6-12-2001

 

I Don't Know
a songfic by: Adriana Alexa Valentine

 

A cold, snowy night masks detection of the dark one who has come on a mission to destroy.

A mountain of stone, a door of steel
Can't stand in my way, I'd go on.

Within the cave of a large mountain, alarms sound throughout a highly concealed OZ base. As the soldiers hurry to their Mobile Suits and stations, Deathscythe Hell slices through a hanger door with it's thermal scythe.

Brutal machines, unbending laws
Can't slow me down, I'd go on.

The Gundam the color of midnight steps through the gaping hole, crippling the enemies' Mobile Suits with chilling ease. On the ground, mortals scurry to avoid the battle between life and Death.

I've learned how to deal, and when to fight.
I know what's real, I know what's right.

Within the Gundam's cockpit, laughter that borders on the edge of maniacal drowns out the screams of the terrified and the dying. A wisp of a memory plays itself over and over in the pilot's mind, driving him to temporary insanity. The memory of his home going up in a ball of fiery Death by the hands of those his "family" opposed. No one in his present suspected the smile he wore concealed such a devastating and dark past.

I think the only God in this world is the god of death.

I'm not afraid, a wounded dove.
I can be tender, in a world so tough.

The ruins of a once-proud church, bodies littering the ground. A young boy kneels beside one of the dying, cradling her head in his small lap. The last of his faith slowly fades into oblivion, along with the last who so carefully restored it.

May God... bless you and... keep... you...

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold,
But life without you, I don't know.

He is the only survivor, yet he sheds no tears. Instead, he develops a grinning mask to deal with the pain. A barrier is erected to discourage any kind of bond with another....to protect what is left of his shattered soul. The only one he lets through to his soul is the one who will never leave him.

The winds of the heart can blow me down.
But I get right up and I stand my ground.

His childhood is forsaken as he is chosen to defend his colony with a powerful machine. He meets one whose countenance is as cold as he feels inside, and allows the Perfect Soldier access to his heart and soul; against his better judgement. If the Soldier realizes the true extent of what is offered, he does not show it...or does not know how to express such a foreign feeling. Thus, the Survivor sees only rejection.

Don't come with me. You'll be in my way.

I've tasted fear, my share of pain.
The wasted tears of love in vain.

Throughout the Soldier's absences, the boy fights feelings of hopelessness. Fear of the Perfect Soldier never returning, and never knowing the contents of the his heart plague the boy's dreams. But when the Soldier returns, he does not acknowledge the boy or realize his suffering. Yet, the boy sheds no tears.

I've held you tight, pushed you away.
Now with all my might I beg you to stay.

The Survivor turns to the one who is always there....in life, in spirit and in his soul. That who he has both embraced as his life and who has torn any hope of redemption from the boy by erasing all those who could redeem him. Yet, the Survivor holds on with blind devotion to the one who will destroy him, because it will never abandon him.

I am destined to be killed by you.

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold,
But life without you, I don't know.

The snow swirling through the twisted steel that was once a hangar door mirrors the unearthly chill surrounding the pilot's heart as he sends countless numbers of his enemy to their judgement. After all, the boy reasons in his insanity...

...I have to be Death to the end.

I know what I want, I know what I need.
But there's just one thing I must believe.
Deep in the night by a dying flame

Amidst the destruction, a lone figure stands among those he cut down in the heat of battle. The fire started by a desperate soldier's careless attempt at escape now surround the dark figure. Even though the waning flames highlight the destruction, they can not reach the darkness that cloaks the destroyer.

You will be there when I call your name.

Shinigami.

 

* The song "I Don't Know" is sung by Celine Dion, and is off the album Falling Into You. I don't own it, and don't pretend to.