Title: #77 "Sore wa... himitsu desu" - Part 5
Arc: Life With Heero
Author: Calic0cat <calic0cat@fastmail.fm>
Story Completed: June 23, 2003
Genre: Shonen Ai/Yaoi, Friendship, Romance
Pairing: 1+2
Rated: R (overkill I'm sure but...)
Warnings: AU, OOC, Swearing, Lime
Archives: At Lev's Lair http://www.gwaddiction.com/levlair/ and at http://calic0cat.freeservers.com/ (my site) and at Mediaminer.org under Calic0cat. Anyone with archive permission for my other fics can help themselves.
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero and the rest of the GW gang aren't mine. This story is. Nuff said.

Notes: The arc begins between one and two years after Endless Waltz. Heero POV in this story.

************ Time passing or scene change

Author's Notes: See earlier fics for notes on the arc as a whole. Feedback is appreciated.


Cleaning up the mess on the car floor hadn't taken too long but Heero had been afraid that perhaps the mood had been thoroughly wrecked by the interruption. He'd been wrong. It had only taken a couple of kisses in the privacy of their livingroom to heat things back up again. It was a good thing that they didn't have to work tomorrow; it had been well past midnight when they got home and even later by the time they cleaned up the spilled sundae. How much more time had passed since they came inside and made themselves comfy on the couch - Heero had absolutely no idea. He was enjoying this far too much to care.

Heero drew back from the kiss, the need for air forcing him to do so. He braced one arm against the couch back to prop himself up over Duo's semi-reclined body then ran his other hand lightly over Duo's bare chest and continued down, dipping just barely below the waistband of Duo's jeans before stopping. He watched Duo's face carefully as he did so, that tiny hesitation earlier lingering in his mind. He was ready to take things a little bit further - but he wasn't entirely sure whether Duo was or not.

"S'okay, Heero," Duo said with a reassuring grin. "You just caught me by surprise earlier. Hadn't really stopped to think about it yet then. A little more serious foolin' around is okay."

Heero smirked mischievously as he slipped Duo's button out of its hole and caught hold of the zipper pull, carefully tugging it downwards. "A little more serious? Just how serious is 'a little more serious'?"

"Uh... good question... I... umm... I think..."

Heero grinned at the obvious difficulty Duo was having in focussing on his question. He regretfully stilled his fingers and withdrew them from the now-open zipper. He needed an answer before taking things much further. This wasn't the first time that they'd discarded shirts in the course of making out but they'd never ventured below the waist before the bit of exploring they'd done in the car earlier tonight. He didn't want to push things too fast but he was ready for a bit more. The amount of contact that he and Duo had been in all evening - all of those discreet touches, followed by the surprisingly tantalizing - though frustrating in such cramped quarters - experiment with "parking" had brought him to that conclusion. "You think..." he prompted, amused at the trouble Duo was *still* having answering his question.

"I think..." Duo's cheeks flushed darkly as he stammered out, "I think - god this stuff is tough to talk about..." His eyes dropped slightly, avoiding meeting Heero's, as he blurted out, "Umm, I think anything that doesn't involve - uh, penetration - is okay..."

His own cheeks suddenly on fire, Heero managed to respond, "That wasn't... I didn't mean... Oh, *crap*..." He flopped back against the other end of the couch with a groan. 'Great, now *I'm* the one embarrassed and stammering... But that definitely was *not* what I had in mind...'

Duo made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a choked-off laugh. "Sorry, Heero. Not exactly what you were asking? Too much detail? Maybe we're analysing this to death," he snickered, cheeks still flushed with embarrassment, before sitting up and leaning over Heero to kiss him.

Heero met his lips eagerly, grateful for the relief from embarrassment provided by the temporary return to familiar territory. The kiss started out warm and reassuring but it didn't take long for the heat of passion to return to it. By the time they finally broke it off again, he was pressed back into the corner of the couch and Duo was sprawled mostly over top of him. Duo's head rested against his shoulder while they both got their breath back.

Finally, Duo suggested in a voice that was still a bit breathless, "How about we just go with the flow and promise to call a halt if we get uncomfortable? We've both got perfectly good self-control; there's no excuse for not stopping if the other one asks. It's not like we're incapable of dealing with - uh - unrelieved tension - ourselves if we have to."

Heero couldn't help snickering at Duo's word choice. "Unrelieved tension?"

Duo's eyes met his, sparkling with mischief despite still-flushed cheeks. "Yeah. You know - like *this*..."

Heero's hips bucked involuntarily, seeking more friction, as Duo shifted more fully on top of him and wriggled. His breath hissed sharply between his teeth and he bit his lip before managing to respond, "Ah. I see." Meeting Duo's mischievous gaze, Heero decided, 'Turnabout is fair play...' "You mean, like *this*..." He slid his hands down Duo's back, then just that bit lower to hold Duo's hips still while he ground his own up against them.

Duo groaned and lowered his head, crushing their mouths together urgently, while thrusting his hips down against Heero's. Their tongues met, stroking against each other while their hips continued to move together. As his arousal increased, Heero suddenly found himself struggling not to fight the rising tide of desire. Years of training that demanded he have absolute control of his emotions and his body at all times were at war with his wish to let go and lose himself in the moment. And despite how much he wanted this, the training was starting to win. His thrusts faltered, breaking the rhythm that had been building, as he fought the control training that had him automatically beginning to regulate his respiration in response to its irregular, rapid rate.

His mouth was suddenly freed as Duo stilled and broke the kiss. "Heero?"

In response to the concern he heard in Duo's voice, Heero muttered in breathless frustration, "Damn... control training... kicked in... Don't stop... Have to... get past this..." He was *not* going to let the damn conditioning mess this up.

"You sure?"

Heero nodded sharply, still fighting not to allow himself to regulate his breathing. Forcing himself to keep it rapid and uneven. It was - difficult. Just holding off his conditioned response was taking most of his concentration. Duo resuming the kiss and beginning to move against him again barely even registered. Heero simply couldn't break through the control conditioning in order to lose himself in the moment again. 'This isn't going to work... *Dammit!*'

Obviously realizing the same thing, Duo broke off the kiss and cupped Heero's face in both hands, forcing Heero to focus his attention on him. "Heero, relax," he ordered softly but firmly. "You're making it worse by fighting so hard. Let it go for now. Next time, once things start to get intense we'll know what to expect and keep the intensity building before the conditioning has a chance to kick in so strong."

"I'm sorry," Heero apologized miserably. He'd never even considered the fact that the control training was deep enough to kick in at a subconscious level like that. He'd thought that as long as he didn't deliberately trigger it, it wouldn't cause any problems.

Duo shook his head and grinned ruefully. "Heero, don't apologize. It's not your fault J was an idiotic asshole. It's not the first time we've had to deal with something he fucked up in your life and we'd be kidding ourselves if we thought it would be the last. There's probably plenty of crap of mine that we just haven't happened to trip over yet too. With the kind of lives we've had it's no fucking wonder we've got issues to deal with. Don't worry about it; we'll get past it eventually."

Heero pulled Duo's face down to kiss him gratefully. Somehow, Duo always managed to find the right thing to say. Despite the fact that he had to be damn frustrated too.