8-6-2003

Title: And So It Goes 1/1 (Sequel to Goodbye to You)
Author: Jadeduo
Pairings: 2x1, past Rx1
Warnings: yaoi, Heero POV, Duo POV, Nice Relena, SAP, language, songfic
Rating: R (for language)
Archives: ff.net under Jadeduo, My website: Death and the Soldier (soon) and if anyone else wants to archive just ask so I can put it in the fic header :)
Reviews: Yes please!!! *gives chibi eyes*
Disclaimer: None of the boys are mine... Only in my dreams... So don't sue all you'll get is a very beat up manga collection. Also 'And So It Goes' is owned by Billy Joel, I have no claim to that either!
Notes: I'm glad everyone liked the two fics :) So here is the conclusion! I'm am so hiding all of my plot bunnies in a drawer otherwise I will never get my other fics done! Oh well here is the conclusion! I hope you all like it!
~Jadeduo

And So It Goes

Duo sat alone in the apartment Heero had rented for him during his stay in Sanc. He had run into Relena the day before and they had, had a long talk. Apparently, he had been right about Heero. He had been stalling him. Heero had no intention of leaving his wife behind for him. He had to end it now, before Heero had the chance to hurt him even more. He loved the man dearly, but his love had betrayed the trust between them. When Heero finally decided to grace him with his presence, he would tell him he was going back to L2 with or without him. Heero had to admit what was he was doing, this was his last chance to fix things between them.

*****

Sitting alone in a cold, sterile motel room, Heero's mind was a whirlwind of emotions. The confrontation between Relena and him the night before had broken him. She found out about Duo, she said she ran into him on the street. He had thought that they would never run into each other. Duo tended to just stay at home and work. He almost never went out. It made sense that he would enjoy the vacation time. But he took his business very seriously, and worked at it constantly - like a lover. He couldn't understand why Relena would want to let him go, him being with Duo had never stopped her before... She loved him, but she wanted him gone? He didn't understand it at first. How could she want him gone if she loved him that much? Then it finally clicked. She had realized his sick little secret. He enjoyed being with Duo. He loved being with Duo. At first he couldn't believe it. He just wanted to be normal. How could she deny him that chance? Being with Duo that way was decidedly less than normal, then she told him she wanted him to go to Duo. She wanted him to stop lying to himself about whom he was. She believed in him to fix everything, to be with the one he truly loved. He made the decision then to go to Duo, to beg him for his forgiveness. Relena was right. He was being weak, by leaching off of her strength and goodness. Everyone always said she leached strength off of him, but the truth was, she always had that strength. She just never truly tapped into it, until now. Taking a deep breath, Heero left the lonely motel and headed toward the apartment he had rented for Duo. Hoping against all odds that he wasn't too late to fix things between them.

*****

//In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along//

After making the decision to leave, Duo packed up all his belongings strewn around the rented apartment. The decision to leave Sanc lifted a huge burden off of his shoulders. He loved Heero with everything he had, but he couldn't stay and be the 'other woman.' He would leave, and then pull himself back together piece by piece when he got home. The coming confrontation when Heero arrived was not going to be pleasant. So he sat and strengthened his resolve. Putting up the mask, he had not worn since the wars.

Heero stood outside the apartment door, staring at the knocker on the fake wooden door - trying to gather his courage. The coming confrontation had the power to break him. There was no telling how Duo would react to what he would say. If it was even possible, Duo had become even more unpredictable since the wars. Yet Duo still loved him, even after he left him. Duo had been strong enough to let him go, and then accept him back into his arms when he had come running to him. The question was, would he be strong enough to accept and apology for his betrayal? Would a promise to remain faithful, to always be beside him through thick and thin be enough to regain shattered trust? He could only hope, gathering what little courage he had. Heero knocked on the door hoping Duo would open the door to him, at least one last time.

*****

//I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense//

Duo was knocked out of his reverie with a soft precise knock at his door. Who could be coming to see him here in Sanc? Heero had a key. He would use it. Hell, he had rented the apartment - it was in his name, he thought bitterly. So Duo got up and answered the door.

Heero stood silently in the doorway, while Duo stared at him in astonishment. Duo walked away from the open door, and sunk down onto the soft leather couch in the sitting area of the rented apartment. Heero walked into the apartment, and closed the door behind him. Heero walked over to his silent lover, and knelt before him. "Duo?" He said softly.

Duo looked up at Heero with tears in his eyes. "How could you?"

Heero stared at him sadly, and looked at him ashamedly. "I... I'm... sorry Duo." He answered and stared into his angry lover's eyes. Only then did he realize, as he looked into those violet eyes so full of emotion, what he had done. "All this for me?" He choked.

"Yes you bastard, you know what you mean to me. You know that there hasn't been anyone else since you. Hell I even tried! But no one, and I mean no one could replace any of what I felt - still feel for you. How could you lie to me? I take it Relena came to you, and told you to make a decision. I'm sure you've just come here to ask me to be your mistress. Well I won't be the 'other woman,' while you play house with your wife! I am a man Heero, and I won't be treated like some whore you picked up off the streets. I have a life on L2. It may not be much. But it's mine, and I'm damn proud of what I've done. I can't take this anymore. Tomorrow I'm leaving. I have to get back to my business, my life. Do what you want, just stay out of my life. Don't come crying back to me when Relena kicks you out again." With those words Duo stood up and walked into the bedroom slamming the door and locking it behind him.

//And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose//

Heero slumped on the floor, Duo was right he had treated him unfairly. He had to fix this somehow. But Duo had effectively locked him out, he had to reach him somehow.

Duo lay on the bed they shared for the past six months. It still smelled like Heero. He knew that locking Heero out of the bedroom wouldn't stop him if he wanted to see Duo. But he hoped that Heero still had some common sense, and would just leave him alone. He just wanted the chance to spend the last few hours he had here in Sanc, in the bed they had shared. He wanted to remember how happy Heero had been these past few months; how happy he had been these past few months. Then he would go home and fall apart, Hilde would help him get it back together. She had helped him, the first time Heero left. She was a true friend.

Heero got up off the floor walked over to the bedroom door, and sat down leaning his head against the locked door. "Duo? Please, open the door. I just want to make sure you're all right."

//But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break//

Duo looked at the door angrily, and answered. "Heero I'm fine, if you have something to say, say it. I'm not opening the door, so you can either forget it or break it down. And if you break it down I won't wait until tomorrow to leave."

Heero looked despairingly at the door, and then sighed. Breaking down the door wouldn't help. He had to at least try to make amends through the door. He hadn't realized he meant that much to Duo that he had the power to hurt him this badly. "Duo, I want you to know I've been wrong these past few months. What I've done to you and Relena is inexcusable. You know Duo she came to me last night, after you two talked. She told me you two had a nice long talk that you understand each other now. Duo I don't know what happened yesterday, but Relena, she kicked me out. She told me that I really didn't love her. At first I didn't believe her; I mean I loved her. Still, love her, but as a friend. She realized that, and she told me she can't live like we were anymore. She's divorcing me Duo, please believe me. I'm telling you the truth! I was wrong Duo! I should have ended it with her the first night she kicked me out." Heero paused, taking a deep breath as he leaned against the door with his eyes closed. Picturing Duo lying on their bed, sobbing quietly into the pillow - he had to fix this. It was his last chance.

//And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows//

Duo lay on the bed with tears streaming down his face. He just wanted to yank the door open and pull Heero into his arms. He sounded so broken, so lost. But he couldn't let this charade continue, he couldn't leave himself open to be hurt again. He wouldn't survive it if it happened again. So he let Heero talk. Because if he opened the door now, he would fall into those cobalt depths and never surface again.

Heero took a deep breath and continued to pour out his heart and soul to the one he loved. Still unsure if Duo was even listening. "Duo, you are right. I treated you like a whore. And I, I had no right to do that to you. You deserve to be treated with all the love and respect in the world. I know that I was wrong in coming to see you all those months ago. I wasn't ready for the commitment that you wanted. I wasn't ready to be true to myself or who I am. I still clung to the idea of normalcy. I still clung to the idea of raising a family with Relena. I know how much I hurt you, god, do I know that now!"

Duo looked crestfallen, Heero regretted being with him. He knew these past six months were too good to be true. The love he saw in those eyes in the past six months, had been an illusion. Heero just used him. He never really felt anything. He was just looking for a way to let him down easily. Well he wasn't going to let that happen. He didn't want to hear any fake apologies. He didn't want to see the regret in Heero's eyes. He just wanted him to leave. "Heero just go."

//So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break//

"I will Duo, just let me say a few more things. Then I will go if you still want me to." Heero said desperately, hoping Duo would give him one last chance.

"Fine. Then go." Duo said flatly.

Heero's heart sunk at the tone, but then gathered what little bravery he had left, and spoke sincerely to his heart's true desire. "Duo, Relena didn't give me a choice. She told me to make amends with you. She told me to come here, get on my hands and knees and beg your forgiveness. At first I tried everything I could to get her to change her mind. But then she finally convinced me that I have been lying to myself for years. That in separating myself from you, and treating you like I was. I was destroying the other half of my soul. So I made a choice, I would come here and do what she said. I would choose to be with you. I know that it really isn't my choice, it's yours, but... I guess what I'm trying to say is... I, I - aishiteru... zutto... Please give me a chance to love you like you deserve to be loved. I know I can't marry you, but I can promise that I will never leave you alone again. I love you Duo, please give me one last chance."

Duo lay there on the bed, and let Heero's words slowly sink in. Heero truly wanted him. He wanted to be his life partner. Could it be true? Could he really want his stained soul over Relena's pure soul? Could he take the chance that Heero was lying to him again? There was only one way to find out. Duo got up off the bed, pulled open the door, and hauled Heero onto his feet. Duo looked into Heero's very blue eyes, and asked him the one question that would tell him if Heero was lying to him. "Would you leave Sanc tomorrow, and come with me to L2?"

Heero's heart leapt for joy, and he answered resolutely. "Yes."

//And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows//

Duo pulled Heero into a warm embrace, and whispered into his ear. "All right we'll give this a try, and I love you too."