DISCLAIMER: Should I be so lucky to own these delightful little cuties...!
*sighs* But I don't. If I DID, I would most likely be Japanese. And I'm
not, because I'm as pale as a sheet. Well, not quite as pale as a sheet,
but it's close. ANYway, I'm not Japanese, I've never been to Japan, hell,
my Japanese isn't even that good! Sooo.... I don't own the G-boys. Phooey.
PAIRINGS: 1x2, 3x4, and 5x? Ri~ight. I STILL haven't figured a good partner for Wu-baby. Possible mention of 5xM, though...
WARNING: Hmmm... kind of Wu-torture... mental torture... Mention of afterlife, and all that jazz. Wuffie third-person POV!!
Allergies: Chang Wufei
Chang Wufei was positive someone --Fate, Destiny, God himself-- loved to make his life and the lives of his fellow pilots miserable. He was, however, certain most of it was directed at HIM, for some unknown reason. It only made a strange sort of sense; he had more embarrassing and uncomfortable situations and nose bleeds in the same two months then he had EVER had. Why does he think that, you ask? Many, many examples...
Reason 1: Constant moaning, sighing, and pleasure-screams during the night. Usually, he had no problem with that. If it got to loud, grab a pair of ear muffins and read till sleep came. If the walls began to vibrate, all he had to do was push the bed away from the wall. But for the last two months they had five different safe houses. All five of those safe houses had only three rooms, where the room with one bed was inbetween two rooms with two beds each. He couldn't honestly understand why they took the bedrooms on either side of him. He already KNEW who slept with who. It wasn't any good trying to hide that little fact. And his ear muffins were... missing. Gone, suddenly, like they were never there.
Ergo, sleepless nights.
Reason 2: He couldn't stop thinking about Khushrenada, Marquise, and Noin. At first he pushed it off, assuming it was because of his well-known obsessive nature (yes, even HE know he could make a mountain out of a mole hill). He was angry that Khushrenada bested him in a duel, that Noin nearly caught him after he blew her base, and that Marquise... Well, he couldn't decide why he was annoyed with Marquise. Somehow he just got thrown in there. But it was unjust!
Then the dreams came. Those awful, horrible, incredibly lusty and wet dreams...
Wufei was no homophobic. He had a few cousins of his own who were open to that door, and claiming such with four obviously in-love male friends that were more or less on par with him in a fight... Baaa~aaad idea. But he was not!... He couldn't be!...
Damn. Now he couldn't deny it.
Ah, but let's forget that. On to Reason 3: Allergies. Simple little things, completely and totally normal. Riiiiight. It was normal for Heero Yuy to suddenly come in with red eyes and a stuffy nose, Duo proclaiming his koibito was allergic to that horrid woman named Relena Peacecraft. Then Duo, not two weeks later, eating chocolate having to actually be goaded, and vomiting over his traditional outfit. Chocolate. Duo. Allergic. Yep, pretty normal stuff. Trowa allergic to hamsters? Hey, that was normal too! Wufei always suspected that the silent pilot was allergic to a kind of animal, his not-so-secret passion. And let's not forget just yesterday, when Duo let slip about Quatre's reaction to a medicine two and a half weeks prior. Wufei was surprised he never guessed it!
The above paragraph, of course, is chock full of sarcasm. Of course.
Reason 4: Three out of four of those situations involved being vomited on (Duo) or a severe case of blood lose by nose bleeding (Trowa and Quatre). That told Wufei a LOT. And it happened in numerical order. The Chinese pilot wasn't ignorant to this fact; not at all. The connections between their names, the numbers used by Oz given to their Gundams and them, and the Colonies each boy was from. Personally he thought it was some sort of big cosmic joke. But it became... too coincidental when the allergies struck. Heero Yuy of L1, pilot 01 of Gundam 01 was the first affected. Then Duo Maxwell of L2, pilot 02 of Gundam 02. Next Trowa Barton of L3, pilot 03 of Gundam 03. After that came Quatre Winner of L4, pilot 04 of Gundam 04. Apparently it was Chang Wufei of L5, pilot 05 of Gundam 05's turn. And he was not amused.
"Achooo!" he sniffled, but didn't attempt to blow his runny nose on the Kleenex clenched in his right hand. He was spent from his constant sneezing, blowing, itchy eyed... oooh, he hated this...
Chang Wufei was allergic to mid-spring. When the pollen was the worst, to be exact. And he had been sneezing since they arrived at the new safe house where the flowers grew plentiful and the pollen was at its worst. Rotating between moping, sulking, pouting, and sneezing was something of a normal day. Oh, the humility...
Duo Maxwell could be heard trying to stifle the giggles he expressed. Unfortunately, the braided one was doing a terrible job of it. The Chinese pilot was beginning to think letting out those giggles were purposeful... Wufei cracked open one itchy ebony eye and GLARED at the braided boy.
"Shut up, Maxwell," he snapped tiredly for the seventh time that day. "Need I remind you that YOU'RE allergic to chocolate?"
"Need I remind you that I hurled all over you during that time?" quipped Duo sweetly. Wufei flinched; he needn't be reminded. Instead of replying he simply growled and shut that one eye before he could give into the impulse and kill the baka. Heero wouldn't like that, although Wufei couldn't understand why...
The reader could imagine how happy Wufei was when Quatre Winner finally walked through the door with one bag in the crook of each arm. "Did you get them?" he inquired hopefully.
Quatre smiled and nodded. "Yes, but it was hard... Duo, thanks for forging the prescription..." Wufei for the life of him couldn't understand why Heero Yuy had left them a note ordering them not to take Wufei to a doctor to get the pills he needed. Nether could any one of them, but they had complied and simply forged the doctor's signature. Duo, being the expert with forgery, did the job in less than an hour.
"Hey, no problem, Q-man! Anything for Wu!" laughed the Shinigami pilot.
"But Duo," Quatre protested with a pink tinge to his cheeks, "Dr. Benning is a gynecologist!"
"That's why it took some doing to talk the man into giving me the medication," Quatre explained as he placed the bags on the coffee table. "I noticed when I passed the doctors office. It had it plainly printed on the plague outside. I was just lucky they had a new worker up there with no knowledge of it."
"MaxWELL!" Wufei was PISSED. How DARE that braided moron embarrass him like that?! It was unjust! Degrading! Devious! "Omae o korosu!" Strangely, he didn't mind using Heero's line for once.
"Wait! I signed Doc Wilkson, not Benning!" protested the pilot of Deathscythe. "I KNOW I signed Wilkson! I spent most of an hour trying to get his handwriting right!" //An hour I could have spent with Heero minus clothes...,// Duo didn't add, giving a moody mental snort.
"He's right." Duo yelped at Trowa's smooth comment and cursed bluntly. The lanky pilot was leaning against the door frame in one of Heero's bad-ass poses, i.e. his arms were loosely crossed and one leg was bent, the flat of his foot supported against the frame. "I compared the real signature and the fake before I gave it to Quatre," Trowa explained further. "It was clearly signed J. Wilkson."
"See?" Duo pointed out. "Told you!"
"Then how the hell--?! Never mind!" Wufei said irritably, breaking out into another sneeze fit. "Why couldn't Heero just let me go to Wilkson in person?" groused the Chinese pilot.
"What are you talking about?" questioned the Japanese pilot after appearing beside Trowa, directly in the doorway. He shrugged out of his jacket, having just gotten back from doing his weekly check up on his Gundam hidden three miles away. "I'm not keeping you from seeing a doctor. If it disrupts the mission, I encourage it."
"But you left a note," Quatre stated in confusion, "telling Wufei specifically not to go to the doctor. We were all having breakfast when I found it pinned on the refrigerator. It was your handwriting and everything."
Heero frowned, his brow wrinkling slightly in thought. "Iie. I didn't."
Everyone suddenly turned their eyes to the braided boy sitting in the recliner. The boy blinked and looked around him in confusion. Seeing nothing really suspicious, he gulped and pointed to himself. "ME? Hey, I didn't do it!"
"You could have," Trowa replied seriously. "You are our forger. You had a chance to forge Dr. Benning's signature and Heero's handwriting."
Duo gapped at the lanky pilot that wasn't too long ago defending him. "But I didn't!"
Wufei, poor boy, was close to tearing his hair out. Someone up there was surely getting their jollies out of making his life miserable. The phantom note, the supposedly incorrect prescription, the humiliation, the fact that his allergy caught up with him right after everyone else...
The gods must truly be wicked beings, indeed.
Somewhere in a place all humans known yet don't know, a young girl with wings was sitting at a computer terminal, a wicked gleam in her dark eyes as she finished typing in a few commands in the Computer of Fate. An unidentifiable figure appeared behind her, seemingly amused as she read a few lines.
The winged girl jumped in surprise and stopped typing, slowly turning her head toward the tall figure, guilt apparently in her eyes. "Yes?"
"Now," the figure started in a calm, soothing tone, pupiless eyes glowing with hidden mirth, "what did I say when I told you you could take over my job for a few months, hmm?"
Chang Meiran looked down in guilt, pouting. "Not to mess with my living husband's life and the lives of his friends." She peered back up with her dark brown bangs falling over her dark eyes. A small smile tilted one side of her mouth, giving her a lopsided grin. "He got what he deserved, though," she added as she through one of her two braids over her shoulder.
The figure smiled, still trying to look disapproving and failing miserably. "That is for me to decide, young one. Now, shoo! I have work to do."
Meiran smiled and cackled slightly before fluttering her wings and flying out of the chair. Waving good-bye to Fate, she quickly exited the establishment made of gold, laughing all of the way. Fate's head shook slightly, chuckling slightly as the figure sat in the chair in front of the monitor. For a while she sat at the computer, reading over the job her apprentice had done. And Fate began to laugh and laugh, full of humor and warmth...
Down on the mortal plain of Earth, Change Wufei sneezed. "Damnit! Where's my medication?!" he demanded as he shifted and plundered through one of the bags Quatre had brought home. The little blonde boy looked confused.
"The pills should be in there..."
"DAMNIT! Do the gods hate me?!
"I dunno, Wu-man... You're a pretty easy guy to hate, what with that holier-than-thou attitude and whatnot."
"Shut UP, Maxwell..."