disclaimer: the boys aren't mine. i just play with them for my own entertainment.
this shouldn't come as any big surprise.
title: the darkness
archive: shinigami&wing http://www.1X2X1.org
warnings: yaoi, AU, POV, citrus, sap, odd
pairings: 1X2X1, ?X?
notes: this came to me after a long chat with KM last night.
// thoughts //
it's 2 a.m.
i've been driving all night.
// it's been weeks. three of them...21 long days //
my foot grows heavy of its own accord and the accelerator hits the floor. 60... 70... 75
my two hands tightly grip the wheel; knuckles turning white.
i roll down the windows; a blast of icy air fills the car.
i take a deep breath.
// one more hour //
i pull off the thruway.. to relieve myself, to splash my face; to replace the lost caffiene......
i merge onto the empty road again... mesmerized by endless white lines, aluminum lamp posts; sheer boredom.
i turn on the radio; the bass sending a vibration through me by way of my calf.
i turn it up.
// exit 21 //
i ease off the gas and exit... breaking at the light and closing my
// so tired //
i lapse into auto-pilot.
a journey of familiarity... i relax back into the seat.
my left hand drifts down off the wheel.
// so close //
i signal right and drive for another mile or so, pulling into the long driveway; exiting the vehicle and taking the key from under the mat.
i enter quietly through the side door, making my way in the dark.
// almost home //
i strip as i climb the stairs; leaving a trail of sweat dampened clothes in my wake; arriving naked but for my socks and shoes outside the bathroom door.
the water warms as i finish my undress, pinning my hair up and stepping into the stall.
a quick rinse; the warm water a welcome relief. i don't relish in it for long; aroused by the time i turned off the water.
i towel myself dry as i make my way down the hall; pausing outside thepartially open bedroom door.
i gasp and hold that breath as i enter..
the room is filled with moonlights shadow... and he is there..... sprawled out across the bed and naked despite the airs chill.
i lose control.
dammit.. i always lose control.
// you can do this.... just one more time.... //
it's always just one more time.
i take those five steps that bring me to his side; seating myself on
bed and looking down at him
there is a sudden swell in my chest; my heart aches... how did i come to be here?
// it doesn't matter //
i reach out to run the back of my hand down the side of his face; shushing softly as i startle him from sleep.
"it's just me..."
and then it begins.....
i cannot see his eyes on me, but i know that they are; they burn.. as does his touch.
"i've missed you....." it's so simple, but it's the only truth i'll admit to.
there is always silence; i expect nothing else; never disappointed
and then he is in my arms, tightly wrapped muscles and warm soft flesh.
i can barely hold myself back; needing what i've been too long denied.
" i want you....."
it's barely a whisper and need not be said; i say it anyway... and he answers with no words and without question.
this is my one slice of heaven; i easily recognize it having served my time in hell.
i will never grow weary of feeling the heat his body beneath me nor mine beneath his.
our joining is hard and fast, but not without passion; not without me giving him everything that i am and taking all that he offers of himself in return.
// i would surely die without this //
there are no moans; no screams; no declarations of love... just silent cries as he accepts my release.
and then he is in my arms again; and we shudder together in that embrace.
i bring my hand to my mouth; there are words there.. on the tip of my tongue, but they will never leave; i pull him closer instead.
i touch my lips to his forehead; my eyes close despite the darkness.
i never wonder why it hurts so much, but i still cry; i'll be gone by daybreak.
// ...always just out of reach //
it never gets any easier for me; i'm not sure how it affects him.
i roll over and set the alarm for 5 a.m.; welcoming him back into my arms.
silence; it breeds thought.
i can feel the weight of his stare as his eyes turn on me; i can't bring myself to meet them.
"stay with me.."
i turn toward him; barely able to make out the sharp angles of his face in the darkness.
"leave her.... " he whispers.".... stay with me."
his eyes are glistening.
i reach down and take his hand, squeezing it tightly and nodding my response; unable to manage anything further..
his eyes turned back up to gaze at the ceiling.
i worry on my lower lip.
i didn't tell him i had already done so.... its been almost a year now; it happened after our first night together.
those memories danced behind my eyelids.
i couldn't bring myself to share a bed with her after that; not after the passion he and i had uncovered.
i would tell him... tomorrow though.
// tomorrow //
i closed my eyes.
tomorrow was enough.