8-21-2000

DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me. If they did, there would be a LOT of sex scenes, Relena would die a thousand times, each a horrible death (like Kenny on South Park ^.^) Wu-kitty would be a girl, and there would be no plot. So be GLAD they don't belong to me, no matter how much I try. Otherwise, we wouldn't BE here. Because *gasp!* GW wouldn't be popular (parish the thought...!). Oh, and as far as I know, there is no such perfume as Vantity. Confused? Read and find out!
PAIRINGS: 1x2 and 3x4. Wu-kitty has yet to form a bed partner...
WARNING: Relena has more than one word *gasp!*, ear torture for Heero and Duo (thanks to Relena) and sneezing. *chibifies* Relena-lovers BEWARE! Author does NOT like the girl!

 

Allergies: Heero Yuy
Kel
Part 1/5

"HEEEEEEROOO!"

/God... anyone but her.../ Duo Maxwell, pilot of the infamous Gundam 02, otherwise known as Deathscythe, tilted his chin back so his face was straight up toward the Heavens, begging silently that a god, ANY god, would get rid of the leech that was stalking his psychotic koibito. Duo wasn't a very religious teenager --just because he wore a priest outfit and a cross didn't make him anymore religious than the next guy-- but begging God to preferably kill the bloodsucking Peacecraft chasing HIS lover around sounded like a pretty good idea at the time.

Again, Relena Peacecraft let out a horrid screech of "Heeeeeerooo!", drawing the attention of every person for a two mile radius. Dogs barked and howled, cats hissed and spat, and birds fell from the sky and landed on the ground in a heap. Apparently, the sound waves were too much for their poor little ears...

Both pilots, used to the unbearable noise, sped up in step.

Duo had been having a good day.It only took him three hours of constant begging and prodding to get his weary lover out of the stuff safe house and into a reasonably crowded area. From then on out, Heero had subjected to Duo's every whim; hell, they had even bought a decent outfit for Heero to wear! /The spandex may be kind a' sexy,/ Duo had reasoned mentally, /but let's face it! They are WAY outta style!/ Ergo, the new outfit.

That wasn't the only thing he'd managed to drag Heero into. After buying the outfit, he SOMEHOW talked the silent, serious bot into an action/adventure comedy; enough laughs to keep the braided wonder's attention, yet enough blood, gore, and guns to keep Heero seated. The explosions. Let the author not forget the explosions...

After the movie, both boys --well, more of Duo than Heero-- went to the nearest pizza place in the mall and gobbled down at least ONE slice of every pizza from extra cheese to Hawaiian style. After they were well fed and energized, out they went, rotating between window shopping and actually buying things. Mostly for Duo, however, our braided star managed to slip a few "somethings" for Heero. Not ALL of them kept the cashiers' eyebrows leveled, if you catch the author's drift.

Then SHE came. The Hellspawn known as the Queen of the World. The title STILL sent strange, forboeding shivers down and up Duo's spine.

"HEEEEEEROOO!" Relena glomped onto the stoic pilot, whose left eye was twitching ever-so-faintly. "I've finally found you." Duo cringed at being pushed away from his stiff boyfriend (not like that, you hentai! ^.^;), and at the sight of Relena trying to smile in what he supposed SHE thought was a seductive manner. Brr. Again, the author says 'BRR!'

Duo gagged when a strong odor filled his nostrils, almost backing away from the Peacecraft. What a smell! It probably would have been a pleasant scent --he even identified the perfume as Vantity, a popular new fragrance amongst the female populous-- but it smelled as if the girl had BATHED in the stuff! Literally poured it by the gallons in a tub and soaked! It gave him a headache just breathing the stuff from where he was standing, and he wasn't as close as Heero was. /I feel soooo sorry for her butler... He has to ride in closed spaces with her... And Heero...!/

"Well, Heero? Is there something you wanted to say?" He heard the ojosama (translation: spoiled rich girl) ask in expectation. She probably thought he would praise her perfume. Duo winced again; he may not have liked the Queen of the World, but he at least knew how to be polite. Heero would most likely tell her what he summed up. "You stink, I feel sorry for your butler" and nothing more. As Duo looked over, he could see his koi's delightfully soft lips part slightly, his words at the edge of his tongue. Duo braced himself to run interference...

... so you can imagine the long-haired pilot's surprise when instead of an insult, the great Heero "Perfect Soldier" Yuy... sneezed. /What the hell?!/

"What the hell?!" Duo, of course, brings on a new meaning of "speak what you're thinking". He shoved the equally surprised nit-wit to the side and placed one hand on the short-haired boy's bare shoulder.

"Hee-chan, are you okay? Do we need to get you to a doctor??" He was rewarded with another soft sneeze and a confused and baffled look from Heero.. The sneeze, unfortunately, sent Duo into a frenzy. "Oh, shit, someone call a doctor or something! Heero, how many fingers am I--?"

"Duo." Heero sniffed a stuffy nose, and seemed to contemplate whether he should reach up and rub his itchy eyes. He gave up holding back and did it anyway.

"Yeah??"

He sneezed again. "Shut up." Duo deflated for a second before he brightened again, flashing a winning smile and a victory sign.

"Man! I never thought I'd see the day..." He sounded mockingly awed, but in truth he sort of was amazed. "Heero Yuy. Sneezing! What an unlikely idea come true... Now, what the hell--?"

"Heeeeeerooo!" screecheth Relena, once again pushing Duo away from his boy-toy. Duo, of course, wasn't very happy about the outcome. In fact, the author will go as far as to say, Duo Maxwell was one PISSED little Shinigami. No shittin'. "Are you alright?!"

"Oi, ojosan," Duo quipped good-naturedly, despite his bad mood, "maybe he's allergic to you."

"What?!" Relena had never been so shocked and angered in her life! Here was this uncultured brute who had even SHOT her fallen Prince the first time they met (somehow, she conveniently forgot that her "fallen Prince" was trying to shoot HER at the time) telling her that her true love was ALLERGIC to her! How DARE he?!

 

((NFA: Relena 1. lives in a fantasy world, and 2. is a spoiled snob. *both muses, for once, don't argue and nod in full agreement*))

 

Duo hadn't quite meant that the way it sounded. Okay, so maybe he did, but he quickly corrected his purposeful mistake by hastily adding, "I meant your perfume, ojosan." Another sneeze sounded. "Heero hasn't been sneezing all day --heck, he never sneezes period! But he just might be allergic to the perfume you've been soa-- wearing." Oops, almost let that slip...

Relena's face softened in worry. "Really? You think he is?"

Sneeze. "Yep, I'm pretty sure," Duo deadpanned. Deadpanning wasn't usually his style, but it was a quite obvious answer that didn't need to be questioned...

Relena slowly but surely began to reluctantly back away. "Yes, well... I'll see you later, Heero," she said formally before turning tail and sure-footedly pacing away.

Duo waited until everyone was back to their businesses --they had drawn quite a large crowd-- before turning to smirk in amusement at his sniffling koi. "Well, there's goes your Perfect Soldier reputation, eh?"

Heero Glared, but somehow his red, puffy and swollen eyes damaged the normal effect. Not that Duo would have been effected anyway; he was an expert at ignoring his comrades' own glares.

"Shut up, Duo..."

"Whatever you say, koibito. Now..." He pointed to a display, eyes sparkling in mischief, "about that shirt... You'd look fabulous in red..."