11-21-2000

Well, this is also a show where I've only really seen the english dubbed version. -_- I'm also making a stand. I can't stand Usagi and Mamoru as a couple. I'm sorta fixing that here. :)

This is the second in my "Dream Marathon" series. The first fic was called 'Pokewing' and can be found both at my site The Liquid Dreams of Crystal Minds ( http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/liquiddreams/ ) or in the DHML archive. This whole series will eventually end with Duo and Heero getting together. But I do plan to have some fun on the way. ;)

Blame ClarySage for the mackerels, Diana for the cheese and Wufei herd, and me for the rest. ;p

One more thing. I like Wufei, really, I do. It's just... so darn easy!

Ok, cast:

Usagi- Duo
Mamoru- Relena
Ami- Quatre
Rei- Heero
Makoto- Wufei
Minako- Trowa
Queen Beryl- Zechs ;)
Luna and Artemis play themselves.

WARNING!!! Not for Relena or Mamoru lovers! Thanks to Firia for the help.

Sailor Gundam
by Angel Negra
Rating: G
Archiving: List archives, my site, anyone else, ask first.

 

Wufei gritted his teeth. Duo and Relena were at it again. Duo would moon over his 'girlfriend' while she would make a 'teasing' insult about something klutzy or ditzy that he just did. One of these days Wufei was going to finally kill one of them. In fact, today looked like a great day to do it.

Wufei grinned and started towards the couple. Before he could do anything, two cats, one black and one white, jumped out of nowhere. The black one spoke up. "Sailor Scouts, we have an emergency!"

"Hn," commented Heero. "Let's change then."

"Hey!" whined Duo. "I'm the leader! I get to tell everyone to change!"

"Let's just change Duo," interjected Quatre softly.

"Ok! Ok! Me first! Moon Scythe Power!"

"Mercury Saber Power!"

"Mars Gun Power!" [Author's Note: Waddaya expect? It's Heero!]

"Jupiter Dragon Power!"

"Venus Clown Power!"

All five boys go through the lengthy change into the fukus. Each struck their pose once they were done. Duo did the weird arm thingy, nearly tangling himself up in the two long pigtail/buns his hair was now in. Quatre did a cute little knock-kneed pose, and Heero posed, legs apart, hands like he was holding a gun. Trowa just stood there blinking. Wufei took one look down his front, saw two things that shouldn't have been there, and fainted.

"Don't worry Sailor Scouts!" cried a familiar voice. "I, Evening Gown Mask, will revive her!"

Evening Gown Mask trotted over, dressed in a purple evening gown, gloves that came up to her upper arms and a tiny little white mask. She was carrying a rose which she used to tickle Wufei's nose. He- er she woke up with a sneeze.

"Kisama! What did you do that for? Don't you realize what happened?! I'm an ONNA!!!" cried Wufei.

The others gave hi- er her a blank look.

"Yeah? So?" replied Duo. "All Sailor Scouts are. Duh."

Wufei spluttered for a second, then, with a growl, charged for Duo. Luckily for Duo, he was well protected. Heero shielded Duo with hi- er *her* body and Evening Gown Mask grabbed Wufei and wouldn't let go.

The black cat stepped up again. "Sailors, we don't have time for this. Queen Zechs is on the attack!"

"Ok, let's go!" cried Duo, leading the charge. He- *sigh* I mean she was followed closely by Heero and Evening Gown Mask. Trowa and Quatre came next, with Wufei bringing up the rear.

"One well placed thunder bolt," muttered Wufei. "Just one! And poof! No more problem."

++++++

Queen Zechs laughed evilly, coughed, spluttered and quickly ran off screen to get a glass of water. He- er she- er I mean... it? *sigh* Zechs staggered back on screen, smoothing out the dress she was wearing. It was the kind of tight dress that anyone could wear. You didn't have to worry about curves, because it made them for you.

Zechs double checked his weaponry. She had specially prepared the rocket launcher to shoot man-eating mackerels at the Sailor Scouts. He let out an evil chuckle and sauntered over to the helpless victim she had kidnapped.

Suddenly Zechs sighed, grabbed a spare mackerel and threw it at the author. "He or she, but for Maurice's sake pick one!" the Queen yelled.

Fine.

SHE sauntered over to the required helpless victim and did the traditional 'tell all' speech. Thus fully informing the victim of the latest evil, dastardly plot and nearly boring them to death. As author/narrator I'd love to inform you of exactly what the evil queen said, however, I was unable to hear the whole thing on account of that I was attacked by a rampaging herd of Wufeis waving katanas and shouting 'JUSTICE!'.

Queen Zechs was just about to launch into another bout of evil laughter, after making sure she had a glass of water handy, when suddenly Duo's voice came out of nowhere and shouted, "Stop right there Nega-tramp! I am Sailor Duo! And in the name of the moon-"

Duo ran quickly into view, grabbed her voice and shoved it back into her voice box. "-I will punish you!"

The other Sailor Scouts rushed onto the scene, causing the wood and plastic frame that made up the 'evil queen's palace' background to topple and crush the required helpless victim. They all did their required 'I will punish you..' speeches. Well, Quatre and Evening Gown Mask did. Heero simply stated 'omae o korosu'. Trowa didn't say anything, as he had used up his word quota for the week by simply calling out the three word phrase to turn him into a Sailor Scout. Wufei didn't say anything either, but that's because he was too busy trying to figure out how to look down his uniform, trying to see if they were real or if the uniform had been stuffed.

Queen Zechs laughed evilly, grabbed her mackerel launcher and aimed it at Sailor Duo. As she fired the gun, Evening Gown Mask leapt in front of Duo. She went down in a hail of rabid mackerels. She landed unconscious on the ground and her dinky little mask fell off. Duo gaped in amazement, "Relena is Evening Gown Mask?!?! Oh, JOOO~OOHEHOYY!!!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands.

Wufei blinked, then spun on his heel and went off in search of a blunt object.

And thus the inevitable battle ensued. Wufei returned quickly and joined in enthusiastically. Suddenly, right in the middle of the battle, Relena stood straight up, pointed in a random direction and declared, "CHEESE!!"

Everyone looked at her. They blinked. Then, by unanimous agreement, they all killed her. Messily. Duo watched Sailor Trowa calmly scrape Relena goo off his shoes, her eyes teared up. "But-but who's going to date me now?!?"

Heero stalked over to Duo, grabbed her around the waist, and before kissing her breathless, declared, "Hn. I will baka."

Wufei blinked. Then he decided that anyone was better than Relena. He turned his attention to Queen Zechs.

Queen Zechs was in fact frantically thumbing through her 'How To Be A Bad Guy' manual. She'd never won before, and didn't really know what to do now. "Ah screw it!" she cried and tossed the book over her shoulder, knocking one of the cats out of the window in the process.

She decided to do her traditional 'I'll get you next time' speech, which was really quite moving and had even brought a tear to Trowa's eye. I'd love to tell you word for word what she said, however, the rampaging herd of Wufeis, who wave katanas and shout 'JUSTICE!' came back and I was forced to fight them off using a Chibi Duo as a shield.

After her great speech, Queen Zechs turned and ran off with an evil laugh. Unfortunately, she tripped over her dress, fell down a long flight of stairs, got amnesia, and was never heard from again.

The Sailor Scouts left the castle, and were standing outside, watching Wufei as he tried to untangle the cat from a book and a very nasty rosebush. Who, incidently was a speed reader and managed to put up quite a fight.

With a final 'pop' Wufei yanked the cat out triumphantly.

"Ok, let's go," declared Duo.

Wufei turned around. "Hey! When did you guys change back?"

"Just now," replied Quatre. "Now hurry up and change, we need to get home."

Wufei's eyes widened, "But-but I don't know how. Nobody told me!"

Heero blinked in annoyance, "Baka, everybody knows how to change. Just do it and catch up."

The other four turned and walked off. Desperate, Wufei ran after them. "But! Tell me, Please! I don't wanna stay an onna!!"

He tripped and fell, then suddenly-

"Itai! Stop pulling my hair Heero!"

"Well, if you'd stop smacking me in the face with it!"

Wufei woke up with a start. He immediately checked down his pants. He started laughing hysterically. "Justice!! They're back! I'm not an onna!"

He got up, holding the front of his pants out so he could still see down them. He started running towards the hangar where the Gundams were. He was shouting,"Look Nataku! They're back!!" as he ran out of the room.

The other four pilots stared at his retreating backside with a stunned silence.

"Well, that was different," commented Duo.

Heero subtlely moved closer to Duo on the couch. He leaned close to Duo's face, looked at him and stated, "We are never having another Sailor Moon marathon."

 

End