2-9-2001

Warning, I think this qualifies as major angst. Although it might be too subtle for that. I *won't* say who the pairing is. I want to leave that to the reader although I was thinking about 1x2 or 6x13 when I wrote it. Actually, I think the pairing could be anyone. Yes, this is a poem. The type is called sestina, and if the poem isn't that good, it's because sestinas are horrible buggers to write. Okay, on to the poem.

 

Separated

We walked together, his arm on my shoulders as he played with my hair.
His fingers moved in slow, restless motions, but I didn't mind.
I'd listen to the silence as I walked, looking down
at the shiny sand beneath my feet, holding his left hand,
and feeling the calluses from his work against my own uninitiated skin.
We were close in our shared moment, but we were never together.

Walking down that stretch of beach I wondered how we could be together
and yet the only thing that kept us joined was his gentle hold on my hair.
Lightly, I moved my fingers to caress his callused skin,
and he blushed and looked away from me. It was then that I made up my mind.
I stopped near the gently moving water and halted him with my grip on his hand.
Hearing his sigh, I knew he felt bad, thinking he'd let me down.

Not hiding my disappointed statement from him, I sat down,
pulling him with me to the sand so we could sit together,
not releasing my tight hold on his hand.
Watching him, I saw his eyes move without fail to my hair
as if that was all he saw when he looked at me. I was not a person with a mind
but a head of hair that he liked and soft skin.

Pulling away so he couldn't touch me, I looked at my fingers, at my skin;
wondering how to tell him gently, as my heart plummeted down
into my chest with the thought of what my decision could do to his fragile mind.
Smiling a lopsided smile as he looked away, he reminded me that we were never together,
that in his condition, we never could be. Turning to me abruptly, he reached for my hair.
With tears brimming in my eyes, I shook my head and grabbed his hand.

Telling him to listen to me, I gripped his chin as I had his hand,
then I broke his heart. Watching the blood drain beneath his pale skin
my tears spilled from my eyes as I stood, his confused gaze following my hair
as I turned and called the orderly. I didn't want to look at my love, sitting down
on the sand where we used to sit and watch the stars together.
But that seemed so long ago, before the accident stole his mind.

As the man led him back the way we'd come, I shook as I cried, my own mind,
fragile with too much heartache, screaming the injustice as I saw his hand
hanging limply at his side. He didn't look back as he walked, together
with a man whose name he'd never remember. Digging my fingernails into my skin
I cried, my tears unending as they hit my collar on their way down.
All I could think of was how much he loved my hair.

He never asked about me when I stopped going to see him. Years passed
till all I had left of him was the memory of his callused skin as he moved his hand in my hair,
and how my mind would quail at the thought of walking together with him down that stretch of beach.