Notes: Very small, the end.
Warning: Yaoi, sap, shonen ai.
//"Shh, don't cry. My beautiful, don't cry. Please..."//
Gasping, Duo sat up abruptly, an arm rising to swipe the dampness off his cheeks. Letting out a shaky breath, he glanced over at the other bed, flushing when he met Heero's intense gaze. Getting out of bed, he moved across the room and into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. Staring into his reflection, Duo bent and splashed cold water on his face before glaring at his red eyes. He hadn't had the dreams for years, but they hadn't changed a bit.
Staring into his own eyes for a moment, he let out a sigh before flicking off the light and returning to his bed, not glancing at the other boy. He'd no more than closed his eyes when he felt it return, that presence from his childhood. Slowly, as if careful to keep him from bolting, it wrapped around him like strong arms protecting him. As in the past, he'd been in the middle of a horrible nightmare when it had come, wrapping him in security as that soft, familiar voice asked him not to cry.
Knowing he wouldn't be able to see anything if he opened his eyes, Duo couldn't hold back a sigh as he felt soft lips press against his forehead before he had a sense of being held closer. It was wonderful, but he'd hoped he had left it behind when the dreams had ceased two years ago. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the comfort, but he detested waking and finding the cold reality, knowing it was a dream and nothing more. Luxuriating in the warmth, he started to drift off, tilting his head as lips moved over his neck. Then he froze, coming fully awake in a heartbeat. Letting out a silent sigh when he realized Heero was asleep again, Duo sat up, a hand moving to his neck.
Swallowing, he wondered what was going on in his mind. That hadn't been a sweet reassuring kiss as he'd received when he was younger. No, that one had different meaning, a sexual overtone that quite frankly frightened him. He'd never understood the presence, and had come to believe it was some sort of guardian angel sent to keep him safe, despite his profession to not believe in God. But he knew, an angel would not have kissed him like that. Wrapping his arms around himself as he stared at the dark wall across from him, Duo chewed on his lower lip. Angel or not, there was a definite presence to the dream, and he couldn't help feeling that it was as much a person as he was. It was a long time before he slept again.
* * *
Flinching back as he felt hands move over his chest, Duo shook his head. He couldn't open his eyes, couldn't wake up, couldn't even make a sound, and he didn't know what to do. While the caresses were gentle and even pleasant, he felt as if he were being used and his helplessness frightened him. He couldn't even tell if it were the same presence as before, since the one touching him hadn't spoken. Feeling the strong hands move down over his stomach, he managed to give a small cry and suddenly lifted his arm, sinking his teeth into his skin as hard as he could.
* * *
Waking abruptly, Heero had a gun in hand as he scanned the room, eyes narrowing as Duo slowly sat up, breath coming fast. He was about to say something when he noticed a thin line of blood trickling down the boy's chin. Getting up quickly, he switched on the lamp and leaned close to look at Duo. Wide violet eyes met his and Heero's widened at the fear he saw there. Then the long-haired boy looked down and grimaced. Following his gaze, Heero let out a sharp breath, pulling the other boy to his feet and jerking him into the bathroom, making him sit on the edge of the tub. Taking his wrist, Heero's eyes glinted as he looked at the bloody bite Duo'd obviously taken out of his arm.
"What happened?" he demanded tersely as he pulled the first aid kit out from beneath the sink. Kneeling in front of the silent boy, he began to clean and wrap the wound. "Well?"
"I don't know." Trying to hide his haunted eyes from Heero, Duo looked down at the bandage. "I was sleeping."
* * *
Coming fully awake and turning off the alarm clock as soon as it sounded, Heero sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Eyes moving around the room, he was surprised to see Duo's bed empty and his backpack gone from his desk. The American didn't have a class until eight and was usually still sleeping when Heero left for his seven-thirty class. Glaring at the made bed, he wondered if the other boy had even gone back to sleep the night before. They were both light sleepers, but neither usually had a problem going back to sleep. But that had been before last night. Still angry that the boy would hurt himself so badly while he was sleeping, Heero couldn't help wondering what was different about the dreams.
They'd been sharing the room for a week now and he'd gotten used to Duo's frequent nightmares. He'd wake up around three in the morning to the sound of Duo's rapid breathing and would wait. It was usually a matter of minutes before the resilient boy was asleep again. Frowning as he remembered the frightened look in those wide violet eyes, Heero wanted to shake him, make him tell what he'd dreamed. Snorting at the thought, Heero moved to take a shower so he could get ready for class. He'd already come to terms with his attraction for the lovely, lively boy, and there was no use even thinking about it. As soon as their mutual mission ended, they'd go their separate ways again and he would have to forget him.
* * *
They had third period together, and while Heero admitted that he was looking forward to seeing the boy, he wouldn't admit that he was worried. Moving to his seat near the door, Heero sat down, setting his bag over the back of his chair as he placed his math book on the desk. Opening it to the current page and getting his homework ready with the same methodology he used when cleaning his gun, Heero gave every appearance of a student with no distractions. It was impossible to tell that his eyes were actually glued to the door as he waited for a certain long-haired boy. It took a surprising amount of control not to react when Duo walked in.
Eyes glued to the floor a few feet in front of him, Duo moved as if routine alone got him to his seat. Sitting, his eyes staring at nothing as if he were deep in thought, he didn't notice the way Heero was watching him, concern almost visible on that usually blank face. Nodding absentmindedly when a few of his friends greeted him, the long-haired boy stared at his right hand as it fingered the long, black sleeve of his shirt. Moving softly over the bandage hidden beneath, his fingers moved in a repetitive motion while he waited for the class to begin.
"I wonder what's wrong with him."
Blinking as he glanced at the girl beside him out of the corner of his eyes, Heero listened as she talked to her friend, their whispers reaching him easily.
"He looks like he's in shock," the other girl said, shooting a glance at the distracted boy. "My aunt looked just like that when she found out she had cancer."
"Talking about me again?"
Seeing a boy lean over one of the girl's shoulder, Heero focused his attention on his books for a moment before sneaking a glance at Duo. Eyeing his pale skin critically, Heero was forced to agree with the girl's diagnosis, he did look like he was in shock. Eyes narrowing as he faced forward again, Heero did his best to glare holes through his desk, furious with the knowledge that Duo wouldn't tell him what was going on. Clearing his statement as the teacher came in, he forced himself back into the role of perfect student, but his mind wouldn't let Duo slip too far away as he noticed the boy's continued silence.
Despite his usual grumbling about how much he hated having to get up so early to go to classes he didn't need, Heero knew Duo liked school. He enjoyed being around people who weren't at each other's throats, and as much as it irritated the cobalt-eyed boy, the other students liked him as well. He simply had a way of getting along with everybody, even the teachers. While he didn't volunteer to show how much he knew, he never hesitated to give a right answer in a subtle way that put the other students at ease even if the problem was a horrible challenge for them. Duo took pleasure in school, and Heero would have had to be blind not to notice the fact that he was not paying the least bit of attention to anything.
When the class failed to turn up the answer to a particularly difficult homework problem, Heero watched as the teacher zeroed in on Duo. Violet eyes smiling a bit as he looked up, the boy slowly shook his head, his voice sounding strained to Heero's trained ears.
"I'm afraid I couldn't get it either." Waiting until the surprise registered on the woman's face, Duo slowly looked down again.
From where he sat, Heero could see plainly that Duo was covering the answer with his hand, no doubt not wanting to stand and put the problem on the board. Frowning, Heero waited. Sure enough, the woman pinned him next. As much as he tried not to draw attention to himself, Heero couldn't help the fact that math was one of his best subjects. Heaving a silent sigh as he stood, he glanced at Duo, frowning when the other boy didn't so much as glance upward, before moving to write the problem out. Duo enjoyed rankling him about the way he wrote on chalk-boards, telling him that no ordinary person would be able to write so neatly and straight when using an unwieldy piece of chalk. Usually, Heero would glare at the teasing, but he also liked having the boy's attention on him. Whatever had happened was obviously very serious, and it took great strength not to crush the piece of chalk the teacher handed him as he went to work.
* * *
"Did you really think we'd let you skip lunch? Come on, I know you don't want to sit out there all by yourself."
Eyes stabbing on the pair, Heero watched as Duo was escorted to the table where they usually ate, a tall boy pushing him forward. Recognizing him as someone who'd attached himself to the cheerful boy the first day, Heero could almost imagine thanking him for the assistance. As bad as he was at understanding people his own age, he knew the black-haired boy was shy by nature, and had been surprised at how quickly Duo had won him over. But that had been before Heero'd gotten to know him better, before he'd fallen himself.
"Hi Heero," Jonathan said softly, giving the intense boy a hesitant smile. He couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy when he was the recipient of that cobalt gaze. "Would you believe he was sitting alone on the front steps? As much as he usually eats, he must be feeling down to try and skip lunch." Pushing Duo, who still hadn't seemed to notice where he was, down on the bench, the tall boy sat beside him.
"Are you all right?"
Blinking in surprise, Duo's head snapped up as he looked at Heero, eyes wide. Then his eyes slowly began to shine with that light Heero'd grown so used to as a small smile curved his lips. "Yeah." Glancing at Jonathan as the Jewish boy pushed a tray in front of him, he gave a small but genuine laugh. "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."
"Well," flushing slightly as he glanced at Heero, the tall boy sat facing Duo. "You know you can talk to me, right? I mean...I'd be happy to help."
A long history of hiding his emotions was all that prevented Heero from stiffening when he suddenly recognized the way the tall boy was looking at Duo. //He has a crush on him...// Blinking in surprise, he glanced at the long-haired boy, releasing a silent sigh as he realized the other boy hadn't noticed. Looking at Jonathan's earnest statement, he gritted his teeth. //He is a nice kid, but he's not right for Duo.// Seeing the way the violet-eyed pilot reassured the boy, Heero nodded sharply. //No, he needs someone strong. Someone to fall back on so he doesn't have to be so...stubborn. He doesn't always have to be the strong one...//
Flushing at the concern his friend was showing him, Duo couldn't help but smile. //He's so sweet.// Glancing at Heero, Duo fought a frown as he found those cobalt eyes on the boy beside him. Looking at Jonathan, Duo slowly shook his head as he took a small bite of the food in front of him. //Why is it that the strong are always drawn to the weak? It's always that way, except with me. I have to be strong, but I can't help being drawn to him. I don't want someone who needs to be protected. I get that enough when I fight.//
"Is there something wrong with it, Duo?"
Glancing up, Duo smiled as he found he wasn't the least bit hungry. "No, I'm just not in the mood for food. Don't worry so much, Jonathan, not about me. I'm pretty good at taking care of myself."
//But you don't have to.// Closing his eyes against the pull toward the boy, Heero gripped the table tightly. //I'm not the only one, but I'm here. If you'd just let me in.//
* * *
Patience is a virtue a perfect soldier must posses, and Heero usually had it in spades. Waiting for Duo to doze off, however, just proved he was lacking more than he knew. It was nearly one in the morning when the long-haired boy finally collapsed over the open books on his desk, homework he didn't need to do. Standing, Heero crossed the room, tugging on Duo's right arm until the boy blinked at him blearily, half asleep. It didn't take much to get him to his bed, the exhausted boy climbing in with a small sigh as he curled up with his pillow.
Staring down at him, Heero found that his attraction wasn't just physical. Yes, he wanted the boy, but there was so much more to it, things he didn't think he'd ever fully understand. There was something about him when he slept, all of his barriers down, so innocent. Sighing, Heero turned slowly and climbed into his own bed, watching Duo's deep, even breathing for a few minutes before sleep stole over him.
* * *
//Who are you?! What is wrong with me?// Struggling to open his eyes, Duo twisted as he tried to pull his arms out of the iron grip that held them pinned above his head. Turning his head as he felt a hot breath on his face, his shoulders shook as a gentle yet firm hand gripped his chin, moving his head so he faced upward. Not forcing his mouth open, soft lips moved over his, a warm tongue dampening them before the mouth moved over his cheek and down to his neck. Whimpering at his helplessness as he pulled even harder at the hand holding his arms, Duo screamed at himself to wake up. //Why won't you just leave me alone?!//
Tilting his head, he bit his upper arm, giving a hoarse cry when he didn't wake. Feeling that strong hand moving on his side, he bit harder until he could feel the skin give way, a coppery taste filling his mouth as pain blazed through him. Not certain if he could pass out in a dream, he let the pain wash over him, trying to open his eyes. When he knew he couldn't take anymore of the self-inflicted agony, his eyes flew open, giving him a view of the dark ceiling. For a moment he lay there, releasing his hold on his arm as his left hand moved painfully to cover his mouth, muffling his sobs as his right hand covered the bleeding wound.
Sliding to the floor, he moved slowly toward the bathroom, shoulders shaking as he continued to cry. Passing Heero's bed, he saw the dark-haired pilot sit up and moved quicker till he was in bathroom. Pushing the door closed, he gave a frustrate groan when a hand stopped the swing of the door and Heero opened it. Not bothering to hide his tears, Duo saw Heero's eyes move to his hand, blood showing through his fingers. Then Heero grabbed his right arm, moving close as he looked at his wrist.
"Who did this to you?"
Blinking against his bleary vision, Duo looked down at the light bruises that covered his wrists and gave a harsh sob. Left hand covering his mouth, he sank to the floor, back to the tub as he drew his knees up against his chest. Choking on his sobs, Duo flinched when Heero grasped his chin, forcing him to look up at his blazing cobalt eyes. Blinking at the fury there, Duo felt his breath catch.
"Who did it?" the dark-haired boy repeated, voice deadly as he stared at Duo's broken statement.
Shaking his head as his sobs resumed full-force, Duo couldn't meet his gaze. "I d-don't know! I was so scared I wouldn't wake up--he wouldn't let go and I couldn't wake up..."
Eyes widening in disbelieve, Heero rocked back on his heels. "Are you saying this happened in a dream?" Seeing the way Duo crumpled at his doubt, he forced himself to move, grabbing the first aid kit and moving to the bite. It was much deeper than the other one. Cursing himself for questioning the distraut boy while he was bleeding, he waited until the wound was bandaged before speaking again.
"Duo...tell me what's going on."
His sobs having eased, the long-haired boy slowly met his gaze, his eyes dull. "I don't know, Heero. I really don't. They're just dreams...I know that. But...I can't stay awake forever. I..." Wrapping his right arm around his knees, he lowered his chin to them. "I'm so scared..."
Shaking his head, Heero was shocked by the boy's hopeless statement. "You aren't afraid of anything."
"I am of this," Duo said fervently, still not looking up. "You don't understand, Heero...I'm so helpless. I can't do anything to stop him, all I can do is wake up--but I can't even do that anymore!"
Stiffening in fury at the 'he', Heero's eyes narrowed to slits. Fists clenching as he fought his need to destroy something, he forced his voice to sound calm. "What is he doing?" But Heero knew, judging by the shaking boy he could imagine and it was driving him mad.
"Whatever he wants. Maybe...maybe if I just stop fighting he'll...maybe then he'll leave me alone... He...I don't think he's trying to hurt me, he just keeps me so helpless--he won't even let me open my eyes. He hasn't actually hurt me..."
"What about that?" Heero said furiously, pointing to the bruises on the boy's wrists.
"I don't know," Duo said softly, voice trailing off as he stared at the floor. "If he wanted to hurt me he could have done alot worse...he's just so strong. Or maybe I didn't give him time to. I just don't know."
Unable to stop himself, Heero knelt beside the boy, slipping an arm around his shoulders, his heart leaping into his throat when Duo suddenly curled against him. Shocked that the boy was actually in his arms, Heero couldn't speak, his free hand moving to stroke Duo's hair gently.
Sniffing, Duo suddenly pushed away, not meeting Heero's gaze. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Heero asked, quickly, wanting him back in his arms.
"I don't want to be like that in front of you. I have to be strong." Struggling to stand, Duo halted when Heero's hand came to his shoulder.
"You don't always have to be strong. I can help."
Shaking his head at the softness in that voice, Duo flushed darkly, "Yes I do. I have to be if I'm going to survive this war."
* * *
Returning to his room after his class, Heero was surprised to see Duo curled on his bed, sound asleep. The desktop was strewn with different things ranging from assignments to blueprints as the boy had obviously tried very hard to stay busy, stay awake. Looking down at the exhausted boy, he wondered why Duo hadn't slept in his own bed. There was something about the sight of him lying where he slept that made Heero's throat clench. //It's just association,// he told himself roughly, trying to draw his eyes away as they slowly traversed the boy's length. //He just didn't want to be in his own bed.//
Looking at Duo's serene statement, his hands twitched, wanting to brush the hair off the boy's smooth cheek. It took an unbelievable effort to tear his gaze away as he turned to the desk, busying his hands as he cleared it. Stacking the homework and assignment sheets, he set them to the side and felt himself go cold as his eyes fell on the blueprint. The mission was scheduled to be done in two days, and it was all he could do not to tear the offending paper to shreds. He was dedicated to his missions, but he knew that once it was done, Duo'd be gone.
Sitting at the desk, he turned slightly, looking over his shoulder at the slumbering boy. Mouth parted a bit as he breathed, Duo was lying on his side, knees drawn up slightly, braid trailing on the quilt beneath him. Letting out a soft sigh, he snuggled his cheek against the pillow, a small smile twitching the corner of his mouth. Eyes moving from that lovely face to the boy's long hair, Heero felt his body react as he looked at that lithe, black clothed body. His focus centering on Duo's parted lips, he didn't notice his movement until he found himself standing a foot away from the bed.
//What am I thinking?! What? Was I going to kiss him?// Looking at Duo's peaceful, almost happy statement, he dug his fingernails into his hands. He looked so powerless, unprepared in his sleep. //He's defenseless now,// Heero thought slowly, understanding his body's reasoning. //I could catch him off guard, get through his defenses while they're down. Then he couldn't choose not to let me in, I'd already be there.// Watching him sleep, Heero suddenly hated himself, hated his thoughts. //He isn't an enemy base to be infiltrated, damnit! I don't want to sneak in, I want...I want to be invited in. But he's too strong, too stubborn. He'd never let himself grow so weak as to rely on someone else. What good would I do him anyway?//
Sitting on the edge of Duo's empty bed, Heero sighed. The boy was usually a light sleeper, so he really had needed the rest. Glad he'd forced him to stay in the room for the day, Heero wondered briefly at the fact that Duo had listened. But then, it wasn't that he'd been afraid to argue, he simply hadn't had the strength. Heero could see it when he woke up to find the boy awake, turned around in the chair so he could lean his chest against its back, hands trailing as he stared resolutely at the floor. //I can't believe how much these dreams have affected him, he looked so broken.// Having decided that the dreams were just that, Heero thought of them as nightmares. //I never thought I'd see him afraid, of anything. I didn't think anything could scare him, certainly not this much. I hate the thought of him being afraid. True, I want him to let me be strong for him but...not like this. I don't know how to help him. I never imagined a loss of strength would frighten him, hurt him so much. It's hopeless...//
* * *
Pulling on his arms which were held out by soft yet strong bindings at right angles to his body, his first move was to panic. Then, calming a bit, he took in his situation. Biting himself would definitely be impossible this time. Even if his arms hadn't been tied where he couldn't get to them, there was some sort of cloth gag in his mouth which wouldn't even allow him to bite his tongue.
His eyes were again held closed although he felt no blindfold, and after a few seconds he felt the presence, felt the weight of his gaze on him. Hands curling into fists, he waited, feeling the other's soft breath on his face. He couldn't stop his flinch when the back of a hand was brushed over his temple, pushing back his thick fall of bangs as lips followed the hand.
Trying against all odds to remain calm, Duo breathed harshly through his nose. Feeling fingers playing in his hair, he felt those warm lips move to his ear, the tip of a tongue brushing it and making him shiver. Flinching when the mouth moved over his neck, Duo struggled to understand his body's reactions as he held his head still. It was as if the person wanted him helpless, utterly helpless, but didn't want to scare him. Still fighting his fear, Duo was completely unprepared when one of his nipples was suddenly taken into a hot mouth. Eyes straining to snap open in shock, his back arched and he let out a muffled cry as the tongue moved in small circles, teeth nipping gently as the mouth sucked on him.
Breath coming fast as he lay consumed in disbelief, unable to believe how good the touch felt, Duo couldn't keep from pressing upwards when a hand moved across his chest, playing with the damp nub as the mouth moved to his other nipple. A bit of his fear giving way at the pleasurable feelings coursing through him, Duo didn't panic when a palm massaged the muscles of his stomach gently, fingers moving down his side as the hot caresses continued to torment him. It wasn't until he felt fingers run beneath the band of his pants that his mind balked, fear returning two-fold.
Teeth clamped down on the gag in his mouth, Duo choked back a whimper as he waited, body shaking with his need to fight. To do something to stop him. Then the touch was gone and he had a sense of the bed dipping slightly as the person shifted. Not knowing what to expect, Duo pulled futilely at the strong bindings. Hearing something that sounded like a sigh, Duo turned his head, wishing he could see as strong arms slowly slipped around his waist and he was pulled up against a warm body. His bindings gone, he wondered why he couldn't move his arms as he was held close, his face tucked down against a warm neck as a hand stroked his hair, the other one laying gently at the small of his back
Not caring why he'd been given a respite, Duo drew in a shaky breath as his rapidly beating heart began to slow. The hand in his hair pulled slightly and his face was turned upward where, if he'd been able to see, he was facing the one holding him. Wary of angering the one who was so obviously in charge, Duo didn't struggle when soft lips brushed his, the gag suddenly gone. Releasing his hair, the hand moved to cup his chin, a thumb stroking his cheek as the other's tongue pushed against his mouth, seeking entrance but as before, not forcing it. Despite the feeling of having given up, Duo slowly opened his mouth, steeling himself for what he expected to be an invasion.
The arm around him tightened slightly as the mouth on his pressed closer, and he felt the tip of the other's tongue touch his lightly. A tiny sense of control came to him and Duo brushed his tongue against the one in his mouth, amazed at how much that bit of self-controlled movement reassured him. Wondering if the other's control had slipped, he tried to move his fingers, heart racing when they obeyed him immediately. Only his eyes refused to open, hiding the other from him. Ignoring the fact that he was starting to enjoy the kiss, Duo curled his legs under him as he flattened the palms of his hands against the other's chest, moving his tongue forward into that hot mouth kissing him. As he'd hoped, there was no resistance as he continued the kiss, body making preparations for sudden movement.
When he went, he had the speed he'd always excelled at, unfortunately, he didn't have the sight, and he fell off the bed with an ungraceful thump. Hearing a startled cry from above, he scooted backwards, feeling behind him with his hands as he got to his feet, his eyes still refusing to open. He hadn't taken more than a step when he was grabbed, strong hands catching his as he was picked up and held against a lightly muscled chest. Groaning as he realized he could no longer move his arms or legs, Duo shook his head.
"Let me go." Taking a shocked breath as he realized he could talk, Duo turned his face toward where the other's must be, doing his best to glare with his eyes closed. "Why are you doing this? Who are you?" Feeling the bed beneath him as he was laid down on his back, Duo felt his fear return, flinching back with a muffled cry as he was kissed roughly, almost as if he was being punished for his escape attempt. Gasping when the mouth moved back, Duo shook his head frantically. "At least tell my why," he said quickly, "Do you enjoy scaring me like this?" Everything combined to hit him like a blow and he suddenly closed his mouth, unable to find the strength to try anymore. Hopelessness dragging him down, he slowly let out a deep breath.
Minutes seemed to pass before his suddenly sluggish mind registered the fact that he wasn't being touched. Wondering if he'd somehow managed to wake up, he moved to open his eyes, moaning when they wouldn't respond. Then he heard that sigh again, just a toneless exhalation, but it was there. Lacking the strength to struggle, even if he'd been able to, Duo let out his own sigh as he was lifted onto his knees, then pulled against the other person. Warm arms moving around him, he could feel soft kisses being placed on his hair as his head was again pressed to that soft neck. Exhaustion killing his confusion at the way he was being treated, Duo gave in completely as he sank into the embrace.
He didn't move as the one holding him lay down on the bed, pulling him along and not relinquishing the hold. Mind drifting away, he had a vague impression that he moved his arms around a firm waist before everything disappeared, replaced by the calm nothingness of a dreamless sleep.
* * *
Not wanting to wake up for the first time in days, Duo pressed close to the body holding him, burying his face against the other's neck as the strong arms around him tightened slightly. Mind clouded with the pleasure of the embrace, he didn't question his wanting to stay with the one who'd tormented him. He didn't think at all, just felt the arms around him, protecting and shielding him from the real world. Wrinkling his nose as his face brushed the collar of a shirt, he frowned and opened his eyes. Nothing could have prepared him.
Frozen, shock filled him completely, replacing everything else as he recognized the shirt in front of him as that of the school's uniform. Tilting his head back ever so slowly, he swallowed roughly as he saw who was holding him. Heero. Confusion warring with disbelief, he took in the boy's statement, a light frown marring his concentrating look as he slept, brows drawn together slightly. The first coherent thought Duo had was one that best summed up his feelings. //What the hell?!//
Being careful not to move as his eyes traveled over the other boy's face, Duo slowly calmed. //I went to sleep on his bed. I don't know why, but I thought I'd be safer there. But why wouldn't he sleep in my bed? If he didn't want to wake me up, he could have just slept there. Why would he choose to sleep here, with me?// Licking his lips as he stared at the intense boy, Duo felt his cheeks warm as he flushed. //And why is he holding me?//
Not sure if he really wanted to wake the other boy and find out, Duo wasn't sure what to do. After all, it was Heero. He knew the boy who's arms continued to hold him could react badly if he woke up now. Eyes widening as Heero's arms tightened, pulling him closer, Duo was at a complete loss. Then he felt Heero move and quickly closed his eyes. The boy surely wouldn't get angry if he was asleep, the bed had been empty when he had lain on it. Murmuring something Duo couldn't decipher, the dark-haired boy shifted restlessly. Then the fingers on Duo's back twitched and Heero made a satisfied sound, stilling as his breath slowed agin.
Deciding he didn't care why Heero Yuy was holding him or what would happen when that boy woke up, Duo leaned his forehead against his strong chest. Luxuriating in the arms around him, Duo smiled. The realization that it was Heero he was pressed against making him sigh as he closed his eyes and let sleep take him. He wasn't looking forward to more dreams, but the thought that he might wake up in Heero's arms again had him giving in. //If I could wake up in his arms, I wouldn't care what happens in my dreams.//
* * *
Glancing at Heero, Duo hid a sigh. Having woken up in his own bed that morning, he'd been faced with the cold realization that last night might have been nothing more than another dream. He was sure he'd fallen asleep on Heero's bed, but the more he thought about it, the more farfetched it seemed. He couldn't imagine the silent boy holding him while he slept. More likely, Heero had probably moved him to his own bed. Sneaking another look at the boy beside him as they ate their lunch, Duo bit his lip. //I can't just ask him, besides, what do I expect him to say?// As it was, the Japanese pilot hadn't spoken to him all day, the fact that they'd only seen each other twice didn't keep him from getting depressed.
Also, they'd be leaving tomorrow evening for their mission, after which they'd each go his own way. Although he was fairly sure they'd meet again eventually, he really didn't want to think about it. With an audible sigh, he stood and moved to replace his tray, frowning when Heero didn't even look up.
* * *
Coming back from his last period class, Heero set his books on his desk, nodding to Duo with what he hoped was an absent minded manner as he moved into the bathroom. He still wasn't sure what to do about the long-haired boy, but having fallen asleep holding him had been a mistake. He knew it for sure, since his body seemed to expect him to give in to other urges, including subtle gestures of closeness that he'd never make. Determined to get through the rest of their time together in silence, he wouldn't let his gaze fall on the boy at all. Not allowing himself so much as a glance in Duo's direction, he spent the rest of the evening going over the blueprints of the base they were to attack.
* * *
It was real. After watching Heero spend three straight hours staring at plans he already knew by heart, Duo was certain that he hadn't imagined what had happened last night. The fact that the boy was ignoring him completely told him how Heero felt about it, and that was actually worse than thinking it had only been a dream. Fighting a foreign urge to curl up in a corner somewhere, Duo put on his best smile, bidding the busy boy goodnight before climbing resolutely into his bed.
* * *
Heart racing, he stood beside the bed, hands clenched in fists at his sides as he stared down at the sleeping boy. Swallowing, he took a breath and cleared his throat, waiting as he watched Duo for any signs of wakefulness. He didn't move. Eyes very wide, Heero slowly leaned over the bed and brushed his lips over Duo's ever so lightly. Eyes closing with physical pain, one hand moved over his forehead as he turned and got into his bed, breath catching in his throat. Choking briefly, his hand fell to his side as he willed himself to sleep. //It's enough...it has to be...//
* * *
He was dreaming, but he didn't care. Sitting up, Duo drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he cried. Rocking lightly, he did nothing to stop his sobs, letting them shake him as they chose, vaguely grateful to the dream for sparing him the humiliation of having Heero see him when he broke down. Letting out a low moan, he hid his face against his knees.
//"Shh, don't cry. My beautiful, don't cry. Please..."//
Gasping, Duo held his breath, not trying to see as he listened carefully.
//"I never wanted to make you cry."//
Letting out his breath in a sob, he hid his face again, shaking his head furiously. "Why is this happening?" he whispered, voice breaking. "I have no control over anything...it's not fair. Why me?" Hating the weakness his lips were voicing, he couldn't stop. "I just...wanted to be..."
//"Strong. Always so strong..."//
Feeling hands on his hair, Duo let out a cry as his arms flew around a slim waist, holding tight as he pressed against a lightly muscled chest. Sobs calming a bit, he let his tears fall as the arms pulled him close, holding him.
//"Everything about you...I love...I'm killing..."//
Frowning, Duo sniffed as a cheek pressed against the hair on the top of his head. "What...do you mean?"
//"I wanted...I had no right, but I did it anyway...I've destroyed you...knew I would...I'm so sorry..."//
Swallowing, Duo shook his head. "I don't understand."
//"I didn't know how...to love you."//
Choking with disbelief, his voice was the barest of whispers. "Heero...?" Eyes snapping open, Duo sat up suddenly, turning to see the boy in the bed beside his watching him with very wide eyes. "Heero?"
Face ashen, the Japanese boy dug his fingernails into his palms, staring at the violet-eyed boy in absolute horror. "How could I? Duo...I didn't know. I'm so sorry I hurt you." Gasping as his breath seemed to stop, he leaned forward suddenly, cobalt eyes glazing as he stared at his hands. "I didn't...know. I hurt you...never you..."
Staring in shock, Duo swallowed harshly. "You...love me?"
"Gomen..." Blinking suddenly, Heero drew in a harsh breath, gasping for air and struggling to get out of the bed, his limbs not wanting to obey him. Stumbling, as he made it to his feet, he wasn't sure where he was going, and the room seemed blurry through his glazed eyes. Feeling himself halt, it took a minute before he realized Duo was standing in front of him, holding his shoulders as he continued to struggle with breathing.
Giving the boy a slight shake, Duo's eyes drilled into Heero's. "Do you? Tell me, Heero? Please?" Cobalt eyes lifted to him, and he gasped at the sight of the tears that filled them.
"How...could I do that...to you?" Unable to look into those beautiful violet eyes, Heero made a half-hearted effort to pull away.
"Heero. Do you love me?" Eyes burning, Duo's voice broke. "I have to know!"
"Yes." Blinking, tears trailed down his cheeks as he slowly lifted his eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"Heero!" Grabbing the boy, Duo wrapped his arms around him, sobbing as he hid his face against his shoulder. "Damn you," he whispered, smiling the first real smile in days, eyes closed tight. "Why didn't you tell me?" Crying, he clutched Heero's waist as his knees went weak, strong arms catching him suddenly and holding him up. "You should have told me..."
"Ai shiteru..." Heero whispered hoarsely, breathing against Duo's soft hair.