A long time ago, in a far away place, I read a fic. It was called The Call, by Kel. About a half hour later, I was replaying the fic in my head (during band class no less) and I got an idea. The following fic is the aforementioned idea. Thank you Kel for writing The Call, a songfic that is both funny and serious at the same time.
Title:I Told Her
Warnings: Get out the party hats folks! Relena's wake will be held tomorrow!
Disclaimers: <sob> I don't own Gundam wing. Now leave me to my twisted imagination.
I told her. Again and again I told her. But she wouldn't take the hint. She said she loved me. But would she leave when I asked her to? Hell no! She decided that I loved her too, even if I didn't know it. I was pretty sure she was wrong. We would have to be the last two people on earth for me to want to spend any amount of time with her. And as for continuing the species? I'm telling you, artificial insemination is a wonderful thing. The girl drove me crazy. I told her I loved someone else. She told me that I was mistaken. In a syrupy tone of voice she told me that I loved her. In case I'd forgotten or something. Then she wanted to know who it was. I refused to tell her that. For awhile. Then I told her. I told her that I was in a homosexual relationship with Duo. She refused to believe me. So I showed her pictures. Lots of pictures. She tried to commit me to a mental institution. As if that would make me love her. But I got out. Then she tried to have Duo arrested. I almost killed her that time. But Duo said not to. He felt sorry for her. He knew I loved him. He could understand, he said, why she would want me. Whatever. He's so nice. But her! I told her and told her, but she wouldn't listen. Told me it was Duo's fault, that it was a phaze, that when I got over it she would be understanding. Then she tried to have Duo killed. TRIED. The first three were sent back to her in shoeboxes. But the forth got close. Too close. So I took matters into my own hands. And get this. I've been cordially invited to her funeral, as a close friend. I hate the bitch! But it wasn't really my fault. I mean, I told her.
Duoette: <Cringes> Okay. That was bad, I know. I dunno, I think
that it was a little garbled.
Duo: I liked it.
Duoette: Thanks. But it's kind of expected that you'll like any fic that has an ending where you end up with Heero's undying love, and Relena becomes worm food.
Heero: Poor worms.
Duo: Yeah. So how should I reward the hero (or Heero) who has saved me from the moronic Pink Princess? <leans closer to Heero>
Heero: I'm sure we can think of something.
Duoette: <ignores the necking session going on behind her> So! I would really appreciate any and all comments! <can't resist a glance behind her> Jeez! Not in PUBLIC you two! Get a room!
Heero and Duo: <precede to get a room>
Duoette: Not MINE!!! Oh well. Bye!