Title: Heero, you snore... 1/1
Author: GDH (Dark Hilde)
Pairings: 2x1 (duh!) 4x5 (just for a change, although it could have been my norm of 4x3...)
Warnings: Duo torture. Trowa Torture too. *evil grin* OOCness? (I can't tell today...)
Info: I dunno why I decided to write it. *glares at evil muse* I was thinking about TJ at that sleep-over... 8-20-01
Disclaimer: Not mine, the characters are only temporarily in my possession *insert evil laughter* (mua ha ha ha) The story however, is mine.
Archive: Will be at Trio's place later. You can archive if you want to, but tell me!
Rants: ....I am not ranting.
Airen: Good for you, Dark!
D-chan: Never thought I'd live to see the day.
Heero: ...*looking at title* I do not!
Ririna-sama: *pokes Heero* Do too! This was more my idea, ne?
DH: *sighs* Off with ya!


Heero, you snore... 1/1


All was quiet in the safe house. Everyone was nestled warmly in their beds, cuddling their koibitos with much enthusiasm. All except for Trowa, that is, because he had a room to his own little lonesome; he being mister 'I don't need anyone to love me but my sister 'cuz she's so possessive.' Yeah, that's his attitude lately. Just because of that, he has to endure the night alone in his twin sized bed that's just an inch too short for him, because he's too picky to catch on to Quatre's initial 'suggestions' where as Wufei caught on rather quickly and they've been happy since. (If a kiss on the lips doesn't cut it, nothin' will...) So he gets the small room at the end of the hall, positioned just so, beside the bathroom and Heero and Duo's room. No wonder he always gets there first in the mornings! (AND, Duo would like to note-He hogs it a lot of the time, getting that silly bang to cooperate with a ton of hair gel every day, leaving little to no time for the IMPORTANT people to take care of their more urgent hair care needs. *points to braid in question* Nuff sed. :) Quatre and Wufei's room was just through the wall, so Duo and Heero's room was kinda scrunched between the two, theirs being the medium sized one. At least it had the queen sized bed to play in!

The darkness was parted only by the crescent moon glowing majestically through the shimmery butterfly curtains, sending prismatic lights against the wall in shadows of color. What an odd effect. The curtains had been Quatre's idea. He had seen them hanging in a shopping mall and thought everyone would like to have a set in their rooms in the safehouse. Trowa didn't get any though, cuz his room didn't have a window. '(Tough crap', was the general conscience on the matter.) Anyways, little things like that usually get forgotten in times of trouble, like during a war, of all things, and serve as a nice reminder that life isn't all blood and guts as it could seem. Sometimes life was like butterflies, and then again, who really knew the difference.

The next few days were going to be great, Duo thought as he comfortably snuggled his Hee-chan in the dark of the bedroom. They didn't have any missions, and were kinda on a vacation, although he daren't say the word aloud for fear of jinxing the situation. Of course the braided boy wasn't superstitious, but he was not, REPEAT-was not gonna take any chances of ruining this lull in the storm of battles. He wanted to spend some quality time with his lover, Heero Yui, the perfect soldier and/or perfect pillow. Which needed fluffing right at the moment.

Duo curled up around his lover in a better position, glancing at the clock which was digitally blinking twelve-fourty-five over and over and over again. Ok, so he really needed to get to sleep sometime soon. Heero was planning on rising early the next morning so they could go into town for some minor parts. Yeah, even on a vacation, they still had to work on their Gundams. So what? That's life. Gotta be ready for the unexpected.

Duo was NOT ready for this next unexpected turn of events.

As previously mentioned, it had been blissfully quiet not moments before. Something ruined the sweet ambiance. Something horrible, lasting, and it completely took the violet eyed boy off guard. Heero, deep in slumber, had opened his mouth while he slept. If it were a 'normal' circumstance, his lover would have thought it a cute scenario, but in this case he shuddered to think of the consequences, once events had unfolded as fate (or the evil author) deemed nescessary. In the process of attempting to breathe, Heero had... well, it wasn't pretty... and most definitly was out of character for the stoic, heroic perfect soldier that he was-he had snorted, and began to snore. And he was Loud. BIG TIME LOUD. And, to Duo's now shocked/depressed mind, it was the WORST thing in existance, though he loved him with all his heart and wouldn't leave him for the world and all the colonies.

Duo had to solve this dillemma. Quickly. Before his boyfriend woke up the entire neighborhood. He'd have dogs barking and sirens roaring, not a pretty picture. What to do? How do you stop someone from snoring without inadvertantly killing them?


The braided boy tried covering Heero's mouth with his hand, seeing if the terrible noise would subside. Muffled, it was, but still roaring strong. HOLY! He'd never, ever snored before! WHY'D he have to start now, of all times??

Duo was willing to bet that Heero wouldn't believe him if he awoke him and had to explain just WHY he'd been so rudely awakened in the dead of night. Pulling away from his lover, he searched about the room for a quick and safe answer to his problem. And a big problem it was becoming. The noise was hurting his ears! Why hadn't Heero woke up already? He was so sensitive to the slightest footstep in the hall, like the time Duo had tried to go downstairs to the kitchen for a late night snack on the last of the ice cream when he'd ended up face down on the floor with a gun to his back. Heero's defense was that he'd been "overly cautious." Why could't that protective 'overly causious-ness' kick in right about now? Heero had probably grown used to Duo's midnight escapades and learned to ignore him. Damn it all! And Damn that Ben and Jerry's too!

What to do...what to do....hmm...

Spying a lump on the floor, Duo picked it up and approached his lover cautiously. This operation would have to be well timed, carefully executed, and the slightest chance of failure could mean certain doom. But it would all be worth it if the Cartoons were right....

Cartoons are so cruel. Cartoons were against him. He'd known it all along, that hint of doubt. Cartoons never ever ever ever ever ever ever tell the truth! The roadrunner is a hoax, a fraud, he just plain sucks! Wile E. Cyote can go kiss a cactus and acme is - is - is well, Duo didn't know what he wanted to call it! Just that Cartoons LIED to HIM of all people! The sock bit was stupid anyway. At least there was good old Anime to fall back on... but anyways, we're digressing from the main issue at hand.

There was his koi, sound asleep and tangled up in the white sheets, snoring the world away, a dirty, dingy, bundled up sock in his mouth. Was there no end in sight?? Oh, the humanity! Duo retrieved the sock, tossed it to the floor once more and let his eyes dart about the room, looking for another escape route. This was most definitly hell, he was shinigami after all...

The butterfly lights twinkled on the nightstand. Lo and behold, what had he found? A roll of delicious duct tape. *cue the evil laughter* Muaa haa haa, ok, now that he'd decided on a plan, he had to put it into action. He picked up the duct tape, found the end of it and tore a strip off.


Not even a twitch. Heero was dead weight, snoring non-stop. Duo would soon fix that. He wrapped the duct tape over Heero's lips, brushing it tightly closed with a stroke of his slender finger.

Aaaahh....sweet silence....

Duo curled up once more against his loverboy, content at last. He didn't care what he would have to say to Heero in the morning. This was blessed silence.

For about ten seconds...

Ok, that was the last straw.

"Heero, babe, wakey wakey...." Duo lightly shook his lover from his sleep. Heero's cobalt eyes popped opened, he made to say something then realized his mouth was taped shut. He glared at Duo. You know the kind. Ripping the tape from his mouth he said, "What is it, Duo. AND WHY THIS?" He shook the flimsey tape in front of Duo's face. He seemed just a little more than pissed.

"Eh, hee... Sorry about that... I woke you because of something very important."

"Yes?" Heero was waiting about as patiently as a pissed terrorist can wait, on a good day.

"Promise not to kill me?"

"That depends, do you deserve it this time?"

"NO! It's YOU that has the PROBLEM!"

Someone knocked on the wall. Trowa said " Would you mind keeping it down in there? It's one in the morning. "

"Mind your own business, nosey!" Duo called.

A banging could be heard from the opposite wall. "We would like to get some sleep in here!" Wufei yelled through the barrier. Quatre added, "Please, if it's not too much to ask, could you resolve whatever it is in the morning?"

"We are NOT fighting!" Duo called back to the next wall.

"SHUT UP!" Trowa ordered. "I am so sick of this bickering between you two!"

"We are not bickering." Heero returned, glaring menacingly at the butterflies. They hadn't hurt him none, yet.

"You sound like you're married or something!" The chinese boy said.

"Mind your own damn business!"

"And WHAT was with the whoopee cushions, Duo? ALL NIGHT? Give it a rest! They can't be THAT good!" Trowa said. He really couldn't stand the obnoxious games his neighbors played all night.

"That WASN'T ME!" Duo protested. Heero raised a brow.

"What was that about?" Heero whispered.


"What was that anyway?!" Quatre asked.

"You snore." Duo ducked under the covers, taking what little protection they could offer. Heero stared at the big bump in the bed like he'd seen a ghost or a dancing toaster with wings. Knowing Heero, you know the look. Blank statement, though Duo wouldn't have known it in the dark, under the blankets.

"Nothing." Heero told the eavesdroppers. "Go to bed. And leave Duo alone." Then to Duo he said, "Are you ever coming out of there?"

"Come and get me."

"....hn." Heero got out of bed and went out the door. The bathroom light came on and a soft blowing sound could be heard. Duo stayed hidden, wondering what the little static electric lights under the covers would do to your feet, if caught off guard. Heero returned to the bedroom, closed the door and slipped into bed. When he lifted the covers, the lights had vanished and one had shocked Duo's hand.

"You killed my static energizer bunnies, Heero."


"You gonna come and get me or not?"


"What for?"

"Keeping you up so late unnescessarily. I'd forgotten to blow my nose. You know, allergies."

Duo paused, then held in a giggle. Allergies. Right. The perfect soldier had allergies. And the moon was made of green, moldy cheese too. "Uh, whatever. So you won't snore anymore?"

"Promise. Now, let's get some sleep, all right, Duo?"

"Sure." With a sigh of relief, Duo crawled out and curled up once again against his boyfirend, content, for the time being.

Fate is sooooo cruel.

Authors are even crueller.

At approximately 3 AM, Duo awoke again, to something wet and sticky against his cheek.

'Here we go again...' the braided boy thought.

What was he supposed to say now, huh?

"Heero....I hate to tell you this...but...promise not to kill me? Yeah? Ok...Heero, you drool...."