8-3-2003

Title: Goodbye to You 1/1 (Sequel to Does He Love You?)
Author: Jadeduo
Pairings: Rx1, 2x1
Warnings: yaoi, Nice Relena, Relena POV, some Heero POV, language, songfic
Rating: R (for language)
Archives: ff.net under Jadeduo, My website: Death and the Soldier (soon) and if anyone else wants to archive just ask so I can put it in the fic header :)
Reviews: Yes please!!! *gives chibi eyes*
Disclaimer: None of the boys are mine... Only in my dreams... So don't sue all you'll get is a very beat up manga collection.
Notes: It's like 3:30 in the morning here and I am absolutely exhausted. I'm pretty sure in the morning this fic will be an awful read but oh well. This is the sequel to 'Does He Love You?' The second in a trilogy of songfics, the third I already have plotted out, I'm just way too tired to do anything about it right now. So much for taking a break, ne? Well here is my humble offering, I hope I don't get pelted with too many vegetables. ~Jadeduo

Goodbye to You

//Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with//

Relena sat down in her room waiting for Heero to come home. It was time to confront him about Duo. Not that she had anything against him, Heero had lied to both of them. They had spent the afternoon crying and talking about what had gone wrong. Neither of them could figure out what was wrong with Heero. In the end they decided that they both needed to talk to him about what was happening. And for once they needed a straight answer out of Heero. When was he going to get home? She paced the room while waiting for him. How was she going to do this? How could she let him go? I love him still? The suicidal insecure jerk that he is, I still love him. But if I still will he be able to confront who he really is? Will I be able to live a lie with him? I can't let this charade go on any longer it was hurting all of them. Duo was right. She needed to move on with her life.

//Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by//

Heero walked in the room, and looked at his wife. She was so beautiful what was wrong with him? Couldn't he learn to love her? Couldn't he finally have a piece of that normal life he so craved? But he only ever felt at peace when he was with Duo, when he was wrapped in that cinnamon scented embrace.

Relena stood and looked at him, interrupting his thoughts as he watched her. Then he realized that she had been crying. "Heero we need to talk."

Warning lights flashed in Heero's head, this couldn't be good. "About what Relena?"

"I ran into Duo in the city today." Heero sat down across from her on their bed. "We talked. I... just want to know why Heero. Why have you been lying to us?"

Heero sat there silently on their bed, not knowing what to say. He knew they would have to have this talk eventually. But he never wanted to face this, ever. He wanted things to stay the way they were. He wanted it all, but he knew he couldn't have it. He had hurt them both, and he would have to pay the consequences

"Heero say something, anything."

"I'm sorry Relena. I'll make it up to you, whatever I have to do."

//I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old//

"Heero that's not good enough, I need to know why you have been lying to us for six months. Duo and I, we had along talk. I feel like I'm seeing a whole new you. There is a side to you I never even knew you had. Heero you need to face the fact that you will never be truly happy with me, I'm not the one you want - and I know that now."

"That's not true Relena, I am happy with you." Heero tried to reach for her but she just pulled away from him. If she gave in to him now, she wouldn't have the courage to do this.

"Heero I think we need to talk about separating. I need to move on, I know that you aren't ready. I know you don't want to face the fact that you want Duo, and only him. But I need to find someone who loves me the way you love him. I need someone who will scream my name in ecstacy when we make love. Heero you can't do that, I know you can only give that Duo. He told me. He told me how you really are in bed. How you scream his name, while begging him to take you. Heero I love you I always will, but I won't continue giving and giving and getting nothing in return."

//It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to//

Heero pulled Relena into an embrace and frantically tried to make things right. "Relena no, please, don't leave me. I promise I'll do better! I love you so much! Please this can't be it. I don't know what I would do."

Relena pulled back from the crushing embrace and smiled wanly at her husband. "Heero I love you too. But you don't love me the way you love Duo. I see it in your eyes sometimes when you look up into the night sky at L2. I'm giving you a chance to be with the one you love. Don't you understand? Don't you want to be with the one you love?"

He looked into her eyes pleadingly, "I am Relena, I love you."

//I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you//

Relena found herself being pulled into Heero's deep blue eyes. She could never ever resist them. They were one of the many things that had drawn her to him in the first place. But she couldn't all into that trap again, she had to let him go. This would be her last gift to him. She would make him realize that he never really needed her. All this time he had needed Duo.

//Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right//

"Heero I want you to go to him. I want you to apologize, and I want you to choose to be with him. Only you can make that decision, but I want you to know that you have my blessing. I will never stop loving you, but need to move on."

Heero sniffled, he couldn't cry about this. Soldiers didn't show weakness or emotions. But all Heero knew right now was that he was going to lose one of the most important people in his life. Because he couldn't control himself around Duo, he couldn't stop himself from wanting the braided baka. "Relena please, please don't do this, you're my last chance at a normal life."

Relena cupped his chin, and forced him to look her in the eyes. "Heero how we are living now is not normal. You are having an affair with a man. You only stay with me, because it is what is expected of you. You think you love me, but it is the love you feel for a friend, not a spouse, not a lover. Go to him Heero, get on your hands and knees and beg his forgiveness. Because despite all that you have put him through, he still loves you."

//Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to//

Heero looked sorrowfully at his wife, "Don't you love me anymore?"

Relena sighed mournfully, he seriously couldn't make this any harder for her. "Heero I do love you with all of my heart and soul. But it isn't worth a grain of salt if you don't love me the way I love you in return. Do you know how much it hurt me to have Duo confirm that you loved him? To show me the obvious proof that you love him above all else. I know you don't want to admit it to yourself or anyone else Heero, but you are gay. I did a lot of soul searching in the last few hours and this had hurt me more than anything I've ever had to put myself through."

"Don't you want me anymore?"

//And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time//

Relena sighed in frustration, what did she have to do to convince him? "Heero I'm not giving in again. I accepted your apology when you returned after that whole disaster six months ago. Only because you had always been loyal to me. But now I know for a fact that you have been sleeping with Duo and me for the last six months. You crossed the line when you lied to me. Heero you have never lied to me before, about anything. You lied about Duo, because you are ashamed of him. You shouldn't be. You obviously love him with every ounce of your being. You need to get rid of all the social constructs that are keeping you from him. Don't worry about me I will do my best to keep this out of the press. I know you will need the time to think about all of this, but don't make him wait too long Heero."

Heero looked like he was at war with himself, he made a decision. Relena was right they had to move on. As much as he didn't want to he knew that hurting Relena anymore than he already had. Was the wrong thing to do. Heero pulled his wife into a warm embrace, "Thank you Relena." He whispered into her ear. "Thank you so much. I will get him back for you, I promise. You will be so proud of me. I will accept who I am. I will stop lying to myself."

"That's all I ask Heero, now go."

//Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to//

Heero ran from their bedroom, and into the night to find the one person he loved above all else. Relena sat on her bed and wept for her failed marriage, even though she knew that this was for the best. Marriage based on love and trust, was much better than the sham she had been living up until now. Relena lay down on her bed staring up at the ceiling. She hoped Duo would let Heero back into his life. She hoped that she hadn't given him up for him to be rejected by the one; he loved most. Well there wasn't much to do now. It was all up to Duo. Tomorrow she would call her lawyers to put the divorce into motion, but for tonight - tonight she would think of Heero and the few moments of happiness their marriage brought them. Then she would pull herself back together in the morning and continue to keep the peace. She would be strong enough for everyone, even Heero.

//And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star//