When you're gone Jim Morrison.
Disclaimers: Don't own them, Don't sue.
Warnings: Angst, Violence, OCC all around.
Pairings: The Usual suspects.
Archiving: You want it, take it.
Feedback: Throw all you've got at me, just throw it. Hell, you can even call me a couple of clown shoes if you want.
Part 8 Pilar's POV
"I had no choice." I told him as I looked into his eyes, which were filled with a mixture of anger, sorrow and bitterness.
"Don't lie to me now!" He hissed at me. "If you didn't want to stay with me, you could have just told me rather than leaving like a thief in the night!"
"Cat, I am telling the truth." I told him, my voice low. "I left out of love for you."
He laughed hollowly at my words, his pain colouring the barking laugh he produced.
"You have a funny way of showing you love someone. Did you do the same with Simon?"
I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry at the mention of his name.
"I did it so you wouldn't end up like him. Dead." I said in a soft voice.
"Is that how you justify it?" He asked me, his voice dripping poison as he spoke.
"I cried when you left. I broke, Hell, I even bled for you and that is all that you have to say to me now that we have met face to face again?"
"Do you think that I didn't suffer as well, Quatre?" I asked him sharply. "That not a day went by that I didn't think of you? That every time I looked at my son, I didn't think of his father?"
He looked at me with a startled look on his face when I spoke, but it was quickly replaced by a look of mixed scorn and sorrow.
"It doesn't matter anymore." He said to me as he got up and headed to the door.
"Quatre.." He shook his head and opened the door.
"No. I don't want to hear anymore of your cryptic excuses. As far as I'm concerned, you are dead to me."
The door slammed shut and I covered my face with my hands and wept unashamedly in them.
Despite my good intentions, I had still lost him and I was still alone.
Quatre ran like the wind. Not caring where he was going, he just ran and ran until he felt that his lungs were going to burst inside his chest.
But he didn't care. Nothing mattered to him at that moment except to punish himself for the stupid things he had allowed to pass this afternoon.
He had not only hurt Trowa deeply, he had also pushed the only woman he'd ever love away to assuage his injured heart and pride.
He had wronged both of them and he had no way of ever breaching the chasm that he had helped create with either of them.
He had really fucked up this time, all because he couldn't hold his emotions in check and bothered to listen to the other side of the tale.
It wasn't until he tripped over his own feet and sent himself flying head over heels that he finally gave up punishing himself and lay still on the hard tar-mac, staring up at the indigo sky, ignoring the pain of skinned flesh and bruised pride.
"What the hell am I going to do?" He whispered to the unforgiving night sky after he had gulped in a lung-ful of air to ease the burning in his lungs.
"Get the hell up, clean yourself off and go apologize to both Trowa and Pilar."
A caustic voice replied before the sound of a match being lit and the scent of cigarette smoke assaulted his keen sense of smell. He raised his head cautiously and was utterly surprised to see Heero Yuy standing above him, wearing a leather trench and a cigarette dangling from the first two fingers of his left hand.
"Where the fuck did you come from?" Quatre asked as he sat up and winced as his shirt rubbed against the sore spots on his body. Heero snorted.
Heero gave him a look before he took a drag from his cigarette and helped him get to his sorry feet again.
"You're not the only Ulfirc around, Cat-re." Heero replied, exhaling blue smoke.
Quatre gave him a look as he dusted himself off half-heartedly.
"You do pick the oddest times to develop a sense of humor, Heero." Quatre replied tartly as he tried to brush off the black stains from the knees of his torn khakis and gave up in disgust when he finally realized that it was impossible.
He sighed and cocked an eyebrow at the sight of Heero thoroughly enjoying his cigarette.
"Aren't you always bitching at Duo to quit smoking, Heero?" Quatre asked him.
"I do it in self-defense, Quatre." Heero replied calmly as he took the last drag and crushed the butt under the heel of his Docs before he turned to Quatre.
"Okay. Enough of this pointless bullshit. What the hell happened in that room that you tore out of there like a bat out of hell?"
Quatre winced. Ouch. Trust Heero and Trowa to get to the heart of everything in ten seconds flat.
He sighed and pushed his messy hair away from his face to give himself time to actually think about what he was going to say to Heero. Somehow, he knew that an answer like:
"I didn't give her a chance to tell me why the hell she ran cause my pride was utterly wounded at having been left at no moment's notice took over and it decided to fuck everything up and stick a knife in both her heart and mine. That's all. So how's Duo doing, Heero?" Wouldn't really cut it with the intense Japanese man.
Heero crossed his arms across his chest and shook his head.
"I screwed up. Plain and simple." Quatre replied as he turned to the thick glade of trees that was nearby.
"I figured as much. I heard her crying after you left and when Trowa and I were having our debate on who was best qualified to play nursemaid to you."
Quatre's face fell when he heard what his two lovers reactions had been when he had run off.
"Trowa wanted to go after me?" He whispered, unsure of what he had just heard.
Heero snorted. "Yeah. He will always love you, Quatre. No matter what happens, he will never stop caring for you." Heero sighed.
"Just like she loves you. Different person, but the same burning intensity."
Quatre closed his eyes. "I know that. And I think that is what makes this entire situation worse than it already is. I never wanted to hurt either of them, But I already have done that too well, haven't I?"
"Yes. You have. I know you only had the best intentions at heart, but the fact of the matter was that when she stopped being part of your life, you should have let her go with no strings attached. And if you wanted to wait for her, you shouldn't have got together with Trowa."
Quatre winced. Heero was right. As much as it pained him to admit it, he had stepped into a cage made out of his own clumsy attempts to make all end well when it possibly couldn't have ever been that way.
"So what you're telling me is that I have to choose between them in order to stop hurting either of them, is that it, Heero?"
Heero looked away, before he answered the question.
"Yes. You have to do that. Who will it be, Quatre? Trowa or Pilar?"
Quatre opened and closed his mouth to answer the question, but no sound came from his mouth.
He had heard what Heero asked of him, but his mind refused to come up with a coherent answer to his dilemma.
The reason why this was the case was because he didn't WANT to choose between either Pilar or Trowa. He loved them deeply. So deeply in fact, that he couldn't function without either of them.
Pilar had taught him how to fall in love. Although they had only a short time to be together, they had shared an intense love that time couldn't break. Even though he had lied to her, back in the room, he knew that he wasn't complete without her.
He needed to have the pure love that she offered him. The kind that seemed to go on endlessly without asking anything in return.
Trowa had healed him him in the aftermath of Pilar's departure. He wouldn't have survived if Trowa hadn't made the effort to search him out of the tall fortress of silence that he had dug himself into. He owed his sanity and his life to Trowa's patience and love.
Trowa had also taught him how to love again without reservations. To not be afraid to trust his instincts and his heart despite the deep wounds that he had suffered.
In short, his soul was held by two people and he knew that neither of them would be able to make him happy by themselves. That fact had been proven in the relationship he had with Trowa.
Whether for better or worse, Trowa, Pilar and himself had been bonded as deeply as Duo and Heero, As Sally and Wu-fei had been.
A triumvirate that could never be broken. Not even after death.
Quatre sighed when he gave Heero an answer, his voice low and hoarse when he spoke.
"Heero." The other man looked at him, his eyes a dark navy when he did.
"Let me ask you a question." Heero inclined his head, giving him permission.
"How did you choose between Duo and Sylvia?" Heero's eyes widened.
"Huh? Whaaat?" He gasped out, completely taken aback by the question.
Quatre looked at him steadily. "How did you know who was the one?"
"Duo was the one that called me back from the dead, Quatre. You were there. You saw that Pilar's blood wasn't enough. He had to call me back."
Heero lowered his head. "Sylvia is a vampire. She has no real life in her. Although Duo is a master of Death itself, He was the one that brought me to life. Physically and emotionally. There was no hesitation on my part to be with him."
Quatre nodded at the answer. "I only ask because I cannot make myself choose between them. They hold different parts of my soul, Heero." He hugged himself tightly when he said that, the faces of both of his loves going through his mind.
Heero frowned at him. "A triumvirate? Is that what you three are?"
"I-I-I think so. I have only heard of there being only two others, and that includes the one that Treize, Milliardo and Noin have." Quatre whispered.
Heero shook his head. "Then you have bigger problems than I can actually help you with, Quatre."
Quatre tried to laugh, but his laugh was bitten off when he sensed another presence behind him.
Heero sensed it at the same time and stiffened as he looked around for the source.
A high, mocking laugh filled the earth before a someone tackled Heero and knocked him onto the ground flat on his face.
Quatre gasped and took a step backwards when he saw the long, flaxen hair shine brightly in the moonlight as Heero struggled to get on his feet.
"Dorothy?" She laughed again, resisting all of Heero's efforts to dislodge her from his back.
"Yes. It is me, Quatre Raberba Winner. Or should I say, Quatre Sebastian Mielczarek?"
"That was my uncle's name." Quatre said in a soft voice."How did you know?"
Dorothy laughed again, getting off of Heero and giving him a kick that was so forceful, Quatre could hear the ribs breaking when her foot met his side.
"I know because I was the one that killed him." She replied in a calm voice as she walked over to him.
"Just like I am going to kill you, your son and that Guardian." She hissed softly.
Quatre shook his head as he backed away from her. "Why?"
Dorothy's face darkened, and her eyes went a shade of blue that was so pale that it was nearly white, telling Quatre that she was close to turning.
"She killed Relena." Dorothy replied, letting her power ripple around her.
"The only person that cared for me after my parents had been killed by some humans. And she killed her!"
Quatre held his breath when he felt Heero gather his power behind Dorothy.
"She had to neutralize Relena's madness. There was truly no other way." Quatre said in a steady voice, keeping her occupied until Heero was ready.
"That's what you think. But Relena was working towards a better world that wouldn't have Ulfircs and others of our kind being hunted down by humans!" Dorothy yelled out, letting her power wash over him like a heatwave.
"NO!" Heero shouted as he rushed her from behind, knocking her down hard.
Dorothy didn't stay down for long. She got to her feet and shook Heero off with a blow to his shoulder, making weave on his feet.
"She never wanted that! I know." He said in a low voice as he hit Dorothy in the chest, making her stagger.
Dorothy quickly recovered and returned the blow with twice as much force, making another rib snap.
"You lie!" She shrieked as Heero charged her, pushing her into a tree so hard that splinters flew everywhere.
"I don't lie." Heero whispered through clenched teeth as he punched her in the stomach.
Dorothy only looked at him coldly though, before she threw him away from herself, making Heero land in an ungraceful heap ten feet away from her.
Heero tried to get up, but all he managed to do was raise his head and immediately pass out.
Dorothy laughed and shook her head before advancing onto Quatre.
"But how?" He asked as he gathered his power and let his fangs and nails grow in preparation for a fight that he feared he would lose. Badly.
"I am a hundred years of age, Quatre." Dorothy hissed at him. "Relena shared her blood with me on many occasions." She laughed at him then.
"Maybe the Guardian should have given you her blood before she fled."
Dorothy commented snidely as she charged Quatre.
"What? What are you talking about?" Quatre asked as he leapt into the tree and avoided Dorothy's onslaught for the time being.
"Aww. I thought you would have known by now why she ran off after she killed Relena." Dorothy taunted him, in an effort to make him lose his focus.
"What are you talking about?" Quatre asked softly, his anger rising off him like a sheet of ice.
Dorothy shivered slightly, but continued with her taunts.
"She knew that she was too weak to kill me once I would come for her, so she pleaded and begged for me not to kill you. I only agreed to spare your life if she left you immediately, since it was only her that I want anyways."
Quatre was stunned at Dorothy's words. Why would Pilar flee from an opponent that she could certainly easily dominate and even kill if she wanted to?
"Why would she think that? Why?" Quatre asked, his anger and power sliding off of him in rolling waves now.
"Oh. You didn't know, did you?" Dorothy smirked as she finally fought through his anger and rushed him.
"She failed to protect your uncle last time we met. And that spear scar she carries? That was actually my handiwork. So you see, Quatre, she can't defeat me. Just like you and your little friends cannot defeat me no matter what you do."
Quatre screamed out incoherently and flew to meet her in mid-air, his anger fueling the speed and force behind the blows he was dealing to Dorothy.
"You won't win." Dorothy hissed as she tried to return his blows.
"You have just given me a reason to do so, Dorothy."
"Are you feeling all right?" Sally asked me when she came into my room after Quatre had left.
I nodded as I wiped my tears away, since I didn't trust my voice to actually hold up if I spoke.
"Are you sure?" I nodded again, even though she could clearly see that wasn't the case.
She sighed as she brushed my hair away from my face.
"I don't think that it was very wise for you to have seen Quatre under such circumstances, Pilar." She told me as she forced me to lie down again.
"You are still weak and emotionally fragile, especially after being told about the assault."
I shake my head at her words.
"Sally, it was going to happen. Sooner or later, but it was going to happen. He's hurt and angry and I don't blame him for anything."
She frowns at what I have just told her, but she doesn't push the subject any further.
"Did you tell him what happened to you at least?" She asked me as she went to the door.
"No. I didn't think that it was something that he needed to know. We aren't together anymore. Nor will be ever be again." I took a deep breath to steady my emotions before I continued.
"He's got Trowa now. The best thing for me to do is to get out of his life and yours before stuff happens."
The door flew open and Sally's head jerked up to see who the visitor was. At that same time; my eyes blanked out and I was swept away in a tide of blood and pain.
Long blonde hair, stained with blood blew in the breeze. Blood splattered a tree trunk.
A cry of pain, more like the howl of a wolf tore through the night.
Prussian blue eyes widened in agony, then narrowed in triumph as a clawed hand tore a chunk of blonde hair.
Aquamarine eyes burning with anger and passion...Love, hate, despair, regret....
Green eyes and russet hair....Brown eyes and hair of Ebony... all three twined....
Duo's eyes widened and the cigarette dropped out of his hand to fall unheeded onto the ground.
"Duo?" Wu-fei asked as he watched Duo's eyes glow green and a look of horror and pain cross his features before he fell onto his knees and screamed.
"HEERO!" He shrieked as he clutched his head.
"What the hell?" Wu-fei asked Nicholas, who got up from his seat and was about to reply when a similar scream erupted from the house.
Nicholas shook his head and picked Duo up before running to the house.
"Pilar! PILAR!" When all my senses came back to me, I was both startled and amazed to find myself being shaken by Trowa Barton.
The oddest thing about it, for me was the look of concern on his face, which I recalled, was always quite devoid of any statement at all.
"What?" I asked, making his statement change to one of exasperated relief.
He opened his mouth and was about to reply when Nicholas appeared with a shaken Duo in his arms and Wu-fei behind them.
"What happened?" Sally asked, a small frown creasing her face when she looked at the pale Duo.
"Heero...He was hurt..I saw blood. Long blonde hair." Duo whispered, wide violet eyes now a bright glowing green and impossibly huge in his gamin face.
"No!" I cried out, knowing full well what he meant. "Oh God. No!"
"What? What has happened Guardian?" Nicholas asked as he placed Duo beside me on the bed.
Duo, once finding himself close to me, clung onto me with all his might, while I wrapped my arms around him to hide my own fear and worry.
"She has come after The Mielczarek and The Fenris Oni." I whispered softly.
"What?" Trowa, Sally and Wu-fei cried out. Nicholas sighed sadly.
"Dorothy Catalonia is attacking Quatre and Heero!" Duo yelled out.
Trowa's eyes narrowed to small peridot slits in his face and a long tail appeared when he heard Duo say those words. Nicholas, Wu-fei and Sally eyed him worriedly when they saw him lose such control over himself.
"She promised me she wouldn't." I said, my voice low as my anger warred with my grief.
"WHAT?!" Trowa snarled at me, his hands now looking more like claws as he spun around to face me.
"That was why I left Quatre in the first place." I told him as I looked up into his furious face.
"I couldn't defeat her at that time, and she knew it. Knowing how weak I was, she threatened to kill Quatre, not because of who he is, but just to spite me."
I took a deep breath before I continued. "I knew that she would kill him, like she killed his uncle, if I didn't agree to the choice she offered me."
Trowa's anger faded slightly as it dawned on him the price I had paid for Quatre's life.
I nodded, giving him a small, pained smile in return.
"Yes. I had to leave him and not return to him at any cost..."
"Or his life would be forfeit." Trowa finished softly for me.
Notes: I just realized I forgot to mention the meanings of the titles and terms I use here.
Trowa is a wereleopard, also known as The Lionne Rampart, A heraldic title meaning the fighting lion, If I recall correctly.
Heero is a werewolf, whose mother was a Japanese supernatural being. His title is Fenris Oni, meaning Wolf ogre.
Quatre is a werewolf. He inherited this trait from his mother's line. He became The Mielczarek after his uncle died, hence he has two names. His own and his uncle's since he is his successor.
Duo is the Slayer. His task is to kill supernatural rogues. He is also the Master of Death.
Pilar protected Duo's family, hence she is known as the guardian.
Nicholas Wolfwood is an Andaluthian. He is both a sorcerer and an assasin for the council.
I think I covered the basics and hoepfully, the next part will come out soon. *Sweatdrop*