped in front of the source of the footstep, pointing his sword steadily.

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!" Duo shrieked. Wufei winced and covered his ears, leaves falling on his head from the now shaking trees. The forest erupted into the cacophonic sound as hundreds of birds left the trees and flew into the air, screaming for all they were worth.

"Heh... just a bit loud, huh?" Duo said meekly, realizing that the chaos was due to her screech.

Deciding that this jumpy, silly girl was no threat to him, Wufei put the sword away, rolling his eyes. Being preoccupied in thoughts about where the Noindra Boar really was, Wufei didn't notice that the girl was no longer in front of him. Nor was he prepared to be yanked against another body in a tight hold, a blade pressed to his neck.

"Never judge a book by its cover," Duo said in a low voice, keeping the blade at Wufei's throat steady. "Bet you weren't expecting that from me of all people, Mr. Women-Are-Weak! Now, tell me why you jumped out at me with a giant sword, and I just might let you live."

Still in shock from Duo's sudden attack, Wufei managed to get out, "... I thought you... were... Noindra Boar... I'm hunting it... don't kill me please..."

Cobalt eyes blinking in surprise, Duo relaxed and let go of Wufei, removing the blade from its place on his throat. "Well, what a coincidence. I'm hunting the Noindra Boar too! Sorry for jumping you like that, but you can never be too careful."

Finally recovered from his shock, Wufei smiled slightly and nodded. "I'm Chang Wufei," he said, extending a hand.

"Duo Maxwell. Nice to meet you," Duo replied, shaking Wufei's hand heartily.

"Are you hunting alone?" Wufei asked, looking around to see if there were any other people within seeing distance.

Duo shook her head. "No, I'm hunting with someone. But," she said, gesturing towards a nearby area of the forest, "he's over there somewhere, filling our water canteens and using the bathroom, otherwise known as any old random tree."

"You mean me?" asked a slightly, but not disgustingly, nasal voice behind them. Duo and Wufei turned around quickly.

"Oh, hi, Heero!" Duo said happily, recognizing the voice and the face. "This is Wufei. He's hunting the Noindra Boar too!"

Heero nodded. "I'm Heero Yuy." He then proceeded to walk over to his and Duo's makeshift campsite, building a pile of logs for the fire.

"Excuse me for a moment," Duo said to Wufei, and ran over to Heero's side. "For God's sake, Heero!" she hissed. "Couldn't you at least be polite to our guest? Being polite never hurt anybody, not even the perfect warrior!" Duo's last five words dripped with sarcasm thick enough to fill up holes in a wall.

Wufei smirked, watching Duo and Heero fight. //They fight just like a married couple,// Wufei thought amusedly. //Now, that's not something you see every day, especially not between two people with such different personalities!//

The sight of Trowa and Quatrina approaching cut into Wufei's thoughts. He ran towards them, planning his apology.

"Trowa! Quatrina! I am very sorry, I completely forgot that you two were still hiding out in the woods!" Wufei said hurriedly when he reached the couple.

Shaking her head, Quatrina smiled. "No need for that," she said. "We don't mind. We actually came to tell you that we have a party to attend tonight, and that we need to leave now so that we can prepare for it. It was very nice meeting you, and I hope that our paths cross again."

Wufei shook both of their hands. "Goodbye!" he said. "Have fun at the party!"

"We will!" Trowa called over his shoulder, waving back at Wufei, as he and Quatrina walked towards the edge of the forest.

Wufei realized that Duo and Heero had stopped fighting, and were now reading a sheet of paper, a small yellow canary sitting on Duo's shoulder. He walked over and looked over their shoulders. The paper read:

^^There is another warrior, Chang Wufei, currently hunting the boar.
Therefore, you don't have to hunt it. Instead, I want you and Duo to go and
fight the evil sorceress, Relena.^^

Heero stood up and brushed himself off. "Good. That makes our mission easier, since Relena's castle is over there," he said, pointing at a distant shadowy shape.

The faraway sound of a boar caused Wufei to jump. Grabbing his sword, the Chinese warrior ran down the path. "That's the Noindra Boar! Goodbye, Duo! Goodbye, Heero!" he yelled over his shoulder, barely audible from his great distance down the path.

Turning towards the place that he had pointed at just moments ago, Heero said, "I've heard that Relena is a sorceress with few wits, so this shouldn't be too difficult. But it would be useless to purposely stay off guard, so stay on guard."

Duo stared. "You've never said so many words at one time!" she said, amazed. Heero rolled his eyes, beginning to walk towards the castle. Duo shrugged and followed close behind him.

***

Relena sat in her chambers, oblivious to the two warriors entering her castle and walking up the stairs. Instead, she sat at her mirror, admiring what she thought was perfect beauty.

The door swung open, and Duo and Heero stood there, swords brandished. Relena shrieked. "How did you get in here?" she cried. "I have top security downstairs!"

Duo snorted. "No, you don't!" she said scornfully. "There's nobody down there but an old fat guy who was fast asleep!"

Relena didn't answer. She had just noticed Heero, and was instantly awestruck. Without a second thought, completely ignoring the sword that Heero held out, she ran forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're gorgeous! Will you marry me?" she gushed happily.

"No!" Heero said, trying to pry her arms out of their iron grip. Duo winked at Heero from behind Relena, and came forward with her sword, planning lots of gruesome, evil ways to kill Relena in her mind.

A blinding white light filled up the room. When it faded, a beautiful goddess stood in the center of Relena's chambers.

"Laisia..." Heero and Duo breathed, getting on their knees. Relena was oblivious to the presence of the goddess, still hanging securely around Heero's neck.

"I am sorry to disappoint you," Laisia said, "but you can't kill Relena."

Duo and Heero groaned. "Why not?" they cried in unison.

"I wish it wasn't so," Laisia said sadly. "Believe me, I want her dead in as many painful ways as you do. But it has been decreed by Blakecles that there will be no slaughter without remorse in this story, and I assure you that nobody will have remorse if Relena dies."

Duo gasped. "Blakecles? Surely you don't mean the demon from School, one of the worst torture chambers in Hell!"

Laisia nodded. "One and same. But to make this up to you, I promise that I will have you written into another story where you can kill Relena in as many horrible ways as you would like. Farewell!" The blinding white light came again, and when it faded, Laisia was gone.

Suddenly getting an idea, Duo took a piece of paper and a pencil into her hands. Scribbling furiously, she drew a very realistic, detailed sketch of Heero.

Relena fell to the floor. Heero sighed in relief, glad that he had finally dislodged her iron grip. Running forward, Duo stuffed the drawing into Relena's hand, grabbed Heero, and ran for the door, leaving Relena to infatuate over the piece of paper.

Heero and Duo stood outside the castle, smiling triumphantly. Looking into Duo's eyes, Heero saw an emotion plastered there that he couldn't identify. He racked his brain for the word. Could it be... love? Was that the emotion in Duo's eyes? A small part of him hoped it *was* love, but he tried to ignore it, remembering what Centaur J had said about emotions. So if he wasn't supposed to have emotions, why was it so hard to not feel something... anything... for the braided warrior?

He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by more emotions than he had ever felt in
his entire life. His mind tried to sort them all out, one by one. Since he
was so absorbed in his thoughts, he didn't notice Duo close the space between
them. Only a pair of soft lips pressing against his own brought him back to
reality.

Seeing Heero's eyes open in surprise, Duo jumped back nervously. "I'm sorry, Heero... I don't know what I was thinking... please don't be mad at me..."

Heero looked at Duo gently, feeling his heart beginning to crack open. The feeling washed his common sense clear out of his body, and filled him from head to toe with a new Heero... the real Heero. With that final occurrence inside of him, the ice finally fell away from Heero's heart, letting out the emotions he had been bottling up for so long.

"Oh, Duo..." he said happily. "I'm not mad at you. I'm far from mad at you. Actually, I couldn't thank you enough. I can feel now, Duo!" He walked forward and clasped Duo's hands in his own. "And now I can feel the best emotion of all. Love. Love for you, Duo. I love you."

Duo's cobalt eyes shone with happy tears. "You do?" she whispered. "I never thought you would... I love you too, Heero..."

"Oh, cut the sap already!" a voice sneered from behind them. The pair whirled around to see Centaur J. "Anyway, what do you think you're doing, Duo? He's the perfect warrior. He has no emotions. He can't love you. Isn't that right, Heero?"

Heero's eyes narrowed. He stepped forward to face Centaur J, murder in his eyes. "No, actually. No, you're wrong. I love Duo. I don't have to listen to you."

Centaur J's eyes widened, and he took a step backward. "Easy there, Heero! Don't let your temper get control of you... don't do anything rash... EEP!"

Heero charged. Eyes full of fear, Centaur J ran away as fast as he could. Duo grabbed Heero's arm to keep him from running after Centaur J and murdering him. "Heero!" Duo yelled. "Stop it! Remember what Laisia said? No slaughter without remorse, and nobody will care if Centaur J dies!"

Making a face, Heero stopped trying to run after Centaur J. He turned to face Duo again. "Duo," he said, eyes filled with love, "will you marry me?"

Duo gasped. "Let me think about it for a min- YES!" she cried happily.

***

The gathered people in the forest applauded as Heero and Duo kissed, sealing their nuptial vow. Quatrina leaned her head onto Trowa's shoulder. "Isn't it just romantic?" she sighed. Trowa looked down at her, smiling. Wufei stood in the back of the forest clearing, watching the wedding with his arms folded. He was trying to look like he was only there because he was invited, but it was clear to anyone who cared to look that he was very happy for the newlyweds.

A lone ant wandered through the clearing where the wedding was being held, a tiny crucifix around its neck. Seeing the couple on the altar, it instantly recognized the female one. She was the one who had ruined Fred's funeral! It marched up to the altar angrily.

"So there you are!" it cried triumphantly. "You think you can fool me by putting your hair down for this wedding? Well, you were wrong. Braided or not, I recognize you! And justice will be served for the wreckage of Fred's funeral, demon child!"

A piece of rice landed on the priest ant, abruptly ending its speech that nobody had even heard. The cheering crowd was showering rice on the exiting, beaming newlyweds.

And they lived happily ever after.