8-12-2002

Author: Helen (that's me!) and Captain Hauq (my friend) Pronounced "Hawk"

Title: Everlasting Love

Disclaimers: ::sighs:: No, we don't own Gundam Wing or any of it's characters. ::cries:: Life isn't fair...

Warnings/Categories: Duo supporting Relena (Where did that come from?! Don't worry, it's just a bit...), Heero pulling stuff from "spandex-space", um... a *really* annoying Relena? (who never seems to die?) / TWT, AU, OOC

Pairings: Implied 1+2/2+1, R+1

Spoilers: A tad of... teeny tiny bit of Episode 38 (Birth of Queen Relena) and Episode 41 (Crossfire at Barge)

Archive: <http://www.isogasii.com/nanashi/> And soon to be: <http://www.wildwingalleyway.com/> If you want, ask.

Rating: Um... PG for explosions? It's not that bad... Really!

Feedback: Yes! Please?

Notes: We know that it is 3 AM in the morning in this part but think of it this way... they are in a secluded area where there are nobody to complain...

Special Thanks (in ABC order for convenience): Jeanne, Quaker18336, and Tieyra for their replies! Always makes us happy! (I hope that we didn't forget anyone..... Gomen nasai if we did!)

Summary: What starts off as a simple game of keep-away between Heero and Duo ends up turning into a sticky situation when the GW boys find out that Relena's after Heero again... and she can't be killed! The ever important question of "How will they handle her now?" will lead into more and more bizarre plans as the boys try to get rid of her.....

 

Everlasting Love

After showering and dressing into yet another pair of black spandex and green tank top, Heero stepped into his room to see an agitated Duo on the computer clicking away and groaning in frustration.

"Ah! This is impossible!" Duo screamed.

"What is?" Heero came up behind him.

"This stupid history assignment. I spent 3 days on it already and I'm not even done with one question!" Duo said, jabbing his finger at the screthaboyen. Heero looked over his shoulder and saw that it was a test of some kind having to do with the Pre-After Colony era.

"Who cares about who won in the US Vice-Presidential election of 2000?" sighed Duo as he collapsed on his chair.

"Hn." Heero took the mouse from Duo and skimmed through the rest of the test. The questions were hard, yes, but not impossible.

"I'll help." Heero said when he finished.

"Really?! Thank you, Heero!" Duo turned in his chair and clung himself onto Heero.

"Hn..."

***6 hours later... Time: 3:14 AM***

"Whoo hoo, we're done! Finally!!" Duo exclaimed, stretching out his tired body. He printed out the exam and stuffed it in his backpack. Heero reached over to turn off the computer but was stopped when Duo grabbed his hand.

"What are you doing?" he asked when Duo seated himself in front of the computer again.

"Going on the internet to beat that high score in Wing Racer II: Metal Gear." he responded.

"It's late, Duo. Go to sleep. You'll burn yourself out."

"No! No sleep! Look, Heero, that god-forsaken history assignment ate up 3 days of my life that I can't refund! I haven't been online to do anything I wanted to do, so now I'm squeezing it in right now. Not to mention I still have foreign language homework."

"Do it tomorrow."

"Heh, I will." Duo said. Heero sighed.

"But my racing I do now." Duo double-clicked on a small icon on the computer that filled the screen with images of very expensive and very fast racers. Heero took out his gun and pointed it at Duo.

"Duo, you baka! Get some rest!"

Duo laughed. "You can't stop me!" Heero cocked his gun.

"I won't say this again. Get some sleep."

"I'm still not going to!" Duo taunted.

<<BANG!>>

The computer in front of Duo exploded, leaving behind a smoky pile of wires and metal. Duo looked at it with amazement. Then an evil grin slowly made its way across the young American's face.

"Heh, nice shot, Heero but..." Duo grabbed Heero's nearby laptop. "doesn't mean that I can't use your laptop!" He made a mad dash to the door.

"Duo!"

"Catch me if you can Hee-chan!" Duo called down the hall. Heero lowered his gun and calmly proceeded down the hall.

"Hey Heero, where are the games on this thing?" Heero raised his eyebrow.

Duo groaned in frustration. "800 gigaquads of memory and you don't even have Tetris on this thing?"

"Duo, get some rest."

"No! You can't make me!" Heero raised his gun again and pointed it at Duo. Duo raised Heero's laptop in front of him as a shield and smiled.

"You wouldn't want to do that to your laptop, would you, Heero?"

"Duo! Put my laptop down right now!!" Duo gripped even harder onto the laptop. Heero knew that there was no way to get the laptop away from Duo now. He needed... more drastic measures. But what? Heero looked back at Duo to see him sticking out his tongue. Suddenly, Heero had an idea. Heero walked over to the table to put his gun down. He then went to the phone and dialed it. Duo cocked his head in curiosity.

"I want to talk to Relena Peacecraft." Heero said into the phone. Duo's grip loosened as his eyes widened.

"Hello, Relena? Let's get married."

Duo, in his shock, dropped the laptop as a very loud, very shrill noise emanated from the phone. Heero also dropped the phone and swiftly caught his falling laptop. After placing it on the table, he picked up his gun, aimed at the still shrieking voice from phone and fired. The poor phone, of course, exploded into a million tiny pieces. Duo laughed.

"Now let's see how you are going to get of her." he said as he crossed his arms. Heero cocked his gun again.

"The way everyone wants it done." he replied smoothly.

"But you can't, can you?" Duo smirked.

"And why not?"

"Let's see." Duo counted on his fingers. "She's vice-foreign minister. She promoted pacifism. She's important to almost everyone in the colonies, not to mention on Earth..." Duo continued to ramble. Heero just looked at him.

"That was a year ago." he said calmly. Duo stopped.

"Yeah. So?"

"This is now. She is nothing more than a political puppet." Duo thought for a moment and smiled.

"Good point. Pity that it takes such a short amount of time to go from the top of the world to the bottom of the pits. Like that time she became Queen of the World and Treize came along to expel her. Remember?"

"Hn. Duo, move over there." Heero pointed to the adjacent room. "You can watch."

Duo smirked. "Good luck." he said before heading inside. Heero went inside his own room to retrieve a grenade. Just a few moments later, the doorbell started ringing and Relena's voice could be heard. Both were soon accompanied by pounding from the other side. Heero opened the door and there stood Relena, somehow in a wedding dress and looking extremely estatic.

"Heeeeerooooo! I'm reaaaaaady!" Heero shuddered. Duo managed to cover his ears.

"Damn, she has a shrill voice."

Heero looked at her.

"I love you, Relena." he said mechanically. "I want to marry you." He handed her the grenade. "This is your ring." Duo covered his mouth, trying not to laugh out loud. "Right there." Heero pointed to the ring on the grenade. "I'm going to get dressed. Don't put it on." And he headed to his room. Relena watched him go in. When the door closed, she instantly yanked off the ring and placed it on her finger and admired it.

"Oh... how kind of Heero." she said with tears in her eyes.

<<BOOM>>

Duo peeked out of the room. "What a moron!" The smoke cleared and there was Relena, unaffected by the grenade. Duo's jaw dropped and he fell over anime-style. Heero walked out of his room to meet the same sight. Relena looked up.

"Heeeeerooooo! You're not dressed!!!!"

Heero sweatdropped. "Uh, I forgot... my socks." He ran into Duo's room and slammed the door.

"What now?" Duo asked. He watched as Heero took out a gun. And another one.

"Are you crazy?! You think those would kill her?" Duo exclaimed. Heero looked at the guns and dropped them. He pulled out a rocket launcher and looked up Duo for his approval. Duo sighed.

"Oh well, just give it a try. Wouldn't hurt."

"Ryokai." Heero sneaked outside where Relena was still admiring her grenade ring. Heero took aim and fired. No effect. Relena just stood there in the middle of the nearly destroyed living room.

"Such a nice and beautiful ring. Wonder how much it costs? 1 million? 2 million? How thoughtful of Heero. And it's my size too. It's just perfect... like him." Heero sweatdropped yet again and sneaked back into Duo's room.

"Get dressed, Duo. And warm up the Gundams."

"Right, right." Duo ran out of the room.

"Heeeeerooooo! What's taking you so long????????" Relena screamed.

"Uh, I'll be out in a minute!" Heero said.

"Oooh Heero, it's so nice of you to make yourself look extra ready just for me!" Heero couldn't take it anymore. He ran out of Duo's room to where Wing Zero and Deathscythe Hell were, already fired up. He strapped himself in and turned on his infared sensors. He and Duo both fired at Relena's position continuously. After, oh about 5 minutes, they stopped. Duo spotted the demolished building.

"Alright! That worked out well." he said as he cracked his knuckle. The smoke cleared.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooooo, where'd you go???????????"

Heero raised his eyebrow.

"NO FREAKIN' WAY!!!!" Duo yelled from Deathscythe. Duo turned on his communications link to Heero's just to see him using Wing Zero to call Relena's cell phone.

"Heero! What are you doing?!?!?!" Heero looked at him and signaled him to enter orbit. Duo glared at him.

"Hello? Heero? Heero, is that you? Talk to me, Heero!!!!"

"Relena, I don't love you." Heero said into Wing Zero's comm link. "I am running away... again." He hung up and they both flew off into space.

"HEEEEROOOOO!! COME AND KIIIIIIIIIILLLL MEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Three neighbors looked out of their windows to see what the screaming was all about.

Heero looked at Duo through the comm link. Duo smirked.

"Ninmu ryokai."

Seventeen missiles where then launched at high speed. The blazing streaks of light flew straight into Relena's mouth.

After the smoke cleared, a couple indignant neighbors (who had a trouble staying alseep through Relena's shrill voice) ran to see if the annoying shrew had finally stopped. The rest simply went with their instincts and followed the bright light and sound of breaking glass.

They heard her before they saw her.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!!! HEERO SENT ME A SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Duo's mouth dropped opened and he looked at Heero to see how he was handling the situation. "Uh, Heero? Are you ok?" Duo asked when he saw Heero's pale face. The cause of it was that Heero realized something.........

His laptop was still on the table.......................

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Heero screamed. He glared at Relena.

"OMAE O KOROSU!!!!!!!"

Heero then launched a static verticon missile that would create an expanding bubble to push all the inhabitants 20 miles away.

Then, 32 axionic nuclear missiles were launched to where Relena was, still screaming.

The resulting explosion leveled 10 miles of the city, making Chernobyl [1] look like a picnic.

After the smoke cleared... again... Duo spotted a huge crater. He whistled.

"That's... gotta hurt..." But then, his visual sensors picked up a small white dot at the crater's center."

"HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Duo smacked himself on the head and looked back at Heero. He just growled.

Heero flew down at top speed with Duo right behind him. He landed in front of Relena, who smiled.

"Heero! You came back to me!" She spread out her arms, expecting a hug. Wing Zero lifted its foot and stepped on Relena. Heero lifted it again to reveal... yeah yeah you know... Relena... still standing... with her arms outstretched.

"I GIVE UP!" Duo screamed in frustration. Heero eyes burned. He lifted Wing Zero's foot again and stomps continuously on Relena.

"You! <<stomp>> You're the one <<stomp>> who took <<stomp>> him away <<stomp>> from me!!!!! <<stomp>>" Relena screamed.

Duo looked at her, amazed that she was still talking! "Excuse me?"

"Ahhhhh!!!!! I demand that you<<stomp>> <<stomp>> <<stomp>> bring him back! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??? <<stomp>> I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!!! <<stomp>> <<stomp>> <<stomp>> I HAVE POWER!!!!!" Relena then lifted Wing Zero off the ground and threw it into orbit. It crashed... on the moon.

"Heero!!" Duo glared at Relena. "How dare you!!!"

"And you! You're his best friend!" Relena continued. "Anyone who takes him away from me is… not good!!!!!"

"You have crossed Shinigami once too many, sister!" Relena scoffed and began walking towards Deathscythe Hell. She stumbled and fell repeatedly due to her wedding gown. Duo grabbed his scythe.

"GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!" And he swung at her. It managed to cut her veil. Relena gasped.

"How could you?!?!?!?!?!? I had this gown especially made for when Heero and I get married!!! I go to sleep in it every night!!!!!" Duo looked at her.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!" He swung again and again and again.

"You.... you cut the beautiful ring Heero gave me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She grabbed the scythe on the next swing.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Relena threw Duo on the moon. Duo crashed right next to Heero. The gundams, though salvageable, where embedded into the lunar surface. Duo turned to face Heero.

"Duo... we have a problem..."

"Gee Heero... When did you figure that out?"

Ignoring the American boy's ranting, Heero picked up his celluar phone and dialed a few numbers.

"What are you doing?" asked Duo.

"Calling for reinforcements."

As Heero began to describe the night's/morning's events to the people on the other line, Duo decided that it might be a good idea to monitor Relena's movements. Pulling out a can of soda and a bucket of popcorn from Deathscythe's secret ration housing, he stared idly at the viewscreen, waiting for Heero to finish his call.

"Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei are on their way. Trowa and Quatre said that they would be here soon after they finish some business. I did have some trouble convincing Wufei that such a strong woman exists though."

Duo laughed. "Oh I think we'll have no trouble convincing him when he gets here…"

~~~30 minutes later~~~

Wufei landed first on the lunar surface.

"I don't believe that such a powerful onna exists! She must be a man!!" he bellowed through the comm link.

Duo sighed. "Whatever you say Wu-man. Why don't you see for yourself?" he said while gesturing towards Relena. "She hasn't done much but sit there and weep for the past half hour."

"You know, it might be possible..." Heero said thoughtfully, referring to what Wufei said. Duo sweatdropped. Heero raised an eyebrow. "It would explain a lot of things."

Leaving the pilots on the lunar surface, Wufei raced down to Earth as fast as he could.

"Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!" he screamed as he emptied his homing missile compliment. Relena looked up just in time to see them. They made contact.

"Ha! Let's see the onna survive that!!" Wufei said triumphantly. He then heard laughing coming from Deathscythe Hell's comm link.

"You'd be surprised, Wu-man." Duo said through his subsiding chuckles. "Popcorn, Hee-chan?"

The smoke cleared................ again.

Relena coughed a couple of times and looked up at Shenlong. "Who are you?" she asked Wufei.

A vein popped on Wufei's head.

"See! I told ya!" he heard Duo say teasingly. Wufei growled and climbed out of his Gundam.

"Injustice! I refuse to run from this onna!!" he said as he climbed out of his gundam and unsheathed a sword.

Duo smacked his head. "That wouldn't work!!!!!" Duo shouted, thinking that Wufei had lost his marbles.

But Wufei refused to listen.

"Now, pathetic onna, I shall slice you into tiny bite size morsels! You shall be no match for me!"

There were veins throbbing all over Wufei's head now, and he began to pick up his speed, charging towards Relena.

"You shall see that the world is divided into the weak and the strong, and the strong NEVER lose! Justice ALWAYS prevails!"

Wufei leaped into the air.

(bullet time) [2]

"Ahhhhhhh!!!!!"

He brought his sword down, attempting to impale Relena.

The sword broke.

Duo spilled the popcorn all over the floor of his gundam as he laughed hysterically. "See? What did I tell ya? That was the lamest thing I ever saw!"

Wufei's face paled slightly as he stared at his broken sword.

"Oh no... I've broken Mother!"

Duo laughed even harder when he heard this.

"Grrrr.... Mother was weak!! Father shall be stronger!!!!!" And he took out an even larger sword.

"Hmm... perhaps I should name a laptop after a family member..." Heero said to himself.

"What was that Heero?" Duo asked when he finally stopped laughing.

"Nothing..."

~~~Back on Earth...~~~

"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Wufei raced towards Relena. Relena just looked at him.

"Aren't you one of Heero's friends?" she inquired. Wufei swung his sword and.....

.....it broke on Relena's throat.

Duo, somehow, laughed harder still, clutching onto his stomach and rolling on the floor of his cockpit.

"THIS IS NOT A TRUE ONNA!! IT IS A MAN DRESSED AS AN ONNA!!!!"

"Yeah... <<laughs>> a man infatuated with Heero." Duo said. Heero looked at Duo through his comm link.

"Are you talking about yourself again?" he asked. Duo stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry.

Wufei climbed back into Shenlong. "Sensors show... she is a female! Impossible!!! NATAKU!! DESTROY HER!!!!!!!!!!!"

Relena eyes lit up. "Oh! I remember now!! You're Woofa Chang!! The one with the cute ponytail!!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Shenlong rammed straight into Relena.

The gundam split in two.....

"Can it be? A woman.. stronger than... Nataku?" The young Chinese boy then took out a well concealed box of tissue and began to wail for his ruined Gundam.

Duo sighed. "Well, if the entire Chang family couldn't knock out Relena....."

"Trowa and Quatre are coming." Heero stated.

Duo scoffed. "Oh yeah, what are they going to do? I mean face it Hee-chan. You, me and Wu-man combined can't even beat that... that..... thing!" Duo pointed at the small white figure as he settled back into his cockpit in disgust.

"Hn." Just then, Heavyarms and Sandrock were spotted heading straight to Heero and Duo.

"Duo! Heero!" Quatre's concerned voice came through the comm link. "I was watching Sailor Moon when I got your call. I wanted to finish the episode, but I thought about it and I realized that your health and preserved state of mind was more important that watching the 312th episode of a series that I have entirely on tape! But anyways, are you guys alright?"

"Does it look like we're alright?! We're here, embedded on the moon for the past hour and Wu-man is down there, crying his eyes out!"

"What do you want us to do?" asked Trowa.

"Well, you COULD get us off of the lunar surface before the oxygen tanks run out or something!"

In 30 minutes, Duo and Heero were in a transport, watching their gundams being taken out of the moon.

Wing Zero, being a difficult Gundam to destroy, was mostly intact. Deathscythe, however, was a different story. Its scythe would need to be replaced and many of the parts would need to be melted down and rearranged.

Duo and Heero landed on Earth. They were about to get off the transport... but thinking that they were a bit safer within it than out there with "her", they decided against it. Quatre landed next on Sandrock and hopped out to help Wufei (who was in the process of making a funeral for his family [3] ) get into the transport. Finally, Trowa landed.

"Alright Trowa, old buddy. Good Luck!" Duo sighed. 'All the luck in the world might not help him...' he thought with sympathy.

Trowa turned around, spotting Relena a good distance away, crying... again.... He jumped into the air and did his famous trademark flip and landed in front of Relena. She fell over due to the impact.

"Who are you this time?" Relena asked looking up.

Trowa ignored her and cocked 4 barrel loads of ammo.

"Trowa!" called Quatre.

"Yes?"

"Aren't you forgetting to do something?"

Trowa sweatdropped. "Are you sure this is a good time?"

"If you don't, you're sleeping outside tonight."

"Ugh… Out of all things..."

He took careful aim and fired.

A single red rose flew out of Heavyarm's guns.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

Duo stared at the lone flower heading towards Relena. "What's up with that?"

"Oh, he's so romantic..." Quatre said. "All he needs to do now is wear the mask." [4]

Duo decided not to ask.

"Does the rose serve a purpose?" asked Heero.

"It's made of gundanium 37 and it can pierce through normal gundanium armor that's three feet thick." smiled Quatre.

"Hn."

~~~Back on the battlefield~~~

The rose flew through the air and attempted impale Relena's neck.

Flesh and Metal met, and guess which won..... Flesh, of course.....

"Oh, how lovely! Heero sent me a rose! How kind of him!" Relena wept with happiness.

Instantaneously, hundreds of missiles and a spray of bullets erupted from Heavyarm's launchers and guns. The very force of the bullets threw Relena into the air. A blossom of fire erupted from her placid figure as the missiles found their target, but yet Trowa kept firing. This went on for about 20 minutes.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

"Oh, Trowa. Look Duo, he shoots just like the way he makes love. He never stops."

Heero and Duo exchanged glances before returning to watch Trowa.

"Um.. Quatre, you do know that we've launched nuclear missles towards Relena before, no?

"They...... didn't hurt her?"

"No," answered Heero. "It appears that we've found something new that we can start constructing gundams out of."

"Then why is Trowa out there, throwing his life on the line?" Quatre said, tears brimming.

"Well, I thought that with Tro-man's endless supply of ammo, he might do some damage at least." Duo retorted.

Just then, exceptionally large missiles flew out of Trowa's left arm, and the resulting shockwave forced Heavyarms to take a step back.

Trowa's "endless supply of ammo"... ran out...

"OH MY GOD! TROWWAAA!!!!!" Quatre knocked Heero and Duo to the floor and down the transport towards the entrance to his gundam.

~~~Back on the battlefield~~~

Trowa began to shake due to the nonstop firing he did.

"There... no more..." he said in relief.

Then... oh you know this already... the smoke cleared and...........

Relena stood there, with bullet marks all over her dress.

"This was suppose to be for MY WEDDING WITH HEERO!!!!!!!!!!"

Trowa ignored the screeching of the shrew, and assessed the situation. He had nothing else to hurt her with, and even if he did they wouldn't have as large of an explosion as the 4 A-69 missles he just launched. For him, there was only one option left. A button on Heavyarms main control panel.

"Heavyarms, initiate... self-destruction." [5]

Quatre, knowing his lover far too well, was already in Sandrock with some extra ammunition.

~~~At the transport~~~

"Uh, tell me he didn't say what I thought he said..." Duo looked at Heero and saw his nod of acknowledgement. Duo smacked himself on the forehead.

~~~On the battlefield~~~

"Wait Trowa!!!" Quatre screamed through his comm link. "I have more bullets!!! Don't do it!"

"Do you seriously think that more bullets would help??" Duo's voice filled the cockpit.

"We can kill Relena later!" Quatre answered. "What's important right now is that Trowa survives!"

He made it to Heavyarm's location and dropped off the ammunition. Trowa backed up a few steps from Relena, towards Sandrock, who handed the ammunition to him.

"It's okay, Trowa."

Relena looked down at her tattered white dress. The hundred dollar sequins were no more, and the expensive feathers plucked from female white doves now looked like they had been taken from dead ravens. Her veil was gone, and the "N" on her silver tiara that had read "Queen of the World" now looked like an "R." [6] The small white roses had melted and the pearls that had cost her THREE of her mansions had been shattered. To top it off, her diamond necklace was on the floor, in pieces.

"Oh no… I had to take money from the Relena Peacecraft: "Save The Homeless Orphans" foundation for this dress! I had to stop buying out Victoria Secrets to afford it!"

Quatre, with his impeccable sense of fashion, couldn't hold back much longer.

"You call that monstrosity a wedding dress? Those sequins were just horrible; they looked as if they were machined sewn on. You should've bought a couture dress. No one puts feathers on the sleeves a dress, unless you're marrying a giant chicken. That tiara was just horrible, although it looks better now... and those pearls were obtusely large and just didn't blend in. Getting rid of the necklace was a good idea though because they'd only have gone well with a PINK wedding dress. Actually… everything goes well with pink…

That did it. "YOU DARE INSULT THE DRESS THAT I DESIGNED FOR MY HEERO?!?!?" In a fit of rage, she threw the Gundamium rose in her hand towards Quatre.

Without speaking a word, Trowa pushed Quatre out of harms way and stood in front of the rose.

This wouldn't have been so bad...

...if he wasn't still holding the ammunition.

A large explosion was the result of rose and ammo, which knocked Heavyarms to the ground, while the small red rose protruded from its chest.

"Trowa!" cried Quatre.

Blood trickled down Trowa's face as Quatre looked at the image of his lover's face.

"You… and that television show…" he managed to say before passing out into unconsciousness.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

"Wu-man!!! Would you please stop that and call for a doctor or something?!" Duo was getting irritated. "It isn't bad enough that we're stuck here with a limited amount of oxygen but must you do that at a time like this?!?!"

Wufei didn't look up from his ritual of burning incense sticks for his... dead relatives. He just ignored the ever-babbling Duo as he proceeded to bow before the three tombs.

Duo held his head. "That's it! I'm going to go crazy in here!!!"

~~~Back at the battlefield~~~

"You're going to be fine, Trowa." Quatre looked at the unconscious figure of the young boy.

"You're going to be fine." His attention then shifted from Heavyarms to Relena.

"Hahahahaha <<coughs>> hahahaha <<chokes>> hahahahahahaha!!!" Relena had her hands on her hips with a triumphant smile on her face.

Quatre stared at the huge dust cloud that the explosion caused.

"You... you... baddie!!" he yelled through the comm link. Relena looked towards Sandrock and continued laughing.

"Ahhhh!!! You impetuous harlot!!!"

"It's all your fault, you know! You... ruined... my... dress!" Quatre backed away from her... completely terrified.

" I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU TO BE THE BEST MAN!!!"

~~~Back at the transport~~~

"Duo, what are you doing?" Heero asked when Duo turned on the transport's computer.

"Looking up the words 'impetuous' and 'harlot'." Duo said, in the process of typing out "www.dictionary.com".

"Impetuous - marked by impulsive vehemence, force, or violence. Harlot - a female prostitute." Heero stated.

Duo's shoulders slumped as he turned off the computer. "Why do I even bother?"

~~~Back on the battlefield~~~

Quatre unsheathed his heat shotels from Sandrock.

"I'll teach you to never harm Trowa again! I'll teach you never to mess with Tuxedo Trowa and Sailor Q!!!"

***Camera, which is centered on Quatre, shatters into 3 views that show Heero, Duo, and Wufei***

Simultaneously: Sailor Q??"

*Music of Quatre singing plays from a recorder in Sandrock's music player*

Fighting evil with sharp wits,
Drinking tea with crumpets!
Always wearing bright pink outfits,
I am the one named Sailor Q!
I am the one… Sailor Q!!!

There was a momentary pause.

"I think I'm going to start repairs on Wing Zero."

"Go Quat! Show her she can't take money from us orphans…. I'm going to go uh… rebraid my hair!"

"I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE AN ONNA!!!"

~~~Back at the battlefield~~~

"Moon prism power!"

Quatre hit a button and a bright light emanated from behind the cockpit of Sandrock. Quatre hurriedly took off all his clothes and posed dramatically naked for a second. He then quickly hit another button and the light turned off. He ended up wearing a sailor suit that was far too small for him, outlining every part of his body perfectly.

"On behalf of love and on behalf of justice, I shall triumph over evil and that means you! Moon Tiara Magic!"

Quatre's shotels heated up until it was a fiery red color. He threw one, spinning like a boomerang, towards Relena.

Relena, who had stopped laughing to see the spinning shotel heading her way, braced herself for impact. But, due to some good luck (or was it bad luck?), her foot got caught at the destroyed hem of her dress, which in turn caused her to slip, falling flat on her back while the shotel whizzed by over her head.

Quatre caught the shotel when it returned. He was getting angrier by the minute and since this is Quatre... it is a very bad thing...

Quatre ran towards Relena with his shotels, ready to impale both into her body.

He attempted again and again to make Relena into shish kabob. Holding both shotels together, he was stabbing the prone Relena constantly. But his poor shotels were suffering worse than her since they were both splintering while Relena was still intact.

Eventually, it got to the point where Quatre gave up and threw his shotel's at Relena's feet, which shattered, ripping the bottom part of the dress and making it a mini-skirt.

"GREEN STOCKINGS?? WHO WEARS GREEN STOCKINGS?!? GREEN GOES HORRIBLY WITH THE COLOR PINK!!!"

Heero was quick to take off his tanktop. Duo, who was watching him repair Wing Zero as he braided his hair, didn't complain.

Wufei, on the other hand, got a slight nosebleed.

Relena had just about enough. "It's time for you to see what happens when you insult my Peacecraft sense of fashion!"

Quatre let out a laugh. "Ha! Don't you mean "Peacecrap"? Please! I have more fashion sense in my pinky than you do!" he said, wiggling his pinky for emphasis.

Relena was doing her best to glare at Quatre but she couldn't help but notice that he looked more beautiful than her in that Sailor Scout uniform. The extremely short skirt showed off his legs that would make anyone nosebleed on the spot. The top half proved that he had petite form for a guy. Quatre smirked.

"Like what you see, Your Majesty? I bet even I could win Heero over you!" he said in a mocking voice. Relena sputtered.

"Hmph! No, I do NOT like what I see! Men are supposed to wear pants, not skirts! And you know that Heero loves me! We're getting married!!" Her eyes started to sparkle and her voice started to get dreamy. "Heero... my knight in shining armor... How I love thee..." She sighed deeply.

Quatre let out a sigh of his own. "Oh please, you're so delusional... Don't you understand that Heero is gay?"

"NO! Don't ever say or even mention Heero and the g-word in the same sentence!! Heero is not g- I mean, Heero loves me!!!"

Quatre looked bored. "Uh huh..." He rolled his eyes.

Relena placed her hands on her hips angrily. "If Heero is not straight then I shall be struck... [7]" The skies mysteriously thundered even though it was a cloudless morning. "Um... I shall be... trampled by... [8]" Mysterious rumbling was heard from far off in the distance. "Uh... I... shall be carried... [9]" The wind mysteriously picked up speed.

"Hahaha!! Even Heaven, Wilderness, and Mother Nature agrees with me!"

"Ugh!" Relena threw up her hands in disgust. "What do they know anyway?? I mean they haven’t seen Heero do... naughty things, have they?"

Quatre suddenly smiled... evilly. "Oh I wouldn't know about that..."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble honey, but your little "angel" is quite the little devil." Quatre said to her calmly and slowly so it would penetrate through her skull.

Relena laughed. "Haha! You have no proof!!"

"Oh of course I don’t..." Quatre said sarcastically. His fingers flew across the keyboard and Sandrock's eyes glowed. He held up a blank vid-disc and popped it into the slot. "Oh, I wonder what could be on this..." Whatever was on there projected from Sandrock's glowing eyes and towards Relena. She gasped loudly.

~~~At the transport~~~

"KISAMA!!!" Wufei exclaimed stuffing wads of Kleenex into his bleeding nose.

"Uh... Heero? How did Quatre get that?" Duo asked pointing to the projection that was currently replaying the time when they were caught screwing like weasels inside one of the Winner mansion's huge pantries.

"Trowa was suppose to give that back to me a long time ago..."

~~~Back to the battlefield~~~

Relena stared fixedly at what was before her. "No..." she said softly but it was drowned out by the moans and shouts that were currently coming out of the projection.

//"Ah! More Heero... faster... onegai!!!//

"No."

//Harder... Oh gods!!//

"No!"

//I can't hold back... I'm gonna...//

"NOOOO!!!" Relena covered her eyes and ran through the projection, towards Sandrock. She swiftly made her way up, slipping and tearing her dress even more. When she got to the Gundam's eyes, she shattered both of them with two swift punches. Quatre was furious.

"Do you know how much money it takes to fix that???" He strapped himself in and Sandrock lifted its arm and grabbed Relena. But, having a deathgrip on its face, she wouldn't budge.

"Oh, be quiet! I’ve wasted more money on pink limousines than you’ll ever use on your gundams!!!"

"GET OFF ME!!!" Quatre screamed.

"It’s your fault for making up those images! How dare you show me a bunch of lies?!?! I would never believe them!! I REFUSE!!!"

"Oh Allah!! You've seen it with your own eyes already! Why keep deluding yourself? Heero does not love you!! He loves Du-"

"No! Don't say it!!" She covered her ears and lost her grip on Sandrock, falling down to the floor. Relena landed at Sandrock's feet, leaving an impressive cloud of dust.

"And so ends the life of a really weird girl..." Quatre sighed.

"That's <<coughs>> what you <<chokes>> think!!!" Relena bursted from the dustcloud and latched herself onto Sandrock's right leg.

"I'll teach you for telling such lies about my beloved sweetheart!!" And... she lifted Sandrock up over her head and began to toss it from side to side... like a rag doll in the mercy of a little girl throwing a fit.

Quatre managed to get out of Sandrock, even though he was shaken and pale. He watched helplessly as Sandrock was thrown about, until Relena had twisted it into an unrecognizable piece of metal.

Under normal circumstances, Quatre was a very kind young man.

However, things were not normal.

"What did you do to Sandrock??" Quatre screamed.

Relena coughed a bit, dusted her tattered dress, straightened her "Queer of the World" tiara [10], and smiled triumphantly. Quatre, face red with rage, stomped slowly toward her.

"You... little..... WENCH!!!!!!" He grabbed her by the collar. "Oh I hope that you have a REALLY good lawyer 'cause I'm gonna sue you for *every* penny you own!!!"

Relena just laughed. "Haha! I have the best lawyers in the world!! You don't stand a chance against me!"

"Says you, Miss-Queer-of-the-World!"

"Yeah, says me Mister-Winner-Who-Likes-Pink!!"

"That's funny coming from a person who has their whole garden painted pink!!"

"My limos too! So? Girls are suppose to like pink! Unlike people such as yourself who corrupted my Heero!!"

"Obsessive-leech-who-clings-onto-Heero-even-though-he's-GAY!!"

"Sailor-Moon-Crossdresser!!"

"Green-Stockings-Wearer!!!"

"Camel-Lover!!"

"Teddy-Bear-Kisser!!!"

"Tippy-On-Tea!!"

"IDIOTIC-OLD-HAG!!!!"

"FLOWER-LOVING-WUSS!!!"

"SELFISH-LITTLE-BRAT!!!"

"SNOBBY-RICH-BOY!!!"

"DELUSIONAL-TWIT!!"

They both stopped then, each panting, trying to catch their breath. Quatre recovered first.

"Why do you wear dresses anyway? <<pant>> People like you should be wearing <<pant>> old potato sacks with trashcans for hats." Quatre managed to say.

"Well <<pant>> at least I'm not anorexic."

"It's better than being dyslexic..."

Relena sputtered, "I OVERCAME my learning disorder years ago!! Now I understand the written language perfectly!!"

"Then what part of "Heero. Is. Gay." don't you understand??"

"Oh... of course that Heero is happy... He's marrying me!!" Relena promptly went into the "I'm-thinking-about-Heero" state. "He'll be King of the World with me by his side."

Quatre clutched onto his hair and growled menacingly.

"Haha!! Yes!!! He'll be the most powerful man alive and he will not need any friends like you... that Braided Baka Duo Maxwell, that Justice Loving Woofa Chung, or that Clown Boy Throw-up Barfon!! [11] He'll have me!! Me-me-me-me-me-meeeeeee!!!!"

Quatre was about to let all hell break loose when a slight electrical crackle caught his attention. He looked down at his feet and saw part of Sandrock's comm link. The small piece of machinery somehow managed to survive Relena's horrible fit. Quatre picked it up and hoped against hope that it was still functional. He switched it on. It crackled a bit when before Heero's voice was heard.

"Qua.......... Zer....is...... xed..... I rep...t.........ero.....fixed....... [12]" An evil smile appeared on the young Arab's face.

Relena snapped out of her fantasy world and snatched the comm link away from Quatre, knocking him down in the process.

"Heero? Heero?!?!?! Is that you Heero?!?! Answer meeeeeeEEEEEE!!!!!" Relena shook the comm link over and over again but to no avail. The comm link had died. Either that or Heero terminated the link.

"Quatre!!! Your stupid thing won't work!!" she cried, throwing the comm link down in disgust, shattering it in the process. "Make it work so I could talk to Heero!!!!!!!!" She looked up at Quatre but could only see an trail of dust heading towards the transport.....

...

"Out of my way!!"

Duo leapt into Heero's arms, avoiding the enraged Winner heir. Quatre strapped himself into Wing Zero and blasted off.

Duo sighed. "NEVER piss Quatre off." It was then when he realized that he was pressed up against Heero's torso... naked torso.

"Uh... Heero?"

"Hn. Nani?" Heero wrapped his arms tighter.

"Oh nothing..." Duo replied, wrapping his own arms around Heero's neck. He was about to give Heero a kiss when the transport door opened and in walked.....

"Tuxedo Mask?!" Duo exclaimed.

Indeed it was Tuxedo Mask. Although he was somewhat in the shadows, Duo could recognize him with his mysterious flowing cape, top hat, and white mask.

"Trowa. " Heero stated calmy. Duo's eyes widened.

"Heero. Nice pecs."

"Hey!! It is Tro-man!!! Where have you been??"

"The nurse says that I have a mild concussion, but I can't stay in some hospital while my wounds heal! I'm here to cheer on my beloved against the evil who so threatens my friends!! Go Sailor Q!!!" And he struck some corny pose and took out a flag that said "Sailor Q!", ran outside, and began waving it like crazy while hopping up and down, knocking over the plate of food that Wufei was offering to his parents.

Duo raised one of his eyebrows, obviously not believing a thing his eyes saw.

~~~Back at the battlefield~~~

Quatre landed in front of Relena in Wing Zero, which wass fully functional and loaded with weapons of mass destruction.

"You're going to be nothing but highway spin art [13] when I'm through with you!!!" Quatre hit some buttons on the control panel. "Wing Zero... transform to SUPER SAILOR ZERO!!!"

Wing Zero began to glow a bright pink. It become so intense that it blinded everyone within a 5 mile radius. Once the intense-ness died down, a dramatic theme played from somwhere, and there stood the most power weapon ever constructed.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

Heero was so shocked by the new... modifications... that his jaw dropped... along with Duo.

"Itai!" Duo rubbed his behind where it connected with the floor. He looked up at the pale faced Heero.

"What..... did he do..............?" Heero said weakly.

~~~Back to the battlefield~~~

Super Sailor Zero looked a lot like Wing Zero... the only difference is that it was that it was in a skirt with beautiful long hair... and that it was... pink. And not just regular pink. It looked as though it fell into 10 different vats of pink pint and then thrown into the washing machine. It was salmon pink, rose pink, neon pink, carnation pink, scarlet pink, crimson pink, dark pink, light pink, dark-light pink... and the list continues.

Relena looked up at the Gundam and squealed. "Ahhhh!! What a nice present Quatre!!!" She latched onto Zero's leg. "I love love love it!! I'm going to take it to Paris with Heero on our honeymoon! Thank you Quatre!! I knew that you were just joking about the whole "Heero is gay". Would you like to be our best man?" she said all in one breath.

Quatre's eyebrow twitched. And his eyes turned glassy as he pressed the button to activate the Zero System.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

"Oh man... he is going to get her ass kicked." remarked Duo while looking out the transport's window.

"Really?! My beloved!!" Tuxe- Trowa shoved Duo aside to glance out toward the pink Gundam.

"Hey!! Watch it!!" Duo said shoving back.

"Cease at once!! I'm trying to cheer Sailor Q on!!" Trowa whined pushing against Duo.

After a few minutes of shoving, Duo decided to just let him be. There was really no point.

"Oi Heero? Did you hear what I just said?" Duo asked turning towards him. He spotted Heero kneeling next to Wufei with 2 mounds of what suspiciously looked like tombs under sacramental flags in front of him. As he approached him, Heero sniffled.

"First my laptop..... and now Zero........." He turned to grab a Kleenex from Wufei.

Duo tried his hardest to stay calm, biting his lower lip to keep from screaming

~~~Battle Time!!!~~~

"Get the hell off!!!" Quatre flung Relena off of Zero's leg. She landed an impressive distance away. Relena got up immediately and glared at the blonde.

"You meanie!! How dare you?!?! Heero is going to take me to Paris in that!! Give it back!!! That is mine!!! Mine-mine-mine-mine-mine-mine-MINE!!!!!"

"Oh shut up!! I'm going to kick you all the way to kingdom come!!" He pressed a glowing pink button on the control panel. "CHRYSANTHEMUM TEA ATTACK!!" [14]

>From some mysterious compartment located in Zero's left arm, boiling hot chrysanthemum tea spilled out and headed towards Relena.

Relena looked up, saw the huge tidal wave of tea, and.....

"AHHHHH!!!! I'm allergic to chrysanthemum!!!!" She began sprinting away but couldn't escape the huge tea tsunami. She began to break out in hives.

"BURN!! YES BURN!!!!!!" Quatre was heard in the distance.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" she shrieked, scratching vigoriously at her skin. She managed to scramble up a small molehill where the tea didn't reach her.

"Mwuhahahaha!!!!! You thought that you escaped?? Oh there is more where that came from!!!" He pressed yet another glowing pink button on the control panel. "CARNIVORIOUS BUNNIES ATTACK!!!!!!"

And from yet another mysterious compartment located in Zero's legs, out came thousands of meat hungry bunny rabbits that immediately headed towards the only meat in the area.

Relena looked up from her scratching session and spotted the bunnies. She paled.

"AYEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!" She stepped down from the molehill, leapt over the ocean of chrysanthemum tea, and sprinted off. The bunnies followed her at an incredible rate.

"YES!!!! YES, GO MY LITTLE PETS!!!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

"AHHHHH!!!" she sneezed violently. So violently that she slipped and fell flat on her face. The bunnies caught up and began tearing at her tattered dress and what remained of her skin.

"My wedd.... wedding........dr.............. !!!" she screamed, batting away the bunnies. "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" She jumped up and ran towards the battered Sandrock, hitting random bunnies here and there. She picked up Sandrock and smiled evilly. The bunnies halted.

"I'll teach yo.......... you.......!!!" She didn't waste any more time as she swung the metal piece at the bunnies, killing several. The blood from those who died made the others go crazy. They began attacking each other and more blood flew from them. Relena began laughing.

"Ahahahahaha!" She smiled triumphantly, pausing for a moment to relieve an itch.

Quatre growled menacingly in his throat. "I'LL TEACH YOU!!!" He pressed a third glowing pink button. "TEST TUBE MISSILES ATTACK!!!!!!"

>From a third mysterious compartment. a large test tube blasted off and dropped onto Relena. A huge green explosion resulted from the impact. After the smoke cleared, Relena stood, feigning a yawn.

"That's the best you got?"

Quatre smiled slightly.

"What are you going to do now?" she inquired.

"I'm gonna kick some butt." [15] Quatre opened a small box that concealed <<drumroll>> another glowing pink button! He pressed it and held on. A pink laser ball appeared at the end of Zero's Buster Rifle.

"You don't get it do you Relena?" The pink laser ball began crackling electricity and pulsing growing stronger...

"The tea... the bunnies... they were just a taste of what I have in store for you. You see, the test tubes held a radioactive substance..."

And stronger...

"Complex Tachyon particles [16] will break down, releasing more radioactive energy than a supernova explosion..."

And stronger...

"...when exposed to a powerful pink laser like this one I have here..."

And stronger... [17]

~~~Back at the transport~~~

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Apparently Duo had finally snapped...

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!!!! First we have the former Queen of the World who is as indestructible as she is obsessive and annoying! Quatre, who is dressed as a Sailor Scout and attacking her with TEA AND BUNNIES!!! Trowa, who is dressed as Tuxedo Mask and obviously received some BRAIN DAMAGE!!!!! Wufei, who is praying because he lost 2 FREAKIN' SWORDS!!!!!! Heero, who decides to become emotional because his LAPTOP DIED AND ZERO'S PINK!!!!!!!! And me, who is currently on a RANT RAMPAGE because I'm surrounded by the AFOREMENTIONED PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [18] He collasped to the floor. "And now... we're counting on a........ huge........ pink.......... ball............................." He jumped up and began waving his arms frantically. "Great!! Just great!! Might as well dig my grave now!!!!"

Duo's rantings went unnoticed.

~~~Back to the battle~~~

Finally, Quatre released the button.

The pink laser ball, which have grown to a size of a house, flew towards Relena........ in an ultra slow snail pace.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

Duo halted, sweatdropped, and fell over, anime style.

~~~Back to the battle~~~

Slowly but surely, the pink laser ball made its way to Relena. She was somewhat in trepidation as it got closer and closer. Tenatively, she reached out and probed the ball gently. It hummed a bit and pulsed a bit when.....

... nothing happened...

"Hehe.... haha...... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Relena peered around and saw the ball was nowhere in sight.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" Relena looked at Quatre. "I'm sorry... didn't you say that this ball would have some kind of reaction if it touched me?"

Quatre just smiled.

What Relena didn't realize that the ball had actually flown above her and was in the process of descending... right on top of her. Surprisingly, it didn't pop or explode but it was encasing her within. She noticed this but it was too late...

Relena's eyes widened in shock when she found herself within the confines of the pink laser ball. She began to pound against it, trying to get out but it was no use. She looked up at Quatre, fear clearly reflected in her blue eyes.

"Sayonara... Relena Peacecrap..."

Then, the pink ball shot upwards at a speed that was nearly the speed of light. Reaching the far corners of the galaxy in a matter of seconds, it began to pulse and hum violently.

As the particles began to break down, Relena felt incredibly dizzy as the radiation bombarded her brain. In less than a minute, she resembled a melted GI-Joe than a human being. [19] Relena was screaming her brains out as the pink laser ball shrank until it was only 2 feet in diameter. Relena was attempting to cry for help (most likely from Heero) but her foot was shoved up her mouth.

Without warning, the pink ball exploded with such a force that made a supernova look like a firecracker. The light and heat from it was enough to put the brightest stars to shame.

After everything settled... Relena was no where to be found... [20]

~~~Back on Earth~~~

"WHOO HOOOOOOO!!!" Duo bursted from the transport and glomped onto Quatre. "I never doubted you for a second Q-man!!"

"Right Duo..." the blonde said, extricating himself from the overly happy pilot and making his way to Trowa.

"I didn't!!" Duo protested.

"It's alright now Hee-chan... it's over... finally."

"Someone still has to calm down Sailor moon and Tuxedo Mask," he reminded, "and I still think we should talk Wufei out of his 3 month fast..."

"Why?"

"Hn. Baka." Heero said, giving a slight smile before pulling Duo into his arms.

Duo smiled back and looked up at the sky, spotting a sparkling star.

~~~Somewhere deep in the Amazons~~~

A single strand of light brown hair glistened in the sun...

 

 

Owari... or is it? Sequel anyone? ^_~

Notes:

[1] Chernobyl was an incident in Russia where a nuclear power plant exploded. Due to insufficient safety precautions, a nuclear fire burned and solidified the soil. The fire was so hot that when water was poured on it, it split the water into its hydrogen and oxygen components, thereby increasing the fire's heat. The accident also poisoned the groundwater supply and spread deadly radiation isotopes all throughout Eastern and Western Europe.

[2] Bullet time is the official name of the matrix camera style.

[3] You guys remember his swords, right? Father, Mother, and now the wife.....

[4] Uh... Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon... if you haven't figured that out...

[5] My... now who does that sound like?

[6] Since the "N" change to an "R", it would be... "Queen of the World" to "Queer of the World"

[7] ...by lightning."

[8] ...a herd of wild animals."

[9] ...away to the far corners of the Earth."

[10] Remeber back in part 6?

[11] Poor Trowa... Relena really butchered his name... "Throw up Barf on"

[12] "Quatre, Zero is fixed. I repeat, Zero is fixed."

[13] Yeah I got that from Rocket Power... curse my brother for liking that show!

[14] So I like chrysanthemum tea... -_-;;

[15] Got this from "Disney's Inspector Gadget" starring Matthew Broderick ^_^ Hilarious movie.

[16] Hauq's a Star Trek Fan. =P

[17] I bet you're thinking "Just shut up and shoot her already!!" 'cause that's what I'm thinking while writing this. ^_^

[18] Well here's a nice part where Duo gets to vent...
Duo: Thank you so much. I really needed that...
Helen: No problem!

[19] She really didn't look human to start with...

[20] Wild cheering and applause.