11-14-2001

Title: Dear Duo
Author: chibiANGEL
Notes: yeah, yeah, death. yes, he's dying. i've given up on subtlety - my sister says the hints aren't subtle, they're just nonexistant. O_O;;; oh well...
Disclaimer: haven't put one of these in a while, but hey. gw not mine. stupid deathfic mine. ^_~

Dear Duo,

The war is over. It is finally over. And I don't understand how we could possibly have peace, but it seems like it's going to happen. Finally. After all this fighting, we get to reap the rewards.

Or, rather, you will. Trowa and Quatre will. Wufei will. I cannot.

Please, Duo, don't think me weak. I can face 50 to 1 odds in a mobile suit fight, but I am too afraid to face life. I don't have any skills beyond that which I portrayed during the war.

And I'm too lost.

I'm afraid to send you this letter. This absolute confession of the emotions I've stifled for so long. Because I think I love you.

And in all my years of training, I was taught that love was a facade of need, lust, and selfishness. I was taught to disregard it as useless and pointless. But watching you smile and seeing that mask slowly but surely crack... I know this is love I'm feeling and that, too, frightens me.

I have never been able to deal well with things I fear.

Duo, my Duo, has anyone ever called you beautiful? Have you ever had someone run their hands down your cheek, perhaps wipe away an errant tear, and kiss those blushing lips of yours? Have you ever loved somebody?

Oh yes, tell Quatre to blow up the remains of Wing Zero. I know it's already shattered, but I just want to make sure. I don't want anything shattering this peace for you.

The fighting has ended and people are beginning to throw open their doors to the countless parties. The snow is falling. I wonder what will happen to Mariemaia? I wonder what will happen to Zechs?

And I wonder what will happen to you.

Do you know, throughout the first year I knew you, I could not believe someone like you could exist? You took life at it's face value, and laughed it off. All the while cherishing that precious mask of yours. And I disillusioned myself sometimes in thinking I could tell the difference between who you were and who you pretended to be. I tried to think I was special to you, in some way.

But you were always a good friend, to all of us.

I can't send this letter to you. By the time I get the courage to send it, I'm sure I won't know where to send it to. I doubt 6 months from now I'd still know you. You have a life to live and a soul to infuse with happiness.

I, on the other hand, have a letter addressed to the one I love, and a wish to leave him in peace.

Duo, do you think you'll remember me a month from now? Maybe. Three months from now? Perhaps. And maybe a year from now you'll get together with Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei. To celebrate a year of peace. But afterwards...?

I don't dare hope.

~Heero Yuy