My Pain


warnings: shouen-ai, sap, probably OCC

archive: none but who would want this anyway...but on the off chance you do just let me know and you can have it


My pain turned burning desire.

A wanting need to love and be loved.

What am to do with these feelings I do not fully understand?

Is it love or lust?

But this pain. . . .

Does it come from lust?

How could it?

I don’t believe lust could cause such wonderful pain.

I love another person. . . .

How can this be?

I was not meant to love, I was meant to fight. How can one that has not feelings love?

I must have feelings that’s the only way I could. I believed them to be gone. Not gone only buried. However, they are not buried anymore.

I was the “perfect soldier”.

I was not perfect though.

I had no feelings I was a robot.

Not anymore. . . . because of him.

How can pain be wonderful?

I never knew. . . never knew. .

I must tell him he must know I am not the “perfect soldier” anymore.

It’s all his fault anyway.

But what if my feelings are not returned!?

Can I go on if their not?

I have to even if there not returned I must tell him. I wont be able to be around him if I don’t. And I have to be around him we’re partners and friends.

I will tell him.

Now where is he??

I guess I’ll search the house for him. He’s not here. . . or here. . . or here. . .

Where could he be ? Usually he’s trying to bug me somehow or reading ‘he does love to read’ and yet he’s nowhere to be found.

Ooooo. . . there’s Quatre I’ll ask him if he knows.

“Oi, Quatre do you know where Duo is ?”

“Oh Duo he said he was going into town to the next book in the series that reading”

“Sou ka . . . arigato.”

“No problem, oh and by the way he said he’d probably be back by 4.”


He’s not going to be back till four! Arghhhh!! Its only 2:30.

That means I have to wait.

Ok I have to do something there has to be something I can to keep my mind of this. I know I’ll work on wing, that always gets my mind of things.

. . . An hour later. . .

Alright wing is all fixed up now lets see what time it is. 3:30 That’s still a long time and I have nothing else to do. Oh wait maybe I should take a shower. Yeah that might be good.

. . . 8 minutes later or one Heero shower. . .

Ok I’ve only got a little while now.

What to do . . . what to do. . .

. . . . . . . . . .

Great now I’m pacing in our room.

What it he does reject me ?

Am I so sure I can go on with out him?

Would it be ok if he didn’t love me back?

Could I survive ?

I better sit down I’ve still got a little while here. Or maybe I’ll lay down I’m a little tired here. Hmmmm. . . this bed smells like Duo . . . .

Duo. . .

. . .3:45 or when Duo gets home. . .

Oh my !

Wow, Heero is actually asleep during the day. Never in my life would I have thought. . .

Well I guess I’ll let him rest seeing as he must be tired. I’ll just read in the living room . .

“Wait Duo! I need to talk to you.”


“Duo I need to tell you something”

“Ok shoot Heero, you can tell me anything”

“Ok . . . DuoI’minlovewithyouandifyoudon’treturnthefeelingsitsokandIunderstandwhyyouwouldneverwanttoseemeanain.”

“Heero is that you? Did you say what I thought you said?!” ‘oh kami-sama he said he loved my I’m sure of it, it just has to be true’

“Duo I love you”

“Oh Heero I love you too”

Duo then glomped onto Heero and gave him the most tender loving kiss that he could.

“Ai shiteru . . . Kire kara zutto. . .itsumademo.”