*prances* look, look, i finally have a new part of Find Me!!!! uhh... and misREALITY has gone over a week and a half without a part. geez, i'm really bad at keeping up with these things. *sighs* anywhoo. uhh.... dunno what to say about this part. took forever. bleh. ^_~


Find Me [21]


Duo woke and blinked, momentarily confused. Some sunlight was streaming in between venetian blinds, filtering across the floor. The bed was rather unfamiliar, and there was something warm on his foot.

Oh. It definitely took Duo a while to wake up.

Smiling a little, Duo nudged over Heero's leg so it wasn't cutting off the circulation to his foot anymore. In moments he gritted his teeth at the pins and needles that prickled his foot and lower calf.

Moving slightly, he could feel his stickiness and sweatiness and resolved to take a shower - with Heero - soon.

Thinking about his lover, he smiled again, rolling over closer to Heero. One hand reached up and brushed away a loose lock of hair that fell across the closed blue eyes. Duo smirked fondly when the hair tumbled back down. He pushed it up again, tucking it behind more hair. The lock fell down again and as he began to snicker quickly, one blue eye began to crack open. In moments the Prussian eye - the other eye was firmly shut - focused on the giggling boy.

"Hn." It sounded suspiciously like a stifled snicker. Duo beamed.

"You're awake!"

"How could I not be, with you giggling and poking at my hair like that?" His tone, contrary to the words, was soft and tender. One hand snaked out to grab Duo's wrist. It pulled Duo's hand to Heero's mouth, where the lips were waiting to kiss the palm. "Ohayo."

"Ohayo," Duo chirped.

Heero's eyebrow went up. The other eye began to open. "You're so... awake in the morning," Heero commented, all traces of sleepiness gone from his own voice.

"I got a good night's sleep."

With a blink of understanding, Heero decided not to reply to that. Instead, he yawned and stretched a little, then sat up in bed. He kept a firm grasp on Duo's wrist, keeping him close.

"For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss," Duo said dreamily.

"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers, too?" Heero returned softly.

"Except," Duo drawled, burrowing himself under Heero's arm. "This holy palmer says to hell with the palm to palm kissing." He lifted his chin up and looked at Heero expectantly.

Heero felt himself drawn into Duo's eyes for the umpteenth time. This beautiful boy that he'd known less than a week; he felt he wanted to stay with Duo for the rest of his life. 'He knows what I am, what I do. And still he stays with me,' he thought. 'But you'll hurt him,' the nasty part of his mind argued. 'Something's going to go wrong and either you'll get hurt or he'll get hurt. Your occupation automates an early death.'

Duo could see the warring going on in Heero's mind and waited patiently, although nervously, for his good-morning kiss. 'Is he having second thoughts about keeping me in his apartment with him? Does he not want me anymore?'

Unconsciously and out of habit, Duo began to roam his hands over Heero, first innocently massaging, then roaming lower. Heero was jerked out of his reverie as Duo's warmth pressed up against him, a semi-erection nudging him into a similar state. The body pressed against him was squirming sensually and his whole mental argument went out an ear, only to be replaced by, 'He's... he's seducing me. But why?!'

Jerking away, Heero rolled out of bed, muttered something about a shower, and left for the bathroom.

Stunned, Duo could only stare, jaw dropped, at the open door. 'Fuck, what did I do now?' he moaned to himself. He buried his face into the pillow, still mentally berating himself. 'I'm such an idiot. He hates me. He only feels bad for me and I keep pushing him. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.'

He felt tears start to burn their way out of his closed eyes.

"God damn it!" Trowa shouted. "You're injured!"

Heero glanced down at his bleeding arm almost nonchalantly. He gritted his teeth, muttering, "I'll be okay."

Trowa glared at him. Then, with a sigh of resignation, he tore off a strip of his shirt and reached over to bind Heero's arm. "At least let me stop the blood flow." Heero didn't move or make a sound as the cloth was tied on tightly. "Hopefully this will be okay for a little while."

"It should be," Heero said, looking at the binding approvingly. Then he returned his gaze to in front of him. "Damned bastards."

A crackling was heard on Trowa's wristcom. "What's up?" Trowa said, pushing a button.

"Relena and Dorothy are caught," came a slightly fuzzy voice. Zechs. "Where are you two?"

Heero looked around for a moment. "Right outside the D-wing east entrance. About 100 yards away."

Trowa related this to Zechs, who paused in thought for a moment. Then, "Relena and Dorothy are held in E-wing. What's your status on your part of the mission?"

Inspecting his gun nonchalantly, Trowa replied, "He's dead."

"All right. Can you guys get the two girls?"

"Shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay. Out."

Trowa turned and looked at Heero. "Ninmu ryoukai?"

Heero smiled slightly. "Stop stealing my phrases."

His friend snickered.

Heero nearly stormed into the bathroom after a hasty stop at the linen closet for a towel. Shutting the door firmly behind him, he sank to the floor with his back against the door, his knees suddenly weak.

'What just happened?'

He ran his fingers through his tousled hair, pinching his eyes shut. 'What the hell just happened? Shimatta, what does he take me for? Doesn't he understand I- I shouldn't have... k'so.' With a shove, he launched himself to his feet. Rough jerks removed his clothing and he turned the water on, completely ignoring the temperature. Which meant when he stepped in, he gasped at the scalding hot water, cursed, and turned the cold up.

'Why did he do that to me?' he moaned mentally as the hot water flower over him. Picturing Duo in his mind again only made him remember his erection, now begging to be touched. 'K'so....' With a frustrated sigh, he leaned back against the wall, reaching down.

The water dripping down his face wasn't only from the shower, he realized. There was remnants of a salty taste on his lips; tears were falling. Clenching his eyes shut again, Heero took a deep steadying breath as he closed his hand around his erection. He began with slow pumps, and worked his way faster and harder, his frustration and anger being released as well as his sexual tension.

'I'm hurting him already. He can't stay with me. I'm going to hurt him too much, and I can't bear to see him cry. If I-'

Another tear fell, but he forced himself to repress the rest.

'Maybe I should ask Quatre to take him in. They were best friends as children, there's no reason for him to stay with me if he could stay with Quatre. He's probably prefer it too...'

Choking back a cry as he came, he mentally told himself to shut up. He reached for the shampoo and poured a little on his hand. It usually took him 3 minutes to take a shower, but he was intentionally stalling. He didn't want to go back into his room.

'For all I know, he hates me now. Realizes that I'm an unemotional and inconsiderate asshole.'

He winced a little as he pulled his hair shampooing it.

Heero knew he was only giving a vent to his insecurities, but those insecurities made so much sense. Duo had only come with him because his best friend was here, right? Other than that, he had no reason to be in San Francisco. Apparently his whole family was gone; all he had left was a childhood friend.

'I don't matter...'

After abruptly turning off the water and stood in the middle of the shower for a moment. 'But he said he loved me... didn't he?'

Upon returning to his room, Heero purposely avoided looking at Duo, still sitting in bed. He made his way to his drawers, pulled out clean boxers, and slid them on under his towel, dropping the towel in the process. Then he turned around.

Duo was looking down at the blanket, drawing invisible designs with his finger. His face was adorned with a small, easygoing smile. As if nothing had gone wrong.

Looking up, Duo said easily, "Hey, Heero. Can I go take a shower?"

In his eyes, Heero could see the walls were set up again, the coldness and iciness had frozen over again.

Without realizing, Heero moved over to the bed and sat on the edge. He mentally winced as Duo flinched, almost imperceptibly.

Then, softly, Duo said, "I'm sorry." His statement melted and Heero could tell if he didn't do something, Duo was about to cry or lash out.

"I'm sorry..."

Duo looked away. "I mean," he continued, as if Heero hadn't spoken. "I - I guess I'm fu- messing up your life completely. But I didn't mean to- I... I'm sorry." 'Please believe me. I know I'm fucking this up royally, but I want you say it's okay and you still want me to stay with you.'


Heero looked up. Zechs was standing in the doorway to the office. A young girl was standing shyly behind him.

"Heero, this is Relena Peacecraft. She's new. Can you show her around?" This said, he pushed the girl forward slightly. Heero took her in with a glance: her flaxen hair was tied back in a ribbon, her clothing was conservative, her statement demure. A peek at Zechs showed a little more concern than normal.

'They have the same eyes,' he finally decided. 'Not in color, but in what they show. Carefully hide everything except determination to succeed.' Then, 'Peacecraft? Then why does he go by Merquise...?' Outwardly, he nodded without a word.

"Thank you, Heero." Zechs turned and walked out.

He had to give her points for not wringing her hands nervously or doing anything of the sort. Instead, she stood by the door jamb, watching him. Finally, she stepped forward, holding out her hand. "Relena Peacecraft. It's nice to meet you."

Heero stood and shook her hand. "Pleasure's all mine," he said automatically. Relena smiled and dimpled girlishly, bobbing her head slightly in acknowledgment.


Heero looked over Relena's shoulder to see Trowa standing in the doorway, looking a little confused.

"Hello, I'm Relena Peacecraft." She was also smooth, Heero noted. Relena shook Trowa's hand, adding, "I'm new and Heero has been so kind as to agree to show me around." She smiled daintily.

Trowa raised an eyebrow at Heero. Behind Relena's back, Heero blinked innocently. Trowa had to stifle a snicker.

Treize was pensive at his desk. The whole issue of Tristan Mordaux was running through his head. Balancing exactly how much he trusted this unknown group against exactly how urgent was the need to get rid of Tristan Mordaux.

A knock at his door. Treize looked up to see Zechs inviting himself into the office, then offering himself a seat. Sprawled on the chair, he looked for all the world like a boneless - and beautiful, Trieze added to himself - blond mass.

"Zechs?" Treize prompted.

"Oh." The head jerked up and forward. A lazy hand held a manilla folder of good size. "Here's stuff on the guys that called you."

"Stuff." Treize smirked at Zechs' word choice.

"Fine, information." The folder was tossed onto Treize's desk and a few papers spilled out.

Treize picked up some of the papers and gave them a cursory glance. Those were set aside and he moved onto another bunch. In a minute or two he'd scanned his way through the entire folder.

"Interesting, huh?" Zechs said the moment he knew Treize was finished. "Little group, but they're managing damned well. Not a type of group we'd usually worry about... but if they know about Mordaux, we may as well leak them for what they know." His semi-smile was slightly feral.

"They know the risk in contacting us," Treize added. With a wry smile, he added, "If they become a problem afterwards..."

Zechs nodded in understanding. "Not too many people. I have at least minimal records on everyone. Nobody could get away."

Flicking his gaze back to the topmost paper, Treize noted, "The leaders are about your age, 4 of them." Zechs nodded. Suddenly, Treize frowned slightly and took a closer look at one of the blurry photographs.

"What's wrong?"

Shaking his head, Treize put the papers back into the folder. "Nothing. Can I keep this folder or do you need it back?"

Zechs waved a hand at Treize nonchalantly. "That's your copy. Keep it."

"All right."

They sat together in silence for a moment.

"Just wondering if it's worth it," Zechs finally said, conversationally.

His answer was a silence nod of agreement.

"Just... shouldn't we look up on the kid first?"

Treize nodded again, this time more slowly, more contemplatively. 'He knows something else and he's not telling me.'

"Are you planning on telling me whatever you know?" Treize asked abruptly, running a hand through his hair.

Zechs grinned at him, but it was tinged with melancholy. "No, not yet." 'I don't know what good it would do. Right now I'll keep it to myself and watch what goes on. Nobody else knows, Treize, so don't try to pry.'

Sighing, Treize leaned back in his chair. "Then get out of my office. You're making me nervous because you're not telling me something. I understand that's your prerogative right now, but if you stay, I may end up ordering you to tell me." It was only long-standing trust of his best friend and second-in-command that stopped him from demanding at the moment. "So. Shoo. Out." He flicked in hand towards the door.

With a nod of understand, Zechs rose, smiling a little, still. "You'll find out, soon, Treize," he promised, before he left the room. The door clicked shut behind him.

"I better," Treize muttered to himself. "This whole business is driving me crazy." With another sigh, he turned to going over information over the blowing up of the hotel in New York City.



"I think they're going to work with us, doll?"

"That's sweet."

"You're good idea."

Slight laughter. "Thanks, babe."

"This is going to be good, I promise. Payback is sweet."

"Yeah." A soft sound, almost like a wistful sigh.


"Yeah, babe?"

"You thinking? Remembering?"

"...Remembering, yeah. Nicky. Dad..."

"And other things, huh?"

Silence only confirmed.


"I'm not fucking backing out, okay? Stop stressing."

"Not stressing over that." Voice turned quieter, almost tender. "Worried about you."

"What about me?"

"You're stressed. I-"

"You don't understand."

"Actually... I do."

Shocked pause. "But... what?" Clipped ending.

"I know about your mom, doll."

"What about my mom?"

"Why your dad never mentioned her."

"She died when I was young. He didn't like to dwell."

"He didn't like her family, either, did he?"

Silence. "Fuck you, Mueller." Whispered in tones almost fury. "Why didn't you tell me you knew?"

"What would that do, doll?"

No answer.

A sigh. "Anyway. Doll, I care about you, you know that, right?"


"Just don't want to see you hurt. If this hurts you too much..."

"We can't back out, Mueller."

Another sigh. "I know. Just wish I could do something to make you feel better, doll."

Slight sniffling. "You- you already do, babe."

"Love you."

"Love you too."


Eryn walked in the room to see her sister absently holding the phone, staring out the window. After a few moments, Jess realized Eryn was in the room. "We going to San Francisco soon?"

"Tomorrow." A curious look. "What's wrong?"

"Mueller knows about Mom."

Eryn's jaw literally dropped. "But... how?"

"Fuck me if I know," came the resigned retort. "But he knows. Says he... says he feels bad for me."

"He loves you, sis," Eryn said softly. She walked over and gave Jess a hug.

"Mom hated the whole killing thing," Jess sniffled a little.

"I know, this is totally fucked up. It's between Nicky and Dad... and Mom," answered Eryn, her own voice subdued. "It sucks."

"It really does," Jess agreed. "Sucks shit. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, huh?"

"Yeah, definitely."