Title: Just 'Cause You're Lonely Tonight
Author: Karen, The Huntress
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters or the rights to "Magic"
Warning: mild language, some sap
Feedback: Always appreciated
This story is based on the song "Magic" from Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory.
Notes: Hello. Here is a songfic based on the song "Magic" from Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory. I hope it will be entertaining. Please enjoy your reading. Hugs. Karen, The Huntress.
Just 'Cause You're Lonely Tonight
by Karen Hickman
Don't come to me, just 'cause you're lonely tonight.
Lonely is only part of your game.
Long as you live, you must remember one thing,
Give and take are one in the same.
"Duo please stay."
It wasn't that long ago when Heero barely said two sentences to me. His communications consisted of orders or criticism. Our connection was the war and our only reason for being together was the mission.
An hour ago I heard Heero cry out from his room across the hall. It was a dreadful sound. Even filtered through the closed door I could clearly hear him call out, pleading with someone or something to stop. I laid in my bed debating whether or not to check on him but the wheezing of hyperventilation soon joined his whimpered calls.
I found him soaked with sweat, tangled in equally damp bedcovers. He was pale and his breathing was ragged as he gasped for his next breath. He was muttering in Japanese and English, some words so jumbled that they were unrecognizable.
I eased down on the bed intercepting his hands that were batting away the demons plaguing his dream-shackled mind. With a start he jerked awake struggling in my firm but gentle grasp.
"It's all right, I'm here." I said as he continued to fight. "Heero it's all right." I promised then without thinking I pulled him into an embrace.
He tensed in my arms but I refused to let go. Despite Heero's previous coldness a part of me had been longing to hold him, to know how it felt to have him so near. But I had convinced myself that the wanting or needing or whatever the hell the emotions were called stemmed from being isolated by the war. My fellow pilots were my only comrades, the single connection to any sense of sanity. I told myself that my feelings were foolish, that Heero was male and I was male and it wasn't right.
I had for so long denied these feelings fighting as hard as Heero fought against his recurring night terrors. But tonight as I held Heero rocking back and forth to comfort him it quickly became clear that I had been as unsuccessful in my battle as Heero had in his.
Heero is gazing at me through watery eyes. "Please stay." he begs looking less like the Perfect Soldier and more like a frightened child. How can I refuse?
His trembling persuades me stay, to share his bed. We lay in each other's arms. We are warm and safe and suddenly I don't want to deny my feelings any more. It is not merely a sexual attraction but a mutual need to know that someone cares.
The closeness is wonderful; the touching soon escalates to tasting as we share our first kiss. I thought it was love but was it lonely need that drove us to cross the line? Arms and legs entwined, bodies grinding, flesh against hot flesh. I gave myself to Heero. Tonight I surrendered my virginity and lost part of my soul.
So tell me are you ready...really, really ready.
I don't want your love for one night.
We both slept soundly last night secure in just being together. But the morning light is harsh in contrast to the concealing darkness. I slip out of bed, gather my cloths and return to my room before Quatre, Trowa or Wufei wake up.
The moon, like my sneaking away, has also retreated from the revealing light as pale pink paints the dawn. Standing nude at the window I stare at the blood red Dragon's eye peeking over the horizon. The sun's sparkling rays are so much like the calm afterglow that followed our thundering climax. But was it lust that fueled the storm, swelling our emotional tide until we both crashed on the chilly morning shore?
Cause I'm not lookin' for a love affair,
I need the magic when I hold you near,
It's more important than a one-night stand,
I need the magic when I touch your hand.
Will I discover that Heero has withdrawn into his Perfect Soldier mode? Will the fire of the night before cool in the realization of morning? I didn't give myself for a single night of desire but will Heero remember the passion or only recall the lust-fired heat?
I sigh fighting back the tears of uncertainty. Is it wrong to expect magic, to believe that two hearts can share the miracle of love? I need to know that our first time was special and that I did not surrender my heart in vain.
Don't waste my time with empty stories of love,
I've wasted too much time on my own,
If I don't find the right solution for me,
I'd rather stay at home all alone.
"Duo." Heero calls outside my door.
Now I am the one trembling. Now I am pleading with the demons of doubt to stop. "Come in."
I stand exposed, hair undone but unashamed of my nakedness. I have bared my soul and now I shiver in the cold reality that Heero might not return my commitment. I hold my breath as he steps inside and closes the door behind him. I can't read his expression but his stoic mask has always been difficult to see through. There has always been a part of him kept private, guarding the frail traces of humanity that his training and the war have not totally stripped away.
Heero pulls the coverlet from the bed and wraps it around my quivering body. With surprising gentleness he brushes back my bangs then tucks the hair framing my cheeks behind my ears. Twin pools of cobalt blue study my face and I find myself sinking below the fiery tide once more.
'Cause I'm the one who wants you,
Oh how much I want you, but baby,
it's just got to be right.
"Heero," I begin then discover that all I can force through of my dry throat is a soft whisper. "I have to...know," I stammer. *Why is it so hard to ask?* my mind inquires. *Because I am afraid of rejection.* my heart answers.
Heero places his finger on my lips, "Shhhhh." he replies to my attempts to speak again. "Please let me talk."
Here comes the rejection. Why did I believe that it would be different? Heero Yuy is a soldier. The mission is his goal and while he would give up his life for the cause he could not possibly give up his heart for love.
But better to find out now before I drown in his blue eyes and my heart dies beneath the icy waters of Heero's fear-fortified emotions. I brace to hear the final goodbye.
Now Heero is shaking, his hands tremble on my shoulders. "Duo I..." his voice breaks. The words, like my heart, shatter into a million piercing shards.
"I know you can not give yourself to me." I pick up the pieces and try to put them back together so Heero can be spared from the pain.
Heero locks his sight with my misty eyes and I swear that fiery sparks flash across their centers. Is there a ray of hope or like the moon has last night's passion vanished in the sun's blinding brilliance?
"Duo I love you." Heero confesses throwing open the gates to his heart. "For so long I have wanted to tell you how I feel but I was afraid that you would think I was a fool."
Tears brim in my eyes and spill over my cheeks. "I felt the same way but I was also afraid. We both have been foolish." I declare reaching up to touch Heero's face that is bathed in his own tears of relief.
I need you close to my heart,
Come into my world where we can share everything there.
I need the magic light from the start, then you will be my lover,
undercover and no one will stop us now.
Heero leans closer brushing his lips against mine. His content sigh feathers over my tear-streaked cheek as he lays his head on my shoulder. Slowly we sink to the floor and I bury my face in his tousled hair. We cling to each other like a lifeline, an anchor in the sucking vortex of war.
Maybe there is such a thing as magic. Perhaps there is an illuminated path through the midnight of conflict and pain. Together we can share a world where hurt is kept at bay and loneliness is conquered by love. We are more than lovers...we are soul mates and no one will stop us now.
Just 'Cause You're Lonely Tonight--Karen Hickman--January 2003
Thank you for reading!!!