10-17-2000

Title: It's the End of the World as We Know It
Author: Angel Negra
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: 1x2/2x1, 6x13(x9xune... sorta), 3x4x5(er, *some*thing like that)
Author's Notes: This is a vidfic. WARNING!! If you have a problem with gratuitus Relena bashing, DO NOT read this. If you *do* like that sort of thing... well... I think we'll get along juuuu~ust *fine*. ::evil grin::
Author's Notes - The Sequel: This fic is *not* my fault... It's *HIS* ::points an accusing finger at her muse Wilbur. Wilbur's eyes pop open, he starts glancing around, even checking under his tail::
Wilbur: Who? *ME*?
Yes, *YOU*!
Wilbur: I will *not* take the fall for this! ClarySage had a big part in this!
That's right. She found me the lyrics in under three minutes. :) Soooo, instead of this little idea running away as most of my ideas do, I was able to hunt it down and tame it with the Spatula of Insparation.
MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!*hack* *cough* *wheeze*
Wilbur: *sigh* Onto the fic...
All lyrics will be surrounded by these => /
****

 

Relena's pink limo pulls up to the latest hideout of the Gundam boys. She runs up to the house and sees Duo and Heero trying to kiss the back of each other's heads by going through the front. She freezes, 'eeps' and her face turns a shade of blue never before seen by human eyes.

Quatre pops into view infront a trio of mikes. He's wearing a dress shirt, black pants and a cute, little bow-tie. He grins, takes a deep breath, and... realizes that he's alone. He frowns a little and turns off-screen. He makes the universal 'come here' jesture. Nothing happens. He turns on his Puppy-dog eyes(TM). There's little shuffling sound, but again, no-one comes out. He shoots a Yuy Glare of Death(TM), lighting flashes, thunder booms, and ring of fire surrounds him. Trowa and Wufei run on-screen wearing the same outfit as Quatre. They step up to the mikes on either side of Quatre, shooting nervous glances at him. Quatre looks veeee~eery innocent.

They count off. One... Two... Three. And start singing.

/That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane/

The earth starts rumbling. Relena starts to slide off to the side towards a giant snake pit. A huge flock of birds suddenly forget how to fly and head straight for Relena. She lands in the pit, followed seconds later by the birds. Suddenly, a huge airplane crashes into the pit. Almost as if thrown by a Gundam...

/and Lenny Bruce is not afraid./

Duo detaches from Heero and hangs a sign that reads: Lenny Bruce from Heero's neck. He hangs another sign around his neck. It has an arrow pointing to Heero and the words: Not afraid written on it.

Heero looks at the sign on his neck. He looks at Duo. He looks at Duo's sign. He looks back at his own sign.

/Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - /

Relena, singed and dazed, works her way out of the pit. A giant hurricane comes by and sweeps her up. A faint 'Aaaaiiiiiieeeeeee' can be heard over the music.

/world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs./

What looks like a very ticked off Wufei in a costume shaped like the Earth, walks up to a buffet table and starts to fill his plate. Duo's face lights up at the word 'dummy', mouths 'baka' in recognition, and glomps onto Heero. They start trying to suck each others tonsils out.

/ Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength,
Ladder start to clatter with fear fight down height. /

Relena staggers back on-screen, her hair standing up in all directions, her eyes a little more glazed than usual. She 'eeps' as a ladder appears out of the ground and catapaults her into the air.

/Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site./

Seven board games run across the screen. They look suspiciously like mobile suits in board game costumes. Trieze and Zechs are trailing them. Trieze is carry a sign that read: Will work for food. Zechs' sign says: Fight!

/Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck./

Relena come running on screen. You're unable to see what's chasing her yet.

/Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped./

Sally, Noin, Hilde, and Une are suddenly shoved on-screen. They' re wearing press hats that have been taped to their heads. Sally's just standing there, mouth hanging open. Noin's trying to get out of ropes that are holding her there. Hilde's trying to get the horse bridle off her head, while Une seems to be tied down with riding crops.

/Look at that low playing! Fine, then. Uh oh, overflow, population, common
food, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. /

Zechs and Trieze are running around on their knees. They seem to be playing tag. Relena looks as a huge shadow falls over her, she 'eeps' and runs. A huge pile of food and Maganacs lands heavily where Relena was just standing. Trowa grabs Relena and, after handing her a plate and spork, shoves her towards a buffet table.

/World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the
rapture and the revered and the right, right. /

Relena jumps and drops her plate as Wufei, in his planet costume, pops up beside her. Quatre pops up behind her, and sticks the top part of a stethescope in Relena's ears, sticking the mike part on her heart. Duo is standing nearby holding a little sign which reads: Baka and has an arrow pointing to his head. Heero, Trowa and Zechs are standing with him.

Heero looks confused, he has a sign around his neck that reads: Rapture. Trowa and Zechs also have signs. Trowa is just standing there, his sign reads: Revered. Zechs' sign reads: Right, he's standing there grinning and giving the screen a thumb's up.

/You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched./

Relena spots Heero and starts to run over to him. Duo sees her, growls, and, with a war cry that did Xena proud, attacked. A rousing cat-fight ensues, complete with braid pulling. Once the dust clears, Relena is laying on the ground, counting the little Duos with bat wings and scythes flying around her head. Duo does a strange, little happy dance, then glomps onto Heero and the two start making out again.

/It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine./

Relena has recovered and is staring in shock at Heero and Duo. She lets out a squawk as she gets trampled by Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, who are singing and dancing the can-can. Well, Quatre is dancing can-can style enthusiacticaly, Trowa and Wufei are being dragged along, and tripping on their can-can style skirts.

/Six o'clock - TV hour./

Duo suddenly detaches from Heero and drags him over to the tv so they can watch cartoons.

/Don't get caught in foreign towers. Slash and burn, return, listen to
yourself churn. Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting. Every
motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle, light a votive. Step
down, step down./

Relena suddenly finds herself in an old castle tower. She freaks and manages to break out a second before a familiar Gundam slashes it to bits. She starts to run for Heero, but changes directions when the hurricane starts for her again.

She's suddenly grabbed by Trowa and Wufei. They dress her up in a giant book uniform and lock the zipper. She tries to head for her limo, but It suddenly bursts into flames. Quatre lights a candle from the flames and starts chasing Relena, who's trying to dodge the step-ladders that are falling from the sky.

/Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear! A
tournament, tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me
alternatives and I decline./

DeathScythe is chasing Relena around, trying to step on her.

Wufei 'eeps' as Trieze comes charging over to him on a horse and hands Wufei a bouquet of roses. Zechs come charging in, also on a horse, from the opposite direction. They try and get Wufei to choose one or both of them. Finally Trieze and Zechs spur their horses and gallop towards Wufei. Wufei looks at Trieze, then he looks at Zechs. At the last possible second he ducks down off-screen and the other two crash into each other in a tanlge of horse, hair and flowers.

/It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine./

Quatre, Trowa and Wufei do the can-can across the screen again. Wufei is carefully keeping the other two between him and Trieze and Zechs at all times. They dance down infront of Relena, stopping long enough for DeathScythe to catch up. DeathScythe takes aim with his Scythe carefully and swats her into the air with a form that'd make Tiget Woods jealous.

/ The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide. /

Relena falls back down to earth. Duo is looking at his favorite knife. Then, he looks at Relena, and back at his knife. Before he can do anything, Heero grabs him and starts kissing him. Suddenly, the ground starts to shake again and a wide crack opens up under Relena. As she falls down, another faint 'Aaaaaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeee' is heard over the music.

/Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein. /

We see a range of mountains. Duo suddenly pops up from behind the moutains holding a large picture of Leonard Bernstein, and grinning like an idiot.

/ Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs. /

Heero, Hilde and Sally are shoved on-screen. They all have signs around their necks. Heero's reads: Lenny Bruce. He seems to be looking for Duo and his 'not afraid' sign. Sally is staring curiously at her sign which reads: Leonid Brezhnev. Hilde, who's sign reads: Lester Bangs, is still trying to get the horse bridle off her head.

/ Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic,
slam book neck, right? Right./

Quatre and Duo are running around sticking party hats on everybody. Heero and Trowa have to sit on Wufei so the other two pilots can get his hat on. Relena staggers back on-screen. Duo hits her in the face with a cheesecake. Heero throws a jellbean at her. It explodes and catapaults her into the air again. The hurricane sweeps by and carries her off and slams her into a giant book.

/It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel
fine...fine.../

Quatre, Trowa and Wufei start doing their can-can across the screen again. Duo sees and drags Heero over and enthusiastically joins in. Zechs sees this and starts a congo line to follow the can-canning Gboys.

/(It's time I had some time alone)/

Relena staggers back on-screen. She's covered in mud, and there are some feathers stuck to her dress. What bits of her hair that weren't completely singed off, were sticking out in all direction. She still had a bit of cheesecake on her face. She looks around with glazed eyes. Trieze and Zechs were sitting on the ground making out heavily. Noin and Une were sitting nearby, sharing a tub of popcorn and watching the two men, wearing those cheap 3-D glasses.

Relena looks away quickly and focuses on something off-screen. Various pieces of Trowa, Quatre and Wufei's uniforms flew on-screen. Relena's face invents a new shade of purple. She turns again, and focuses on Heero and Duo, who look about three seconds away from needing a room.

Relena sputters for a second, then her eyes roll up and she falls to the ground in a dead faint.

The End. :)

well, that was fun. ;)