3-29-2006

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters
Title: On the Edge of Forever
Author: Karen, The Huntress hickman@rockbridge.net
Rating: PG 13
Warning: angst, language
Pairing: 1x2
Part: 1/1 complete
Feedback: Always appreciated
Archive: DHML http://www.kikotei.net/gw/dhml/ficarch/karen.html

On the Edge of Forever

 

The clock's digital numbers cast a scarlet glow in the darkness. Unable to sleep, I sit by the third story window, knees drawn to my chest, barefoot, dressed in plaid boxes and a blue tee shirt. Wrapped in a blanket, braced against the midnight chill, I divide my attention between the storm raging outside and watching Duo sleep.

Lightning zigzags across the weeping sky, blinding white light like beam cannons. Deep-throated thunder pulsates through my bones the way Wing shudders in the fray. I study my face, distorted by rivulets of rain, mirrored on the foggy windowpane.

Empty eyes stare back.

Drawing the blanket tighter won't warm the icy blood pumping through my veins or thaw my frozen heart and a soulful sigh won't keep the shivering at bay. Squeezing my eyes shut does nothing to stop the images of twisted metal, mangled bodies trapped inside, drifting in the cold void of space.

I redirected my sight to Duo. A flash of lightning offers a momentary glimpse of ginger hair and wispy bangs tangled in long eyelashes, a hint of ivory skin where the sheet has slipped off his bare shoulder.

His serene _expression, lips curled in a contented smile, is so contrary to the impassive facade of a Perfect Soldier...the stone cold bastard who has a bit more of his humanity siphoned off by each battle.

Another electrified discharge, another clap of thunder loud enough to wake the dead. Duo frowns. Maybe it's the bombardment of rain, the howling wind or perhaps his dreams are also besieged by destruction and death.

While my mind is preoccupied with pondering the state of Duo's dreamscape a pang of guilt creeps in. I use sex as an escape and Duo willingly grants me repeated reprieves from my self-imposed isolation.

What Duo really wants is for me to love him but how can someone who exists in an emotional vacuum learn to love?

Am I capable of total surrender? Would the capitulation be merely my body? Would fear of vulnerability keep me from freely giving my heart and soul?

Could I risk breaking Duo's heart?

Duo is always reminding me that I'm not bulletproof. Even though he believes that guardian angels watch over children and fools and soldiers, he insists no one should tempt the fates.

For a moment I debate with myself about the ephemeral condition of man. I consider whether or not to open the window, step out into the storm and find out if I can fly. But unlike Icarus, who soared too close to the sun, tear-soaked wings would be my downfall.

Duo opens his eyes and gazes at me with twin pools of violet. As I hover on the edge of forever, he holds out his hand and beckons me back to the sanctuary of his unconditional love.

"Heero come to bed."

I pad across the carpet; blanket draped over my shoulders like a shrouded knight who has fallen in battle. Duo pulls back the sheet, the blanket pools at my feet and I gratefully slip into his embrace. If angels do indeed guide our lives then they sent Duo.

Now there's only flickers of light inside the clouds, the thunder is a distant rumble. The wind is a murmur and the downpour has given way to gentle showers.

"Duo." I whisper next to his ear.

He snuggles closer. "What?" is accented with a yawn.

"Teach me to love you, I don't mean sex but love."

The clock's scarlet light washes over Duo's smile. "Just let go and love."

"But what if I fall?"

"I'll catch you."

On the Edge of Forever--Karen Hickman--March 2006