8-18-2001

This is my first attempt at a fanfic, and well… I hope you like it. Please send me comments, flames, etc, (although the flames will be posted on my site for all to see).

~~~ Warnings- Angst, Suicide Attempts, Blood.
~~~ Possible Lemon, Adult Situations, Drug Abuse, and Alcoholism in future parts.

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Untitled (for now)
A GW fic by Demise
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Part 1
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Disclaimers- Gundam Wing is copyright of its creators, Bandai, Sunrise Entertainment, Shin Kidousenki, Sotsu Agency, and associated factions. The characters are used for entertainment purposes only and without the consent of the owners of the show, there is no profit made from this work of fiction. The original portion of the fanfic is sole property of the author.

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Duo stood in the empty hotel room looking over the contents of what was left of Heero’s belongings. He ran across a picture of them at their wedding. Tearful eyes looked upwards to his left hand where the ring Heero had given him had once adorned his ring finger. Yuy had been seeing Winner that whole time [1] and had revealed it to him none too gently and demanded the ring he had given to Duo be returned. Heero was to be married to Winner the next day, he had received the pristine invitation the previous week, which was to be held in Italy on Earth. He hated Heero and he loved him, hated him for leaving him but loved him either way. He decided that he was going to the wedding, he couldn’t let anyone see that it bothered him, so he packed everything in the hotel room and left for the plane.

On arriving at the Winner Estate he put on his ever-present jester’s mask in place just as he was greeted by Wufei who looked at him sorrowfully, ignoring that he cheerfully greeted him, “Oi, Wu-man! What’s up?” Wufei smiled slightly, glad to see that the American pilot was taking this well, “The sky, Maxwell.” Duo gaped, “Did Justice Boy just make a joke? I thought I’d never live to see the day!” Wufei snorted slightly, “C’mon I’ll show you to your room.”

Duo followed behind him chattering about nothing in particular just to keep up his façade. On the way to his room they ran into two unexpected visitors, ‘Heero…’ he thought to himself, thoroughly disgruntled at his ex-husband’s sudden appearance along with his… fiancé’s. “Duo…” He looked up to find Heero staring at him, scowl on his face but not quite reflected in his eyes, some unknown emotion showed in those deep, Prussian orbs, one that Duo could not, at the moment, decipher. “Oi, Heero! How ya been? You and Q doin’ ok and all?” Heero looked slightly disturbed at Duo’s pleasant attitude towards him and Quatre, ‘I didn’t think he would take it this well… it didn’t seem like he would when I broke the news to him, but maybe I was wrong…’ Seeing that Heero wasn’t going to answer Quatre spoke up, “We’re fine, Duo, thank you for asking, though.” Quatre smiled like the blushing bride he was soon to be.

“Well I gotta go now, jet-lag, ya know,” Duo said as he excused himself, with that he strode off with Wufei following suite. Finally having reached his suite he turned to Wufei, “Thanks Wu, I’m gonna catch some shut-eye now ok?” Wufei nodded, “Sweet dreams, Maxwell.” “Aww… thank you Wu-bear, you too.” Duo replied trying to act like his old self as much as possible. Once he entered his room he set his bags down on the ground and fell over unconscious on the floor. Before he hit the ground he dryly thought to himself, ‘Well, at least the carpet softens the impact. No-one else’ll is able to hear me fall…’ With that last thought in mind he surrendered to the silky black tendrils of unconsciousness that had threatened to consume him.

He awoke to the sound of knocking on the door, “Duo, wake up. Dinner’s ready.” He grunted, “Be there in a sec, Tro.” With that he heard the soft footfall of Trowa’s retreat. ‘Well,’ he thought, ‘if I’m gonna act like my former self may as well try to look like it.’ With that he tore through his bags looking for the cosmetics kit he used. He cautiously, but quickly, applied concealer under his eyes to hide the black bags and, facial powder to the rest of his heart-shaped face, paying careful attention to the black and bluish bruise that marred his right cheek, to make the color of his once milky white skin, now as pale as the white silk sheets that adorned the bed in his suite, back to its normal hue. Looking himself warily over in the mirror he re-braided his hair, and changed his clothing to a pair of baggy black jeans and a black shirt, over a see-through black long-sleeved shirt, to conceal his massive weight loss. Finally satisfied with his appearance he made his way to the dining room where he would have to continue to carry on his jaded façade.

Upon reaching the dining room, after many wrong turns, he was greeted by the stares of four silent ex-pilots. “What’re you all looking at? Am I so beautiful you’re all stunned and crestfallen?” They ignored his innuendo and continued eating, Duo sat down thoughts running through his head, ‘They all don’t care about me anymore… what do I have to live for? Wufei has Sally, Trowa has Catherine and Heero’s marrying… Quatre,’ that thought brought a wave of sorrow and depression so immense it caused his eyes to water slightly. ‘I have no-one. There’s no place in this world for an orphan like me, no place at all. No-one wants me so why do I even bother?’ His thoughts continued in this pattern until he was interrupted, “Duo… Hey, Duo?” He looked up quickly, quickly blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, “Wha-?” “I said “How was your trip”?” Quatre inquired out of sheer courtesy. Snickers were heard across the dining table, causing Duo to stiffen as another wave of depression passed over him, “Sorry ‘bout that, I was just thinking. But back to your question, my trip was fine, the usual ya know.” An uneasy silence passed over the five ex-pilots through out the rest of dinner.

“Well, guys I don’t know about you but I’m bushed, I’m gonna turn in now, ‘night,” Without giving the others a chance to protest, though he highly doubted that would happen, he walked out of the room towards his in search of comfort, a silent solace he always found with the blade he carried around with him. Taking it out of its sheath once he reached his room he stared at it for God knows how long, simply mesmerized by the way the dim moonlight reflected off the edge of the blade. After what seemed like hours he walked towards the bathroom and filled he Jacuzzi sized tub with cold water, ridding himself of all clothing he entered the tub, knife in hand. Settling himself in the frigid liquid he shivered as the cold water engulfed his body, and then adjusting to the cold temperature he took the blade and, without any hesitation, slit his left wrist, the blade following along the branching artery to his elbow, He watched with a sort of morbid fascination by the way the blood diffused in the water. The cut wasn’t deep enough to be fatal but was enough to hurt like hell and bleed profusely. He sat there for, to him, what seemed like ages, until he finally got out of the tub all wrinkly and seriously pale and weak from the amount of blood he’d lost over the period of the hour he’d sat in the tub, the wound had stopped bleeding sometime during that time.

Rifling through his bags again he put on a pair of black silk boxers and then reconcealed the dagger, finishing that he continued his search for some linen or gauze that he could use to wrap the wound which had started to bleed again. Having found the First Aid kit he returned to sit on his King-sized bed, and proceeded to wrap his left wrist in a roll of gauze. Completely spent and worn out he fell back against the silk sheets and, immediately upon contact, fell into a troubled slumber.

The lithe form on the bed writhed upon the sheets, brow furrowed and sweating profusely. “Heero… No!” He moaned, “Don’t leave me! Please, no, no don’t!” In his dream Heero stood there, same as the day he had left him, scowling angrily at him, “What don’t you understand? ! I DON’T LOVE YOU! I never have and I never will!” Duo broke in at that precise moment, tears blazing trails down pale cheeks, “Heero… I love you.” Heero lost it at that moment, stepping forward he reared back his fist and struck Duo. Duo reeled backwards with the force of the blow, an angry red bruise blossoming on his cheek along with a thin line of crimson along the bruise, where Heero’s ring had cut him. He looked at Heero stunned, “So, I guess it’s true, you really do hate me, don’t you?” Tears began to fall swiftly, intermingling with the blood from the abrasion on his cheek, as he stared at Heero, pure anguish reflecting in those violet orbs, mirroring his emotions. It took Heero a while to process what he had just done, but once it registered it was too late to take it back, the deed was done. He reached out to touch Duo and was met by fear, “No, don’t touch me. Please don’t hurt me… I’m sorry, Heero…” Duo looked at Heero, and misinterpreted the look he gave him, “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to piss you off.” With that he retreated from the room, crying his heart out as he ran.

Duo woke up abruptly, and curled up into a fetal ball, weeping tears of sorrow at losing the one he had loved and still loved. He blamed it all on himself, wondering what he had done wrong to upset Heero, to make him leave for another, ‘It’s all my fault, I lost him because, like he said, I’m an idiot. If it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have left me… I lose everybody, and every time it’s my fault…’ He fell asleep in that position this time to a dreamless sleep sequence.

He awoke, eyes still red and puffy from his bout of crying the other night, and realized what day it was… the day his heart would ultimately die.

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End Part 1 of “Untitled Fanfic”

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mailto:angel_of_demise@hotmail.com
the website’s not up yet.

Author’s Notes: [1] It’s only Heero and Quatre for now it’ll change. I had to use the pairing to get the desired level of angst, even though I hate torturing the characters, I’m a sucker for angst.

Anyways comments etc. are welcomed.