6-28-2002

Hello everyone. I had an inspiration as I was listening to one of my Cowboy Bebop CDs. Don't worry the story is about Duo and Heero I just borrowed the song. I hope you are entertained by my humble offering. Enjoy your reading and have a good evening. Take care, Karen, The Huntress. PS--Excuse the spacing in the song, my computer will not keep it together.

Title: Words That We Couldn't Say
Author: Karen, The Huntress
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters, the song "Words That We Couldn't Say" is from the Cowboy Bebop "Blue" CD.
Pairing: 1+2
Warning: None really, language, some angst tempered with hope
Parts: 1/1
Feedback: Of course.

WORDS THAT WE COULDN'T SAY

A Gundam Wing Songfic

 

"Words That We Couldn't Say" is a Cowboy Bebop song from the "Blue" CD.

**********

We couldn't say them, now we pray them.

Words that we couldn't say.

Funny ain't it, games people play,

Scratch it, paint it, one in the same.

**********

Heero's POV:

Silence is such an odd sound that the lack of noise is almost deafening. It seems so strange to be sitting here in this hotel room all alone. Hours before I did not have a solitary existence, Duo was here. His endless chatter was a bother but also a comfort. It was a constant reminder that, despite the war, life goes on.

If I close my eyes and listen with my mind I can still hear him humming as he bushed out his hair after our lovemaking. Our "passion sessions" he called them always left his silky hair in a mass of tangles that were so hard to comb out. Each time he struggled with the knotted tresses he swore that it was the last time I was going to "get any". I would smile, yeah actually smile, and tease him that all I had to do was give him the proper look and we would be back in bed before his hairbrush had time to cool off. He would give me that funny little grin, the one that curled his luscious lips up at his mouth's corners and nod in agreement.

I don't know when I started taking him for granted. When did I become so damned sure that I had a claim on him? Looking back over the last few hours I can clearly see that hint of hurt in his eyes. When he laid sated in my arms and whispered "I think I love you." I didn't respond. I didn't say anything. Would it have been so difficult to offer some small promise, to admit to myself that I did have feelings for the tender Shinigami? "God of Death" that title is as far from the truth as you could get. Duo is the very essence of life.

Why couldn't I find the words Duo so desperately needed to hear? Why couldn't I give him a single glimmer of hope that his love was not misplaced or, worse yet, ignored altogether? Do I pray? Do I cry? Why were there words I couldn't say?

**********

We couldn't find them, we tried to hide them,

Words that we couldn't say.

It hurts don't it, fools on parade,

Taint it, own it, chase it away.

**********

Duo's POV:

Well I did it again, opened my mouth and ruin the moment. I guess I am a baka just like Heero says. I should have known that Yuy couldn't respond to my declaration of love, hell, he had to force himself to smile. I suppose I could have continued to hold out the hope that he would someday view me as more than a bed warmer. What did I really expect, a gushing flow of sentiment from Mr. Perfect Soldier? Yeah dream on Maxwell. I pushed too hard and now I am chasing a dream that can't come true. I tainted any emotional attachment Heero might have had with a stupid "I think I love you."

I can still see his face when I whispered those entrapping words. His statement wasn't cold just distant. He neither acknowledged nor replied, he just stared up at the ceiling as quiet and stoic as usual. But hell I don't own him. I can't even seem to keep his attention, other than sex, much less claim his heart.

**********

We couldn't make them, we had to break them,

Words that we couldn't say.

Sometimes baby we make mistakes,

Dark and hazy, prices we pay.

**********

Yeah I made a big mistake this time didn't I? Why haven't I learned by now that emotions are better left to themselves, hidden away all safe and sound. In this gloomy hotel room a few blocks from where Heero and I were together last night I count the cost of my confession. Lying here a confusing haze covers my mind. I guess the price you paid for honesty is loneliness but at the time I was more than willing to ignore the cost.

Like a coward I waited until he fell asleep then scribbled a goodbye note on a napkin left over from dinner. But in a final act of desperation I included the name of the hotel where I was going. Foolish, maybe, but I just could give up completely. As I stepped out into the vacant hall I pause glancing back for one last look at my reluctant lover. The moonlight caressed his golden skin making it glow. As I silently shut the door I wondered, "Why did I insist on words that we couldn't say?"

**********

I sit here on my shelf, talking to myself,

Words that we couldn't say.

Someday, maybe, we'll make it right,

Until that day, long endless nights.

We couldn't say them, now we just pray them.

Words that we couldn't say.

**********

Heero's POV:

Time ticks on, nothing changes. The long hours until dawn seep through an hourglass filled with tears. One by one the droplets fall metering the exact beating of my heart. I was such a fool. "Damn you Yuy and your cold calculated training and damn your stubborn pride!" I scream in final resignation of what I have lost. Muttering to myself I call Duo's name, swearing that if he would give me one more chance I would make everything right again. But he can't hear me.

A shimmer of dawn paints the horizon. The night is slipping away and with the new day my hope grows dimmer. For in the harsh daylight I see myself doomed to endless nights alone, broken and defeated. Maybe it is not too late. Maybe.

With trembling hands I pick up the phone. A shaky breath escapes as I dial the hotel where Duo said he was going. I can not believe after all the pain I have caused that Duo reached out again. He is not the baka, I am for not realizing what a precious gift I had in Duo Maxwell.

I ask the operator to connect me with Duo's room. With each ring I grow more nervous, more afraid that he won't answer and just as afraid that he will. "All right Yuy you have another chance don't blow it." I tell myself as I take in a calming breath. Finally the calls goes through.

"Hello." Duo sounds so weary and I am sure that there are tears in his voice.

I hesitate, what to say? Will he hang up when he hears my voice? I can take on OZ without breaking a sweat, face a barrage of mobile suits without blinking an eye yet the sound of my partner's voice pierces my soul and sends chills down my spine.

"Duo." I finally whisper out his name hoping that he will listen to what I want, no need, to say.

Silence. The same deafening sound that has surrounded me since he snuck out in the middle of the night. Have I lost him? Is it too late?

"Duo." I repeat a little bolder spurred by my pressing need. "Are you there?" I ask even though I can clearly hear him breathing on the other end.

"I'm...here." Each syllable is strained. In two words the hurt is evident.

"Please," I plead unashamedly, "please don't hang up."

I will swallow more than my pride, I will beg if that is what it takes. Heero Yuy the perfect example of efficiency, the self-sufficient bastard who believed he didn't need anyone but himself will laid bare his heart and soul if Duo will grant a single moment for me to beg his forgiveness.

Another long pause. I can hear a quivering intake of air as Duo struggles to keep unmistakable sobbing under control. Now even the sound of my voice is too painful. Should I hang up and spare him any further upset?

"Heero, I....." The rest of the sentence dissolves into a full fit of crying. Oh God what have I done?

"Don't talk now, please just listen." I humbly request although I deserve any reprimand he might wish to shoot at me. If the rage of rebuke does fly free I will not duck the fire but take the shot straight through the heart.

"All right." came the reprieving reply.

"One last chance Yuy don't be a fool." I tell myself.

"Duo I am sorry." I begin, "I know that an apology is not nearly enough for what I have done. I had no right to treat you the way I did, no right at all. Duo...." Damn now my voice is breaking, now tears flood my eyes and tremble in my words. "I will understand if you can not forgive me, I do not deserve your pardon. I can only hope that you will give me an opportunity to prove myself to you. I know that actions speak louder than words."

Great Yuy make it worse by talking in cliches. "What I mean....Duo I love you." I choke out the truth. "Before I was afraid, I didn't know what to say, how to react to something so totally new to me. Duo you are the first person who has made me feel." I ramble on before my nerve deserts me. "Will you let me come over so we can talk face to face? Please? The decision is yours. If you say no I will not argue with you or force the issue, all I am asking is a chance to win you back."

A soft sigh floats over the open line. A hush screams louder than the previously frightening silence. "Come over." The invitation sends floods of tears down my cheeks. If Dr. J. could see his creation now, quivering and crying like a baby, wouldn't he be amused or better yet angry.

"I am on my way." I promise grateful for the opportunity to show Duo how much he truly means to me.

"I will be here." Duo replies with a measure of mistrust, "Heero?"

"Yes."

"Check out before you leave so we can take our time talking."

I hang up, throw my few personal belonging into my ready bag and grab the door key. The unmade bed still holds an aftertaste of Duo. My cloths, my skin, his scents clings to every part of me. This time I will do it right. This time there will be no doubts left in Duo's mind or heart. This time I will find the words that I couldn't say.

 

Words That We Couldn't Say--A Gundam Wing Songfic

Karen Hickman--June, 2002

Thank you for reading!!