11-4-2001

Hey everyone....remember this story....*silence* fine i know its been awhile, but still. I've finally got it done..and i'm gonna make it even angster due to darklillie's suggestion......so on with the story. Gomen for the massive cross-post

FIc: Unreturned Love 1/?
Author: da
Warnings: angst, future lemon, angst.
pairs: 1x2, maybe others later
Disclamier: dont own them, never will.

 

Duo lay in bed, Heero’s arm loosely wrapped around his waist. Even though Heero held Duo, there was still a space between them, one that Duo knew not to cross. Remembering the time when he tried to hug Heero, he had pushed Duo away almost violently. That night though they shared a bed, Duo laid on the far end, where one wrong move could send him crashing to the floor. Duo stayed up all night, trying to will away his silent tears. Though they usually slept close together, Duo had been almost afraid to go near Heero, due to his reaction that morning. Heero’s night being just as bad, slept unrestfully, awaking several times during the night, debating whether or not he should apologize to Duo, but not knowing how to. Something inside Heero kept stopping him from calling out to Duo.

**

Duo woke the next morning to the sound of clacking of a keyboard. He rolled over to see Heero glued to his laptop. Duo stared at his back for awhile, before getting up and fixing a smile on his face. He went over to Heero and leaned over his shoulder.

“Morning Heero,” Duo said in false happiness.

“Morning.”

“Want any breakfast?”

“I already ate.”

“Oh.” Duo left quietly after that, heading to the kitchen.

Heero sighed, watching Duo walking out the room through his computer screen. He shut down the laptop and followed Duo. Duo looked up from his bowl of cereal, watching Heero come in and pour him a bowl as well.

“I thought you ate?” Duo asked from the table.

“I did, not much though.” Heero replied, lying. He had only come in to be around Duo, not knowing why he did. Heero sat down by Duo and stared eating. Duo looked at him from the corner of his eye and smiled slightly. Heero finished and took up the dishes, putting them in the sink. Returning to stand behind Duo, his hand reaching out to touch Duo’s hair, but stopping short a few inches.

“I need to get to work.” Duo nodded, feeling Heero move away and walk out the room. He heard the door shut a few minutes later. Duo sighed and got up, doing the dishes. After finishing them and taking a shower, he sat on the bed and started to write in his journal. After writing for awhile, he fell asleep in the middle of a sentence.

Heero opened the door to the bedroom and saw Duo asleep, his hair unbound and spilled out around him. Heero walked over to him and sat on the bed. He picked up a few strands of hair, letting it slid between his fingers, before letting his hand over Duo’s face lightly. He looked down just now noticing a notebook, he picked it up and opened it, landing on the days date and stared to read.

‘Dear Journal,

I wake once again to an empty bed. Heero again abandons me to for his laptop. I can’t help but stare at him, hoping he’ll leave it and spend time with me. I finally pull myself together and am proven right that he doesn’t want to be near me. I went to the kitchen and made me some breakfast. I don’t know why I bothered to eat; I've never had much of an appetite.

Heero actually came in and ate with me. I wonder if he pitied me, felt that he had to spend time with me or else I’ll leave. Why would he care if I left or not? But I can't leave. I love him, even if he doesn’t love me back. He wouldn’t care if I left. Maybe I should, but even though he is so cold I want to stay with him. I don’t even know why he keeps me around, why doesn’t he just tell me to leave. What real good am I to him? We never done anything, hell we’ve only kissed twice. Why should he, he hardly even touches me anyway? Why can't he…’

Heero read the last words wondering what was going to say. Heero continued to read the journal, flipping back in the book landing on another date.

‘Dear Journal 12-24

Tomorrow’s Christmas. I haven’t gotten Heero anything. He said he didn’t want anything, that there was no point to it. I doubt he got me anything either. Why can't he just accept a little gift? I always thought it wasn’t about presents but about spending time with someone…maybe that’s it, he doesn’t want to spend any time with me. If he doesn’t, why let me stay. It’s his place, not mine. I don’t even work, I don’t have to do anything according to him.

12-25

Well I was right Heero didn’t get me anything. I didn’t get him anything. I think he was surprised, I always get him something whether he wants me to or not. We spent the day doing nothing, him typing on that damn laptop. While I just sat at the window watching the snow fall. He doesn’t care now, he still types oblivious to what's around him as I write here.’

Heero stopped reading. It was true, he never did get anything for Duo. He never knew what to get him. Heero looked down at Duo, feeling guilty. True, he just wanted to spend time with Duo but he never truly knew how, something always stopped him from reaching out.

Was it fear?

Was he scared?

Maybe it was both, was he too scared to admit he cared or afraid that once Duo knew, he'd leave? Heero continued to read through the journal, occasionally seeing dried wet spots on the page.

‘Tears...’ he thought touching the page. He closed the book up, placing it on the dresser. He looked down at Duo. He wanted to tell Duo, but he didn’t know how… ‘Damnit, why cant I just tell him?! Why is it so hard!’

**

Duo woke up to the sound of computer keys clacking. Sighing quietly Duo turned away from the sound, burying himself deeper into the covers. ‘Covers.’ He had gone to sleep on top of the covers and was writing in his journal.

‘My journal!’ Duo sat up fast and looked around, seeing it on the dresser beside the bed. ‘Thank goodness, but how did it get there…oh no.. did he read it??’ Duo sighed not wanting to think about it. After getting up and getting his hairbrush, he sat on the bed and went to combing out the tangles he had gotten from his sleep. Heero would usually do it, but there was no chance, with him being on the computer. Duo continued to brush it until a hand stopped him. He let go and allowed Heero to brush it. Heero had seen Duo from the computer screen. He hadn’t even noticed that he had gotten up and started to brush it. Duo sighed quietly. It was rare that Heero paid attention to him. Heero kept brushing even after all the were out, after brushing it a little longer, he reluctantly stopped. He had always liked to brush Duo’s hair. He put the brush down, then began braiding his hair. After making a loose braid and tying it off he sat there for a minute before getting up and going back to his computer. Duo still sat there; he had been quiet the whole time, wondering what had happened to Heero.

 

TBC...

 

so did ya like.....*pokes readers* hmm?.....replies make chapters come quicker...*prods readers* so reply, please!