IT IS NOT YOUR TIME

BY: KAREN HICKMAN

Past forgotten, future unknown,

Some mistakes we might atone,

Fate’s interventions we might postpone,

But in the end we all die alone.

Your hand is so cold laying limply in mine. Sweat beads on your fever-struck forehead as I push your damp hair aside. So pale, so silent. I wonder if you know I am here. Wonder if you can hear my voice, feel my touch. Do you know I have not left your side since they pulled you from your twisted, flaming Gundam?

They said you would not live through the night. I guessed you fooled them. Still they say, if you do wake up, you might never walk again. But that won’t be true either. They don’t know. This isn’t the first time you have laid this way. Trowa watched as you beat the odds that first time. Yeah, you fooled them all. They all said you wouldn’t make it then.

Do you know how angry I get with you sometimes? How frustrating you can be when you act so recklessly? That damned cold, detached attitude. What makes you think you are so invincible? Why must you take so many chances? You don’t have anything to prove to me. To anyone.

But I know your secrets. Know beneath that stoic facade, your heart is warm. You do care for me, love me, in your own eccentric way. If not why would you share yourself when we are away from the world’s prying eyes? Let me hold you in the safe concealing darkness. Enfold you in my spirit.

Past forgotten, future unknown,

Some mistakes we might atone,

Fate’s interventions we might postpone,

But in the end we all die alone.

All right, this is it. Enough of your dreamless sleeping. I know you can hear me. Wake up now! Open your eyes and call my name! You have the strength, the willpower. Use that infuriating, stubborn streak you are so fond of taunting me with. Show them they are wrong.

Come on feel my touch, squeeze my hand. I know you don’t like me to touch you to much when someone is watching, but we are alone in this dim

Medical Center. Just you and me, alone. Maybe if I rub your arm, you will stir awake. Have to be careful of the tubes and wires, though.

But your arm is so bruised. And you will have some new scars to keep all your others company. So many bandages. As much as I want you to wake up, I don’t want you to be in pain. I know how it hurts. But, please, wake up. Please let me know you know I am here.

Come on, Heero, damn it, wake up! Your lips are so dry as I brush them with mine. Please, know I am here. You can wake up and tell me you love me. There is no one else to hear. No one to see. Please.

Past forgotten, future unknown,

Some mistakes we might atone,

Fate’s interventions we might postpone,

But now your spirit to me has flown.

Your hand, did it just move in mine? Did your clammy fingers tighten? Hold on, I’m here. Follow my voice back. Fight like you have never fought before. You can’t leave me, not now. We still have too much to accomplish.

“Duo.” That is the sweetest sound, my name.

“I’m here.”

That’s right, squeeze my hand again. Be as tenacious as you are when you battle OZ. Remember you have never failed to complete a mission, so don’t start now.

Your eyes are open, can you see me? I know you can. Your eyes are weak but clear and they are looking straight at my tear-streaked face.

“Welcome back, my love.” I knew you wouldn’t leave me.

I guess we fooled them again, didn’t we?

IT IS NOT YOUR TIME--Karen Hickman--October 2000