Song: "Is it over yet"
Artist: Wynonna Judd
Pairing: 1+2, Duo's POV
Notes: Yaoi implications, deathfic, serious angst. I know someone else on one of GW ml's also wrote a fic to the same song. ^-^ Gomen, I wasn't trying to copy, this song is just so depressing. Also this songfic can be quite personal for me at times, since I wrote it from a point of view I guess it could also have been seen through my eyes. *sighs*
Disclaimer: I don't own the GW boys, nope sorry. So I ask for no money. Just feedback. *sheepish grin*
Is this how I should watch...? Is this how I should feel...? The footsteps are growing heavier, each step trampeling over my unmoving emotions. Watching, from the distance, I wipe the stray tear away from my cheek. I cling to any strength I can find at the moment, praying for this to be the horrid nightmare..and not the sad reality of my present world. My body shakes violently as it tries to comprehend this overwhelming fear and sadness. My hands slowly climb up my waist to lay across themselves, preventing myself from falling over.. balancing myself for the worst of it.
His strong hands wrap themselves tightly around the handle of his suitcase. Without a word he carries the baggage out to his car, even the silence is defeaning. His footsteps are heard again as he opens the hallway closet, ripping his coat from the hanger, letting it clang against the metal pole. It echos slightly, causing me to cringe at the sudden burst of intrusion to my deep sense of self loathing.
"Tell me when, I can open my eyes.
I don't wanna watch you walk out that door.
There's no easy way to get through goodbye.
I'd probably try and talk you into staying once more.
What I'd lie and say it's all for the best
Wish you luck and say I have no regrets
but I'm not up to being strong
so I'll wait until you're gone...
Is it over yet?"
His sweet voice quietly spills out my name, clumsily and shyly.. as if we had just met. My feet studder gently, my mind whirling as his aroma scans over me as he stalks closer. Everything has frozen as he reaches for that final bag, pulling it over his shoulder gingerly. His eyes lift to meet mine, his mouth moving to pronounce my name, only..they fail and..close with no further disturbance. I can feel my heart ready to explode, the tears are pushed back.. his face changes slightly as he reaches out to apologize. I grasp my hand as if it were burned, my eyes no longer hiding what I am feeling.
He sighs...a sigh? For me? He turns slowly, his eyes still matched with mine as he begins his descent. I motion to speak, my lips parting begging to say the unberable pain I am experiencing. Is this really what you want? Is this really what you think you need? How can I be understanding? How can you expect me to know how to go on living this life...with you gone? Tell me to be strong, tell me to be understanding, tell me something either than that this is for the best for both of us.
"A taxi's waiting in the driveway for you.
You call my name, I guess you're ready to leave.
I'd like to help you with a suitcase or two
but I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up on my knees.
I should tell you that I want you to go
I really need to spend some time on my own
smile and say good bye
so you don't see me dying inside..
is it over yet?"
If I scream out to you..will you still hear? If I reach out to you..will you still respond? The doorknob slowly turns, your face is unyeilding and soft. Your eyes tremble at the slightest hint of a tear. My knees buckle as you take the step out the door, my hands hit the carpet, catching myself before I completely fall. My sobs are heavy as the door clicks shut behind you. It is heard again and again, loudly ringing out through my cries and screams. My legs pull themselves up to my chest as I bury my grief stricken face in my hands, begging you silently to come back to me. Is this how I'm supposed to feel.. is this how I am supposed to respond. You're eyes, hair..mouth..body..heart.. are forever impressioned into my mind. How am I supposed to move on if I cannot envision my life without you? I can hear the car speed off down the road, the last bit of connection between us slowly broken as you head off for your better world.
"Is it over yet?"
Yes..it is finally over..watching you walk away from me.. watching you leave this life we built together. Watching you leave me on the floor, an empty shell of a human being. The happiness I have known will be buried, the memories will be forgotten and my life will never quite be the same. Giving up is all that is left for you as I run my hands across your handsome image, the picture frame shines like new as the tears trickle down it in a dancing fashion. I cringe as I notice the small smile creeping across your normally staid face, the chokes and sobs return as I toss the image across the room, allowing it to impact with the wall. The shattering of glass having no effect on me as I lay on the floor, calling out for you.
"I should lie and say it's all for the best
wish you luck and say I have no regrets
but I'm not up to being strong
so I'll wait until you're gone
is it over yet?"
It will be for the best...it will be for the best. The knife is pleasing and cold, the slow slicing of my skin hurts not at all. The crimson river flows down my pale arms as I cry, holding onto the broken frame and crinkled picture. I allow the glass to cut into my skin, the pain is forgotten as I stare at you...wondering if this is really what you had in mind..when you said it was for the best.
So now I will say goodbye to you, let my life slip away blood drop by
blood drop. I'll cradle you tightly in my arms, whisper your beautiful
name, imagine your breathtaking smile..until I can no longer see..no longer
feel and no longer breath. Then will I know..that this was for the best..