8-29-2001

Disco 2000 Jim Morrison.

Disclaimers: I don't own GW. Not making money. You sue and you'll get jack all. Disco 2000 belongs to PULP.
Warnings: kind of angsty and sad. Totally AU (Takes place in my city, Edmonton) Sort of OCC. Sympathetic Relena?
Pairings: 1+2, 4XSally.
Notes: To make it fit the song, Heero is a girl named Deborah and Relena is a guy.

Disco 2000

Dear Heero, (Not Deborah) July 23rd/00 Edmonton.

//Oh we were born within an hour of each other
Our mothers said we could be sister and brother
Your name is Deborah.
Deborah.
It never suited you//

I sit at the coffee shop by the basilica where you're getting married and I try not to cry when I look at the white stone of the building. It's really hard not to do. I've been crying practically non-stop ever since you told me that you and Duo Maxwell were getting married. I heard he's taking you to Germany after the wedding.

I'm a fucken mess. I just go to work, come home and brood over how we used to be in the past.

It's going to be hard to forget you. Especially since we share the same birthday, April 11. I'll try to just remember how we used to be when we were younger. Before feelings got into the way. Before we had to stop being playmates and choose what we really meant to each other.

But I know that it won't be easy to do. Especially when you're going to be away from me.

//And they said that when we grew up
We'd get married and never split up.
We never did it.
Although I often thought of it//

I guess why I'm writing this letter is to tell you the reason why I didn't show up to your wedding despite the request you made for me to be there.

I love you, Heero. Not just in a brotherly way. But in the way that makes my head spin and take my breath away. I have always loved you.

I don't know when I started. I just know that I was aware of you as something different. Not in the same category as my sisters. Or the girls in class or in the neighborhood.

That was part of the reason why I agreed to do so many things with you and for you. You were my closest confidante in the neighborhood. My right hand. My one and only.

That was the reason why I started calling you ‘Heero'. You were the only one for me. That and the fact that you never were, or will be a Deborah in my eyes.

I like my Aunt Lucreiza a lot, but calling you Deborah Hana was not her brightest idea to date.

I just know that I love you with all my heart, and nothing's ever going to change that. Not even the fact that you are Duo Maxwell's wife and not mine.

//Oh Deborah, Do you recall?
Your house was very small
With woodchip on the wall
And when I came round to call
You didn't notice me at all//

I always believed that we were going to eventually end up together. After all, we had been born on the same day and spent practically all our lives in a neighborhood were that was the case.

We were in the same classes at school and we protected each other from everything that came our way. We were practically inseparable. So why didn't we end up together?

//Oh come on,
Let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?
Be there two o'clock
By the fountain down the road.
I never knew that you'd get married,
and I'd be living down here, on my own
on that damp and lonely
Thursday years ago//

You never let me think that us being together was out of the question. You would give me these looks when we had managed to run away from the world to one of the many parks in our neighborhood. I don't know how to put into words the way that your eyes looked.

All I know is that they were very dark and almost like lake water. Deep and forbidding, never yielding the possible secrets that they hid.

They never looked that way for anyone else. Only for me.

Especially after we had just kissed. Do you recall when we had our first kiss?

//You were the first girl in school to get breasts
And Martyn said, that you were the best.
The boys all loved you, but I was a mess.
I had to watch them try and get you undressed.//

I think that middle school was when I finally woke up to the fact that you were the only girl meant for me. All the other girls were somehow lacking in what it was that attracted me to you.

It was funny, but the other girls were always throwing themselves at me, or the other guys and acting like they couldn't live without makeup and the attention that we gave them in the form of either teasing or hollering as they walked by.

You were quiet and rolled your eyes whenever you encountered either behavior. You didn't give a damn and wore jeans and t-shirts and an old baseball cap that your brother Treize gave you before he passed away.

Yet, we all wanted to take you by the hand and find out what you were thinking. What you were feeling. Maybe make those big Prussian blue eyes sparkle with either joy or desire.

Maybe make you scream out our names in reckless sexual pleasure with our boyish clumsiness.

Hell. I know that I wasn't the only one that felt that way. But I don't think that I could have ever brought myself to do that to you until we were older. And I had knocked you up or married you.

Especially not when you had a brother like Quatre, the meanest and fastest bastard in the neighborhood, to defend your honor. He would have killed me in a second if he suspected that I had touched you. The fact that he was my sister Sally's boyfriend and father of her son wouldn't have stopped him from having me join the ranks of the castrati.

// We were friends, that's as far as it went.
I walked you home, but I know that it meant
Meant nothing to you. Cause you were so popular.//

That was why we remained only friends that occasionally kissed and experimented. Fairly innocent stuff that could have led to something else. Until Duo Maxwell showed up.

I didn't think anything of him at first when I met him and his brothers, Trowa and Milliardo.

Even though he had those odd purple eyes and the long braid of hair. I just assumed that he was some alternative with a sense for the dramatic and an eccentric family.

If I had known that he was the one that would take him away from me, I think I would have put him out of his misery that first day in art class.

Is that when you first fell in love with him? In that dingy basement full of painting supplies and paper?

//Oh Deborah, Do you recall?
Your house was very small
With woodchip on the wall
And when I came round to call
You didn't notice me at all.//

You were utterly different after you met Duo Maxwell. You had built a shell around yourself when Treize passed away. I guess that was the only way that you could have dealt with his dying so soon after your father took off with no rhyme or reason.

Your shell, I believed, was so thick that I couldn't get through it. Forgive me my presumption.

Even though it was a rude shock then, I now realize that even though I was your closest friend, I still wasn't the one you could freely trust and hand your heart to.

Duo Maxwell was the one. I saw that when I noted how you changed when you were around him. Although the change wasn't blatant enough for others to notice, I could see it.

In Art class, despite Mr. Checknita, you would smile at Duo's antics. You would laugh at his jokes and tease him. You literally glowed whenever he came around you, which was very often.

I can understand why you would open up to him. Duo Maxwell could very possibly charm his way out of both death and hell if he put his mind to it. That charm, his lust for life and the fact that he could touch you in the same patient way that Treize did made him your fated partner.

When you came to school one morning with your eyes sparkling with a light I had never seen before, I knew that I had truly lost you to him once and for all.

/Ah Deborah, Do you recall?
Your house was very small
with woodchip on the wall
And when I came round to call
You didn't notice me at all.//

After high school we started to drift apart. Duo and I started going to the U of A to get degrees in Education, while you started going to NAIT to be a mechanic just like Quatre.

Even though Duo had won you, I really had no animosity towards him. We talked and met up to have lunch and work on our assignments. Sometimes, we even talked about you. Not often, since Duo had an inkling of how I felt about you and mercifully left it alone.

The animosity started on a cold October day after the first snowfall of the year.

"Hey Rel, guess what?" He asked me as we wolfed down our food before we had run to class.

"What?" I asked, not really interested. Mid-terms were looming and I was simply exhausted from just thinking about them.

"Heero's knocked up." It took me a couple of minutes to digest that bit of information.

"Shit." I whispered when it had finally hit me. Heero. I met Duo's purple eyes. They were wide, nervous and strangely expectant. The expectation puzzled me for a moment.

"Does Quatre know?" I asked him, thinking that he wanted me to back him up if it came down to a fight.

"No. He's not mad. He told me that as long as I married Heero, it was cool with him." He replied before he leaned forward and looked at me earnestly.

"It's just that Heero and I were wondering if you could be our best man. I know that you and Heero were really good friends, so I was wondering if you were okay with being in our wedding."

I didn't reply. He didn't push it. Just asked me to think it over and to do it quickly, since they were planning to get married in July, after we finished our degrees, since he had been offered a post in Germany.

//I say: "Let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road.
I never knew that you'd get married
and I'd be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago//

That was when my heart was truly and irreparably broken. Even though I had seen you and Duo together, I somehow nurtured the hope that someday, you would get tired of him and come back to me. But hearing those words from Duo's mouth shattered that pretty little crystal dream I had unknowingly kept alive in my heart.

If you want to know why I moved out of the neighborhood and settled in a school residence, I'll tell you. I couldn't stand to live with the ghosts of my childhood. Especially not when my future was going to be ripped apart. My future and my soul, that is.

Our old haunts had become unbearable to me. The parks, the playgrounds, even our old schools and church held bitter memories for me. So I had to run away. Or be driven mad by the despair and disappointment that they assaulted me with.

//Oh yeah. Ah Deborah, Do you recall?
Your house was very small.
With woodchip on the wall
And when I came round to call
You didn't notice me at all//

I never gave Duo an answer. Instead, I finished my degree before him and took a post up in Tuktayuktuk. I would have gladly stayed there through your wedding, but I got sick and was sent down here to recuperate.

Hence the reason for me sitting in this café, with my eyes on St. Joseph's Basilica, waiting to catch one last glimpse of you before you become utterly lost to me.

//I say "Let's all meet up in the year 2000
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?"
Be there 2 o'clock by the fountain down the road.
I never knew that you'd get married
and I'd be living down here on my own
On that damp and lonely Thursday years ago.//

The wedding is over and I have seen you. Although you are married to another man, you are still breath-taking to me.

Your eyes are bright and cheery, and you are looking so proud as you stand beside Duo, who looks like he doesn't know whether to faint from either fear or happiness. I guess I'd probably be feeling the same way if I were in his position.

May you always be happy with him. Maybe someday I hope to have a small amount of the love and happiness that you found with him.

//So what are you doing Sunday baby?
Would you like to come and meet me, Maybe?
You can even bring your baby.//

I think that someday, I will have enough courage to see you, instead of writing all that I felt out in a letter.

Someday, as well, I think I will have enough courage to mail this letter out to you.

No. I think that I write this letter mostly for myself and to lay old ghosts to rest.

Good-bye and I hope that he always makes you happy.

Del Dorlian.

 

Notes: HA! HAd to mention my home town in a fic someday! Couldn't help it. Edmonton and ALberta AND Canada totally rule! All the landmarks are accurate. NAit is a trade school, Uof ALberta is our University, St. Josephs'is our most beautiful church.

Their neighborhood is a mix of my old hood and my friends' Miggy, Dean and Darryl's. Quatre's character is based on a guy that was scarily tough. How OCC eh?

Mr. Checknita was my old Art teacher and the art room used to exist before they renovated the school. (ST. Joe's)

Relena's name is actually my Friend Del's. i hope he doesn't kill me.