10-26-2001

Title: Innocence Faded 15/16 (2x1 lemon)
Authors: Jenn & Kea (Dreamscape Studios)
Email: HeeroYuy1x2@aol.com and DuoMaxwell1x2@aol.com , respectively
Archive: Dreamscape Studios Ltd (www.dreamscapestudios.net) ; anyone else please email and permission will be gladly given
Feedback: Absolutely. ^_^
Rating: R throughout, pushing NC-17 in parts
Warnings: Angst, hurt, despair and heartache with spoonfuls of hope to make them go down smoother. Mild lemon and strong lime in some parts. This fic takes
place following the events in Endless Waltz (movie version). This is a completed multipart fic.
Pairings:1x2/2x1, implied 3x4
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is owned by a bunch of companies in Japan (Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency), and their sandbox is only on unsanctioned loan for us
to play in. ^_^ The song "Innocence Faded" belongs to John Petrucci and Dream Theater, lyrics used without permission.

Authors' notes: Innocence Faded is written completely in alternating first-person perspective. The three asterisks usually denote a shift in POV, with thoughts or emphasis indicated by single asterisks. In-monologue
flashbacks will be denoted by slashes, complete ones or scene changes with the asterisks.

This is also known as the fic that ate our lives. Or was it our lives that ate the fic? I believe we started this in June of 2000, and when Jenn moved out here in November, we got kind of distracted for several months. I'm certain there are a lot of people who have long ago given up this fic for dead; I'll admit to being one of them. ^^; But some stories simply won't go away until
they're fully told.

Huge thanks and worshipful adoration go out to Moe-chan, the best beta reader anyone could ask for, and the constant motivating force behind the rest of this
fic. When I sent her a pathetically rough draft of the monster known as IF6 (that became IF 10-15 after chapter breaks), asking her to read it and let me
know if it should be finished or scrapped, I never knew what a friend I'd be gaining. Without her help, this very well might have lingered unfinished and
certainly would have had lots of inconsistencies and stupid errors.

Background music, title and constant source of inspiration: Innocence Faded, by Dream Theater...from the "Awake" CD

*************
Innocence faded
The mirror falls behind you
*************

The beach was deserted, this stretch of sandy paradise belonging to us alone in more ways than one. As if respecting our privacy, even the seagulls had retreated to a position further down the shore, their splashes and cries a distant background noise. Or perhaps we were simply embarrassing them as we fumbled through our heated foreplay. The sun shone warmly over skins rapidly drenching in passion. My loose hair shrouded down to shelter the both of us, one of Heero's hands desperately lacing through it.

I stopped breathing, as if that touch had flown up the strands and devoured my insides, throwing gasoline on the unforgiving blaze. That silent language of human contact reverberated without sound as I explored that beloved body. *Touching you...it just isn't enough.* My tongue worshipped his jutting collarbones, licking and sucking the hollows they made with his throat. Inside his shorts, my thumb rubbed restlessly at the baby-soft ridge of his hardness, following that line in circles around the head. *My whole being is consumed with you.*

Body sneaking southward across his chest, I poured an erotic groan into his navel, punctuating it with a lazy, purposeful swipe of my tongue. Lengthy, wet kisses followed around the edge of that delicate indentation, and a playful nip at the rock-hard muscles caressingly surrounding that crater. *Consume me in return.* I ran a fingertip up the underside of his penis, then flipped it to trail the top of my fingernail against his skin until he impatiently thrust up against my touch, demanding more.

His shorts, which started as just loose enough for me to slip fingers and little else inside, had become an impediment as they grew tighter. With one more touch of promise, I reluctantly withdrew them, shimmying down between his legs until my fingers splayed just above his waistline, my hair cascaded over his bare legs, my chest thrust against his solid, needy manhood, and my nose resided a breath away from the top button of his denims.

Not for long.

With an inarticulate growl, I fastened teeth on his waistband, artfully tugging and manipulating my jaw and tongue until they thrust that first silver button free of its confining hole. [1] His hips jerked up convulsively, pressing against me, and my firm hands pushed him back against the blanket with authority.

Here, this close, I could smell the hot, primal, unmistakably male scent of him, and my own manhood leaped in reaction. Smells did it for me every time, not like I wasn't ready for him instantly. Bangs falling in my face, I glanced up at him, glimpsing his eyes were screwed shut, hands knotting and unknotting in the blanket beneath him.

It was a phenomenal sight. I'd never felt more turned on in my life, not just because I was in control but because I could watch his reactions. I could see him wanting me. We tended to make love in the dark, not out of shame but lack of knowledge or need for secrecy. *I want to watch you this time. I want to see every light in your eyes, every moment of passion and want while I share my own with you.*

The remaining buttons took some twisting to manipulate--the desperate, distracting, 'I-want-you-fuck-me-now' movements of his hips nearly drove me to rip his shorts in two--but it seemed all that tongue-exercise called talking proved a valuable resource. With a triumphant nuzzle and lick of his stomach, I slid Heero's shorts over his hips, baring him fully to my eyes.

I'm surprised I didn't drool right on him; does he have any idea just how sexy going commando is?

I maneuvered the cutoffs almost to his knees before temptation got the better of me. I knew I had to taste that forbidden fruit. Now.

My hot breath coursed over his shaft as I wrested first one leg, then the other free of his clothing, carelessly throwing the denims down the beach. Where they landed was of little concern compared to the feast now laid bare before me.

Just a taste, I promised myself, just a small sampling of the buffet.

Warm and wet laid claim to hard and smooth in a languid stroke running his full length, ending with a long, playful suckle. "Do you like that?" my voice, husky and thick to my own ears, demanded. "Do you want me, Heero, as much as I want you?" I dipped my head, taking him in my mouth again, this time only halfway while I cupped his heavy, round balls in one hand, palming their weight. *So, so beautiful. Glorious.*

I rolled my lips over my teeth and nibbled at the ridge of his erection, parting my mouth at last from his solid heat. Callused fingers teased downwards past his warm sac, rubbing at that sensitive spot between it and his tight passage. He arched down into my touch, a strangled sound in his throat. "I want to be inside you, do you want me there?"

Tiptoeing, my fingers continued their quest, cresting and hovering at that entrance. "I want to hear you scream for me, lover." They massaged gently, and I turned the fiery amethysts of my eyes from him just long enough to leave a sultry mark on his inner thigh. "Tell me you want me," I purred, just shy of a demand as the movement of my head trailed long strands of hair over his manhood.

***

So he was Shinigami, ne? I would have laughed if I'd had the presence of mind. Basically what that amounted to was that Duo felt he had part and parcel to be an unholy pain in the ass. God, he was making me crazy. What's more, he was enjoying it. My lover is a sadist, but it's not from pain that he derives his satisfaction, but pleasure. Exquisite, soul-singing, earth-shattering pleasure.

"Duo," I cried softly, a shudder going through me as his breath whispered along my shaft. His lips brushed across the head in a fleeting, butterfly kiss, retreating again as I distantly registered my shorts disappearing. I drew breath to call him, but the words couldn't be heard. The air had been stolen away, drawn down through my body and into his sinful mouth. My fingertips kneaded his scalp like a cat's paw, and I had to consciously force myself to untangle them, stroking through the silky fall of his hair down to the ends, then starting over again, keeping the same languorous rhythm he worked over my cock.

I growled softly as he asked me a question, more aware of the fact that he'd stopped than consciously processing his question. "Yes," I answered impatiently once I'd mentally replayed what he'd said, digging my fingers into the blanket beneath me. I don't think it would have mattered all that much what he'd asked. Whatever it took to get him started again, I'd do.

He startled a strangled cry from me as his fingers applied gentle pressure somewhere slightly lower, teasing against my tight opening. I bucked, unable to quell the instinctive thrust of my hips as he pressed a little harder at the sensitive ring of muscle that guarded it. My body knew what it wanted, it knew exactly what it wanted.

With a deep, fierce growl, I rose up on my elbows, looking down at him. "I want you," I said in a low voice that sounded harsh and unused. "I want you..." I stumbled, a part of me still unable to fathom the request.

Waiting until I had his dark amethyst eyes locked with mine, I tried again... "I want you inside me," I whispered.

***

"As you wish," I whispered back, covering his tip in another wet, slurping kiss. Having skipped ahead on the path, my consciousness returned to grab my body by the hand and drag it forward into important, necessary action. There was always a little discomfort involved in playing catcher, so to speak, but preparation lessened it and I did my best to mimic what my need-strangled brain could recall of Heero's past actions for me.

His warm, tight opening began to relax at last, granting my fingers entrance into that most secret paradise. I slid them up inside him, scissoring back and forth and up and down, moving within him in anticipation of the inevitable conclusion towards which we were breathlessly racing. My body was more than ready for him as I made him ready for me; having been on the receiving end of such action, I knew the timing was right when he ground back against my hand to take my fingers deeper. In a sinuous move, I rose back to my knees, curtaining us both again in my hair.

I guided his knees apart, fumbling one-handed at the fastening of my own shorts and infinitely thankful they were very loose, riding my hips despite the fervent need of part of me to be freed. A few frantic motions and they and my boxers made it as far as my knees; there was no way in hell I was letting go of Heero to take them completely off. I felt as if I would implode if I let him go for even a second, I needed him that badly. I draped one of his long legs around my waist, feathering my touch up his lean thigh and taking a selfish moment to drown in him. *You amaze me. You leave me without words, only touch to tell you what I feel.*

What is it like to know that you were about to make love to a dream in the flesh? Something far too perfect to possibly be real, and yet, it is real? Whatever descriptive terms can be given to that feeling, it had my emotions in a knotty stranglehold, suffocating every bit of sense and good judgment I possessed. I tried to summon a grin for him; drinking in the wine of his body, I was sure it became a leer, but there was neither time nor energy to care. "All you ever had to do was ask..."

There were no more words as he took me. Yeah, I know, wasn't I playing the part of seme in this little coupling? But I was lost the moment I entered him. He took me, and with each feverish thrust he took me more, hips rising to meet me and take me deeper and deeper, swallowing me whole. Consuming me until there was nothing more of me, nothing left to give. Like he had never done before, he welcomed me, he invited me inside, and he rose to meet me, joined not just in body but mind, soul, will and emotions.

I nearly broke down and sobbed as I plunged farther into him. It was too much, too overwhelming.

It was making love. It always had been with me, but...*God...Heero...!*

I trembled as my body and soul surged towards that mountaintop, ready to plunge over the top and forever fall. *Closer, closer...* my breath panted in my chest, sweat dribbling down my back and arms as I held myself balanced over him, the primal old-as-time rhythm our only guide.

Heero had surrendered, but it was I who was captive, held prisoner by an infinite pair of cobalt eyes. Open, honest, real eyes reaching down inside me to draw out that dark, hidden secret of my love for him and completely spill it forth.

I was utterly vulnerable, trapped between paradise and pain in the throes of a passion I'd dreamed of and craved for nearly two years. Harder, faster, it was rushing at me in a desperate race with my body's fulfillment for dominance. I had to reach my peak before it was too late, before I spoke it all aloud and made it real. *He's not ready for that, I can't frighten him away!*

*Closer, closer, I can make it!* My heart clawed up my throat like a wild thing, desperate to be free.

I trembled alone on the precipice, the swollen tide of ecstasy starting to crash upon me in slow motion, when he arched under me, grabbed my upper arms and convulsed, a strangled cry of my name pouring right into my soul as surely as he poured over our stomachs. One final thrust rocked my body and I exploded with a shout, clutching sand and blanket under my fingers. The convulsive spasms spilled me completely and with a weak moan I crumbled on his chest, broken, sweaty, exhausted and fighting for breath.

Lingering in that moment between life and death, too spent to move or even clearly think, that final culmination replayed itself in my mind, the warm jets of Heero's release followed by my wordless cry...that hadn't been wordless at all.

I run, I hide, but I never lie. And even those familiar options had been forever lost to me in that single, quiescent moment when "Ai shiteru!" had wrenched itself from my very soul.

*Ai shiteru...*

*I love you...*

Trying not to shake, I closed my eyes and prayed to anyone who would listen that he hadn't heard me.

***

I think we lost time for a while, both of us. Or perhaps Time simply paused, waiting patiently for conscious thought to find us again before continuing onward.

I became aware of the soft plush of the blanket under my back, of the shifting embrace of the sand that lay beneath it. A salt-kissed breeze wafted past my nose, stirring the sweat-slicked hair from my forehead. My fingers twitched, slowly closed around a strand of silky hair that lay carelessly across the back of my hand, following it upward until they touched the sweat-damp skin at its source. Warm, supple weight lay across my body, vibrant and lithe even in exhaustion.

I could still feel him inside me, stretching me even while spent, kindling a plaintive ache in flesh unaccustomed to being used in that way. I swallowed, breathed, eyes still closed as I turned that over in my mind. Pain for pain...the scales of balance were appeased. And a slow conclusion coalesced from my languid thoughts. He had done this for me. Seduced me, wooed me, made love to me with all the passion and fire that set his soul alight. He wanted what little I had to offer, was willing to chance the violence that still lurked in me.

As Gundam pilots, we had no choice but to live by chance, to trust that, somehow, Fate would see fit to grant us lenience, even in the face of impossible odds. How could I forget that? I could try to protect him all I wanted, but the one thing Duo Maxwell refused to be protected from was me. He was willing to take the chance. How could I not take it, too?

I'm not alone. I still hurt, I'm still so screwed up inside, but... God, I'm not alone.

A soft laugh began somewhere low and bubbled upward, finally breaking on the air with a rich and genuine sound. It felt good to laugh, safe and light and warm, and I knew as it happened that it was something that would both shock and please my lover. I stroked his hair, willing him not to move. I wanted to keep this feeling of being embraced and possessed a little while longer. The closest I've ever come to being whole are in these moments, bodies joined, hearts keeping time to one rhythmic beat.

"You make it seem so easy," I said hoarsely, opening my eyes to look up at the muted watercolors of the sunset sky. "But it's not.... is it?" I sighed softly, and it came out as a weary chuckle. "God, I'm tired, Duo," I admitted; I think it was the first time I'd said that to anyone. "I just want to sleep for a little while... beside you." I breathed, once and once again, and realized, finally, that the soldier, while never leaving completely, could be allowed to rest.

I let silence fall between us again. Then asked a question that somehow seemed both silly and incredible. "The war is really over, isn't it?"

He'd tensed slightly when I'd first spoken...for reasons that I thought I understood, but chose to leave alone for the moment. Now he stirred, slowly lifting his head and puffing wild strands of hair out of his face. I hesitated, then reached out to brush them away, watching the light dance in his eyes as he registered the touch, leaning into it. There was another long moment of silence before he gave me any kind of answer, and I could almost watch the thoughts racing through his mind at light speed before he finally did.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly, a wry smile tugging at his lips. "It is." Lodestone to polar North, we drew together then. I have no idea who initiated it first, it just happened... but a kiss marked that moment of agreement. And maybe, just maybe, it was a promise of something that could last.

***

[1] Yup, Heero's a button-fly kind of boy.

TBC.... only one more part!!