2-3-2001

Title: Today I Die
Author: chibiANGEL
Archive: mine, eventually. ask, if you want this scary thing.
Pairing: 1+2
Warning: deathfic. it's kinda obvious from the title. ^_~
Holiday: Valentine's Day. hey. we have snow here on valentine's day. ^___^
Other Notes: uhhhhh, it's just weird. i started in school. with 2 friends reading it, one talking about "gay porn" and the other saying it would be so much better if this was about 2 girls. so. o.O;;; short-ish. don't worry. more v-day fics on the way. ^___^

 

Close my eyes so rainbow-violet pools of dulled fire are locked away forever. Lips cold and frozen and stiffened in the remembrance of softness that seems almost dreamlike now. Lay my hands atop each other as if I'm only sleeping in a slumber uneternal, and forever is a door opened tomorrow. And kiss me goodnight, expecting the flush in my skin to revive in the morning's sun.

Whisper words in my ear, pretending that I understand and comprehend and realize that you're finally saying the words I've longed to hear. Trace locks of hair brushed across my still face and chill touching, wishing, unforgettable emotions rushing inside and outside your mind. And I know you refuse to cry, even for me.

Touch me. Run calloused fingers over every indent and curve of my body, trying to memorize me for eternity.

I can almost feel your deep blue eyes bore holes through my veins, trying to set fire to blood that has long since run its course and died down. I can almost feel you press kisses, lips to lips, in vain, trying to revive a warmth that has chilled in the winter inside. I can almost feel the breeze of your breath that flickers through my hair, sets them to flutter, then settle.

Begging for movement.

Second sight betray me, because I can see you from above. Whispering rose petals over my pale skin, trying to bleed their blush into my pallor. The thorns are snapped off in efforts to please my body with the softest of soft, The cold wind brushes by now, and picks up glittering crystals of snow that drift over me and drop on my lips. But I can't feel the ice that doesn't melt.

Hearing born of omnipresence leave me, because I can hear your roughened words. Asking me why, telling me everything would've been okay. Brushing your lips over me, trying desperately to warm me up in this subzero terrain that refuses to let me soul free.

And even your unique scent surrounds me somehow, even as I am nowhere to be surrounded. Lingers in my hair as you hold me close and groan fervently that you will never let go. Don't promise to come with me to the grave. Just don't. You weren't meant to be left forever in a barren iciness.

Try to protect me from the cold, even when I can't feel it. Your jacket is tucked in around my still form now, and you bury yourself closer, as if to share your body heat with me. Please stop. I don't need it, and if you keep trying to share, all I'll do is leech out of you. You weren't meant to follow me.

The ice and wind clears behind you but you can't see it.

Instead, you stop talking altogether, as if to conserve your energy for us both. On the lover's day, you've vowed to stay with your lover. Will you follow me forever? There is a place marked in time and 10 dimensions, here and now, where our roads diverge.

Hopefully only for now.

Behind you there are flickering lights, flashes of reality pouring through the whiteness of oblivion. And cries are heard, from voices I recognize. You turn and see them, waving them over but refusing to leave my side.

Please go. I don't need you here anymore. Leave the roses, if you must. Leave the kisses, because they'll stay with me forever. But the promises, take with you. Because I have to break my promise of forever.

And they see me and try to wrap me up and bring me back to the plane of existence I've left forever. Tears freeze in this air, but your eyes are still dry. I'm not surprised, nor am I hurt by your apparent lack of deep emotion. You just don't know how to cry. I understand. In Heaven or Hell, I'll cry for us both.

And you're carrying me back. To a place you think you can warm me, color me, make me well and alive again. My love, time turns back for no one. Even the perfect soldier can't combat against the decree of the hidden 6 dimensions. In a form of fate, I think they're guiding me away. I'll wait for you, wherever I end up. There, that's a promise you can keep with you.

Bring me into the house and lay me on a couch. Kneel by my side and wait for, pray for, hope for any sign I can give you. I'm sorry, but the signs have shattered in the dark cold night, and what you want of me still remains out in the wind, never to be brought back inside.

Say anything and everything you think I'd want to hear. As if I'm only unconscious and waiting for the magical world to bring me back from fairy tales of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.

Kiss me over and over, as if to wake me with a thousand kisses.

And now you cry.

Don't cry for me, love. Don't let me be the one to have broken you so completely that your eyes finally shine in sorrow, in grief, and in unmitigated pain.

I'm sorry to have hurt you.

Close my eyes so rainbow-violet pools of dulled fire are locked away forever. Lips cold and frozen and stiffened in the remembrance of softness that seems almost dreamlike now. Lay my hands atop each other as if I'm only sleeping in a slumber uneternal, and forever is a door opened tomorrow. And kiss me goodnight, expecting the flush in my skin to revive in the morning's sun.

And today I die.

 

-[owari]-