7-29-2000

</lurker mode> Konnichiwa minna-san!! It's been a while since I posted anything. But I wrote something! *cheers a little* Erm, I got bored one night and started writing this a while ago but I went on vacation and just finished it.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or the characters, or the song "10,000 Promises" by the Backstreet Boys. C + C welcome. Oh yeah, this is a dark, angsty, deathfic kinda thing, so don't read it if you don't like that. If someone had this idea already, gomen nasai! Enjoy!

 

//Once we were lovers, just lovers we were
Oh, what a lie//

Heero sat in the bathroom, holding a sharpened blade in his hand. His thoughts dwelled on Duo, his once lover. He stared longingly at a photo of him and Duo, and his grip tightened on the blade.

//Once we were dreamers, just dreamers we were
Both.... you and I//

He remembered the good times, which were ironically during the war. After a lot of persistence, Heero had opened his heart up to Duo, and the time they spent together after that became some of Heero's favorite memories. That is, until Duo started spending large amounts of time with Wufei.

//Now I see you're just somebody who wastes all my time and money
What a lie, you and I//

At first, Heero didn't worry about it. But when the war ended, Duo seemed to disappear a lot, and Heero started having doubts about his koi. After waiting for Duo one lonely, rainy night, he called up Quatre. Surely Quatre would know, and if he didn't, he'd be able to find out.

 

~*~Flashback~*~

"Trowa!!" Quatre giggled, "That tickles!!"

The brown-haired boy looked up at his lover. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Of course n-" the Arabian youth was interuppted by his phone ringing. There was a collective chorus of "Damnit!" and then Quatre answered the phone.

"Quatre? This is Heero."

Quatre relaxed. "Oh hey Heero! What do you need?" Quatre said cheerfully.

Heero's tone was depressing. "I need to know something."

"And what would that be?"

Heero sighed. "I need to know if you know what Duo's been doing with Wufei. I'm.... I'm... ya know, that feeling when someone's panicked about something."

Quatre's cheerful mood disappated. "Worried you mean?"

"Yeah. That's the one. Do you know?"

Quatre covered up the speaker end of the phone with his hand. "Trowa!" he whispered, "What should I tell him? I don't want to be the one to break it to him!"

Trowa sensed his lover's distress and took the phone. "Heero, Duo's been.... Duo and Wufei are...." Trowa couldn't bring himself to say it. He didn't have to.

Heero's already sad tone grew sadder. "I understand. Thank you Trowa." Trowa heard a click. He sighed and hugged Quatre close. "I hope he'll be alright."

"So do I Trowa, so do I."

~*~End Flashback~*~

Heero's love for Duo had caused the so-called 'Perfect Soldier' to let loose some of his emotions. It had been hard for Heero, but the pilot had accepted it as a mission in life -for Duo- to let them out, and he tried his best to do so.

//What about your
Your 10,000 promises that you gave to me
Your 10,000 promises that you promised me//

 

~*~Flashback~*~

Heero had urgently ended the conversation. He didn't want to do something he would regret. Hell, he'd just found out he already had. His once cold and unfeeling heart had been stung with a pain that even the Indestructable Heero Yuy couldn't handle.

~How could my Duo do this to me? He runs, he hides, he never lies! And yet he's been abandoning me all this time for that Chinese justice freak!! How... what did I do wrong?! I did everything and more that he asked of me!! Didn't he know how hard it was for me?~ Firey, bitter tears burned at Heero's eyes as his thoughts wandered.

~Did he even care?...~

//Once I could handle the truth when the truth was you and I
But time after time all the promises turned out to be all lies
Now, now I see that I'm just somebody who wasted my time and money
What a lie (oh what a lie) you and I (oh you and I)//

Quatre had urgently called all of the Gundam pilots over after that phone call. His uchuu no kokoro (space heart) was telling him Heero needed help. He didn't inform either Heero, Duo or Wufei that the other party was coming, and luckily both had agreed. They needed to settle this before Heero's suicidal tendencies got the best of him. Deep in Quatre's mind, he knew they might anyways.

Heero had arrived first. Quatre and Trowa told him that Duo and Wufei were coming, and Heero snorted defiantly.

"I have nothing to discuss with them. I don't care about Duo anymore." Heero growled, in his perfect soldier voice. The tone was convincing, but when Quatre looked into Heero's eyes, he saw so much agony. It hurt to see his friend, who had taken so much convincing to open up, have all his hard work shattered and smacked right back at him. Quatre looked away and flinched. Heero had helped him so much after his accident with the Zero System, and he'd be damned if he didn't return the favor.

//What about your
Your 10,000 promises that you gave to me
Your 10,000 promises that you promised me//

Quatre opened his mouth to say something, but the door flew open behind him, and in walked the self-proclaimed Shinigami.

"Look who's here!!" Duo said, his cheerful attitude gleaming as usual. Wufei was right behind him. Heero snorted again and looked away.

Duo's eyes widened when he saw Heero. "Hey Hee-chan! I didn't know you were here!" He said as cheerfully as possible.

"Don't call me that," Heero said flatly.

"What's eating you?" Duo asked, his cheerful tone fading.

Heero glared at Duo. "What do you think?!" He then glared at Wufei, then retuned to staring at the wall.

Duo sat down next to Heero, and then Heero scooted his chair further away. "Talk to me Heero."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Of course there is!! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"You're asking me to explain? You're the one who should be talking!"

"What do you mean by that?!"

Heero glared his most intense Glare of Death (TM) at the braided teen. "Where have you been?! What have you been doing all this time? Why am I spending my nights alone?!"

//You said I'll take you back,
But I closed the door
'Cause I don't want 10,000 more//

Duo's smile faded, and his expression was serious. "Heero, I-"

"You what, Duo?! You want to make another promise you can't keep? You want to love me and abandon me to feelings I have yet to understand?"

"I-" Duo continued.

Wufei silently slipped out of the room. He knew his presence was not welcome, and he personally didn't want to be there for the fight.

"What about you Duo?! It's always about you!! What about ME?! I have feelings now too. And I regret that I ever did." Tears were now streaming down Heero's face. He couldn't hold them back anymore.

"Damnit Heero! You don't understand! I have needs and wants too! I can't always sit around and wait for you to figure yourself out. I'm not that patient. I don't feel any sort of response from you most of the time. I need someone to love me too."

"I see. So this has all been pointless." Heero said bitterly.

"Heero-"

"You don't need to say anything else. I understand now."

Duo looked away. Heero stood up and prepared to walk to the room he usually stayed in at Quatre's estate.

"I just want you to remember, Duo. This is all your fault."

Heero left the room, three faces staring at the door in shock.

~*~End Flashback~*~

 

//10,000 promises yeah
10,000 promises you gave to me//

Heero pulled the picture out of his pocket. It was taken at one of the myriad schools they had to enroll in. Duo was too damn cheerful for his own good, and Heero, bitter with regret, knew exactly how to make that awkward glee go away. He pulled his pocket knife out, with it's recently-sharpened blade. He sat still for a moment, thinking about his short -and in his eyes pointless- life.

He had no parents. They had been assassinated a long time ago. It was a surprise that the assassin hadn't killed him too, but taken him in as an apprentice. Of course, that nice -in a warped way- man had ended up being killed himself, which had led Heero to Dr. J. Heero stifled a chuckle. His time with Dr. J had given a whole new meaning to the word bizarre, but only because of the training he was given to be a Gundam pilot. Heero had felt like a ball that was being tossed around, and that began his many encounters wth death. That's when he first attempted suicide. Somehow, the perfect soldier, who could do ANYTHING right, couldn't even attempt suicide correctly. How pathetic. Of course, when he thought things couldn't get much worse, Operation Meteor was underway, and his life was given a guarantee to be permanently messed up.

Operation Meteor, in Heero's mind, was the Gate to Hell, being opened wide for him to just waltz right in. He was introduced to his own personal stalker, Relena Dorlian/Peacecraft. Boy was he glad he'd never see her again. He actually had acquired friends in the other Gundam pilots. They were the only people who could even possibly understand how fucked up he was. Of course, extending the war by killing the Alliance's pacifists was sure evidence of that in his opinion. However, he ended the war too, in a sense, by blowing up that last annoying piece of the Libra. But of course, that wasn't the end of it. It never is, really.

Heero found himself writing his thoughts -his life story- on a piece of paper from the notepad on the nightstand. Finally, when that was over, and he had said his goodbyes in what had been deemed his suicide note -He had heard other people who have done the same thing do that to give a final goodbye to their loved ones.- he walked into the bathroom, and shut the door. He sat down on the floor with knife and picture in hand, and in less than a minute, his pain dissipated.

~*~Meanwhile~*~

Quatre and Trowa had been trying to make sense out of Duo's arguements. Duo had become hysterical after Heero left the room. Trowa had succeeded in suppressing him for a little bit, with help from Wufei, but Quatre soon tensed up to another problem.

Quatre felt his chest. His uchuu no kokoro was throbbing. He tried his hardest not to let it show.

"Trowa, I'm going to go check up on Heero. Something doesn't seem right."

His lover nodded. "You do just that."

Quatre left the room and hurried up the stairs. He opened the door to one of the guestrooms -which Heero and Duo usually slept in when visiting- and looked in.
"Heero?"

No response.

He knocked on the bathroom door. No response there either. He opened the door slowly....

//Once we were lovers, just lovers we were
Oh, you and I
What a lie//

...and screamed.

 

Copyright Cola the Sapphire Goddess 2000