Title: Watching, Waiting and Wondering
Author: Karen, The Huntress firstname.lastname@example.org
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters
Warning: weirdness, mysterious POV
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Watching, Waiting and Wondering
I stand on the adjacent maintenance platform watching them work on their Gundams. The two of them are trying to be discreet but I know what they are thinking...feeling for each other. Do they think I am blind?
It isn't fair but then nothing in this damn war is fair. The senseless conflict sucks your emotions dry until even the killing doesn't hurt anymore. Numb, I wish that my heart was as frozen as my mind. Then, maybe, I could stop watching. Stop the self-inflicted torture that aches inside my gut and never leaves my dreams. Just close my eyes and stop watching but how can I look away?
Still standing here, still waiting for something that will never happen. How could he choose him over me? Choose that Gundam pilot who is so single minded, so disciplined by duty.
And he, my unrequited love, is so beautiful. Every move glides into the next with a perfect blend of strength and grace. Every word he utters, the silky sound of the voice puts the angels to shame. He deserves to be more than a sexual plaything. He should be worshiped, adored by someone who knows how to care and caress, to love him with complete commitment.
How long can I wait? For eternity until we share the afterlife? No not that long, the next battle then he will be mine. There will be no evidence that his ungrateful lover was destroyed by my hand. No proof at all. One Gundam against the other. A surprise attack, clean and simple, then he will be mine. I can wait a little longer, just a little longer.
Standing across the mere divide inches from the object of my affection I wonder as It study his expressive eyes what he is thinking now. Does he know how beautiful he is? His lilt of laugher rings out over the clang of machinery and the echoes of men who will soon answer the call of combat.
When the mangled remains of his lover's white Gundam floats as lifeless as the surrounding space will he accept my consolation? I wonder how long he will grieve before he forgets? Not long for I will be there to soothe his mind and capture his heart. Then he will wonder why he hadn't been with me all along.
The call has come to join my mock-human warrior and prepare for battle. Soon the heavens will be ablaze with fire and thunderous weapons will shatter the silence of space. Hold on my love for after today we will be together.
No more watching and waiting and wondering. One last longing gaze then I climb into Nataku, close the hatch and wait to fulfill my destiny.
Watching, Waiting and Wondering--Karen Hickman--June 2003